Sometimes when I look back over time and think of all the things that have happened there is a hole,like a vacum I suppose,and I cannot see beyond that hole. Beyond it is my childhood and to be honest it doesn`t matter that most of it is a blank,that it is lost down that hole swimming in the netherworld of repressed memory. I often look on my life as beginning when my childrens lives began.When my very first child came screaming into this world to waken me from the stupor that I classed as my life untill the minute she arrived. I remember more now of that past than I did,and being able to write things down is in part the reason for that,you start to write things and out of nowhere comes a memory and sometimes it is good but most times you realise why you didn`t want to remember it in the first place. My children were the essence of my life and all other things were put on hold for them. They have given me great joys and the deepest of griefs. There is nothing more heart wrenching than losing someone you love,than them being taken from you and you knowing you will never see them again in this lifetime. Those that have read my ramblings know of my children,the ones that I write of,my three wonders of nature. But what only a very few know is that there were another three. Three daughters,and though one of them it may be said was too ill to live for long ( she was four months old when she died) the other two graced my life for much longer,One was 11 years old when she died and the other was 4 years old when she died. I lost them both on the same day and while I am not yet ready to tell the full story suffice it to say that this was the worst time of my life,nothing that happened to me in my childhood bad as it was,and nothing that has/could happened to me since could compare to this day when they were taken from me. Many times I have written a piece about them only to wipe it and write something totally different,something totally rambling and inane. But today I recieved a very touching and lovely communication from a friend,she too has suffered the loss of a child and yet she is not afraid to say so,not afraid to show her grief when it overcomes her. She has strength far beyond that which I have. And two other very dear friends that know about it and know also of my reasons for not talking of it,they tell me that on here my reasons are invalid,because on here I cannot see that look in peoples eyes when they hear for the first time. I cannot see the struggle as they think of topics to talk about that will not touch on any subject that might make me ' upset' and if they turn away as many do it will not matter for perhaps I wont even know they have gone. I want to thank those friends they know who they are. For thier support through my bad month and for thier words when they heard my story. When people say to me how strong I am,how I have come through tough times and yet still remain enamoured of life I often wonder am I? I dont have the strength to talk of the worst time in my life. But Strength is gathered from those around us and from what we read and those that support us. So yes I am strong but my friends make me that way.So today I tell a little bit. Maybe one day I will tell it all.
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- 2006-05-29 @ 07:22:04
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- 2006-05-29 @ 08:02:50
You said it,thankyoux
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- http://www.devonwallart.co.uk
- 2006-05-29 @ 08:01:39
I'm so sorry for you hon.
You are strong and you do still seem in love with life, I'd hope it's not all a face put on because I know your outlook on life and your attitude is infectious.-
- 2006-05-29 @ 08:05:39
No not put on,I love life because I know that it is far too short for some,we should value what we have while we have it.Not regret what is gone but cherish the memory.Life is for living thats why its called life.
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- http://www.devonwallart.co.uk
- 2006-05-29 @ 08:15:45

See, that sorta thing, infectious I tell ya.
You know we're here for you hon, if you need us.
Course, having said that I'm off to work... well, the thought was there
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- 2006-05-29 @ 08:18:00
I am off to work too,but I always know where you are. And we all need friends even if we like to tell ourselves we dont.Thanksx
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- http://www.devonwallart.co.uk
- 2006-05-29 @ 10:14:31
Course we do

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- 2006-05-29 @ 13:59:50
First steps...
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- 2006-05-29 @ 21:13:58
Thanks to you and our mutual friendxx
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- 2006-05-29 @ 14:34:48
I knew you'd been through some pain but was unaware of the details. To get through something so obviously excruciatingly painful takes wisdom. Life wisdom. An ability to be still and take stock. From that grows all other virtues.
Feck, listen to me...bloody amateur philosopher - ha!
You're cool, Lyndz. You're not diminished by it, quite the reverse.
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- 2006-05-29 @ 21:18:42
I love your philosophising

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- http://www.kikita.blog.co.uk
- 2006-05-29 @ 15:52:48
Hi Lynd., My Condolences to you.
I don't know and wish never know the feeling of have and then loose a son/daughter to death; i just know the pain of loose to death my unique sister and is a pain forever whit wich i still struggle to deal with...i think i will forever.
But just want let you know that you reminded me with this post the only words my father told me when she died:" i never thought see one of my 2 daughters go first then me"...and never told me more about it.
So, as are childrens of your own i really can't imagine the pain, just remember yes that we just live once and Life gives us lots of challenges indeed, but we must keep on. Hugs to you,Kk-
- http://www.kikita.blog.co.uk
- 2006-05-29 @ 18:09:47
Just to add, something i forgot to tell you. I came your blog because išd an e'mail to me to read your post...and stunned me as i came here once ask you apologise, etc., on the Motherīs Day without knowing nothing of this.
And as you once, when we knew each other here, had let me such a beautiful poem which i never deleted, i want to let and share with you a little poem or quotation written in an exclusive piece, a pendant called "Tears drop", that my mother offered to me in a special occasion to us too:
" If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, Iīd walk right up to Heaven and bring you Home again ".
Now, keep being strong and live your life with all its challenges, because seems to me thatīs whatīs Life about...maybe to let us stronger..well, really i also donšt know, donšt understand it, why we need to have such pains and losses as i also had have lately. Anyway, we must live because of ourselves and also because of others we care and love. hugs,kiki-
- 2006-05-29 @ 21:19:53
Thankyou KiKi for your lovely words.
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- 2006-05-29 @ 18:58:40
Dear Lynda,
When I first saw that photo of you that you had in your profile photos, the one of you in the beautiful red Chineese dress, I could see the sadness in your eyes, and I could only guess at what that might be. You have been through so much, so much more than most people, and yet you shine through all the darkness that has surrounded you in this life. You tried to bury the pain and then you started writing about it here, and today you've been brave enough to write about the worst pain. I hope it's brought you some relief. It is difficult for others to deal with your pain, and I've heard that people cross the road to avoid speaking to the bereaved and grieved - they don't know what to say, they don't know what to do, maybe partly because in our society we are no longer used to dealing with grief. Gone are the days of mourning clothes and black armbands, and with them the knowledge of how to deal with another's grief. I suppose even here many people won't know what to say, but I can't imagine that anyone would want to turn fom you. I'm glad your friends make you strong, and may they continue to do so. And may the rest of your life be without any new troubles, for you have certainly had more than enough.
Many hugs, GS-
- 2006-05-29 @ 21:27:15
Your words ar lovely GS,and I thank you for them. You are right grief is hard to deal with but I think it is because it leaves people feeling so helpless. If it is a broken heart through a broken relationship,they know that a comforting word a shoulder to cry on and nights out with the girls/boys can help to ease the pain,a cut knee they can place a plaster,something that they can do something for,find a remedy, bring a smile to someones face. When it comes to loss there is no magic cream. I dont blame the ones who turned away,dont hold it against them. We all cope in our own way.
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- 2006-05-29 @ 22:55:44
I think you've pinpointed the difference between the loss of a child and the other kinds of loss or pain. The pain from the loss of a child never heals, although it may seem to receede at times, whereas the others do mend with time, even broken hearts (usually). I'm glad you don't blame the ones who turned away - I knew you wouldn't - you're far too lovely a person for that. I'm just so sorry you've had so much pain in your life, and that you've suffered such terrible losses.
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- 2006-05-30 @ 23:34:18
Reading your post made my heart go out to you. I couldn't imagine the awful pain for losing a child, especially at those tender ages. No one could, only those who have experienced that loss can know. I had to read it twice, the first time I read it I thought 'this can't be so.'
I think you did a good thing in writing about it. This is a safe place to do it, and you know you'll have love and support.
avril x-
- 2006-05-31 @ 17:15:06
I have thought about it right from first joining here but have never been able to do it. Its like peeling a layer of skin off an old wound that never quite heals. Thankyou Avril it is people like you that make it possible to do this.
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- 2006-06-01 @ 15:08:42
Glad to be a sympathetic listener.
Anytime.... -
- 2006-07-09 @ 08:52:01
I am sorry for your grief and loss, surely the harder the older the child is because then you know them so much better.
All of my children are alive, but my sister died when my mother was still alive. She had been in the hospital for about two weeks and we knew she wasn't going to make it, but when my daughter and I told my mother she had died I will never forget her cry of anquish, "Oh, my poor little baby. Oh, my poor little girl." Those were her exact words. To my mother she was always a baby girl.
I never loved my mother, but I did pity her sometimes and I did then.-
- 2006-07-09 @ 09:03:05
We are as one with that,I dont and do not love my Mother. But I was brought up to believe that she is your mother and as such means something even if it is only the fact that she gave you life.
I think losing the eleven year old was the hardest,though losing them both was hard,but the eleven year old was my first born and we had been through many things together.
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- 2006-07-10 @ 09:45:06
I'm so sorry LJ, I can't imagine anything worse... it wrenches my heart to think about anything like that...I can't imagining living life after such a tragedy...I really can't imagine... I hope you do realise that you have got friends on here who'll listen, and be there... I'm so sorry xx
morelearning
Oh man, what can I say?