Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

I appear to have deleted my last post,damn,and I thought I was having a good day Anyway for those that missed it dont worry you didn`t miss much. The destructors one and two have only been here an hour and already they have created havoc to the degree where I have had to seperate them for the night. Which means its a good job I wasn`t planning on going to bed anyway cos now I aint got one.Trying to study in between running up and downstairs to those two is quite hard so I have put it to one side in the hopes that they haven`t scared the sandman too much for him to come and sprinkle that stuff in their eyes that makes them sleep. Sprinkle be buggared shovel it in man,you will need to with those two.Anyways heigh ho and all that jazz. There is an incredibly nice gentleman that works for MBNA who is called JP,if he reads blogs then I have to say thanks to him for being so nice and not minding when I got his name the wrong way round today. Sometimes I do that when I am in the shop you know ask for something and the words come out the wrong way.I have a knack for saying things back to front. Its guys like JP that make my job that bit better and proves that there are some people that can be pleasent no matter when you call them ( and get their names wrong )Its gone awful quiet upstairs I have visions of dastardly deeds being done. I shall check I think.
Anyway they are not asleep but looking at me all angelic when I go in the room,I am not fooled for a minute guys I think it is time for a coffee, some OMD and a blog browse.

Having once again risen at an unearthly hour this morning and telling this brain of mine that the alarm is set for five thirty not three thirty,I have already done half a days work. So decided to take a break from the books and wow you with my eloquence. Except I cannot think of anything to say. Dont you just hate that? I have to save my silver tongued talk for the creditors I have to call today and get them to wipe debts off for clients, I shall attempt today to get one gentlemans six grand of debts wiped off for two,but as one of the debts is over twelve years old that one will be easy as it comes under the new Government legisaltion. I enjoy bantering with these people,I have earned myself a direct number for several of them which means I dont have to go through the call center which at times can be very frustrating because you cannot bargain with the people in the call center. They have a set script and they dont have the authority to wipe sums of money off. Did you know that every creditor has a set amount each month that it is allowed to wipe off your total balance? But if your debt is old you can bargain,make them an offer and nine times out of ten they will accept it. Anyway enough of that. It is once again a beautiful morning ,I know I watched the sun come up And tonight I will be doing an allnighter so expect me to be lurking in the early hours And for all those that were up at an unearthly hour this morning I have placed a little song on here.

What an absolutely beautiful,kick back and do nothing summers evening.I have been walking and enjoying this lovely evening. It is warm but not the clammy warmth that we so often experience,just nice,with a lovely breeze blowing to keep you cool. The woods are in full bloom,and wandering beneath the canopy of trees was peaceful and relaxing. I needed a total break.A bit of thinking time that didn`t focus on blogging or studying or work. I would have gone walking by the river but my favourite spot has been taken over by the Riverside Wine Club. And so I walked that bit farther and walked instead in the woods. I am glad I did,it was beautiful. I watched the squirrels play tag and the swallow dance.I saw lovers strolling hand in hand ( Was that a little touch of envy there? ) And couples walking dogs. Is it me or is summer time the time for couples or am I just feeling that way out where I am noticing it more? And then I walked slowly home and having done the thinking that I needed to do and having finally started the America Fund again after having to use it to pay for my studies and keep me going for the short time I was out of work. I am now partaking in a cup of freshly brewed coffee and listening to O.M.D. Brilliant

OK so here I am letting you all know that I am still about and alive ( sort of) and that despite the erm slightly condescending and completely sarcastic PM I recieved that I will post when I can, study and work permitting of course
I have had a lovely day today though the week so far has been hectic it has been rewarding. I didn`t finish work till an hour later than I should have done and thats because sometimes you have to go that extra mile to get things done or to ensure that others are treated with the respect that is due them considering that they pay for a service. Sometimes there are jobs you cannot leave to others and that means occasionally staying late. It doesn`t bother me I dont mind because I believe in the Butterfly effect you see. I know it works because I have had two really nice things happen today though nice is such an insipid word. The first thing,someone dedicated a poem to me which is really nice,and that was just through communication. The second thing well,a friend and I was chatting about music and I said that there was a particular song I hadn`t been able to get,anywhere. I had possessed this song once but when I had been burgalled the thief must have liked my musical tastes,well some of them anyway because he took the album the song was on. My friend said that they possessed the song and would put it on their comp and send me it. This lunchtime I arrived home to find a small parcel through the door. When I opened it I found that my friend had sent me the whole Album on CD. Now thats going the extra mile. I have worn a smile all day and I am playing it now.Isn`t it lovely how the thoughtfullness of others can make the sun shine on a cloudy day

One of my blog friends remarked to me how it was strange that you read something on a blog and you start thinking about events in your own life that are/were similar. I have done that a few times.Read something and it sets off the train of thought that leads to other things I often wonder what would have happened had we not come back to England when we did,would the chain of events have taken a different turn or would they have taken the same turn but elsewhere?It is the same throughout our lives though. If we hadn`t turned that corner but had crossed the road instead. If we hadn`t been in that place at that time. Its quite strange when you think about it,how if you hadn`t done a certain thing when you did it could have changed your whole life. Yet most of these little things that seem to guide our lives,most of the little decisions of turning corners,of not crossing a road in a certain place,they are made without any conscious effort on our part.we dont think about what would have happened had we taken that turn instead of this turn,or if we had gone that way instead of this.To constantly think of these things would of course drive us completely insane. It would leave us no time to do anything else. It is however slightly unnerving when we do think about it to realise that some of our most life changing decisions are made without any awareness on our parts. The Human mind constantly fascinates me.
I have two big assignments coming up and I am afraid that means less blogging for a little while.I will be around but not as much so if a few days go past without posts you will know why. The not sleeping has been catching up with me and the study has been suffering,so for a little while the study will be coming before anything else and sadly blogging will be coming last. Actually that statement is slightly wrong as study has always come first,what I mean is extra study will be taking precedent. I have an exam in August and I have that to prepare for too. I am sure that you will get along fine without my ramblings for a little while. I will pop on when I take my breaks to peruse my friends blogs and see how everyone is. And I will make an effort to post a couple of things through the week but I cant promise this. So you had better be posting you lot and give me something to take my mind off Qualitative research.

6 Hours

I have just spent the evening with my middle child and we had a lovely time. She called me about four and told me she was coming over,just like that out of the blue. When she arrived we had a coffee and then went out for a walk,we didn`t go anywhere special just wandered around and then ended up at the DVD rental shop where she bought some ex rentals and then we came back and we watched one which was actually very good. Then she did my hair for me,with my hair being so long it is nice to have it pampered sometimes she washed and conditioned it and sat and brushed it. It made a nice change,about half way through the film her brother arrived to see her for half an hour after he had finished work. They are mental when they get together them two but it was nice to hear them joking and laughing together. All that was missing was the eldest one. Strange how both girls get on with their brother individualy but cannot get on with each other for very long at all. So I have got absolutely nothing done tonight despite having everything planned out for the day. Never mind just means extra studying through the week.

1 day

Having spent most of the night trying to catch Mr Sandman and not succeeding,I have started this morning,actually I cant say I have started because I dont feel as though I have finished yesterday yet.You would think I would be used to this insomnia thing by now the amount of years that I have had it. Thing is that when I first started with it there was a lot of things I could do and believe it or not there was a lot on the TV to watch.My neighbours were used to me cleaning the house at unearthly hours and I would leave the vacuming untill about half six when they would all be getting up anyway. One neighbour even used my vacuming habits to get himself up for work, Soon as he heard the vacum go on he would know it was between half six and seven. Even on the rare nights I slept I was always up before six. I remember when they had a programme called Music Box on. It used to start about one and went on all night finishing at seven when the normal days broadcasting would start. I loved it,not only did it have all the latest releasees on it but also oldies. It had certain things on different nights too,different types of music for a couple of hours and then back to its normal programming.When that stopped suddenly for no reason they used to put films on and all sorts of interesting things. Now all you get is American sport and job finder! Scuse me,who is looking for a job at five in the morning? They even have a discussion on the end of Job finder now about five minutes of a Job Psychologist telling you how to conduct yourself at an interview,now that makes me laugh. He went through all that to get his degree to sit on Job finder at five in the morning and tell people how to act in an interview. Way to go,I wonder if he used the same techniques to get that job? Do you think I should ring him and tell him that they have a Major shortage of Psychologists in America? Actually he is probably quite happy get up at that hour and going and doing his five minute slot. I hope he doesn`t have a day job!
Anyway where was I? Other things I used to do when I couldn`t sleep,well if the children were away at their papa`s I would go walking,usually to the park and play on the swings. At three in the morning the walk to the park which was roughly a mile or so away,was quite refreshing. People thought I was nuts but I had two very large Border Collie dogs named Kim and Sam and believe me you did not mess with Sam. I got Sam by default. Sam was Kims brother,he had already been taken when I went to choose the pup and I ended up with Kim. She was beautiful though and I was quite happy with her. They were all longed haired and the coats were beautiful. As it happened Sam went to someone that lived down the road from me,the place I lived at the time was a long street which ended in a kind of cul-de-sac at the top which is where I lived. At the side of my house was a path that led into a large field at the back of my house. The dogs were about eight months old when I noticed Sam was wandering. He began to follow us to school and back. Worried that he would get injured on the main roads I would call him to me when we got near them and he would come and walk at the side of me all the way to school and back. Once back at the street he would be off and that would be it untill it was time to go and pick them up. Sometimes when Kim was out in the garden I would find Sam there with her,both laid flat out in the sunshine. I didn`t see Sam for a few days and thought that maybe she had started keeping him in and taking him out properly on his lead etc. About a week had gone past and he hadn`t been around,then one night the front door was open because the night was warm and I herad this whing and scratching. When I got to the door there was Sam looking really sorry for himself and with good reason. He had an open wound above his eye that was looking very nasty and both eyes were all gungy and quite a mess.He wouldn`t come in the house at first so I got warm water and antiseptic and bathed his wound and then got some eye wash that I had for Kim and did both his eyes.I sat on the step and he sat in front of me patient as anything .Soon as I had finished he was off. For three days he came every morning and every night to have his wound bathed and his eyes cleaned. On the fourth day his owner came. She asked me if I had been treating him so I replied that I had. And she thanked me and told me that he wouldn`t let her anywhere near him to do it. She said she was going away for a few days would I watch him for her. So I said that I would. Next day Sam came on his lead to the house to stay for a couple of days. During those two days he played with the children and with Kim and went for walks when we did and when she came back he went wwith his head hung low and tail between his legs. Course he was there next morning walking the kids to school with me and Kim. Only now he would stay for the day and just go home when the children went to bed. After about four weeks his owner once again came up to see me. She wanted to talk. So I made coffee and we sat down and she told me she had met this guy,and had been seeing him for some months. Sam didn`t like him and she had to put him out of the house when he was there. This guy had his own dog and apparently his dog was a pedigree,they had decided she was moving into his house but Sam was not welcome. She wanted to know if I would take Sam because if I didn`t he was going to the RSPCA. I asked if there was no way that he would relent and she had said no he had made it quite clear he didn`t want Sam anywhere near his perdigree dog. I said I would take him and that night Sam came to live with us. He was a brilliant dog feircely protective of the children and me and of Kim. After a couple of years of trying to manage with two large dogs and three children in a house that just wasn`t big enough Sam and Kim went to live on a farm. The farmer was a friend of a fiend of mine and he adored both dogs and they adored him. We introduced them to the farm slowly but I need never have worried because they loved it. Highly intelligent dogs they were in no time rounding up cows,without getting kicked too. They both lived very happy lives,being family pets as well as farm dogs,sadly they have both gone now. Kim was 17 years old when she went and Sam went not long after her. They did however have children,Kim was bred with a Collie from another farm and Sam was allowed to stud several Female Collies from several places. So who knows if you have border collies it could be one of Sam or Kims grandchildren
I have rambled enough now methinks,time to do some work.

For Subz
Train and Drops of Jupiter

I have just spent some quality time with some friends that happened to drop by. They have gone shopping right now but have threatened promised to return very soon. I have just had them in gales of laughter. We were listening to music and I heard a song and said "Oh I like that who is it" They then proceeded to ask me where had I been for the last ex amount of months and it was time to get my head out of the books. Apparently it was Shayne Ward. The blank look on my face sent them off into even more laughter and declarations of me being the only person in the UK that had never heard of this guy. So I dont watch TV and apparently that is a crime
However I was forgiven when I then introduced them to my latest favourites.
Train. A sample of which I have left for my friends on here to listen to

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2 Days

Reading my friend Sociopath74`s blog about his trip to the dentist and him saying how much he dislikes going,and the comments he got made me wonder does anyone like the Dentist? Apart from TKK who likes the Dentists chair but that has nothing to do with hving his teeth seen to To read that particular piece you will have to visit his blog http://timekillingkid.blog.co.uk anyway back to the subject at hand. I am absolutely petrified of dentists. Not just your normal I dont like them scared before I go but when I get there I am fine if a bit shakey, kind of scared but to the point where I will not go.If I get an abcess,and I have had a couple,it is my doctor that treats it. Normally a doctor will say thats a dentists job and make you go there. Not mine he knows how scared I am and he treats it. I have always been scared right from the time when I went to the school dentists with my brother and I had a loose tooth,I didn`t have the appointment my brother did. Loose teeth come out on their own eventually so it didn`t bother me. But my big mouth brother told the dentist I had a loose tooth and as he came out the Dentist grabbed my arm sat me in the chair and yanked the tooth out. Now that hurt. The tooth had been fine the normal type of thing that kids go through you know.teeth come out more teeth fill the gap. It didn`t need pulling and this giant of a man pinched my tooth!! I was so shocked at what he had done I didn`t even ask him for it back. Not that it would have mattered cos the Tooth Fairy didn`t visit me anyway but it was the principle of the thing. So my visits to the dentist have always been minimal. Apart from the experience with the school butcher Dentist, I have a real thing about what goes in my mouth. I guess its just one of those things that people have,for instance I was fine watching the Puppet Master untill Leech lady did her thing * shudder*. Now it has never posed a problem because cleaning my teeth on a regular basis etc I never suffered from many problems untill one day I decided to have them cleaned. Everyone told me it was nothing having them cleaned, a friend of mine had them done on a regular basis,I was happy with my teeth but they were not quite as white as hers so I thought ok,I can do that. I made the appointment and I was fine,a little shaky,felt a bit sick,but he wasn`t going to do anything bad,just clean them. Apparently not! The minute I sat in the Chair I started Shaking,when he touched my mouth I jumped. He thought it was funny. I decided I was being stupid after all he couldn`t do any harm he was only cleaning them. I gripped the side of the chair and closed my eyes. He clamped my mouth open and proceeded to do his thing. Now I didn`t know that having your teeth cleaned was supposed to hurt. After a few minutes he gave up,and then he says that I appeared to have sensitive gums. By this time my mouth is full of blood and I am spitting for all I am worth to stop myself from chokingThe moron had cut my Gums,result,a mouth infection. I never went to him again. Years later and bad pregnancies and an illness that recurred a few times before they finally sent it packing and my teeth had begun to suffer. Dentist number two was pretty good. At this time they were still allowed to give you anesthetic to extract teeth. Armed with a letter from the Doctor and a refusal to even open my mouth for him to examine the teeth I got anesthetic for both the examination and the extraction. Cool dont remember a thing. When I went for my check-up however after about three weeks he told me they were no longer allowed to use it. He wasn`t a very nice man and I think the only reason that he had done it in the first place was because he got paid more that way. He told me not to be so soft I was a grown woman,I told him in no uncertain terms where to put his dental chair and his practice,though in a lady like way of course Dentist number three. this guy was a beauty. Major toothache,wisdom teeth had grown wrong and were now giving me heaps of problems.Getting me to a Dentist was not an easy job. Highly reccomended by a friend who also had a dental phobia I went to see the man that she called the Gentle Giant. It was obvious that I was petrified and that was just the examination. He said that because of my obvious fear he would give me an extra injection when he extracted the two teeth that way I would feel nothing at all. So the day dawned and I went scared to death but believing his promise to at least make things easier for me.True to his word he gave me not one but two extra injections and I sat in the chair not being able to feel my mouth at all.He messed about and I could feel a slight twinge,he messed about some more and the twinge became a little more painful. More messing about and I get the feeling that his extra injections may just have been a waste of time as I can now feel everything he is doing to my teeth. more messing about and by now those teeth should have been out. Now he decides he has to cut round the teeth because when he has gone in there he has found that though the teeth themselves have grown hollow and are in fact crumbling when he tries to get hold of them they are deep rooted. So by now the injections are wearing off,and I can feel him cutting my gums. I am now getting to the stage where I am going to be off the chair and gone. Suddenly he says to his assistant after throwing yet another piece of equipment in the bowl ( she is at this time gripping my arm I think in an attempt to keep me in the chair) are the pliars in the bottom drawer.? Excuse me did I hear that right? Dont panic I tells myself he means a piece of dental equipment.doesn`t he? Erm no,he meant pliars,household ones. He didn`t give me chance to fly out of the chair,kneeling on me pinning me down he proceeded to pull what remained of my teeth out with these pliars and then he slipped and I felt his hand hit my face,the hand with the pliars in. It hurt but all I could think was I had to get out.He helped me up out of the chair and he kept asking if I was alright. I couldn`t speak and I just pushed past him and ran outside. I sat on the wall outside to gather my breath and my senses which were in a whirl. The assistant came out and she told me they had ordered me a taxi to take me home did I want to wait inside? I couldn`t even answer her I just shook my head. The taxi driver was brilliant he knew I couldn`t talk and gave me a piece of paper to write my address on,all the way home he asked me if I wouldn`t be better going on to the hospital as I was fair bleeding and shouldn`t b bleeding that much. I just wanted to go home. My daughter was waiting outside when I got back thats how long it had taken,the appointment had been planned so I would be back home and feeling better by the time they got home from school. Once inside I started throwing up,one of the neighbours that I was friends with came round and took the children to her house for their evening meal. Three days later I was still ill,still bleeding and in a lot of pain. I went to see the doctor. He went ballistic good job he was the Doctor I had been seeing for years the language he came out with disgraceful. Apparently Mr Gentle Giant had cracked my cheekbone he had taken the wisdom tooth but also taken the tooth next to it which had been fine,probably according to my doctor because he had damaged it when he was attempting to take the wisdom tooth. The second tooth that he was supposed to take out was still there and the wound he had inflicted when cutting into the gum was open and infected. He wanted me to sue him,I refused,like I said then and still say now,it would have cost me money I didn`t have and in the end they would all stick together it was his word against mine and who knows what he would come out with. Still my Doctor was not going to let it rest he wrote to the Dental association and to the senior member of the practice where he worked.I recieved a personally delivered apology from the practice and a huge box of chocolates which the children enjoyed greatly. He recieved a ticking off and a suspension which only lasted a few weeks and probably gave him time to mow the lawn in the huge house he owned. I have never been to the Dentist since. I have been in touch with an orthodontist and he is going to do my teeth for me ( When I raise the money) with the assurance that I will have anesthetic that puts me to sleep,for medical reasons you can apparently have this.
And apart from that rather chilling memory,it is a beautiful day the sun is shining and I think ( finds some wood to touch hastily) the headache I have had for four days has finally gone. Ah tis a grand weekend

I feel good,no I dont feel good I feel great Have you ever had that feeling of not just a job well done but a job excellently done and you know that you have excelled yourself? I have had one of those days where you cant see yourself ever getting anything done because the world and his wife want you to sort out their problems first. So I spent all morning doing that and getting things sorted for clients that to say the least were unhappy,emotional,at the end of their tether. And the job sat on my desk waiting to be done well that had to wait. It was half one before I finally managed to get started on this job. Let me explain what I do. Clients come to us in mountains of debt and we endeavour to help them to sort it out. We do not give out loans to clear the debts,what we do is take the creditors and offer them repayments that the client can afford to make,which believe me is sometimes very little. Because we are a company a lot of creditors will accept this and it eases things off for the clients and gives them breathing space to enable them to get back on their feet.My job comes at the end of all this. I negotiate with Creditors on what is known as full and final settlements. The clients have a bit of money saved up or they have sold their houses and they want to get rid of the debt but dont have the full amount. This is where I come in. Mostly Creditors make the rules,because after all these people do owe them this money so it is quite up to them what they will take in settlement. Sometimes it will be 10% sometimes 20% but that is each debt,each creditor has to be negotiated with seperatly for each account.And some clients can have twenty creditors or more. Today I had to negotiate on five accounts totalling well over £18,000,the client had £10,000,and he wanted to settle his debts. One creditor had an outstanding balance of £14,459 alone. So it took me all afternoon to trace a couple of the debts that had moved and noone had changed it on the system. But trace them I did. I ended the day wiping the clients debts off for £9,800. And justifiably feeling very pleased with myself. Course when I rang the client he was suited as well
So now I am going to treat myself to a chinese meal and a glass of wine

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3 days

I used to listen to all these people say thank goodness its friday and I used to say it makes no difference to me because I always worked weekends. However today I can say Hurraaahhh its friday,knowing I dont have to work tomorrow. It is so nice actually having the weekend to look forward to.Not that I will be doing anything other than studying,childminding and studying,blogging and studying oh and watching the football. I used to have to cram everything into one day.When I worked in the Nursing home I worked six days and that included every weekend using my day off through the week to attend college to get my NVQ`s in nursing care. When I left there and went into retail I worked most Saturdays,I was supposed to only work two in four but invariably ended up working the other two,especially when I became manager as no one else could work the machinery.When I first started this job I worked Sundays. And now I have the whole weekend off. Two whole days together. Last weekend was my first weekend off and I completely enjoyed it though I wasted most of it spending all day Saturday trying to decide what to wear to go out in and most of Sunday recovering from Saturday. This weekend I have it all planned out.It will of course be a wonder should it actually go to plan. There is bound to be something that prevents it. One good thing will be not having to worry about what the Junior cyclone is up to while I am not there,though he is doing better since we put the new plan into place. The only real downside is having to shop on a saturday I cant get out early with having the Junior Cyclone so it is usually the afternoon before I go and by then everyone has recovered from Friday night and the wives have dragged the husbands away from the tv and into the town,and all the little teenyboppers and yobs have by then met all their friends and they are all in the town. Hmmmm,maybe I will go early and take the Cyclone with me
So what are my lovely blogging friends doing with their weekend??

Still 4 days

I love blogging I love visiting my friends blogs all erm however many it is. People say with so many surely there must be loads that are the same so dont you get bored? Well the answer to that is no,because they are not the same. Each one is unique in their own way. Each one an individual in whom I have found something I like. and not just their blogs either but in their comments to others and to me.I love also stumbling across new blogs whether by seeing a comment that they have made or by looking through the latest posts,or by them visiting mine,its always interesting to find something new and unique in the way of writing. When I write I dont think about what people think. Not because I dont care what people think because everyone does in some way. But because I know that the people on that list over there and some that are not on the list but who visit anyway,are not judgemental.They read and it may touch them,or make them laugh or even at times I daresay bore them. And they will either comment or they wont. And yes we get the odd sarcastic comment and the odd nasty one but hey thats life,and they dont come from any on my friends list. Mostly the sarcasm from them is witty and probably well deserved. When I write I often dont think about what I am writing I just write it,put fingers to keys and out it comes all on its little ownsome. Sometimes it never gets posted. As I read it back I realise that there are some things that I am still not ready to reveal and some things I am still not strong enough to talk about. And its not because I dont think those friends wouldn`t be supportive because I know that they would,but I dont look for sympathy and I dislike pity. And sometimes it is hard to find the right words even for a word wizard like me. I ramble a lot,muse a lot,and wander off into realms that have nothing to do with the opening sentences of the post. People that read my blog will be used to this by now of course,I guess its a bit like a lucky bag ( Lord its years since I had one of them ) When you open it you never know what will be inside Or one of those lollies that change colour,one minute its yellow then red etc. A bit of a hotch Potch. But thats me,champion of the wandering rambling post,and up to now we have only scratched the surface

4 Days

I apologise to my friends for not updating last night about the house viewing but I got visitors that left me with a pounding headache which I am afraid I still have this morning.
The house,what can I say,it was clean! I had told myself all day not to get my hopes up,but you always do dont you? As we pulled up outside I felt that sinking feeling as the dissapointment started,I told myself to not be so hasty,never judge a book by its cover etc. It was clean which believe me some that I have looked at have not been! He told me it was open plan,hehehehe this guy should be an estate agent. The kitchen and living room were combined and to say it was compact would be an overexagaration. In fact you could have fit the whole thing inside the living room of my apartment. The kitchen consisted of a stainless steel work top which housed a sink with a cupboard underneath,the oven and a cooker with two hobs.That was it no worktops just that,there were two cupboards above and a stainless steel microwave built into one of the shelves at the side,that was the full extent of the kitchen and it sat in one corner of the living room. With the three of us in there My son, myself and the landlord the room was already crowded and there was no furniture in yet! There was a cellar with the facilities for my washer etc. Upstairs there was a bedroom which was not too small but not very big either,the bathroom wasn`t bad even had a shower.The second bedroom was fabulous,bigger than all the other rooms it was klight and airy it had one enormous window that ran the length of the room and had there been a view it would have been breathtaking.A second large window was set in the far corner. Now had I been intending on spending my life in my bedroom then it would have been fine. So it seems I am not moving yet and the search continues.
As for friends,well I tried to trim my list but each person I went on to I found a reason for them to stay instead of finding reasons for them to go. And ended up with additions so instead of decreasing it I have actually increased it. I am absolutely hopeless

5 Days

Tonight after work I am going to see my potential new abode.I shall be leaving work half an hour early so my son can go with me before he has to go to work. It is apparently open plan with a newly fitted kitchen,two bedrooms and a bath room.The area is not brilliant but not as bad as some,though it does take me farther away from my precious woods but only by about five minutes or so more. I am not going to build my hopes up because the last one I looked at I wouldn`t have put a dog in. Why is it so hard to find somewhere decent to live at a reasonable rent? I think it is time that Him upstairs * Ahem * gave me a break. Anyway we shall see.At least I have somewhere to live and there are many that dont.I count myself luckier than a lot of people really. I have a job and a roof over my head and I might not have the latest or the best technology in the world but at least I do have it.
I have had to refuse a couple of friends invites,sorry its not because I think you are not worth having as friends or anything but neither of you have commented at all,I haven`t spoken to either of you and there was no introduction with the invite,no hi I would like to get to know you or anything. And one of you because you are not on the UK blog it wont let me comment on yours,I have had this problem with a few of my blog friends that are not on the UK blog. I am thinking I may even have to trim my list. Maybe I should do a vote on it or something? I guess I am in change mode.

6 Days

Most people will know by now that my favourite Animal is the wolf,a noble creature that once was the best friend of man. Untill man in his normal way decided that the wolf was too much of a threat and decided to hunt him instead. In Alska they still use the Wolf signs to find food following wolf trails and prints because they know that the Wolf will lead them to hunting grounds. It is also illegal to hunt Wolves in certain places there. Mans drive to conquer the Wolf has led to certain species almost being wiped out.

Wolves are one of the most misunderstood of creatures.
Did you know?
That the Mexican wolf actually dissapeared in the seventies despite being listed as an endangered species? It was only due to the fact that some of these creatures had been captured that they were able to reintroduce them into the wild in the late eighties.

Did you know?
Wolf tracks are twice the size of a dogs.
The average weight for a North American wolf is 80lbs but the Alaskan wolf can weigh over a 100lbs
Males are usually 5-10lbs heavier than females.
A wolfs coat can vary from white to various shades of biege,brown,grey or black.
A wolfs coat is made up of two layers.A soft light coloured dense fur covered by long guard hairs,which keep the undercoat dry,the shading of the fur is more distinctive around the face.

Did you Know?
Wolves generally kill the weak, the old, and the young. If the wolf did not do this, the deer and the caribou and the moose and other large animals would damage the forest by over populating and eating the plants and trees.

Wolves build dens to have pups. Once the wolves abandon the den, which means leave it for good, it is often used by porcupines and other smaller animals for shelter.
The fur shed by the wolf is used by birds to build nests.
The raven is a type of bird that eats the remains after the wolves have stopped eating. The coyote, the fox, and many other animals also eat after the wolves are done.
Did you also know that in Native Indian folklore the Wolf is revered. the Wolf helped them to find food and protected their women and children. The Wolf was their friend and while they never tried to tame or bind the wolf there are many Indian folklore tales about the courage,strength and Magnifence of these much maligned creatures. To them the Wolf is a magnificent and Magical creature,brave and strong,Cunning and Loyal.

Once again the day has dawned bright and warm. Though the clouds are still in the sky,or is it just my sky they are in? I was thinking of the way that people touch our lives,how some only touch us for a fleeting moment yet in that moment leave us with something indefinable.Friendships come and go throughout our lives,some people are lucky enough to still be friends with the people that they went to school with,that they grew up with.For others the friendships that they knew then become memories to cherish. Everyone that touches our lives does so for a reason,to give us something,teach us a lesson,show us something that otherwise we may have missed as we stumble our way through the years. Sometimes they remain forever in the filing cabinets in our heads just brought out and dusted down when we do the sorting that sometimes we need to do to,a bit like taking out the photo album and poring over the pictures and going "Awww do you remember when?" Sometimes of course being Humans our memories are not perfect and we remember maybe only the good things or only the bad things,though of course there are times when there are only bad things to remember,those are the ones that we file away the deepest,right at the back of the filing room,in the deepest and darkest caverns. I once met a young lady,we never became friends in the proper sense of the word. I was living in the picturesque village of haworth then,everyone knows about Haworth the place famous for the Bronte sisters. Every day when I went to the little shop on Mill Hey she was there with her child and I had my child and we began talking as Mothers of small children do,especially in a place like that where you had to be resident for twenty years before even being thought of as a newbie! I like to think that maybe if those awful events of that day had not happened,that we would have become friends,as it happened we never even got to do the coffee together thing that we had decided we would do.She was having trouble with her Ex,and she was clearly frightened of the man. What a shame that people didn`t listen and most of all the police. I went to the shop that morning and she wasn`t there,I asked the guy in the shop had she been and he said no. With a child to see to I just presumed like many that she had other things to do and I would see her later. I never did.That morning her ex had decided that if he couldn`t have her noone could and he had stabbed her to death then taking the knife to himself,though he didn`t die.She had apparently told her relatives the night before that he had threatened her yet again,but they hadn`t listened.She was found later that day when someone couldn`t get her to answer the door but could clearly hear the baby crying. It is strange how she touched my life because I never really knew her,she introduced me though to the missed opportunities of life and sometimes I wonder what if we had done the coffee we kept saying we would do? More recently of course it is blogland that has introduced me to people that have touched my life without I suppose meaning to. People come and go and I sometimes wonder if they found what they were seeking,if they got out of their systems that which made them blog in the first place and so no longer needed what it gave them. Or maybe through blogging they discovered something that helped them in an indefinable way to move on from something in the real world. The internet is a wonderful medium,through it you meet people that you would never have had the opportunity to meet otherwise.And through it you can find a release,an escape,a means of being yourself without the mask.

CJ`s Blog Witch Project.
What made you start blogging?
I had read a blog on a different site for several months,the guy was amazing and the stuff he wrote was too.I thought why dont I do that and here I am.

How many posts do you write a day?
Some days none if I have a lot of study to do,or if I am writing for the story. Somedays just one big one and other days several depends on my mood and other stuff.

Do you think people read your blog? If so why?
People read that much I know. I dont know why,maybe they have time they need to kill,lol. I like to think that they find it interesting.

What musical style would you describe your blog?
A mixture of classical and easy listening.

Do you read other blogs often?
Yes loads,there are ones I visit every day,even if I dont comment on them and some I do once a week.

What attracts you to other blogs?
The content has to appeal,humour thats a big thing but a sense of the person in the writing,like a bit of their personality shining through.

What blog title would make you read a new persons blog?
Depends what mood I am in

What title would make you steer clear of another persons blog?
Ones that are mainly c&P I can read the news and do daily without going on blogs to do it.

Do you ever discover new Bloggers because they are frinds of bloggers you know already?
All the time, if my friends have a new friend or someone has commented on their blog and the comment strikes a chord.

As a percentage, how addicted are you to blogging?
When I was out of work about 80% now about maybe 60-70%

Over the past years through talking to people,friends and strangers alike,I have discovered that it is not what we want or desire in this world that so often lets us down,but what we expect from life that leaves us floundering and unsure. It seems we all expect to have a roof over our heads and enough money coming in to keep the wolves from the door. Of course we all know thats not the case,there are many homeless people,without jobs and yes for some it is their own doing. For others though it is circumstance that has brought them to this and somehow once there it is so hard to get back out. Even those that do have a roof over their heads often find it hard to make ends meet through one reason or another,poorly paid jobs,illness,many manner of things that make life that little bit harder. We expect to raise our children to Adulthood and send them out into the world as law abiding decent citizens. Again this doesn`t always happen. Some through accidents and circumstances beyond their control find their children taken before they ever reach that golden age,some after they have reached adulthood but have yet to make their mark on the world. Some children get into trouble with the law,some are theives,some are murderers.Some have parents that are these things and they strive to remove the stigma so they can lead relatively normal lives. Humans are strange creatures,they invent all kinds of magnificent things. Things to help make the world a better place,in their eyes. Yet often they neglect the one thing they should be looking to.The one thing that keeps them from destroying the world that they live in,the one thing that often keeps them sane and gives them what nothing else in this world can.Comfort,Love and a sense of belonging. The one thing we all need... Other Humans.

It is pouring it down here,a fact that had escaped my attention untill I went to get ready to go out in it.I love rain,especially summer rain,but alas I cannot go out wandering as I have far too much to do. Which I should be doing instead of sitting here and blogging but it appears that my get up and go has got up and gone. Not being used to wild nights out over the past couple of years what with the study etc last nights seems to have left me very lethargic today.Still it has been arranged that we will do this at least once a month so it looks like I might get used to it ( once again) My head is clearer now,just a slight headache this morning and a bit of tummy churning,but all better now that I have been out in the fresh air Thank goodness I didn`t have to invoice today I cant imagine what figures I would come up with? And before anyone asks I remember last night very clearly,I was merely a teensy bit tipsy. I remember bowing to the DJ very clearly and getting him back for touching my behind every time he came past by doing the same to him as he went back to the DJ box. The look on his face was a picture That will teach him to keep saying things to me over the mic Anyways I guess I should make some attempt at doing some work.I will probably be back,very soon

I went out tonight,erm though it is now morning,I think. Who knows who cares? I had a very good time thank you for asking. I knew you would so thought I would just say that.I remember telling Kev ( Magical Mystery tour) about one night when I went out,all dressed up to the nines,black pencil skirt and stillettos etc. My ex brother in law was only sixteen and going through that clever stage,you know the one " I know everything and you were never sixteen so you know nothing" though come to think of it I probably didn`t? Anyways My ex-husband and I had been to the ' Local' which was actually about a mile away from where we lived,and on leaving after closing ( Always took hours to drag him away ) The ex-brother-in-law was waiting outside on his ten speed racing bike. We started to walk up the street from the pub and he was going on about how good this bike was and how special it was,and how you had to know just how to ride one of these bikes. So I just laughed and said its a push bike not a super charged racing bike.To which I got the reply of "its a ten speed racing bike not just anyone can ride it" to which I replied " Anyone can ride a pushbike" and so he challenged me to ride the bike,there and then all the way home. My problem is I cant resist a challenge and so I did. Pencil skirt and stilletos not withstanding I rode the bike all the way home,and I did great,no problem. Except.... He had omitted to tell me that his glorious super ten speed racing bike had no brakes!! With the result that I had to use the fence and hedge as a stopping platform and because of the speed I was doing proceeded to fly straight over both and landed on the lawn.Where I lay laughing untill my ex told me I aught to go inside before the neighbours saw me.lol, All I can say is I am glad the neighbours were in bed and that I had clean underwear on
It always made me laugh when my ex would worry about what the neighbours would say,this was the guy who went out one Sunday morning for a few pints before lunch and came back at 4-30am the next morning,so drunk that it took him half an hour just to get out of the cab of the pick up,how I wished that the police would pick him up when I learned he had taken it with him. But it didn`t happen and I stood leaning against the doorway watching him trying to get out of the cab and then trying to negotiate the gate and navigate down the path. When he finally managed to get in the house and sat down I placed his Sunday lunch in front of him,it had been in the oven since 3-pm the Sunday afternoon and to be honest I wouldn`t have given it to the dog to eat. But I was just a tad annoyed. And I couldn`t believe it when he sat and ate it?? Then falling asleep,so I just left him there and went to bed.Prat!! Which is where I should go now as I am slightly fresh and it may just be a good idea to stop writing before I let out any deep and dark secrets

Ok it is 6-15 AM and it is a beautiful morning,does someone want to tell me what is wrong with this little Scenario? Well it could be the fact that it is 6-15 AM on a SATURDAY morning and I dont have to go to work and I am still up with the sun
I was sat listening to some young girls talking yesterday at work,not eavesdropping,they were talking to me as well as to the others there. They were on about the things that they had dreamed of being when they were little. You know the normal nurse/doctor/actor/singer/model kind of thing. As I pointed out to some of them they were not too old to train for things like Nursing etc but it seems that things like attending College etc are too much like hard work and time wasting. What ever happened to ambition? Anyway the point is that it got me thinking about when I was young (after I had got past the stage of being a princess and the Knight in shining armour rescuing me,he must have got lost or been eaten by Ogres because he never did turn up ) I never dreamt of being a Model or an Actress/singer probably because I couldn`t sing and am painfully stage shy,as was proved the one and only time I was chosen to be in the Sunday School play. The guy that was producing the play fancied himself as somewhat of a Director and even though I knew every line of the play,everyone elses as well as my own.including stage diretions etc etc,instead of letting me be the prompt as I wanted he chose me to be this Elf chracter,I told him I was hopeless with audiences,I couldn`t talk if there was more than two people there. He insisted and all through rehersals I was fine,and because I knew the play so well,so was everyone else ( Though I kept getting told off for prompting them ) Comes the big night,and the Hall is packed. I kept telling myself that I was fine I could do this and I felt full of confidence untill I stepped out on the stage. And totally froze. Not only could I not say my lines I could not move. All those people and they were between me and the doors,no way out. This was of course when I first realised that I had Oclophobia though I didn`t know what it was then considering I was about seven or something. My big Brother came to the rescue strolling on to the stage and saying lines completely off the top of his head that explained my muteness. He stood between me and the audience so I couldn`t see them and saying something like " come I will lead you home" took my hand and led me off the stage where I stood shaking,the guy that was 'directing' told me in a hissy voice that he would deal with me later. He didn`t get the chance I was off. Of course I didn`t get away unpunished,The Male Parent saw to that. Anyway I digress. I never dreamt either of meeting the man of my dreams and getting married and living happily ever after,I suppose even at a young age I knew that these things happened only in fairy stories and that real life just wasn`t like that. Besides which I didn`t have a dream man,All the males I had met had been so different from each other that this was something else I learnt,everyone is an individual and that it didn`t matter what you looked like on the outside it was what was inside that counted.It was a Geordie that taught me the most valuable lesson I learnt at that time. He was a lovely man,feircly protective of his family but a rogue of the first order,his greatest passion apart from his family was football and it was from him that I learnt about football (my family it was bikes due to the Male Parent being in the dirt tracking/Scrambling team for the Army ) He introduced me to Newcastle United who I still support today. He told me just before he moved away "It doesn`t matter what they do or say it will never extinguish that vital spark that is inside you,that is the spark that will bring you through anything and everything though you may not think it at the time" Of course he said all this in a thick Geordie accent finishing with " Away Hinny I wisht I could take you with us" I wished it too but life isn`t that simple. He knew about my writing and it was he that told me to keep on doing it,it didn`t matter if I never got to be an Author or Poet,it was something I enjoyed doing and that was enough reason to not give up. Though I did for a long while after the Male parent had destroyed all my poems and stories. Then one day I took out pen and paper and started again,of course nowadays I am more inclined to use a keyboard. And that was the only thing I had ever dreamed of being,A writer,not even a famous one just a writer.

I was thinking last night,a problem that I seem to have,thinking, sometimes I think that I do too much thinking. This particular thinking was about my very first job,it was in a brand new supermarket,and I remember the first weeks being the most exciting. Getting it ready to open. Filling all those brand new shelves and deciding what was going where. I remember the guys that had come from the head office,these guys apparently did this all the time went to towns/cities and set out new Shops,employed staff,and got the ball rolling.They were there a few weeks and I for one was sad to see them go when they left. They were full of life and vitality always messing and laughing,and flirting,(ah yes the flirting,I had never been on the recieving end of that before then. I was only sixteen) And I thought about other jobs that I have had and when I thought about it I realised that this is the first job I have had in years that I dont work weekends. When I was an auxillary nurse I worked every weekend,when I was a manager I worked every saturday.I loved my employment as an auxillary nurse,I worked with advanced dementia patients and for some of them the nurses were the only stable things in their lives. I used to watch the people come to visit and sit for hours with their wives/husbands/mothers/fathers,it must have been so hard for them becuase mostly the people they came to see didn`t recognise them. They had no idea who they were,but they came still, some every day some just at weekends.We had one lady that was a perfect angel all day but the minute it became time to get her ready for bed she fought like an alley cat.She was a sweetie though and it soon became clear that she was frightened of going to bed. She was fine once she was in there,so I would take her because she responded to me,I think it was because I didn`t just go up to her and say it is time for bed and drag her out of her chair. I used to ask her if she would come and get ready and then she could come back and sit with the others for a while,she would wander down the corridor with her arm in mine and chat a load of nonsense,which I would respond to,I am quite good at nonsense as anyone reading this blog knows.Once in her nightclothes she would say she wanted to get into bed.So putting her to bed wasn`t that hard. I did hear after I left that they had to get the husband to help them to put her to bed at night she wouldn`t go for anyone else.I guess one of the reasons I liked the job was the thought that I was doing something to put a little light into the lives of these people,the reason I didn`t like it was the way that some of the other staff treated them and getting something done about it was virually impossible. The reason I left was the managment cheating to get staff through their NVQ`s just so they would fill the quota of staff having the NVQ three which is one of the new guidelines for the Department of Health rulings on Private nursing homes.I had worked hard to get mine going to college every week and using my day off to do it,and as soon as all this started the Sister in charge stopped signing my sheets off and concentrated instead on those of the others that were doing it the fast track way.Giving them the answers and signing off stuff they hadn`t done.When I found she was photocopying my work and passing it to them so they didn`t have to write anything out it was the last straw and I quit.
Having every weekend off is going to be so strange,but I shall be making the most of it. Starting with this weekend where I am going out with the girls from work to celebrate my promotion,and my friends promotion and another friend leaving. And the dress problem has been solved,as two of the girls are pregnant and at that stage where they are feeling fat and frumpy we are all wearing trousers instead of dresses so that they wont feel as bad and they can enjoy the evening as much as the rest of us.

Thirteen days ago I did a post stating that I had been promoted to assistant head of department. And though it took them a week to actually get it up and running,I began in my new position on Monday. Today I learned that I no longer have that position. In four weeks time I take up the position of Head of department. Seems I have been promoted.......Again

A freind of mine has a problem.He needs to find 100 Questions. He doesn`t want the answers he wants you lot out there to find him 100 questions that there can be a multiple of answers to. For example. What is the greatest thing ever invented,that question can be asked in a multiple of ways. What do you consider was the greatset thing ever invented? What would you say was the best invention made by man? And everyone has a different idea of the answer,because you all have your own opinion as to what you consider to be a great invention. So can you do it Blog land? Can you come up with 100 Questions for this wonderful if somewhat nuts person. And if not,why not are you sleeping!! Just jessin I know you can do it
Lets see if I can get the ball rolling with erm.
Who do you think is the Greatest Painter/Artist?
Of the seven wonders of the world which do you consider to be the most wondrous?
OK its not even six thirty so thats my best for now

Half way through the week only two days to friday and a whole weekend off! And am I looking forward to it,wellll,I was but apparently I am now going wedding dress shopping,well not shopping as she finally managed to take herself off to the shop I have been telling her about for months and found the dress she wanted.We are going to pay some more money off it nd I have to go so she can show me it. Trouble is it is going to be living at my house for the next twelve months I am going to see more than enough of it. Why did I agree to be wedding planner for this wedding? What little imp took over my body and said they would not only plan the wedding but would do the catering? And it looks like I have to be peace keeper too,as the family arguments have started already and they aren`t getting married untill July 2007!! Sulks over people not being asked to be bridesmaids,the best man has changed three times? I have decided I am going on holiday the week before the wedding,for a month!!
Well tonight I have done a CV for a freind complete with an application letter and emailed it for her. Been made to go blushy by a very good freind of mine,little sod! Been chatted up by a 16 year old..girl must be the Impulse
She was fine though when I told her that sweet as it was she wasn`t my type,when she asked what type I went for I said the Male kind She laughed about it and apologised,but wanted to chat to me anyway,so once she got over the trying to chat me up bit she is really a sweet kid. I really must change my perfume or something

It is going to be a strange day today,my system thinks that it is its day off and is rebelling against being in work mode. As they didn`t change my working week untill last thing monday I was Psyched up for working tuesday and having today off. So of course I didn`t sleep last night,as is normal on a tuesday night. I am however looking forward to having two days off together and not having to go into work on Sunday and spending all day worrying about what the Junior Cyclone has done to my apartment. He has been upgraded from The Destructor you notice. Anyway I have worked out what his problem is and we have now set about sorting that out. For those that haven`t had the pleasure to meet the Junior Cyclone yet in my ramblings he is my sons fiances little boy. The reason he was upgraded is down to the damge he inflicted on my apartment two sundays running and bank holiday monday. The latter one was by far the worse and led to me sitting them both down and telling them that I was not going to put up with it. I could not spend my day at work worrying about what he was doing and I had no intention of doing so. Some of it,like the taking every yoghurt drink out of the fridge and pouring it all over the living room,well that could be dealt with they would clean it ( Except not to my standards apparently) and replace anything that he had taken/damaged. However the ripping up of six pages of notes and mesing about with my computer is damage I wont tolerate. I now have to redo those notes because of exams and if he damages the computer it is not just the cost of replacing/fixing but the stuff that I have on there that could be lost. She has been at her wits end poor lass,trying to work out why he is doing all this. So we sat and talked about it and I made her keep a diary for a week or so and now have got to the bottom of the problem and put in place the counter actions. It appears that his destruction is his way of punishing his mam and my son and when he does it at mine all of us. This is probably due to the fact that he is now being made to do as he is told and he doesn`t get everything he wants or allowed to just go and take what he wants. The discovery that he never trashes his own room,and then she told me he is made to clean his room. So it wasn`t hard to work out that he doen`t trash his own room because he has to clean the mess. Up to that point she had cleaned all the mess after he had trashed the other rooms. Not anymore. Now whenever he does anything she makes him clean it. It has been hard for her because it is so tempting,isn`t it to move him out of the way and just do it because it takes so long. But she has stuck to it and the episodes are getting less and less. He is a very intelligent child and has the ability to work tthings out in minutes. He plays her up in town because it embarressess her,and now she has resorted to taking him home and putting him in his room with no treats instead of finishing the shopping and that has started to calm down too. He doesn`t do that one with me or with Mike if we take him in town because he knows it wont work.
And the rest of the time he is a lovely child. I have been teaching him to read and say his Alphabet and he can recognise simple words written down already.
And the weather cannot make up its mind today sun and rain together. Makes it hard to decide what to wear. Decisions decisions

We have an Mega storm going on right now,awesome. A friend of mine is going through a really tough time right now this song is for her and all my other friends.

Ok,so my first full day in my new position in new department. What can I say,right now I am loving it. Why the woman who runs it gets stressed I have no idea. It is so laid back,you do things at your pace,you make your own deadlines. What is hard about that? To be totally honest one of the things that put me off accepting this position in the first place was the lady that at the moment runs it.Her stress levels run on high even if she is only making a coffee!! The job is simplicity itself. The hardest part is getting the Creditors to wipe off part of the debt and coming to an agreement about the length of time they will hold the offer open. You ned to know about Banking laws and regulations that cover certain debts. I also need to know a certain amount of Criminal law apertaining to things like Council tax,income tax etc. And a bit of Civil law. So considering I already know most of these I dont forsee a major problem. The problem that I do have is the person above me. Right now she is the boss and she wants things done her way. As I explained to her today,she has her way of talking to people and I have mine,they both work as I proved this afternoon when a twelve hundred pound debt was knocked down to six fifty and a month in which to pay it. I cant talk her way,or say the things she says because I am not her and to feel comfortable when talking to these people I have to do it my way. She accepted that in the end. So it looks like the next few days are going to be long ones but I will zip my mouth and learn what I have to and then as of next week I wont have her breathing over my shoulder.
I checked my bank account,the one with all the big fat zero`s where the amounts should be and there is no way that I can afford that new dress so looks like a rethink on what to wear for the night out is in order. Still I do have the black one that I have only worn once,though it may not be appropriate for a girls night out. I will think of something,eventually. And now I think it may be time for a nice freshly brewed coffee

I am one of these people that believe there is a reason for everything that happens. Despite the fact that I have/am studying a science ( Albeit a science of the Human Psyche ) I dont mean that I think our lives are mapped out for us,more that there are several lives mapped out and the choices that we make define which way our lives go,so if in the middle of things we make a different choice then our lives move down a different path than if we had carried on without that choice. My first life changing choice was refusing to go the way that the Male parent wanted,which was to train as a PA for a particular person in a particular job. While the person that did actually take the position instead of me has had a fairly good life on the surface ( There were two of us for the job I was offered it and turned it down) The obligatory 2.4 children posh house and car etc.I look on it not that I lost out but more that my decision enabled her to have that opportunity. Even though my decision was purely and simply rebellion against having my life further ruled by the Male Parent.Also I am not her and that too makes a difference. The man she met and married through her work I would not have done so. In that way my decision affected three lives,but it actually affected more. Their children would not have been born and neither would mine. Those people would not now exist. I dont mean we wouldn`t have had children,but we wouldn`t have had those particular ones. Isn`t it mind boggling? Of course we dont think of these things when we make decisions. Mostly we think about how it affects us and those immediately around us,some decisions are spontaneous,some we think about carefully before finally saying yes we will or no we wont. Some decisions are automatic.We take them without thinking abut it. But we make decisions on a regular basis every day. What time to get up,what to wear,what to eat,what to watch on TV what to listen to. And yet we dont think of all these mundane little things as decisions just as part of life. The normal act of living. I am rambling as usual.

Well today I started in my new position,I say today what I actually meant was this afternoon three quarters of an hour before I finished work I started in my new position. The thing is that the woman that is training me for this new position leaves at the end of this week for four or five weeks due to an operation she has to have. Then when she comes back she has an interview for the position of advisor and will be leaving alltogether.So it seems ( Or so I was informed today) by the time that happens I will be in charge of that department. Erm thats not what you said when you asked me if I would do this? Though they have now changed my hours and I now work monday to friday,no more weekends!!
So despite having no voice,and feeling like I am burning one minute and freezing the next I managed to last all day at work. The clients were pretty cool,I discovered the best way to calm an irate client have a sore throat,they became all calm and concerned apologising all the time to me for making me talk and telling me I should be home in bed and all giving me different cures. And one young man even offered to bring me the cure personally I declined
Apart from that I have been invited on a girls night out with the warning that they wont take no for an answer now that I no longer work sundays Wonder if I can afford that dress

6-30 on a monday morning. Just about to go and have a shower and get ready for the daily grind,my voice is still very croaky and cracked,I am hoping it will last out with plenty of fluids and an antiseptic throat spray to hand.
It rained through the night and it is a little cooler his morning but not for long I have just checked the weather pages and the tempretures though not as high as the past two days are still expected to be high. It smells lovely this morning I have my windows wide open and that beautiful earthy smell that comes after rain has freshened the land,is floating through on a soft breeze. I love the morning before the traffic and the noise take over,those first hours from Dawn and what seems like the rest of the world wakening up. When I was young I would often sneak outside before the rest of the house was awake and sit on the wall in the front yard and watch the sun rise and smell that beautiful freshness. It didn`t matter what had gone the day before how bad the day had been,or even the night. A new dawn meant a new day and new hope for better things. I was lucky really I lived beside feilds and woods with the little River not far away,the moors a short walk beyond the woods. Nature on my doorstep. I felt sorry for those that lived without these things because I found nothing more glorious than watching the seasons change through the colours around me. The wildlife that I could catch glimpses of. How many people could rise in a morning and greet Mr fox as he strolled up the street back towards the woods and home? Or see Deer grazing in the field before man awoke and frightened them once more back into hiding. No matter what happened in my life I was surrounded by the constant renewal and strength of nature,no matter what happened it constantly replenished itself and became if anything stronger than before. Even now the beauty in the changing colours of the leaves on the trees has the power to enthrall me. Nature is the most beautiful work of art there is. And it costs nothing but the time it takes to look.

OK this is for Sociopath74 one of my humble offerings (I would do a bow/curtsy type thing but these Jeans are too damn tight )

Wasteland

The creak of leather on horses as they stand side by side
The blue and the grey facing across the divide
Bedraggled and dirty,weary hungry and cold
Bleak looks on the faces of the young and the old
So proud they did stand when the battle was new
Now days take thier toll,survivors are few.
The Captains had met in the dark hours of night
They said before dawn they would end this fight.
For days they had fought neither side backing down
The noise of cannons and gunfire echoing around.
Now the Captains are weary,too many lay dead
And the bridge that they fought for spans a river of red.
They stood on the banks praying for those they had known
Then saluting each other,turned to make thier way home.
The once stately trees are blackened and charred
the beautiful meadow is sparse now and scarred,
And here comes the sun with paintbrush in hand
To paint a fiery red dawn across this wasteland

K. I am sat here with my perfectly chilled glass of White wine ( Note not just chilled but perfectly chilled ) thinking I maybe should have had something to eat before partaking of this pleasently crisp thirst quencher,hmmmm. Excuse me for one moment!
Ok now I am sat here with aforementioned perfectly chilled glass of white wine and a roast beef sandwich!
So lets see if I can remember the stuff I wrote earlier something to do with. Ahhh I remember. Don’t mind me I haven`t slept yet and my mind wants to do its own thing today When attempting to fit a lock on to my front room door last night ( A job I actually gave up due to the heat and the fact that the damn screws wouldn`t go into the wood what the hell do they make these doors out of? ) Anyway whilst attempting to do this little ( little?) job it reminded me of the time when my Mother ripped the living room door off its hinges and threw it at my brother. I was ten at the time and my brother A was eighteen. Mother is only five foot and a bit ok maybe an inch and a bit. And A is five eleven. He was winding her up again as he seemed to think was his right to do at that time,what he was actually doing was telling her a few home truths but she didn`t like them so of course she was getting quite mad. A was, in The Male Parents words ‘A Loser,fit for nothing,bone idle scrounger’ ( He has his own business,a villa in spain,a cottage in the lakes and his own home set in quite substantial acerage in Scotland) Anyway at this point in his life he had joined the Army and been booted out ( something the Male Parent never forgave him for) had quite a few jobs none of which lasted more than a couple of weeks and was once again back home,no job,no money well you get the picture.
The house that we lived in like all the others in those streets were built so all the doors were in a straight line with each other. Front door ( where A stood) Living room door ( Where Mater was stood) kitchen door ( after the little square of hallway )and back door. My other older brother P and I were sat watching them fascinated,not just because A was actually shouting at her but also because he was saying stuff we all thought and knew to be right. Watching one to the other,it was like Wimbledon,. We could see she was getting real angry with A,and then he said something to her I don’t remember the exact words but it was along the lines of she didn`t have the right to call herself a mother. I remenber her saying “ Don’t you dare talk to me like that” and the next thing the front room door is following A out through the Front door where he had scarpered quick sharpish. We shot to the door,though she beat us,and it had just missed doing him any damage ( he had a scrape on his upper arm he told us years later ) was she sorry? Did she feel guilty for throwing a door at her eldest son? Not a chance she told him as he ran down the street not to bother coming back. And he didn`t not for another six month`s. When she tried to pick the door up to bring it back inside she couldn`t move it and P and I had to pick it up and bring it in. We also fixed it back on after she bought new hinges the next day. So The Male Parent wouldn`t know about it. She had a nasty temper. Once I believed I would be like her. I did the same kind of thing only it was a table that I threw at my younger brother D. One of those big farmhouse solid wood things. He had been winding me up for days,he was a sod,anyway when I threw the table at him he ran out into the street. I went after him to tell him how sorry I was and he was sat in the middle of the street laughing so hard there were tears running down his face. In the end I was laughing too. When we had sort of sobered up I told him that it frightened me that I might be like her. He told me I had nothing to worry about,I was nothing like her and never would be. I never lost my temper again and very,very rarely throw things.

I just wrote a great post and Blog.co wiped it. I really am fed up of this now. Normally I write it on word and then C&P it,but I thought that the site had sorted its Gliches out as it has behaved for a few days. So I am now not happy,add to that the fact that I am unable to talk so am unable to even vent my annoyance by having a verbal go at the Blog.site ( as you do ) I may possibly write it again later but right now I am too Grrrrrrr.

I deliberately waited untill just before the game started to go and do my shopping. I had it all planned,England playing everyone ( Well just about) watching town empty. Right? Erm well no actually wrong. The roads were quiet as I set off,brilliant everyone has gone home or to the pub. Nope,everywhere in town there are television screens showing the match. Woolworths have one at every checkout!!!! even the supermarket had TV screens! What a waste of time that was.Well in the end I didn`t miss much of it because I gave up and came home.
I have just been discussing with my lovely friend our favourite lines in the movie Italian Job. Which then makes you think of other favourite lines from other Movies. Such as Steven Segal in the movie Out to Kill when he fires the shotgun between the senators legs " I missed I nevr miss,they must be smaller than I thought" Love it
I am sure that there are many more classic lines out there

Saturday morning. The weather is beautiful sun shining, blue skies,just makes you want to kick back and have some fun. Well thats what it makes most people want to do. For some reason it makes me want to clean? The sun streaming through those desperatley need cleaning windows onto the,my goodness that needs dusting and polishing surfaces. Is it because the strong sunlight picks out every bit of dust? Is it because the sunlight so strong and Golden makes the place look dull and shabby? Lord knows ( and He isn`t telling) all I know is the itinery for today,my day off is clean,study,shop,study. And at some point hopefully I will find time to write some more of the story in Myth and Magic ( Yes loyal fans the last part is coming up,only four chapters to go ) find time to blog and I suppose I ought to squeeze eating in there somewhere.
I was thinking about the films that I have seen,of course I have seen many Films but the ones that really impress and stick in your mind. I went to see 2001 A Space Odessy with a very nice young Gentleman and the film for its time was amazing,and wasn`t at all spoilt by the fact that the young gentleman decided he had to sing Daisy to me practically all the way home Another film that stuck in my mind as a classic film was the film Soldier Blue,it was slated as being blood thirsty and gory. But it was in actual fact brilliant. It was removed at one time from the Cinema circuit and you couldn`t buy it or rent it. This was because it depicted the events of a Cavalry troops massacre of an Indian settlement. What made it so compelling was that it was actually a true depiction of the events that had happened and the American Government didn`t like the fact that they could be shown in such a bad light. As the massacre was covered up.The reason that it was covered up is that the village attacked had no Indian braves in it at the time of the attack as they were off fighting troops elsewhere,and the village was just full of women,children and old folk. The cavalry knew this and massacred the entire village,but they didn`t just shoot them,they inflicted all kinds of things on them especially on the women. This film still has the power to raise feelings of horror and sadness at the treatment of the Native Indians at the hands of the then American Government.
The Exorcist,this one sticks in my mind,not because of the film,which I found highly amusing but the religious fervour that it was greeted with. When I went to see this film there were Priests,Vicars and Rabbis all stood together in the Foyer of the Cinema and outside the doors handing out leaflets for their Churches and pleading with people not to go and watch the film.And how if you insisted on going to watch the film you could ring this number,and of what could happen. Come on! It was a Film it was Hollywood hype. Of course me being me I didn`t just go watch the Film once I went three times. After the third time when I came out they told me there was no hope for me.Hahahahahaha I could have told you that Guys? I didn`t see any of you offer to help when I was going through real life Hell through my childhood,despite the fact that as a good little girl I attended on a regular basis. My view on you people, you are just ordinary people doing a job and not always very well!
My most favourite Film of course is Manhunter the original one with William Petersen as the Behavioural Science guy all messed up by the serial Killer Hannibal the Cannibal. I much prefer this to the remake 'The Red Dragon' though they are both based on the same book and The Red Dragon has wonderful special effects,it doesn`t have the feel that the original has.
A film that I have come across more recently that I love is 'Identity' Starring John Cusak,Ray Liotta and Jake Busey. Brilliant film if you like Psychological stuff. Which I do.
Well I think thats enough rambling for now

I have been blogging on here for six months now. I never thought that it would last this long. When I first joined blog.co. I had no idea what it was going to be like,I couldn`t have imagined for one minute the lovely people that I would get to know. The freinds that I would make and the lives that I would be priveledged to have little peeps into. To share highs and lows with others theirs as well as my own. I have lived a pretty up and down life. Possibly more downs than ups but thats just the way it goes sometimes. Besides I would get bored if things were too easy I have an inate love of life,that doesn`t mean that I have never hit rock bottom because I have more than once. And it doesn`t mean that I haven`t ever thought that it wasn`t worth it and that maybe,just maybe it was time to give it up. But the spark wouldn`t let go. When I hit that rock bottom I look for the way to climb out even though it may be a long climb and sometimes it has been. When I find myself in that dark tunnel I feel my way along the wall. Some journeys are longer than others but it is just a journey and all journeys have ends and new beginnings. And all this makes me sound like some intrepid traveller/warrior. I am not I am just a stubborn bitch that wont lie down and give up. If life throws a curve I not only have to throw it back I then have to find out why it threw it in the first place. Along with my love of life I have an insatiable thirst for knowledge,I liken myself to an information junkie I just cant get enough. I think I should have been a computer I constantly crave input See now I have gone off on a tangent and am rambling again!!

Yet again,a beautiful morning has dawned. The sun is shining and the sky is a beautiful shade of blue. And I have to work. Never mind the room I work in has plenty windows and I sit not far from the fire escape door which we have open, so at least I will be cool. Untill they do the major change over which they are doing over the next couple of months and then they are moving us down stairs which isn`t half as nice but the room is a lot bigger and as we need our own section it is the only place that can accomodate us. I guess we can tell the summer is upon us as blogland seems to have become a little more deserted,less bloggers posting and commenting. But I totally agree that they should be out there soaking up the sun and enjoying themselves. Life is for living and summertime is one of the best parts of it for getting out and about and having long evenings with friends,kicking back and relaxing.
Of course some of us have to study and do mundane things but sitting on the riverbank or in the cool woods beneath the trees is a nice relaxing way of doing that.

This ones for Eggbod

So my day off which is normally spent running round doing everything for everyone and studying and cleaning and then its gone and I dont feel like I have had one. So today I decided it would be different. This morning I had a nice little stroll around in the sunshine. Well it was nice till I decided that I was going to the supermarket. So what gives? The sun puts its hat on and all the OAP`s that exist in this town decide to go shopping,at the same time,in the same place? All the young mothers and all the young gentlmen * ahem cough * that accompany them. The kids who by the way should be in school Didn`t anyone tell them its wednesday,not Friday or Saturday. But Wednesday and not just Wednesday,oh no, its my day off The supermarket on a wed at that time is supposed to be empty. I did manage to survive ( just) little old ladies and men dawdling in the aisles chatting to each other as though they hadn`t seen each other for years. I did manage to survive ( very narrowly) being run over by trolleys manned by kids that should have been in school!! I did manage to survive with only a bruise to show the said little old ladies and men with their overflowing baskets pushing through an impossibly small space to get to that loaf of bread before anyone else,I mean there was only another fORTY on the shelves. I escaped into the baking heat of the carpark,where I was meeting my freind. I wanted to see J my Godson as today was his first day at school,well half day. J is the child who suffered a stroke at birth and him going to school today was the biggest sign of how well he is doing. He was shattered poor lamb but very,very happy. She had put him long trousers on so his leg splint didn`t show too much but he insisted on pulling them up to show it off. Bless.
I came home had an hour on here and then took myself off to the river.I took my books with me and found a lovely shady spot and sat there and studied for a couple of hours before I realised that as shady as my spot was it was not preventing me from catching the sun. But it was nice and quiet and I enjoyed relaxing in the sun. There was a cool breeze coming off the river and it was very peaceful listening to it flowing on its merry way while I lay beneath the shade of a large tree reading my books.
Home again and I made myself a lovely meal of Smoked Peppered Mackerel,baby new potatoes cooked with mint and parsley,carrots,asparagus and peas. A glass of nice crisp white wine to go with it. And now I am feeling full and fat!! but contented. If I was a cat I would purr

I took a little break from posting on here just a few days. I thought that I was all written out for some reason I could not find the words. When I put fingers to keys they just hovered there. I have been writing chapters for the story in Myth and Magic, for those that have been following that.Three in three days. Plus of course the assignments that I have been doing. So it seems I was worded out. I also have had a little crisis of my own to deal with. Nothing really Major but it needed facing and sorting.
Last night I took a little break from blogging and studying and decided as the night was so clear and warm I would watch the sun set. To watch it to its full effect I would have to travel to the moors and that was too far because of the time I set off, so I went instead to the woods and watched it from there. The woods were quite busy with the birds doing their night thing of singing andd flitting about saying good night to all their neighbours. I did have the good fortune to watch a swallow dance. That might sound a bit strange but I have noticed over the years that the swallows do this on warm summer evenings. There is usually quite a few of them and they swoop and swirl around each other weaving in and out. It fascinates me how they never collide and I often wonder if it is from watching things like this that the creator of the Red Arrows got his ideas from. It is as though this is their way of celebrating the beautiful day that has gone and the one that is to come. I wandered in the woods a little while first to see if maybe there was something to be seen. But had there been any deer they were well hidden from the myriad of people walking their dogs. I even had a chat with one dog owner as her dog didn`t seem to want to leave me but insisted I throw sticks for it to fetch. No fox as it was too early or too well hidden. Though the squirrels were about throwing twigs out of the trees personally I think they were telling the dogs off for their noise as they were trying to prepare for sleep.I watched the sun slide behind the hill, off on its journey through the world of night untill its triumphent return with the dawn,painting the sky with streaks of red. Legend has it that the sun setting is likened to the slaying of Osiris,which is why it paints the sky with blood red streaks and tinges the clouds the same. I love the shades of sunset the red and the purple and orange streaks gradually deepening into the deep dark blue of night. It was a cloudlesss night once the sun had set and the stars were out in full force. Where I live it is difficult to see the stars from the windows because of the neon lighting around. So I love it when out there by the woods or the river and the sky can be seen in all its glory. When I was about twelve I wrote a poem,inspired by the stars I watched each night. It was quite long poem all about how I saw God sat on a throne of stars watching over the Universe and laughing or crying at us mere mortals and the things we did or had done to us. I dont have it now The Male parent destroyed it along with all the other poems and stories I wrote it was one of his punishments. My english teacher who I had at that time has it though( Well maybe he doesn`t still have it now after all these years ) but he had a copy of it because he sent it to a University he was at and they published it in their magazine. Of course that was then and though I still see the wonder of the new day and the end of the old many other things are tinged with the residue of events through the years. There are some things we never grow out of and there are others that become merely the fancies of a young child escaping the realities of a hostile existence. I still believe in Fairies

It may be that the significance of todays date has been lost on the majority of the ordinary men and women that grace our fair land. It has not however been lost on the Moguls of Hollywood,bless them anything to make the latest film more appealing to the ordianry joe/joanne public. So it is today the day of the Devil 6/6/6 that they have released the long awaited ( they say) remake of Omen,you know the one with the Kid called Damien??
Anyway apparently Today from midnight last night untill midnight tonight is the Devils Day.Satanists all over the world are rejoicing amid dreams that the unholy one will rise and Chaos will reign upon the earth. Shouldn`t somebody tell them it is always like that on Earth? So anything that goes wrong today,anything that doesn`t work or things that dont turn out quite as planned,unexpected argumants and just about anything you can imagine that isn`t good you can blame on it being Devils Day.So its not your fault at all

A beautiful summers day and now a lovely summers evening has passed into a warm summers night. Sadly no picnic on the riverbank with or without company. I`m all worded out have a song.

I sometimes wonder at the way my mind works,hopping from one subject to another. For instance I spent most of last night trying to write a report on the experiment I had done. I knew what I had done and the results and the design etc etc,yet all the time I am trying to write it I am thinking of other things. Strange things come unbidden into my mind which have nothing at all to do with dual-task studies and means testing and inferential tests. Like it gets taken over by these little gremlins that wont be banished into the nether regions no matter how hard you try to concentrate. So intead of thinking of numbers and words I am thinking of riding bikes and lunching in beer gardens. Of sitting on the river bank on a long summers evening,still warm from the days sun the sweet smell of summer all around. A picnic basket,a blanket,soft music and that certain someone sitting beside me. Not that there is a certain someone,but I guess we all have these thoughts from time to time. It seems I spent so many years with the wrong someone that the right somone slipped by unnoticed. Such are the vagaries of life. Ah well back to the studies.

I have had a quandry for the past couple of weeks.I was told * on the quiet like* that a lady that runs a certain division where I work had put in a request to have me as her second in command. This division it has just been decided,has to have its own floor space with comps and phones,its own exclusive room if you like. Anyway I heard no more about it and wasn`t even sure if I wanted it. Because it is a lot of responsibility and I had just come out of all that.Today I was called into the Big Mans office,and was formerly offered the job. So I hmmmm`d " We will of course be offering you a full time permanent contract" he says and I hmmm`d again " And of course a substantial rise in pay once training is complete" he says. And I looked at him and said" Do I get that in writing before I start my training?" and he agreed. " Can I think about it?" I asked he agreed I could but could he have my answer by the end of my working day.
I said yes of course
I have just been promoted

I love this song. It just reminds me how lucky I am to have friends. Be they friends out here or Blog friends,those people that make me laugh,make me smile when I dont think anything can. The ones that support me,chat with me,comfort me and laugh with me. And even those that give me that shove when I need it or the kick in the... anyway this is for all my friends out there.

Angels among us Alabama 3

A very long day. At 4am I gave up trying to find a position that my arms would fit into in comfort and came downstairs,tried the sofa,tried the chair. But sleep wasn`t going to wrap its arms round me and sing me a lullaby. So I studied instead. And even that didn`t want to play. I put the computer on but of course there was noone about,just litle me,browsing blogs and reading writings. I did find out that at that time in the morning blog.co is easier to get on to,Perhaps I should do my posts then?At ten to nine sat at my desk in front of the computer at work wondering how I was going to manage that cheery Good Morning when the phone rang when I was feeling like I had just had a race with a freight train! Still I did and the morning raced past in a blur of other peoples problems,moans,queries. Lunchtime I was accosted by sons Fiance asking me what I wanted for tea,and generally taking up my whole hour. Then back to the Clients. Though I have to admit I did do a lot of sorting today sometimes you wonder how these people got into this mess then you talk to them and you realise that some of them at least dont have a clue about money?? At five past five when I had prised my last caller off the phone and handed my sheet to the manager he said " Only 57? Thats a slow day for you" I really did want to slap him,good job I knew he was joking. You can go off people really quick you know.
After tea which my sons Fiance made,and we shall skip that part I conducted a controlled experiment,hehehehehe,that was cool. My son was quite good entering into the spirit of the thing. Once done we discussed it and he was actually fascinated by the stuff I was doing and asking me questions etc. When he was leaving he said he had the coolest mam in the world. And that made me feel really good. Of course half of this is because I had words with him the other day and he is trying to stay on my good side Its not been a bad day as such,on the way home some guy in a car at the crossing was all smiles,though he appeared to have a problem with his eye some kind of twitch So right now I should be writing up my experiment but I am cream crackered and dont have the energy. So I shall go blog surfing instead and relax for a while

Today is our dear friend Paddy`s Birthday I told him to watch out for today so he will be popping in to see what I have been up to

Happy Birthday Padster I hope you have a great day

From all your friends in Blogland