Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

When I had to move out of my home four years ago ( due to unfortunate circumstances ) the hardest thing for me was giving up my pets. The oldest one a beautiful black and grey tabby that I had named Bellisama,and who we actually called bliss or Belle for short,my brother agreed to take in. I knew she would not settle away from her beloved woods and fields. So I have seen her on a regular basis. when I have gone for my walks if she was out she would come with me. Other wise I made sure I visited her on a regular basis. Contrary to popular opinion they dont forget,and no matter how long it was between visits I still got the same loving greeting as I always had. Today I got a frantic phone call and after having a word with the boss I flew round to the vets to meet my brother. Bliss had been hit by a car,she had tried to struggle back home despite being severly injured. I held her while the vet looked but to no avail,she laid and looked at me and gave a little meow and then she was gone. She was ten years old,and she never would learn that as she had got older she had got slower. She was a perpetual kitten. I have missed her since she went to my brothers but have always had the thought that when I got a house she would come back. Now I know thats never going to happen. I know that in the grand scheme of things the death of my Bliss might not mean much to others,but right now it means a hell of a lot to me.

I am musing now,nothing new there then. It seems that I have some major decisions to make,trouble is I am constantly tired at the moment and my mind feels like mush. Nothing new there either my mind is always mush. Not a great time to make decisions but they have to be done.
 
Firstly I have to decide if I am going to continue with my studies and if I do what I am taking next as I have just recieved my curriculum for the next semester.And I have to decide if I am going to sign this contract that work have presented me with,after some slight alterations have been made that is. Mainly the annual income bit.And I have to decide if I am going to move from this safe and almost burglar proof apartment that I really do not like,but as I said it is safe. And last but not least,do I cut my long dark locks? Now thats major! Just jessin Thats the least of my problems right now...... 

 I work with some lovely people. I have never worked in a place with so many women in it and there is no bitching! Well hardly any.

I also have a friend that isn`t what I thought they were,seems they are a little two faced and it means I am going to have to be careful what I say to them,I dont like being that way with people that I thought were friends,still,maybe I am mistaken and there is a good reason for their behaviour.

I always seem to be so tired at the moment,it is making the studying hard as nothing seems to want to stay in my head. I read a whole chapter then find I have remembered none of it. I am hoping that I have and that it is just the mushy head that is making me think I haven`t retained it,got exams coming up,and if I cannot remember what I have read I have no hope of passing.

So enough of that. I took a little walk this morning to try and blow away the cobwebs,though it would take a gale force wind to do that methinks. I didn`t go to the woods though I was not far away from them. I went and sat on the swings where I used to play as a child,on those rare occasions when I was allowed to play,usually when the Male Parent was home and Mother would have to mind the young ones.
 
We used to play a game,my brother P and I,you had to swing as high as you could and then jump off and see who could land the farthest. At the back of the swings is a grassy incline like a little hill and mostly we jumped that way,but sometimes we would be really daring and go the other way which of course was down hill if you jumped far enough out to miss the flat. You cannot do it now as they have fenced it all in. The old swings are gone and new ones have been put up which dont go half as high. and the big slide has been taken away and a small slide with a climbing frame has been put there instead. the round-a-bout is gone and they have replaced it with a see-ssaw. How boring!

The field below the swings has been the play area for,football,cricket,rugby ( That one was fun) rounders. You name it we played it. It is also the site of the local bonfire every year,though mostly we had two,one there and one in the fields above where I lived. It became a competition to see who could have the biggest bonfire each year,us the swingfield or the flatties ( the ones that lived in the multi storey flats) For quite a few years we won as we were friends with the local wood merchant and he supplied us with all his cut offs. They dont have them at all now. Time moves on and people grow and leave,they make improvements,which are not improvements at all,but are supposed to be safer. I wonder how many children wish that fence wasn`t there so they too could see how far they could land?