Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

I am sure the young guy that delivered the Telegrams thought I had a crush on him,which in a way I did. When he came on a Wed he brought money,for food and of course it also meant that Mother would be out again. But when he came on a Thursday,it was so much more,it meant a peaceful  ( Well as peaceful as it got)  weekend,and I could breath easy for another week. We got to know the young guy really well,I was devastated when he emigrated to Australia with his family,he was the only person at that time that treat me as an intelligent individual.

And the summer.I dreaded the summertime. School holidays meant we were all together,and it also meant that the Male Parent had two and three weeks at home at one time. I loved September because it not only meant that I would get at least a month in school it also meant normal routines were resumed.

I left school earlier than I should at fifteen,the school board deciding that as I hadn`t bothered attending on a regular basis since I first started there was no point in me staying. They were under the impression that I was a sickly and then rebellious child,they were wrong on both counts.

The Male Parent was very good at presenting to the outside world this picture of a wonderful Parent and family/home life. He was well liked and respected,a fine upstanding figure in the community. People never looked beyong the facade he wore, he was a ' Proper Gentleman'  always tipped his hat to the ladies,opened doors,was a willing participant in arranging and organising events for the children in the area,excluding his own of course,well at least one of them.

Now I love weekends. Even if I do have to spend half the time studying,at least it is my choice. Knowing that I have two whole days where I can do what I please,and not have to worry about time lines and schedules,again apart from the study,but that is choice.
I love the summertime,wandering in the woods or by the river. In fact I love any time of year really,apart from April and Christmas.
I love watching the seasons change,the myriad of colours each one brings,the subtle changes right at the beginning of each season change.
I just love being alive,as hard as it is sometimes,as many obstacles as it likes to throw in my path. And I look back on the time when I was just that little bit too cowardly to step out in front of that car on the way home from school,just so I wouldn`t have to face what was waiting,and I think that I wouldn`t be who I am if it wasn`t for who I was.