Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

Another quick hello,but only because I have the day off to try and sort some stuff out. Apparently things are not going to be sorted anytime soon,so it looks like this is going to be the way things are for a little while. I may be moving soon and that may solve some of the problems. Hope everyone is ok,looking forward to reading loads when I get back properly.

Have been taking lots of walks in this brilliant sunshine. And have been spending time just chilling out on the riverbank,while studying of course, sunshine,glass of wine cool breeze off the river and the books. Heaven

I have finally got my contract negotiated and signed,to the satisfaction of all. So things are not all bad

Did some shopping,new shoes,new dress, spent too much but hey,you only live once right

Behave yourselves while I am gone.Dont do anything I wouldn`t do
Love to allxx

Hi Just a flying visit to let you know that I am alive and kicking still. Sorry I have not been able to answer comments and read posts etc. I am unable to get on line at the moment for more than a short while maybe once or twice a week. Hopefully the situation will be sorted by wed and I will be back with you all. I am sure that most of you haven`t even noticed my absence

Hope you are all still enjoying the sunshine and life itself.

The one good thing about not being able to get on line is that I have been doing things I haven`t done in a long while,like today when I wandered around town and sat in the town hall square for a while drinking take away coffee and enjoying the sunshine ( and the little old dears that seem to make it their place to sit there forever? ) I have a brand new computer arriving next week,not that I will be able to use it if this situation is not sorted out * sigh*.

Those things that I said came in fours actually managed to come in sixes and I have only had two good to offset them. One being paid more than I expected from work and two my new comp.

Never mind such is life and somewhere along the line something will come along to make up for it.
Take care and be happy to all my friends out there and everyone else

A cool wed morning and a nice refreshing walk by the river. Its so low at the moment you could practically walk out to the little island in the middle.  Still there is rain promised over the next few days. Thunderstorms and flooding,well isn`t that what monsoons are about?

In Singapore the rains when they came were so torrential the storm drains couldn`t hold them. And they were not always cooling either,hot rain,but too heavy to go out in.  And the smell afterwards would depend on what part you were in,some parts the smell was of  rotting vegetation that had been ruined in the rains. In other parts it would be that sweet smell of fresh earth that usually follows the rain. 
The beach would be full of driftwood and anything else the sea might have felt like throwing there. The sea was rarely angry,the people would get worried if the sea appeared to be angry, very superstitous people the Malayans.

Its a shame that I can only remember bits from when we were there,though I remember the smell of the spices from the street markets,mingled with the smell from the sea and the tropical forest.   I expect it is gone now since they have built along the beach for holiday makers. Which would be a shame. I never got to explore that,I was too young and there were supposedly big cats in there,though I think that maybe they were just saying that to stop the boys going in and getting lost.

The walk this morning of course was nothing like that,though the heat we have been having may have been tropical there was no white gold beach.  Though the smell of rotting vegetation wasn`t far off!

The only thing that came close to spoiling the walk was the beer cans and the wine bottles strewn along certain parts of the bank. Seems the town winos dont clean up after themselves. They would get jailed for that in Singapore.

And another day of  work ahead. I shall be going in early today and working late.  The penalties of being the only one that can do the work needed,and there seems to be quite a bit of it to do.

It might be cloudy but it is still warm. So shower time and ready for the long day ahead.

From the Supersexy CJ

I'm going to try and resurrect an old Blog game... D'you remember when...?

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and I.

It can be anything you want- BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and pretend to be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.

Well almost anyway.
Having had a very unproductive weekend and veering from frustration to despair,I think I have finally got this essay licked. Though I am going to lose points for it going in late,despite an extension. At 4-30 this morning I was ready to throw the towel in and give up.But I have never been a quitter so it will get there if it kills me. And at this rate it probably will. Maybe I am just not as clever as I thought?

Anyway tis monday again and another week of work and all that jazz. It also,according to the experts at the national weather center, promises to be another hot one. I might be daring and wear a skirt again at some point this week. Though twice might just be pushing it

For those that have had problems accessing my blog it appears I have solved the problem,thanks to AJ and his advice and helpful tips.Hopefully the powers that be will investigate the problems of uploading music and sort it out. We didn`t have these problems before the supposed upgrade.

There seems to be many problems with the new editor,one of which being that it is difficult to cut and paste into it. Having got into the habit of writing all my posts in word and then C&P`ing them into blog because of its little trick of going down every time you click save and losing the whole shebang,I am dissapointed to find that I am unable to use the new editor if I wish to do that. It still works on the old editor though.

Right time to shower and prepare for work,have a good day and be happy

It has been a strange day. Not a very good one either. I thought that bad things were supposed to come in threes,but apparently in my case they forgot the golden rule. The junior cyclone picks today to be his most obnoxiuos,my darling son and his soon to be missus ( Note the sarcasm ) decides that it is fine to not bother to come and pick him up untill after three,despite my telling them I need to study and have an essay to do which has to be done for tomorrow night. Plus saturday is the only day I get to do any other kind of shopping besides food shopping. Which,despite saying several times I have to go shopping they still didn`t make a move untill after four.

Which brings me to number three,my fridge/freezer is playing a little game called I will defrost everything and then refreeze it just for fun,constantly. Apparently it is knackered     broken,and I have just lost everything in there,as even though it is frozen now I dont know if it is any good. I went to get some ice-cream to find it completely melted. Then when I went back in to show my son it was frozen again. So I have had to throw the lot out. The one good thing is that I never switched the other fridge/freezer off because I dont like that smell when they are stood after being switched off,and son being his normal ' I promise to do it,but it could be six months before I do' self it is still in the pantry. The bad thing being the littleextra money I got that I was going to treat myself with has now had to be used to restock what was an almost full freezer.

And now my computer is playing games too,fading in and out as I am writing so I have to keep clicking the mouse to bring it back in order to type.

Is it time to hibernate yet???????

Sat here trying to study,I decided to drown out the constant noise from the Junior Cyclone by indulging in some music of a loud nature.

And then decided to share at least one track with you guys

Years ago I dreaded the weekends. The coming of Thursday meant that friday was around the corner and I waited with bated breath for that telegram that meant the Male Parent was not coming home for the weekend.

I am sure the young guy that delivered the Telegrams thought I had a crush on him,which in a way I did. When he came on a Wed he brought money,for food and of course it also meant that Mother would be out again. But when he came on a Thursday,it was so much more,it meant a peaceful  ( Well as peaceful as it got)  weekend,and I could breath easy for another week. We got to know the young guy really well,I was devastated when he emigrated to Australia with his family,he was the only person at that time that treat me as an intelligent individual.

And the summer.I dreaded the summertime. School holidays meant we were all together,and it also meant that the Male Parent had two and three weeks at home at one time. I loved September because it not only meant that I would get at least a month in school it also meant normal routines were resumed.

I left school earlier than I should at fifteen,the school board deciding that as I hadn`t bothered attending on a regular basis since I first started there was no point in me staying. They were under the impression that I was a sickly and then rebellious child,they were wrong on both counts.

The Male Parent was very good at presenting to the outside world this picture of a wonderful Parent and family/home life. He was well liked and respected,a fine upstanding figure in the community. People never looked beyong the facade he wore, he was a ' Proper Gentleman'  always tipped his hat to the ladies,opened doors,was a willing participant in arranging and organising events for the children in the area,excluding his own of course,well at least one of them.

Now I love weekends. Even if I do have to spend half the time studying,at least it is my choice. Knowing that I have two whole days where I can do what I please,and not have to worry about time lines and schedules,again apart from the study,but that is choice.
I love the summertime,wandering in the woods or by the river. In fact I love any time of year really,apart from April and Christmas.
I love watching the seasons change,the myriad of colours each one brings,the subtle changes right at the beginning of each season change.
I just love being alive,as hard as it is sometimes,as many obstacles as it likes to throw in my path. And I look back on the time when I was just that little bit too cowardly to step out in front of that car on the way home from school,just so I wouldn`t have to face what was waiting,and I think that I wouldn`t be who I am if it wasn`t for who I was.

The sun is shining and the weekend stretches before me. And I shall now resume the studying,break over

I cant believe what I have just seen,I am in shock. everything I have ever believed in is torn asunder,my whole life is built on a..a..lie  I dont wish to upset you poor people out there but I have seen it with my own eyes  it was horrible,gut wrenching. I am sat there saying ..No..No it cant be.. I have just seen the Fonz,the coolest guy ever  commit...Fraud...Attempted Murder...Conspiracy to Murder..and..and Bigamy.. Sob,my life will never be the same again 

Ok this is quite simple. It is Dinner party time. As with all good hosts/Hostesses we have to have an even number,unlike all good hosts/hostesses they do not have to be equal in gender.
The Minimum number is eight.
You are allowed to have
Blog Friends or real friends  2 or 3 of
The rest of your dinner Party is to be made up from people that you  would like to have a conversation with from public life,these can be anyone from politics to artists and can be dead or alive. The idea being that just for that one night anyone you admired from history will be alive and sat at your table.

My Dinner Party Guests and reasons

Paddy...Goes without saying
AnnMarie...My best friend,because I know that the people I am going to choose she would love to talk to as well.

Leonardo Da Vinci....I want to ask him how he managed to draw a submarine and a helicopter hundreds of years before they were invented?

John F Kennedy..This guy rocked,behind the pretty playboy front this guy was a serious politician,he knew things. I would just love to debate with this guy.

Martin Luther King..... I want to talk to this guy because I want to look through his eyes,just for a short while.

Marylin Monroe...If I can stop her and JFK flirting  long enough,This  was one hell of a lady,I would love to talk with the real person inside.

Stephen King....He writes some damn good books,should be interesting to talk with this guy.

And last but by no means least

John Pilger....I adore this guy,I love his work,I am right now trying to obtain a copy of his book 'Freedom next time'  This is one guy that I know would make an interesting dinner guest.

Right, you know what to do. So come on plan your dinner party

I went for a walk last night. Nowhere speacial. I went to the supermarket first to get a few bits I needed and then,after depositing those in the apartment, I went for a little wander.  mainly to clear my head for the heavy duty studying/writing of essays this weekend.

Sometimes when I am looking at places,I can see them as they were,as well as how they are now. Its like superimposing one image on top of the other. There have been so many changes since I arrived in this Town,and I look at it and wonder if it has improved it any? In some ways it has,advancement and change is good for a community. But in other ways it hasn`t. Modern buildings can look so ugly stood next to the graceful lines of  Edwardian and Victorian Architecture. So cold,and sharp.

Where I used to live still has some of the old cobbled streets from yesteryear. And as lovely as they are to look at,they are treacherous in winter. And why do people insist on painting their houses that mucky cream colour? I suppose it is better than pink,and yes someone did!

The town while in parts has improved with the modernisation,in others where they have ripped down the old churches and put up office blocks,I cannot call that an improvement.

A few years ago they wanted to build a bypass from our town to the next major town and they decided that they were going to put it through the middle of the woods. Yes the very woods where I wander. We argued with them,but they were determined,then through a bit of digging we discovered who actually owned that land. We had always been told that it was basically free land,the council said it was theirs,therefore they could build a road if they wished. Well it happened that it belonged to a Duke.The Duke of Devonshire?  So the people that lived there wrote to him.

We didn`t hold out much hope,the Duke was renowned for selling his land off for roads and office blocks. But as it happened the old Duke no longer had it,his son did. The new Duke had apparently stopped the selling off of land and had instead been replanting the land that they owned with new trees,fencing it off and planting huge feilds full of trees. Way to go Dukey!!

He not only saved the woods,but replanted the feilds below it with new trees. He sent in experts who thinned out the woods and took away all the very old diseased trees,they built a picnic area at the top of the woods,and while his improvements were in some ways good,it was hard seeing the old woods being transformed this way. Strange thing was he never touched the bottom part of the woods,where it overgrows so much in the summer you need to fight your way through as in a jungle. I wonder if he saw the deer there and thats why he left it?  Whatever his reason,I and many others now have a new ( not so new now mind) and an old part to wander in,and that can only be good.

Of course the world must advance,there is no point in standing still,but not all change is good or even nice. Now they have preservation orders on some of the old buildings,for instance the one I live in,while the landlord was allowed to do as he pleased inside the building,the outside had to remain as it was,we are not allowed,tv ariels,sky dishes or any other attachment on the front of the building. No new fancy double glazed windows,or anything else that would change it in anyway.  Sadly a lot of the nicest buildings had already fallen under the demolition bulldozers and been replaced with carparks and office blocks,some of which now stand empty and awaiting demolition themselves.
Its nice to remember things as they were sometimes,it can make you view the here and now a little differently.

And it is Friday,again. still warm but a tad cooler today. Who cares it is the Weekend

Half a day off today as those that were around this morning can testify Sure made up for it when I went back to work though.  The damn phone never stopped.
I had one doozy of a mess to sort out.
 
Last week I got a client a really good settlement, yesterday he got a call from a completely different creditor saying that they now had the account and they wanted a thousand pounds more. He rang me upset. I rang the original creditor,no they said the account was still theirs and they hadn`t sold it on,the settlement stood. I rang the client and he paid it.

This afternoon I gets a v/m from the new creditor that had rung the client yesterday.I rung them back. They told me it was thier account and that they would not accept the settlement as they had only bought this account a month ago. I told them he didn`t have anymore money than that. they came down a bit,made other offers. I was not happy,so I said  I shall call the original creditors this gentleman has just paid them a lot of money and this is not his fault. the person agreed and asked me to phone them back.

I call the original creditors and gets to speak to the guy I spoke to yesterday. I explained the conversation to him and said right so what are you going to do about this? He said I will call you back I need to take this higher. And he did bless him. As far as the original creditors were concerned my client has paid and thats it finished. They would guarantee that the debt was wiped and would make sure he got papers saying so. Right I said you deal with xxxx  and gave him a phone number and contact name. I left them slugging it out and rang the client and informed him it is all over he is free of debt. It doesn`t matter now who made the almighty **** up, thats down to them to sort out between them.

Then got a woman whose creditor was taking her to court,papers served and everything, a 50% settlement on that,thereby stopping court proceedings.

And talked to a sweet lady who has been ill in hospital and is being bullied by not one but three Bailiffs at once,come on guys. three of you?!! And you didn`t show identification,Tut,Tut you should know better,guess who has been reported then?   They work in the Midlands for anyone who wants to know,and here is me telling people that Baillifs are great people and always willing to be nice!! Seems that there are always exceptions

Very busy afternoon and now I have people telling me they cannot access my blog? Seems quite a few can though so it may just be a Gliche and we are all  used to those

Purely in the interests of research into the evil listy thingy Borrowed * cough* from old-niq

Home

Does your house have-

A drawer so full of crap that it is hard to open and shut?
Yep,it has my sons stuff in it.

An unnecessarily large number of empty carrier bags inside one another stashed somewhere?
Nope,carrier bags go in da bin!

A nice view?
Of the Tax office across the road,but if I look out sideways I can see the trees in Morrisons carpark

A room set aside for something you enjoy?
All the rooms are mine therefore that applies in all of them

A room set aside for all the crap too big to go in the drawer?
I have boxes of the sons stuff in a corner of the bedroom. Oh and stuff stored in what was the pantry.

Something about which you have been saying “I must fix that at the weekend” for over 6 months?
No,its usually only six weeks

Work.

Does your workplace have-

Air-conditioning?
Hehehe,does a fan in the corner count?

Heating?
Same fan turned to hot?

A member of staff on a diet?
I work with women,what do you think?

A member of staff with a drink problem?
Read the above

A member of staff that is universally hated?
Again!

A member of staff that is lusted after by the opposite sex in the office?
LOL,isn`t there always

A member of staff lusted after by the same sex workers in the office?
Read the above

A jobsworth in blue serge on the front door?
No we dont have one of them.

Friends.

Do you have-

A Friend you keep meaning to contact, but never do?
I keep in touch with my friends as much as possible.

A friend who should know better yet you keep going and helping them out of the latest crap fest they got themselves into?
Oh yes!

A friend who is a bit of a liability in polite company?
Same one

A friend who keeps making you think-“Why do I still talk to you”?
Again

A friend who makes you smile, even when they are not there?
Yes,several,but a couple especially so.

A friend only you can see?
How did you know about him?

A stranger called today,asked if we could meet
Made me remember the Café down the street.
His laughing eyes,his handsome face
His presence used to fill this place
And the things he used to say
The stranger who called today.

A stranger called today,it wasn`t always so
I have seen him laugh,seen his face glow
Seen him cry and held his head
Shared my home,shared my bed.
Shared the sorrows,shared the play
But,it was a stranger called today.

A stranger called today,asked if I was fine
Made me remember when he was mine.
Days that never seemed to end
A sweet lover,a sweeter friend
How they both went away
And it was a stranger called today.

A stranger called today,it`s been a long time
I said I was good,everything was fine.
I no longer feel, lost and blue
I don’t even think of you
And now you will always stay
The Stranger, who called today.

I have been resisting this list ever since it came out but, I have succumbed. ( Its that Snails fault )

1. How do you like to be kissed?
Hmmm Its been that long I have forgotten Seriousley,errm gently and tenderly I think,well to start with anyway

2. If you could visit your 18-year-old self what advice would you give them?
DONT DO IT!!! Seriously,nothing. Whats meant is meant ( Though I would tell her not to leave things so long before she gets a life )

3. What was the best present that you ever received?
Life

4. What are you most afraid of?
Falling in Love

5. What do you most desire?
Health,Wealth and Happiness,dont we all?

6. Would you spend the night alone in a haunted room?
without hesitation

7. Have you ever nearly died?
Several times

8. Would you be afraid to swim at nightime?
IF I could swim,no,I love the night, I am a night creature

9. Do you do the right thing even when you hurt yourself?
I have to agree with Snails answer here,you never hurt yourself if you do the right thing.

10. Are you in love?
That would be telling

11. Is sex overated?
Ummm,Whats Sex?

12. Can you keep secrets?
I have to be able to,its my job.

13. Did you choose the life you lead?
We all choose the lives we lead,even though we might not think so

Half way through the week already,where does the time go? Today is set to be the hottest day since 1911,you know I am sure they said the very same thing a few years ago? Must have been one wowzer of a summer that year.

Considering that the first four years of my life were spent in a country where this heat is normal you would think that I would welcome it. I dont mind it,unlike a lot of people I dont allow myself to sit out in it for hours on end and go brown or red ( As most english/british people seem to do) I value the skin I`m in too much for that. And though it promises to be the hottest day,it is actually slightly cooler here,but that could be that lovely breeze thats coming through my window.

I have joined in the blogathon that is going to be run on the 29th July by sponsoring Paddy and Jake you can do the same by going here  http://jakeandsarah.blog.co.uk  or for Paddy http://gaybutnotwelsh.blog.co.uk  or you can click on their links and  choose to take part yourself. This is in aid of childline and if any of you have read my debate blog you will know the wonderful and crucial work that this organisation does. The statistics on there are to be updated today and there will be a link so you can see the new childline adverts showing children that used childline and why.
I have had a few mails from the NSPCC who gave me a direct link for the statisitics and who are sending me posters and case studies. When the case studies arrive I will post them for you on the Debate blog. They also have a link to the Debate blog so they can see how well people have responded to this cause.

And on to,it is almost time for me to go get my shower and get ready for work. So be careful out there today,heat kills,make sure you drink plenty of water,and dont stay out in it too long. Stay safe be happy

So as predicted it has been a long day. Now I am hot and tired. Its not been the best of days. though not the worst either. Time for some reading and relaxing,maybe tonight I will sleep?

There is something so ethereal about the river covered in mist as the sun rises,little wisps of silvery grey curling round your legs as you walk. Like a fine carpet so soft and deep your feet dissapear into its depths. The cuckoo kept me company this morning,which I suppose was quite apt.

Did you know that the coldest time of day is the hour before dawn? And even that was warm. That last hour of night,before the sun raises its sleepy head and says hello to the world.
In spectacular fashion this morning,no clouds to kiss,it instead streaked the sky with a myriad of colours,from the faintest blush pink to the deepest rose red.even the moon was enchanted and didn`t want to go to bed. Instead it hung about to watch its sister paint the morning sky and light the world below,retiring only when dawn was done and the sun had stopped hiding behind the hills like a shy debutante,and was shining in all her glory.

Mama duck and the little ones went to visit the other mama ducks and their little ones,and before long there was quite a family meeting. All serene and peaceful untill I threw the bread I had with me,in no time at all I was surrounded by ducks wanting the big bit. They even followed me when the bread was done and I was moving on to another spot. ducklings are so funny,they spread their little wings that are no more than little stumpy things and run at everything. A sort of wobbly rush,which usually has them falling over and then getting up and carrying on.

The day promises to be a long one,probably because the last one doesn`t seem to have finished yet. Now shall I be really daring and wear a skirt? Is the world ready for me in a skirt? Hmmmm,maybe not

Isn`t the weather heavenly? Who needs to pay all that money to go to the Med when we are having their weather? In a few years it will be Costa`La bognor.  Better clean the beaches up guys,we is going to get busy.

It has been a strange day,one of those days which are not good,nor bad,perhaps a bit of both. So much to do and it feels like you are getting nowhere.

I am now an official member of the work force on a permanent basis,though we still have the actual contract signing to do,the important stuff  was done today,you know the taking of bank details for the wages to be paid into

Got my last pay cheque from the agency and with it a little surprise,because I had been with them for so long and worked all bank holidays barring one they have given me holiday pay,I was supposed to take lue days apparently but I didn`t so I got paid instead. And they paid me early because of a mix up with work I had to take my copy timesheet in,and they paid me there and then.

I have been in a silly mood all day,its the heat I tell ya! Actually I am full of cold which is just like me   I even chatted to the IT guy at the crisp and chocolate machine. For some reason the machine wouldn`t take his money,so I put a coin in for him,it wouldn`t take that,then he put his coin back in and it took it,I said look my coin woke it up. He just laughed and said that he wasn`t sure he was hungry anymore. I get the feeling he doesn`t like me very much, always seems to want to get away in a hurry?

And now to the evening. It is still very hot,but there is a nice cool breeze blowing through my very wide open window. I have been very good and managed nearly a whole chapter,but now it is break time as the words are starting to fuse together on the page,and ice cream I think. I have just discovered that new Greek honey and yoghurt flavour,and as I am an avid lover of Greek honey,need I say more

So here we are again Monday morning,am I the only person that thinks the weekend goes too fast? Back to work and all that noise.  Let me enlighten,we are having a massive refurb at work.
In order to accomodate all the new call center staff they are having to completely alter upstairs where the call center is,by taking out all the walls and making it one big room instead of one big room and several offices. This is good because it means that clients calls will get answered faster and there will be more trained people to do this. So while they are doing this refurb, they have moved admin to a new block next door and brought the call center downstairs into the admin/legal room.
They brought me downstairs and amalgamated me with legal to get me away from the call center noise?
This refurb is great,except he is building a whole new call center on the outskirts of town. Now that will be fun.

I shall be going into work today and signing my new contract,it is going to make life difficult for a while,because of cut off days and monthly pay but I will survive somehow.

I shall also be asking for a week off,at the end of september beginning of October so I can revise for my exam on the 9th october,and then I have another  exam on the 20th October,its all go

It is another beautiful day,they have threatened temps of 30,but if you want Med temps then hop on a train to wales where the temps are going to be 36-39 Wed/Thurs.  Paddy!! you`re getting visitors

Think it is time AJ and I invested in that Hotel we been talking about

OK I am bored, its break time,this listy thing was nicked from Sminchin,who nicked it from Adorable AJ

Trivial Pursuit - Is there one thing you don't know that a blogger could answer for you?
Yes

Connect Four - Are there three (non-blog) friends you couldn't live without?
This is going to sound awful,but no,I wouldn`t want to be without them,but I could if I had to.

Monopoly - If you could start your own business, what would it be?
Detective agency

Cluedo - How suspicious are you of people?
Very,hence the above

Scrabble - What's your full name (including middle names) worth in Scrabble? Find out here http://www.solfire.com/scrabble/
33

Risk - What's the biggest risk you've ever taken?
Bringing up my children on my own.

Frustration - What's your biggest irritation(s)?
Intolerance

Operation - What's been your worst injury?
Hmm,thats hard,damaging two vertebrae in my spine.

Chess - Which do you trust more, head or heart?
My head its not as impulsive ( besides I dont have one of those other things )

Game of Life - What one thing would you like to do in life?
Go to America

Hehehehe now you know how I got my job

I got an Evil Rating of 85 and got the job!

Are you evil enough to

Sunday morning. I appear to have arisen with a cold. This is apparent in the sore,dry throat,the sniffling and the constant sneezing,not to mention the thudding head and bleary eyes. I thought at first it was hay fever but the anti-histamines are not removing it so it definately looks like a cold. Ah well the best way to deal with a cold is to work it off,so looks like a busy day.

I watched a programme last night,fictional but as with most American police/forensics programmes nowadays more than a touch of reality is portrayed in them. This one was about Elder abuse. I may have mentioned before that I have studied Elder abuse, I did it as part of my NVQ in nursing care. At that time I worked in a private nursing home,and we also did respite care,giving those that looked after their parents/grandparents a break once every so many months. This was what got me into Elder abuse in the first place,it was only natural that I study it to find out the whys and wherefores.

Can you imagine taking a cigarette and deliberatly stubbing it out on a person,an old or very young person? Elder abuse is no different to child abuse,in effect most of the old people that are abused are very childlike. They are usually suffering from some kind of dementia. This does not just happen with home carers, though it does seem to be those that are targeted. There is abuse going on in many nursing/care homes. While the majority of nurses/carers are good at their job and do genuinely care for the people that are placed with them. There are those that are the opposite,it is just a job,and they are the ones in charge.

Old people can be very cantankerous,and when they have dementia they can be many times worse. The problem is that with dementia they are confused and they dont often have short term memory,so in effect they dont know you from one day to the next,only with repetition do they get to know that you are there often. Sometimes when they have had a stroke they lose the ability to speak very well. It has always fascinated me how this is connected to them no longer being able to think? Just because someone can no longer speak does not mean that the mind is not still working.

A case in point. I looked after a lady,she bit and scratched when the staff tried to wash and dress her,when they tried to toilet her,when they tried to bath her. The only time she didn`t bite or scratch or spit,was when she was being given afternoon tea. They assigned her to me ( They always gave me the difficult ones) I spent a week observing her,and then took over. She scratched me only once and she never bit me. Why was she different? Because I asked her if she wanted me to wash her or if she wanted to do it. I explained to her what I was doing if I had to do anything before I did it. I brought clothes from the wardrobe and let her choose what she was going to wear that day. Often talking her round to something else if the clothes didn`t match and would have looked wrong together. The point is I did not just do things. It was quite simple really. She lashed out because she was scared and humiliated. Once it was put on her notes how she was to be treat,anyone could look after her and she was a sweetheart.
The problem is that it should be common courtesy to do these things as a matter of course.
OK down off the soapbox.

It looks like today promises to be as beautiful as yesterday,and if they come and pick up the Junior Cyclone early enough I might get to go study outdoors for a while. And if not well I will probably get more done by staying in.

Right break over back to it I hope you all enjoy your Sunday.

Taking a break,I have taken a couple throughout the day,but not long enough to do anything really constructive like blog
Somehow my weekend off has become just a night off,as my son has gone out for the night. He says that he told me/asked me,but he didn`t,I had told him I was pleased I was not babysitting this weekend because of having such a heavy study schedule and he had agreed that I could spend the two days on that. So no way did he ask me to have him.
So we had words and I told him that he didn`t seem to be taking seriously what I was doing,as it didn`t seem to bother him that I couldn`t concentrate when I had the child,and that was one of the reasons I was behind with my studies. It ended up with me saying that if they didn`t start picking him up at a more reasonable time,like before twelve as opposed to three and four in the afternoon,I would stop having him despite needing the money. He was in a mood when he left,and she said oh great looks like I`m in for a good night,so I said to be honest I dont really care you are both taking advantage so you are both to blame. So she isn`t happy with me either Ah well,these things need saying sometimes.

Its been a lovely day and on one of my breaks I went for a wander in town,it was fairly quiet,everyone must have done their shopping this morning and gone off or having BBQ`s this aft. And I dont blame them.
Its still quite hot this evening,I thought it might have cooled down. Times like this when I wish I had a garden.

I came into this world,quietly,slipping in three months too early,eyes apparently open wide already observing. Not making a sound untill some rather cruel,I am sure I thought that,person decided to make sure I had a voice. For a very long time thereafter that would be the only time my voice would be heard. Upon catching sight of the 'scrawny bag of bones' ( You are aware of course that this is merely what my Mother told me was said) it was declared that I would last no more than a few hours and I was dumped to one side,in a cot,while they saw to the person that was important. It seems that I have never,right from being born,been the type that does what is expected of them.

My early arrivel was due to Mother deciding that as it was such a lovely drying day she would hang the sheets out in the garden.The Male Parent had put up the washing lines,and in doing so must have forgotten that Mother was only five foot  one,and she consequently could not reach.Being the stubborn type and not wishing to wait untill someone came or even asking someone to lower the lines, she decided she would stand on a kitchen stool of not very stable quality. As she is placing peg in sheet leaning at what was described to me as an alarming angle,The Male Parent appears beyond the garden wall,coming home early as he had forgotten something,it was apparently about ten thirty am. She saw him and waved. Of course the inevitable happened as she was holding pegs in one hand,leaning out,removed the hand that was balancing her to wave and down she went.

We lived at that time in an Army town,they did not have the facilities of a normal town and babies were supposed to arrive when they were supposed to arrive,none of this coming early/late. All was planned in a strictly military fashion. The army hospital could not accomadate her,so off to Southampton she was whisked where,unfortunately, they were in the middle of some kind of epedemic/crisis type thing and the hospital was full to overflowing and patients were on corridors ( things have not changed much have they? ) finally amid flurrys of activity,Male Parent declaring that his wife was not giving birth on a corridor and them deciding she was not going to spontaneously stop her labour,they found a room,and within no more than an hour,there I was.

After hours of being examined by a stream of doctors and nurses,bemused by the scrawny bag of bones that stubbornly refused to give up on the world she had just been ejected into,it was declared that some how I had all the internal organs I should have and they were all in the right places,and I was breathing quite well on my own,but at 3lbs I was far too small to survive and would succumb to some kind of childhood illness within my first few weeks/months. They were almost right.

At six months old I contracted pneumonia,of course being the kind of person I was destined to be,I could not get just pneumonia,I had to have double pneumonia,which has always bemused me,how can you have it double what it is?  Just another example of the fact that I never do things by halves!

I guess right from the first minute I had this love of life. No matter what it throws at me,no matter what it puts me through I just dont seem able to let go. Maybe I am stubborn,maybe I have this belief in me that somehow,sometime,there is going to be something not just good but wonderful waiting for me. Though it is taking its sweet merry time to arrive.

I walked for hours last night,I should have been studying,and then sleeping,but instead I was walking. For weeks now I have been going through a 'why am I doing this?' kind of phase. So last night I went back to the beginning to search for the reason. I didn`t realise just how far back this went untill last night.

There are going to be times when I feel like giving up,I know that,times when I am tired,times when I have had enough of putting my life on hold in favour of books and study. But in the end,when I look back,I see why I am doing this,and with the support of my friends,which has been terrific and thankyou. I know I can do this,or at least give it my best shot.

Thankyou Friends. Dont feel like writing right now. Will answer your comments later.

When I had to move out of my home four years ago ( due to unfortunate circumstances ) the hardest thing for me was giving up my pets. The oldest one a beautiful black and grey tabby that I had named Bellisama,and who we actually called bliss or Belle for short,my brother agreed to take in. I knew she would not settle away from her beloved woods and fields. So I have seen her on a regular basis. when I have gone for my walks if she was out she would come with me. Other wise I made sure I visited her on a regular basis. Contrary to popular opinion they dont forget,and no matter how long it was between visits I still got the same loving greeting as I always had. Today I got a frantic phone call and after having a word with the boss I flew round to the vets to meet my brother. Bliss had been hit by a car,she had tried to struggle back home despite being severly injured. I held her while the vet looked but to no avail,she laid and looked at me and gave a little meow and then she was gone. She was ten years old,and she never would learn that as she had got older she had got slower. She was a perpetual kitten. I have missed her since she went to my brothers but have always had the thought that when I got a house she would come back. Now I know thats never going to happen. I know that in the grand scheme of things the death of my Bliss might not mean much to others,but right now it means a hell of a lot to me.

I am musing now,nothing new there then. It seems that I have some major decisions to make,trouble is I am constantly tired at the moment and my mind feels like mush. Nothing new there either my mind is always mush. Not a great time to make decisions but they have to be done.
 
Firstly I have to decide if I am going to continue with my studies and if I do what I am taking next as I have just recieved my curriculum for the next semester.And I have to decide if I am going to sign this contract that work have presented me with,after some slight alterations have been made that is. Mainly the annual income bit.And I have to decide if I am going to move from this safe and almost burglar proof apartment that I really do not like,but as I said it is safe. And last but not least,do I cut my long dark locks? Now thats major! Just jessin Thats the least of my problems right now...... 

 I work with some lovely people. I have never worked in a place with so many women in it and there is no bitching! Well hardly any.

I also have a friend that isn`t what I thought they were,seems they are a little two faced and it means I am going to have to be careful what I say to them,I dont like being that way with people that I thought were friends,still,maybe I am mistaken and there is a good reason for their behaviour.

I always seem to be so tired at the moment,it is making the studying hard as nothing seems to want to stay in my head. I read a whole chapter then find I have remembered none of it. I am hoping that I have and that it is just the mushy head that is making me think I haven`t retained it,got exams coming up,and if I cannot remember what I have read I have no hope of passing.

So enough of that. I took a little walk this morning to try and blow away the cobwebs,though it would take a gale force wind to do that methinks. I didn`t go to the woods though I was not far away from them. I went and sat on the swings where I used to play as a child,on those rare occasions when I was allowed to play,usually when the Male Parent was home and Mother would have to mind the young ones.
 
We used to play a game,my brother P and I,you had to swing as high as you could and then jump off and see who could land the farthest. At the back of the swings is a grassy incline like a little hill and mostly we jumped that way,but sometimes we would be really daring and go the other way which of course was down hill if you jumped far enough out to miss the flat. You cannot do it now as they have fenced it all in. The old swings are gone and new ones have been put up which dont go half as high. and the big slide has been taken away and a small slide with a climbing frame has been put there instead. the round-a-bout is gone and they have replaced it with a see-ssaw. How boring!

The field below the swings has been the play area for,football,cricket,rugby ( That one was fun) rounders. You name it we played it. It is also the site of the local bonfire every year,though mostly we had two,one there and one in the fields above where I lived. It became a competition to see who could have the biggest bonfire each year,us the swingfield or the flatties ( the ones that lived in the multi storey flats) For quite a few years we won as we were friends with the local wood merchant and he supplied us with all his cut offs. They dont have them at all now. Time moves on and people grow and leave,they make improvements,which are not improvements at all,but are supposed to be safer. I wonder how many children wish that fence wasn`t there so they too could see how far they could land?

No time this morning to write a flowing post,damn books The sun is shining it is a beautiful morning. And I hope everyone behaves while I am away at work Remember for every minute that you are miserable you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

Sometimes we look back on things and we see so much we dont want to see, In writing it down and sharing the thoughts with pen and paper,or keypad and monitor as it is with the world today,it enables you to look anew at things that happened. To analyse them in a more critical fashion perhaps. Can I in all honesty hold myself blameless for my life,well of course not,I have however never tried to lay all the blame on other people. This is because there is no blame,life is just sometimes that way, I made the choices,the decisions,in my Adult life and yes they were wrong,and it is true that these choices were coloured by my past and what happened,but they were still My choices. I chose to keep love at a distance because those that love get hurt,and I had never been shown it without pain. I chose to marry for reasons other than love and all that comes with it and so it was in essence my fault that my marriages failed. Though in truth I worked hard to make them succeed,it needs a certain amount of love to enable a marriage to work,I discovered that eventually.

In all honesty I dont know if I have ever been in love,even with D,I dont know even now if that wasn`t the reaching out of a woman who had been through hell for something,anything,to take away the darkness that seemed to surround her.Desperation perhaps born of the criticisms of others, a kind of sticking the fingers up,metaphorically, look I have this handsome guy I cant be that bad! I did have a lot of feeling for him,he could never have done what he did if I hadn`t . But Love? That deep earth shattering feeling that I am told it is,that knowing you want to be with someone for the rest of your life,no I have never had that.

What I do have,is the peaceful love of friends,and the love of my children. I have given up thinking that someone will come along and sweep me off my feet,the white charger has been put out to pasture and the knights armour hangs on a wall gathering dust. Dont get me wrong,I am quite happy as I am,content now to go with the flow and if someone comes along that I will be comfortable spending some time with,then so be it. And one day who knows maybe I will be happy to share my life,maybe not,only time will tell.

Well today went quite well,I was moved to my new desk downstairs and though I was dreading it when it came it was fine. In fact I felt quite like a V.I.P as I had engineers and IT guys running round making sure that all was done to my satisfaction and getting my private phoneline up and running,and then making sure my extension line was up and running,and then making sure my data base had been added to legals data base and was all connected into my server. Then the printer went down,two of the girls complained and the IT guys kept saying later, then I said "Hey guys I need the printer got some forms that have to be out today" five minutes later the printer is up and running,man that felt good)  I have had to completly reorganise,and that is taking time,but they have given me a free hand to redesign the letters and forms that go out. So most of this week is going to be taken up with reorganising the files on the data base and all my desk top files as well as carrying on with my cases. Phew,looks like a busy week ahead.
I haven`t even had time this weekend with all the studying etc to visit all my blog friends,sorry bout that,but I will be round to you all at some point this week/weekend.
What else,hmmmm,well it has been quite warm despite the rain threatening a couple of times,and they say it will be in the thirties again in a couple of days. And of course well done to Italia,well deserved ,thats what team work gets you.

Monday morning,I should be looking forward to my start in my new department this morning,while I know that things will not change much apart from the place that I will work each day,the people that I am to work alongside are different,still I guess thats what life is all about making changes and trying out new things. I have a consultative meeting with the head of the legal department and a managerial meeting with the big boss.And I have three cases on going,today is going to be one heck of a day! 
The sun is shining again this morning after yesterdays rain. My son has brought me back a cowboy hat from his jaunt to the seaside yesterday,which is quite cool,though what it says on it isn`t! Still I will find a way of covering that.And it seems that I am to have the weekend off from babysitting,as they both have the weekend off. Looks like I just might be going out this weekend Finances permitting of course.
I was number one in the top twenty yesterday,how that happened is a puzzle as I wouldn`t have said that I had more visitors/page views etc than I normally do. I can only put it down to the absence of Juzzzy and Paddy and AJ,though AJ has been around he has been playing with his new baby,they will all be back in competition today though. You gotta love em!

I think therefore I am.
The trouble is that I think too much. Someone told me I should write my life story,the problem lies in remembering the years between four and sixteen. I remember some things,and since I have been writing things down I have remembered more,but there are such huge gaps,not just months but years missing.
They tell me it is because I dont want to remember,that I have blocked it out. Placed those missing years in huge filing cabinets inaccesible to the retrieve memory button.Perhaps this is so. I remember the feeling of not belonging. That was always there so perhaps remembering that is easy because it is a feeling I have had many times.

I remember finding the way back to writing. After the male parent had destroyed all my writings again for the third time I think it was I gave up. When I finally got away from home,well I didnt have the inclination to write. I began writing again after I lost the girls. It was the only way that I could make any sense of it all. Not that it made sense,but it gave me a release for all that stuff swimming round in my head. About three years down the line when I had finally decided that I wasn`t having the worst dream ever and I was not about to wake up and find life was as it had been,

At first it was just poetry. The poetry was dark and deep.  Then a friend of mine had a band and he asked me to write him some lyrics for a tune he had composed. He wouldn`t take no for an answer, So I wrote his lyrics. They were absolute crap,but he loved them and took them away with him. They even recorded the song and it lies somewhere gatering dust,because they never released it. I wrote lyrics for a couple of tunes and then as things are wont to do I moved and he got more dependant on the highs of chemicals and we lost touch. Sad thing was he had a family.

And then one day I was sat in my house and I had been sort of dozing not asleep and not really awake. Where I lived at that time was just on the road from where I was raised,with the woods above and the fields. But where there had used to be streets (which at that time that I lived there was an overgrown patch of land with trees on and is now eight brand new houses) old fashioned streets to the side of where I lived and there was what we used to call the Donkey Hill. It is a cobbled path that leads down to the main road from the streets,it runs between two walls with the tracks for the steam train on one side and the land with the trees on the other. At night it is very dark,a few years ago they did put street lights in there but only two and they dont light it very well.It is very steep and winds a little so you cannot see the bottom from the top etc.

I had this picture of that cobbled path and I had this kind of dream but not,as I was not really asleep,I wrote it down but as I wrote,it changed shape and became not the semi-dream I had been having but the beginnings of a story. As so often happens I wrote the beginning and had to put it to one side to get on with the normal tasks of life. It got put in my folder with all my other bits of writing. And forgotten.

Several weeks ago I came across some of my old writings and there it was.And now it is evolving into something more than one sheet of paper. Perhaps I was not really ready to write it when I wrote the first part. Strange how it managed to survive all the moving and sorting.

I dont profess to be a writer. Stephen King is a writer. Tolstien is a writer. But I enjoy playing with words. When I write the Mythical stuff it is easy because there is so much licence,after all this is a Mythical land and they are your own rules and imaginings. When I write poetry I just write,I forget to put in commas and apostrophes etc,because it just flows and I dont think of it half the time I just write what is in my head. It is like suddenly after all these years of writing my poetry on little scraps of paper and then in the book I now have,there is so much more that just swims about and wants release. Maybe one day I will write something that is brilliant,but it doesn`t matter if I do or dont. I enjoy writing,I love putting words together.And even if only a very few ever read it,then I am content.

I shall try again. Not being one to give up.Stubborn is what some call it. If at first you dont succeed ( Buy a toothless budgie) OK I am taking a break from the books and am sat here with freshley brewed coffee and a twix,oops advert there.
Having spent a long and sleepless night musing and as normal thinking,as a diversion from studying due to having the most thuddingiest headache. Hehehe theres a new word for you. Anyways I am not going to repeat the writing that I did this morning for two reasons one I would not be able to write it half as well again as I did then and two its far too depressing to think about now.
 Saturday afternoon,I really cannot wait for August when saturday afternoons will once again be worth staying in for. The start of the football season promises to be quite a good one,amid rumours of Ferguson leaving Utd and Ronaldo also not being welcome back. We shall see how that turns out. I suppose it would matter if I supported the team but as I dont and only have a spectator interest in who runs the team ( Apart from Glazer that is)  it is not something that I will be putting my life on hold for.

I am trying to decide if I should take a complete break and watch a DVD,I have one I haven`t watched yet.Hmmmm. I dont need to shop, I sent my son to pay my bills, shame there is nothing worth watching on the tv.

Are you bored yet?
I am!

My son has just sat here today and told me his future plans. I questioned him as I do. And I told him,go for it,stop worrying about what people think,or the family you will leave behind,this is your life,live it. He knew though that I would say something like that to him. They have to live their lives and not let things pass them by. And if it doesn`t work out so what,at least you tried.  It does give me a feeling of relief though that he feels the same about my plans.

Sheesh I am boring today I think I will give up for now,maybe I will think of something more interesting later.

What is the point in a the new editor with pretty fonts and pretty new font colours if the damn server is going to send into oblivion the post you have just spent an hour typing because it needs a breather?!!! Seems they have their priorities all wrong on this site.

Well friday evening and what am I doing? Ab-so-lute-ly nothing-nada-zilch. I should of course be studying,or cleaning,or one of a hundred other mundane jobs that I am sure this tiny little brain could come up with but I am not.
 
I am sat here with fingers poised wating for some fantasticly inspiring thing to pop into my head. But that could take all night,or all weekend so meanwhile in the intermission 

I was today called Fab,not once but several times. Now that of course set off a train of thought completely unrelated to the reason for the calling of it,you know as it does. Well alright so for me it does. This train of thought eventually led to the question " What the hell did F.A.B. stand for on Thunderbirds?" They all said it, even Lady Penelope, and Parker. I loved Parker" FAB my Lady " cool guy,for a puppet Anyway does anyone know?  I know that it isn`t the question of the century and the world wont stop revolving if we dont find the answer ( Though it might!!) But it has always puzzled me

So to the next little piece of wonderment. Sat outside my apartment right now is a classic Citroen,it even has the doors on the wrong way round!! I love classic cars.

Had another Confri ( Paddys word not mine,well it is mine now) with the main bosses today,and still didn`t get round to this contract signing. Well guess they will sooner or later. It has been a strange day what with some people being absolute darlinks and others being total Jerks with a capital W. Though total Jerk will be totally not happy when his boss hauls him over the coals on Monday morning for having  section 14 of the Banking regulations code quoted at him and being threatened with  The office of Fair Trading and Trading standards. Think they might just talk to me on Monday now

OK it is Friday and I should be looking forward to the weekend. No work for two whole days.But I have tons of study to do.And I have this idea swimming about for a new story for Myth and Magic. The main problem is that when I get an idea for a story it seems to take over.Ah well better get ready for work.

It has been a rough night. Too hot and not conducive to sleep. I guess that there will be many people out there that had bad nights last night. It feels a little coler this morning.

I spent the night thinking about many things,as usual. I have been writing some stuff that has been making me look at myself and my past and this has been on my mind a lot lately. Not my past,I think the past is always with you in some form though you dont think of it untill something jogs a memory.

I married at eighteen. I had no other way of getting away from the Male Parent and the place I was brought up. Shy and retiring,wouldn`t say boo to a goose. What other options are there? Desperate enough to do almost anything by this time,I beleived that marriage would give me a freedom I had never had,a place in the world where I belonged. But it was more a case out out of the frying pan into the fire.

We were just kids. As mature as I was,as grown up as I had always beleived myself to be,I was still just a kid. I knew about house keeping after all I had been doing it long enough. But there is more to marriage than knowing how to manage money,and knowing how to cook and clean. G was a mummys boy. Considering the size of the family he came from it was something of a shock to realise that he didn`t breath without asking mummy or big sister first. mummy was the mother-in-law that the jokes are made of,but she was ok really. I guess it was hard for her seeing her spoilt little boy becoming a husband and soon to be father. But in her defense she did look after me when I was really ill through my pregnancy and she is the reason that both my baby and me managed to get to the end of the pregnancy.

I was very ill. At this time we were living with his parents ( not a good way to start a marriage believe me ) and I was getting sicker and sicker. I couldn`t eat,everytime I tried I threw up. And it was way past morning sickness time. Then one day I collapsed,on my way up the stairs to have a rest as ordered by mother-in-law and when I got to the top I collapsed. I dont remember much following that. Four days apparently,I laid in bed and was nursed by G`s mam. It turned out that my alcoholic GP had given me penicillin,which I am allergic to,instead of iron tablets. And I like a good girl had been taking one a day,no matter how bad I felt I had faithfully taken these pills because they would help the baby. Only they had nearly killed both of us. G`s mam had called her GP out and he had personally gone to my surgery and got my notes and discovered the problem.
They gave me something to combat the problem and within a few weeks I was feeling a lot better and starting to actually look like I was pregnant. I was seven months gone and looked like I was three.

When my baby was born she was small weighing only 4lbs 14ozs,but she was perfect,strong and healthy,a fighter just like her mam. And when finally I was able to hold her I looked down into that little face and I knew that this was what I had been looking for. I dont mean all that stuff about mother and child bonding. I mean knowing that here was a little person,an individual,unique in every way,as we all are. This little human that I could love unconditionally and give all that I had locked up inside. Here I had been given a unique gift. And I treasured it.

I have never looked on any of my children as being mine,in the sense that they belong to me. But as gifts that are lent to me to nurture and raise in the best way I can. Once my job is done they go off in to the big world to do their own thing. And thats how it should be. As they got older and didn`t need me as much I turned my mind to doing the things that I had always wanted to do. Circumstances,lack of money etc have stopped me doing them before. But now I have discovered a whole new world,well not right now as I discovered it a long while ago,but am still exploring it,ther is still so much to discover.

It has been a very long very hot day.And it is not over yet.It has been a mixture of good and bad,upsets and annoyances balanced out with good things.

The bad first I think.
Anyone that has ever read my debate blog knows how I feel about prejudice.And one of my most featured topics is that of Homophobia. So today I was more than a little upset to find a friend of mine had been beaten in a Homophobic attack. My friend is a lovely guy,tall and elegant. Totally harmless he wouldn`t hurt a fly ( No literally he wouldn`t he catches them and puts them outside! )  He went out for a drink with a friend and got jumped when he came out of the pub.

Now I know I said my friend wouldn`t hurt a fly. And he would  never start a fight either he would rather walk away. The thing is he is a bit handy if he gets in one. Something that his attackers will not have known. He is trained in self defence and several marshall arts and has been in the Army as well. I saw the state of him this afternoon and believe me  I would hate to see what the other guy/s looks like!

He is not as bad as he looks ( he says) but he does look quite bad. Still he will get a few free drinks out of the shiner he is sporting. Its the cut down the cheek that is bothering him most. It really is a good job that this guy knows how to handle himself because they guy that attacked him was armed with a stanley knife. My friend said it seemed to make the other guys angry when he laughed at the weapon this guy produced. And knowing him he probably came out with something related to his manhood,or lack of it. But he seems ok even if inside he is seething at being attacked by strangers merely for being himself.

So to the good.
Erm,well I cleared a clients debts off,which is normal isn`t it as that is my job. He was pleased but then I did save him well over six grand on nine grands worth of debt.

I will have a new desk on monday as they are moving my department downstairs where it is quieter and where I can work without the constant interuption of people shouting across the room wanting me to talk to clients they have on the phone. And of course it is designed to help me concentrate more.

Right now I am too hot to think of anything I need a shower and some food,or maybe just a shower

Ok so here I am with assignment done, dusted and on its way. Next assignment is due in a week so no respite here and then I have another assignment and a midterm Then another assignment and my main exam. I dont even have a respite over the winter as I have a short three month complementary to do. No rest for the wicked they say,guess I was pretty evil in my last life. Either that or I am chasing rainbows in this one. I keep telling myself that it will be worth it in the end,except right now I dont see no end.
Anyway it is another beautiful day,with promises of it breaking tomorrow guess we better make the most of it because as we all know once it starts raining that means its british summertime for real  I was hoping to go see some friends over the next couple of months but with so much work on looks like that aint happening. Maybe I could sneak in a weekend somewhere to go see my friend Debs when she finally gets into her new house by the seaside. but I am not holding my breath. Apart from the time factor with so much to do there is of course the money factor but once I win the lottery this weekend that wont be a problem

Another restless night and no nearer completing what I have to do. I think sometimes that I have taken on more than I am capable of. Perhaps I dont have what it takes after all. Then I think about the people that believe in me and support me,and I know I can do this,will do this. I guess it is just when I have times like this weekend when nothing goes right and there are so many things that get in the way. There again I have always worked better under pressure,always produced my best when the deadline looms. Lets hope that holds true in my exam next month and the one in October.Right now I dont see me passing either of them. But they are a while away yet so I may feel differently by then.
The storm that so neatly interupted me yesterday has rumbled round all night but it hasn`t cooled down,if anything it is more humid than it was.It is becoming more like the tropics this sunshine,instead of the dry heat that you associate with British summers it is the Humid heat of places like Malaya. Global warming,maybe it will get to the stage where we will be the holiday island and St Tropez will become a cheap place to visit. I have always wanted to go to St Lucia,of course at £2000 a time just for room and board thats a long way off if ever,and that is only for a week.Course places like that dont really bother me as I will be going to the place I have always dreamed of going next year,complete with a tour of the second biggest Crime Lab in the United States,Las Vegas,the tour has been arranged for me courtesy of friends over there,I am so looking forward to that.Though the America fund is sadly lacking at the moment.
Monday morning,dont you just love it,another week of work to look forward to

To sit and float away in dream
Beside the silver tinkling stream.
To sit and while away the hours
In greenest grass and sweetest flowers
To still the rush of working day
And spend the time in laughing play.
To lay down books, papers and pen.
Just sometimes,to be back there again.

Having twice lost my work due to the electrical storm that has been going on now for three hours,I gave up and watched instead the storm.Why is it that the most deadliest of natures forces are so beautiful. It was an electrical storm to start with,no rain,just forked and sheet ligtning and the rumbles of thunder that could not keep up with the fast and furious flashes. Sadly I dont have my camera at the moment and was unable to get a pic of it at its height which was incredible and awesome.Sheet and forked lightning together. The storm is still rumbling and now we have the rain. It has been a lovely couple of hours watching the storm but it hasn`t got my work done which I am now two hours behind on and to be honest dont seem to be able to get back into,and there are sirens going off all over as the fire Engines go out to tackle what I can only presume is storm damage.Nature so beautiful yet so Dangerous.

Sunday Lunchtime and isnt that when everyone should be at home having their lunch and relaxing in the garden on such a beautiful day not whizzing past my window in droves? Now my Quandry is do I go get some shopping while having this break as yesterdays shopping trip ended with my not having bought any food ( due to the excessive amount of people that should have been watching the football match opting to shop instead ) Decisions decisions

As I am taking a break from study I decided that I would explain ( because I had been asked) about my 'Adopted ' Sister' S. S was never legally adopted she just went from being my friend to being my sister. I met S when I was about 10ish. I do believe it was the year that her sister got married. S is younger than me and a lot younger than her sister about nine or ten years younger I believe. When I met her she was living with her Dad a very Cantankerous Scotsman who liked his Whisky more than he liked his Daughter/s and her Mam was living with someone else who had Children of his own. I think she was my very first Waif and Stray. Things were not too bad at home at that time,My Mam had for some reason been slightly better but that was mainly because the Male Parent was spending a lot of time at Camp and not coming home each weekend ( Which meant he had a new woman and was visiting her instead ) which gave Mam the opportunity to do her own thing. I think S and I became friends becasue I could sympathise with her and her situation. I plucked up the courage to ask if she could come to tea and as the Male Parent was away Mam said she could. And that was the start. When the Male Parent came home that weekend S was well and truly esconced in the household.I was expecting the usual stuff and her dissapearing as any other friend I had tried to have did. But He liked her too. I think both parents were horrified that her mother had gone to live with a guy with Children and that they had left her with her Dad which made me laugh considering what they both did. I got on really well with her Dad he called me ' The Wee Mouse' though I have to admit that when he had been drinking I couldn`t understand a word he said and he frightened the life out of me. Many times he told me he was not worried about working over or going out as he always knew where she was and who she was with. He had this idea that if she was with me she would not get up to anything. Erm not quite He wasn`t too bothered about the escapades like drinking all his whisky and filling the bottle with cold tea,pinching wine from my Brothers batch of home made ( It was quite good you know ) decorating the Town ( Quite literally) What he was bothered about was her becoming a 'Floozy' like her sister. Well I am afraid no matter what he did he wasn`t going to stop the 'Boy' thing. She was the total opposite to me where I was too shy to speak she was full of it and would speak to anyone,and invariably did.It got to the stage where she lived at our house and for me that was great because it meant a bit better treatment for me. Though I did all the chores still I now had someone that helped me and as we got older it was her that pointed out to the parents that younger sister K should now be doing some of the chores as well. She was the same amount of years older than K that she was younger than me.Then it was decided that she would go back to live with her mam. She wasn`t asked it was just decided. So she went and she was miserable,not just because she was seperated from us but because she was bullied by the kids that were in effect her step brothers and sisters,she started doing stupid things and getting into trouble. So she was shipped back to her Dad,and back to us. This time she spent most of her time with us just going home to see how her dad was and to tidy the house up for him.Gradually we became less friends and more sisters,we had other friends ( well she had) and it was like having another sister around rather than a friend that stayed. Through school and at home. Because there was the difference in age we at one time attended different schools so it was inevitable that she would have different friends and that we would have different interests.And there was stuff going on for both of us as it turned out that neither of us ever spoke about even to each other untill we were both a lot older.She knew some of what I went through with the Male Parent as she had seen that belt come off more than once. And she constantly would tell me to stop taking the blame for stuff the younger ones had done just so they wouldn`t get it.Her Dad decided that they were moving. It wasn`t far away or anything but it meant he wanted her home more. So she went back home,still she would come every night after school and weekends. Then she stopped coming. Just dissapeared. I looked everywhere for her. I approached her teachers at school,I tried to find her Dad but he was never home.I was fifteen by this time and things were worse than ever at home,to the point where I had actually attempted to run away,I couldn`t even do that right Anyway some weeks after that I met her Mam,and she told me where she was. She had been missing school,playing truant,twagging whatever you want to call it. And in the end coupled with other things ( Boys mainly) they had placed her in a home. The problem was there had been no warning,they had just come and took her.it was her Mother that had decided that it should happen because she couldnt take her because of the other kids.But I also found out that she was coming back that weekend. By this time the Male Parent had left the Army and was a Bus driver ( Which was why my life had got worse) Anyway she came home but she was different now. She had always been more outgoing than me and now she was hard too. Though we have remained friends even to this day. Our relationship is and has always been one more of sisters than friends. The parents always called her their other daughter and when my mam had her eightieth last year she insisted that all her daughters be there ( Which actually there was one missing) She did settle down. Her first marriage lasted only a few months. Her second relationship lasted a lot longer but he was both mentally and physically cruel to her. Her turnng point came when she had her first child. He was born with so many disabilities they have actually named one after him. Noone thought she would cope with this child. But I knew when I saw her with him not only would she cope but he would make her true personality shine out and he did.He has been very hard work over the years,but he has defied doctors time and again. First they said he wouldn`t live past a couple of years,he is twentyfive. Then they said he would never walk. He not only walks,though it is more like shambling,he runs at you all 5ft 10 of him and bowls you over he is a big lad. He cannot talk but he makes sounds and he uses a form of sign language. Which is quite amusing,when I worked in the shop and he would be stood outside the window signing at me and I am serving customers at the same time as signing back. She has another son and he is fine,though a bit spoilt. When she finally got out of her destructive relationship,she met the guy she is with now. He is 16 years younger than her but ( unlike everyone else when they found out) I thought then and still do now that he was the best thing that could ever happen to her. And they are still together ten years down the line,and happy. The day they got married even her own family said it wouldn`t last six months. I for one am glad she proved them all wrong.
The song below is the one she dedicated to me. One day I will say why.

The idea of the game is simple all you do is blog hop.At the top of your blog are the words 'next blog' you click on this and read the blog that you land on,you then leave a comment on that blog,but only if you can understand the language,if not you move to the next blog.If you land on the blog of a friend you tag the friend ( Not as in leaving tags on profiles) simply tell them what they have to do,i.e. click on the next blog and go blog hopping.Keep a count of how many blogs you have landed on before landing on a friends,if a friend tags you then you start again. I have to admit I have discovered blogs never read before so not only is it fun but it is interesting as wellTo start I am going to Tag AJ and Ros. So off you go guys By the way you start from your own blog,not mine
Happy Hopping!!