The homecoming wasn`t marked with a party or ballons or any kind of celebration.the male parent had brought home a car and went to collect PG.He brought him in sat him down and left to get his stuff out of the car,mam presented him with a biscuit which he refused and then just left him there and went off to put his things in the bedroom. Brother D kept asking me " who`s he?" I told him several times that PG was his brother,but D couldn`t understand,all he saw was a child younger than him who was going to usurp his place as the youngest,he wasn`t hostile towards him,but PG would have nothing to do with him or any of us. Mam hadn`t been able to go out for a few days with the male parent being home,and she was in a tetchy mood. She did however see to PG when he needed something though I remember she complained to the Male Parent that he was 'difficult' He replied " If you had gone to see him at least over the past weeks he would know who you are" He knew the Male Parent and it turned out that he had been going to visit him,even though mam hadn`t. I was intrigued by the fact that PG didn`t know his own mam,I had always thought that when a child was born it knew who its mam was and that PG would still know her even after all this time,she was his mam it followed he would remember her even if he didn`t remember us. The only person he asked for was Carla.
The weeks passed and PG became used to us,still very quiet but allowing me to read to him and help him to draw. The others would play with him for a little while then get bored and go off and do their own thing. He would be waiting for me when I got home from school with his story book,and I would read it to him while I was doing my jobs. Mam had gone back to her normal routine,though when we were at school she had to stay in through the day,which she normally spent next door or at the top of the street with a neighbour up there.
Carla tried to visit once but she was refused entry to the house and mam wouldn`t let her see PG,she left some things for him which mam put straight in the bin when she closed the door.
I sneaked out of the house through the front door and ran down the street to catch her as she left,I took her some drawings PG had done and gave them to her,I was really angry with mam,Carla was crying when I caught up with her,she said she had something in her eye. I told her I would take care of him and she said " no thats their job not yours" she gave me a hug and said goodbye,I never saw her again.
I got a sound hiding for that but I didn`t care it was nothing new and was worth it.
The years passed and PG grew,Baby B was born and a lot of my attention had to go on her,I included him as much as I could in the routine,but he was a boy and the Male Parent when he was at home would make him go outside with the other boys,but he wasn`t like them. He didn`t like to play the games they did and they bullied him. When he was seven he came back from playing out and complained his arm hurt,the others all called him a softie and mam told him to quit whining,I looked at his arm and I knew it was broken,I kept on at mam and said he needed to go to the hospital,she told me if I was that bothered to take him myself.So I did,sure enough his arm was broken,we were on there for hours,they eventually were convinced that he had just been playing and it was an accident. When we got back he got a fuss made of him because he was hurt,I had to catch up on the work because I had been out so long. It turned out that the boys had been swinging him round by his arm and had let go and he had fallen awkwardly. Boys will be boys I was told when asked why they didn`t get in trouble for it.
Life went on pretty much as normal,PG was never like the others and would spend a lot of time alone,he didn`t like school as he was bullied there too,I couldn`t do anything about that but I protected him as much as I could at home. Then I left,I didn`t want to leave the others but I had to get out and I did it the only way I was able I got married.
Things pretty much went from bad to worse for PG after that,then I found out his ' Secret' when I walked in on him and a friend on a visit to see mam. I sat them both down and talked to them,explaining that they had to be careful about what they were doing as they were underage.PG begged me not to tell anyone and I promised I wouldn`t but he had to eventually tell them himself. His 'Secret' he was gay,he said to me when we were talking " I suppose you hate me now and think I am a pervert or summat" I told him that it didn`t matter to me in the slightest he was still my brother and always would be.
He did a lot of silly things before this,some I saw some I was only told about by the others,he cut himself,he would set out to school and not go and when he got home he would have cuts and bruises and would say he had been beat up,he had done it himself. Once he came home with all his clothes ripped and cuts all over saying he had been mugged,I was visiting that day and I knew he was lying as the 'rips' were perfect cuts. The crunch came when he was sixteen,he got arrested. He had been caught with some other boys in a room at the Army Cadets. PG was the oldest and he was the one in the wrong the others were just classed as ' Boys talked into commiting lewd acts " PG was prosecuted he was the 'Gay' the one in the wrong.
Life became quite hard after that,though I wasn`t around for most of what happened,he came to see me and he told me what had been happening,The Male Parent had told him he was disgusting and refused to talk to him for months,he was tolerated in the house and when he went outside Mothers moved their children away from him. I actually saw them do this and it was hard seeing the look on his face when they did it. He got himself an apprenticship as a chef. He came to see me one day and said he was going to Scotland with an apprenticeship and that he would write.
The next we heard he had a girlfriend and was talking about getting married,I was puzzled by this as he had told me that he couldn`t be what they wanted that he was what he was. Then the next we heard his girlfriend was pregnant. Then she had given birth to a little girl. He had been home a couple of times during all this but she never came,we never met her or the baby. When pushed to bring her down we recieved a letter saying she had died in a carcrash,the baby was at her grandparents. He came home,he would only talk about her when pushed,there were no letters from the grandparents about his daughter. Mam pushed him to bring her down to meet the family and off he went,then mam got a phonecall,the little girl had been killed,she had apparently got out of the garden and been hit by a car. To this day we dont know if they existed or not,knowing my brother and knowing his life since I believe not.
I think they were his way of showing the parents he was 'Normal'.
Just after that he stole some money off the parents and they kicked him out. He stayed with my sis K,for a couple of weeks but they found out he was seeing a guy and they kicked him out.
He came to me and borrowed some money,told me he had a new job. And he dissapeared.
For a long time he was missing,then he 'turned up' living by my youngest sister. He had come out properly by this time and was openly living with a guy,I was glad he had finally found himself,but apparently not. His final act of defiance against the Male Parent was to bring his boyfriend to mams birthday party,that was ten years ago,the Male Parent refused to have anything to do with him.And while PG messed about and tried to show he was the life and soul of the party you could see in his face how he felt. The Male Parent died two years later,PG never came to the funeral,I guess it didn matter he could never gain his approval and now it was too late He dissapeared again. Just before christmas he turned up at Mams asking to stay for a couple of days,she turned him away.
The others dont know where he is for sure though my brother D and I do,and D is keeping a secret eye on him for me,as far as the rest of the family are concerned he is missing again,thats how he wants it and thats how it will stay.
