Saturday night and I await the arrival of the two monsters from hell,what I should be doing is getting showered and changed into my glam rags and going out with my work colleagues to the End of Summer party. The firm throw several parties throughout the year and this is just one of them.

Why am I not there? I guess I am not enough of a social butterfly, so instead of insisting that they find someone else to watch the beasts from beneath,I capitulated when they said it would be hard and they were short staffed so both had to be there. Besides I dont know if I want the people I work with to see the 'other' me, are they actually ready for such a revelation?

I have much revising to do, so losing tonight and probably most of tomorrow through a night out might not be a good thing,am I convincing enough?

I am however listening to relaxing music and am just about to go and watch NCIS which is good, and I bought myself a cream cake treat, which I shall savour before the arrival of the Demon Princes

Here I am wide awake, not yet been to bed,stone cold sober, of course thats nothing new as I dont drink much or often. In four hours I will be in work so not much point in attempting the bed thing now.

Life is strange dont you think? I was thinking about friends and what friendship actually means, it is a complicated process when you actually think about it. You have friends that you go for a night out with, and friends that you can feel comfortable with in your home, drinking coffee, chatting, often the same ones that you go out with, sometimes they are seperate, sometimes both. Then you have those 'speacial' friends, you know the ones, you can be out of touch for a while, but then when you meet it is like no time has passed. The ones that are always just on the end of the phone should you need them, and the ones that you are always there for.

I think about all sorts of rubbish really, like for instance 'soul mates' I used to, a long time ago, believe that 'soul mate' meant the person that you would one day meet and spend the rest of your life with, your ' life' partner, husband/wife whatever. But that is not so, a ' soul mate' does not have to be the person you are going to be with as husband/wife/partner, it is a person that you connect with on a different level to other people, a meeting of 'souls', mind and spirit. And they can be nothing more than friends, special friends, and you do love them, but it is a totally different type of 'love'.

Rambling again, must be time for a caffiene boost.

One of my shortcomings, and believe me I have many, is that I see the good in people even when others do not. Obviously I am not always right and have often throughout my life heard the words 'I told you so' Maybe I just believe that there is good in everyone and so I look for it, and try to extract it. I have usually found even with those that I 'appear' to be be wrong about that most people do have it, it is just different things that bring it out.

Because I believe that life is about being who you are, not who others want you to be, I didnt use to think that way, I use to think that life was about pleasing others, doing for others and putting your 'self' aside.

As a Piscean, I reflect the personality of whoever I am with, I absorb their needs and wants, and make them mine,at least thats what they tell me. What really happens is, I put aside me, and become who they want me to be. I did this for many years.Being raised to believe that the ' Male' was the most important person in the household.

In our house the Male Parent and my brothers were the rulers, the girls were second class citizens, with no mind of thier own there to fetch and carry and generally wait upon the 'Masters'
Girls were useless, my education didnt matter because I was never going to be anyone worth anything anyway, constantly belittled because of my love of books, and of writing. Constantly told I would not be going to Uni, I would never be of that calibre.

Was it the spark of rebellion that made me turn from what they had planned and choose my own way? albeit a very feeble rebellion, or was it destiny? planned that way all along in my ' life cards' ?
I like to think that we all can change our destinies,that there is not one life planned, but several, and the choices that we make set us upon a different path towards a different future, sometimes better, sometimes worse. But always our choice.

After a long time, and many battles, I finally found, or regained 'me' despite others trying to hide or suppress that person, she came through in the end, though it was sometimes doubtful if she would survive.

I am me,and I like being me.

Ever had one of those days where you seem to be continously chasing your tail? Always trying to catch up?

Spread sheets and productivity sheets, has it never occured to them that by wasting up to 45 minutes a day filling the damn things in, it is hindering productivity?

I am soooo tired,need sleep,cant think of anything to say

At a quarter to nine this morning I am working away composing a letter to a client when Phil, you remember Phil the IT guy, comes up to me and says can you log off I need to move your computer. What!!! Yes you are moving, ok, so I am moving desks,again,why do you need to move my computer?
"erm you are movin rooms this time,again, your going next door"
" Your joking,right?"
" Err no, dont give me that look, I just do as I am told" he says backing off.
So I went to the higher echelons,who apologised and said that they meant to tell me yesterday, but sort of got sidetracked, like we didnt have an hour long meeting during which I could have been informed!
So moved again,the girls I sit with were none too pleased, but such is life.

Apart from that it was a 'normal' day.

Listening to soothing music right now, feeling the need to write, but what hasn't materialised yet, more of my story ( which one though?) poetry? guess I will know soon enough when the words take shape and begin to form whatever it is they are wanting to form.

I love writing, letting the words flow, watching as they begin to take shape and fashion themselves into something creative, even if they dont make sense to anyone but me. I never was a painter like the rest of the family, my older brother he could draw anything,sketch, draw from memory, and do cartoons, really good ones. The male parent thought he could paint,and he did the odd painting that was ok, mostly his stuff was paint by numbers though he had us believing he had done them from scratch till I found him out.

Grandad was a painter, his paintings were magical, awesome, you could almost step into them they were that realistic, the people looked alive, you could feel the sun and hear the wind that he painted. Sadly he didnt believe in his own talent, he didnt believe that his breathtaking scenic pictures would interest anyone, and grandma fed that low esteem by telling him they were rubbish,and constantly belittling him for ' wasting' his time. He destroyed everything he painted, except the picture of me and Rex, and in the end he destroyed that too, but it was her that destroyed it really.
Such a wonderful man, such a lonely soul.

Listening to a beautiful song this morning,titled Skylark, appropriate title for early morning. I love music even if it is just a backdrop to what I am doing, sometimes it is as if I dont actually realise it is there, yet I know the minute it stops.

Is it only tuesday? There is a song titled Friday on my Mind, canna remember who sings it for some reason, but it goes kind of like this
Monday morning is so bad,everybody seems to nag me.
Coming Tuesday I feel better,even my old man looks good.
Wednesday just dont go,Thursday goes too slow,I got Friday on my mind.

I guess thats how most people feel,except those that work weekends of course, which I did for years, but I am looking forward to this friday because I have a week off, it is a revision week as my first exam is the following monday, but still means I can relax, untill the sunday when I will be a bundle of nerves.

I have lost some weight over the past few months,guess all thats been happening has done some good,went to put my suit trousers on and I appear to need a belt on them * runs and hides behind picture over there on the left, so Paddy cant tell me off * It will soon go back on though once winter comes

Hey ho off to the daily grind,have a good day people

First day of the working week over, home and refreshed with a nice hot mug of coffee.

Had a pretty rough case today which has taken me most of the day on its own, one of my clients was diagnosed with a terminal illness in March, and we were hoping that his time in hospital from the beginning of April up to a few weeks ago would have changed the prognosis, but apparently not. So I have rung all his creditors today to try and get his debts wiped off, after all they are not going to get paid, he has only his sister, and the creditors have already admitted that they cannot chase her for them.
Most of them have been pretty good about it, and now they have all had the doctors and the hospitals letters faxed over it is just a matter of them getting back to me to say yes or no.

Other news of the day,hmmm, I finally got my meeting,in which I managed to suitably impress.
I have been informed that I will get some help though it will be only part time, which is better than nothing. They havent sorted any cover for my week off though so going back afterwards is going to be fun!

On the domestic front, I appear to have alienated the family,again. Mother hung up on me and sister isn't answering her phone, nothing new there then

My little house is all cosy and warm,and I am considering making some food,though I cant be bothered with cooking much so it will be something easy,eventually.

Hope everyone else had a good day

Monday Morning,and work beckons. It has rained through the night and there is a lovely fresh smell this morning though it will not last long once the traffic starts. Still it is nice to be able to smell that again after four years of living next to a main road. I used to have to leave the flat to be able to smell anything at all nice, except for first thing on sunday mornings. Though I admit the smell of the different restaurants, with all the different herbs and spices was nice,reminded me of things once forgotten. Now I just have to open my window,you wouldn't believe I am less than five minutes from the town.

This isnt the greatest town there is, but it has the advantage of being in the valley which means that just about everywhere you look there are fields and woods,and all the suburban areas are up hills,even though some of them are only small inclines. So while I am less than five minutes from the town centre, on the walk to work each morning I can see the countryside.

Less than ten minutes drive from where I am now and you are up on top of the valley and surrounded by moorland,in fact its only about a twenty to thirty minute walk. There is a place up there called the Tarn, a piece of water where people go and play with their remote controlled boats and their fancy schooners etc. It can be quite busy in the summer as famlilies use it for days out, but as the weather gets colder it becomes more deserted. It is man made and is only about the size of a small swimming pool,but is fairly deep.

Ah well, time to go and tackle the daily round, hope everyone has a good day

So much for a restful,relaxing weekend before getting down to some serious revising. Practically the whole of yesterday was spent catering to family whims and wants, to the extent that I ended up snapping at them. Its amazing how fast they shut up and went home after that

Then last night they dropped the kids off on their way to work and it wasn't untill they had gone that I noticed no pyjamas for Destructor number two,I found him something to wear.

Then I get a text that says will you drop them off at eleven tomorrow,scuse me! Arent you supposed to pick them up? I sent a text back saying they hadn't left jamas, text back said thought you had some, my reply, yes they are in the basket of washing that you also forgot to drop off! ( I am doing my washing there as my washer isnt working at the moment )
I will drop them off because at least that means I may get some of today to myself

Anyway, apart from that I have been inspecting train times and prices as I am taking myself on a little holiday at the end of October ( hopefully ) after my last exam, I am going to meet not one but two very special people. Thats if they are brave enough to put up with me for a weekend

OK, so I think I know what my problem is with my mail. But it is not going to be solved for a few days so anyone that has sent me a mail to my aol addy sorry, I cannot access it and you will need to PM me to get my new addy.

Now to the serious stuff of the day. Well sort of,.
Sometimes I really feel like I am invisible,well at least unil someone wants something,then I seem to be visible enough.
It is like there are times when I dont exist at all, its hard to describe,put down in words, it is not a new feeling I have felt this way before.

I can imagine myself stood in the middle of a crowded street, and not one person actually sees me, not one glance my way,not one,sorry when someone bumps into you,like they didn't even feel it! I can hear all this buzzing,is that people talking? But it is like being underwater. I am making no sense whatsoever!! I shall stop

Anyway friday night and the place is deserted,this place that is,come to think of it the street seems deserted too,no wait,a car just went past.

The one thing that I love about living here is that I dont feel so isolated, like I did in the flat.

But I always knew there would be someone to talk to on here if nowhere else,no matter what time it was.

OK, enough of that.
So what have we all been doing/done on this fine wet friday night??

And the final assignment is done,and gone post haste to its place of testing,or summat. Writing critical reviews never used to be so hard !!

The rest of the day was not so splendiferous,but its a new one tomorrow.

For some reason my email wont open, so anyone that has mailed me today, sorry I canna get intae it right now. Keeps telling me to log out and try again, Only done it six times!! I do however have a new email which I shall be sending out to those that wish,and I have changed it on here so my mail will now be delievered to it from here and my replies will come from the new addy. Who said that electronics made life easy?

Anyway now that I have just the revising for the exams to do I shall be able to catch up on everyones blogs, and read all the private posts, which CJ assures me will be like a soap opera

The middle of the week already, my how time flys when you are having fun,or not,whichever.
There are to be changes at work due to She-who-must-be-obeyed getting her marching orders. Meeting hastily called this morning, to which we ambled slowly with much trepidition. The changes that had been wrought over the past few months had only caused more work,and confusion as to who was supposed to be doing what,etc etc ( As the king of Siam said )

Some of you may remember,though it is many moons ago, that when I started in the position that I am now in, it was as head of the department,which then got amalgamated into another department,and suddenly I had team leaders and managers, again with the etc.

The meeting this morning has now placed me back where I was, in charge of my division,with one overall manager and a director above me. So good news for me as I have now had the work load that was preventing me from performing my own work taken away and I am back to doing just what I was supposed to be doing in the first place. So me is happy bunny:D

Add to that the lovely walk I took this morning in the cool early morning air,where I got a lovely view of the sun rising bfore the clouds hid it from view,though I didn't quite make it to the woods. The one good thing about living here is that on the walk to work I can see the sides of the valley, the fields and the woods right up to going through the gates. From the kitchen window in work I can actually see the woods in all their glory, I have to go for a walk out there this weekend, especially as it looks as if the leaves are turning that beautiful Gold colour.

Enough of the ramblings, off to find food

Last night before leaving work I am handed an intricately complicated case file to look at, its so messed up it will take weeks to sort out, I spent an hour this morning just trying to trace one debt! Anyways after discussions with the head of legal/customer liaison ( I am now integrated with this department ) I end up being given the case to work on and sort out, this despite the fact that I have eighteen outstanding full and final cases, and four more in today. So I tells her I have two cases set out for today and it will have to be done inbetween other things,added to the fact that I couldn't reach the subject of the case file on the phone and have had to send him out a contact letter.

But that was not the best part of my day, oh no, our glorious leader in her infinate wisdom decides it is a good day to rearrange the floor plan, and takes us all for a team meeting ( thereby wasting another half hour of my already not-enough-hours-day ) to inform us of our new seating arrangements, that have to be implemented immediately. Which means another hour of moving all our stuff from one desk to another. But wait a minute! Erm what about the phones, says I. I have a direct dial number, on that line on that desk, oh its ok Phil will fix it ( Phil is one of the IT guys ) only Phil, and Matt and Dave are all tied up doing other things, so they can't do it until tomorrow. Erm I am expecting calls from creditors with settlement figures, is Adam going to take messages for me (poor Adam looked petrified he hates answering the phones )
The one good thing is that my new desk is bigger, and as I have various folders and box files it doesn't look as cramped as the other one did. And Phil has promised to do my phone first, or so I have been told

Apart from that it has not been too bad a day, I got one client some ace settlements, enough to make him constantly thank me in the time he was on the phone.
You know the best part of this job, hearing the relief in the voices when I settle debts for them, when I inform them that something is paid off and they can wake up tomorrow debt free. When I give them figures that mean not only is the debt cleared but that at the end they even have a little left to treat themselves with.

I lay, propped on pillows, waiting. I close me eyes,breath slowly,relax. Still the nearest that I come to sleep is the actual closing of the eyes. So I give up and instead watch the shadows on the walls play and dance. There is a whole world in those shadows,if you watch carefully they change and metamorphisis into many different things.

Of course what usually happens is that your imagination takes over and you can create wonderful images,as I did/do. I wandered through the shadow woods,and watched the shadow creatures play.
I walked beside the shadow river and watched as it flowed softly on its long,never ending journey.
I watched the shadow dog chase the shadow cat,and the shadow birds take flight when they saw the shadow cat being chased by the shadow dog.
The shadow people were laughing and dancing,and they turned to me and beckoned for me to join them.
Thats when I decided it was time to get a drink! Like I can go dancing at that time of night, with work in the morning!

So I eventually did drift off into a sort of semi-sleep state,then the alarm went off, ah well, another day another dollar,except I get paid in pounds,sterling.

And it is raining,the clouds preventing me from watching the sun rise,all I could see was the gradual lightening of the sky in the breaks between the big black clouds. Ah well, theres always tomorrow.

I have completed my last assignment for this study year, just the revision now for the exams,which I have two of. Except tonight I write a course review for the tutor. Then revise,I have three weeks to my first exam and four for my second. Though I have booked a weeks holiday just before my first one to enable me to get it all together, not that I will, I am useless at exams.

Now I think I shall get some brekkie, what shall it be? Hmmm wheres the butler gone

A very long, busy day culminating in me not getting hom untill going on nine, still I did get fed, so I guess I cant complain.

I have just registered for next years courses and man that is some schedule,still if it gets me to where I want to go, then thats all that matters.

And now to the serious matters of the day. I is thinking about getting a dog, or a cat, I love both nd am not sure which to get right now.
With a dog,my son is going to go halves because he wants one but isn't allowed one, so to get round it I will have the dog when I am not at work and he will have the dog when I am, sort of dogsitting, if you like.
With a cat I dont have the problem of taking it for walks, yeah right if its like the other cats I have had it will go anyway! But there is the problem of the roads,and cars etc.
Decisions, decisions!!

Monday, the first day of the week. And so the cycle begins again, the never ending circle broken only by the winning of the lottery, or the marrying of some millionaire, or getting fired, that works Anyway as I didn't win the lottery, most millionaires are already married ( and I am not the marrying kind ) and to my knowledge I am not yet fired. I have to get ready for work very soon.

Its not a bad start to the day, the sky is clear ish, only a few clouds,the birds are singing, actually that was a duck, well several, flying off to the river,seems they dont migrate anymore since the winters have got milder.

Work should be a little better atmosphere wise as they have just fired wonder woman, thats the woman they brought in originally as a trouble shooter and ended up giving a very high paid job and a very expensive car to. It took going to the top to finally get it through that not only was she not doing the job she was paid to do, she had not a clue about what she was doing to start with. Turns out her qualifications were not, shall we say,what she had led them to believe, so according to the top she left by mutual agreement. Maybe now we will get the things we need done.

Right I shall be away, but I will be back, later ish

So there I am trying to write a critical review of a report on Witness reliability with regards to age and suggestibility. While at the same time trying to resist the temptation to kill the Jumior cyclones 1 & 2, not a chance. So I gives up for a while because footballs on and my team are playing, so that took priority. Then somehow I got conned into going to McDonalds and ends up eating it sat in the car whilst son jet washes and waxes the aforementioned car. Then gets dragged to see the wedding dress of the century before managing to escape back to normality,or was I escaping from normality?

Anyhoo, still trying to write said review, I shall conquer, well I shall write it eventually.

My team won, finally. I knew the dynamic damien could do it, and he has, finally.

I have managed to get round a few blogs and I might add some new ones that are quite interesting,.
Ah well back to the review

Well here we are a beautiful,sunny sunday. Well it is here anyway.
I have visited a few blogs but I have to admit that this is going to be one heck of a blogathon, you all write so much! lol. I will however catch up on all blogs, so much has been going on.

Course you could make it easier by just telling me what has been happening, but then there would be no fun in that So be prepared for comments on posts that are weeks old,lol.

So its stupid o clock and I have yet to go to sleep, bearing in mind that I am at work in three hours there seems little point now. It must be all the excitement

The sun is just rising and from my study window I can see the tops of the trees of my beloved wood and the fields beyond that make up the valley side.Through the other window I can see to the other side of the valley,though I have to admit that I am looking out over the tops of houses.
It is such a lovely feeling to know that now when I look out of my windows I can see trees and fields and people,and not just the tax office and its myriad of windows. I can hear people talking and children laughing and playing and I can watch the sun rise from right here while I am sat typing.

Though that does not mean I wll stop taking my walks, though the woods might be a bit farther away than they were its not that much extra walking time, I couldn`t survive without my walks, my little sojourns into the realms of the wild, course Lions and Tigers are slightly farther away Guess I will have to make do with squirells and deer

Good evenink fair people of blog land
Here to date are the adventures of this one armed woman.
It all started one fine July morn when the powers that be ( the electric board ) finally decided to show me that they had the power ( pardon the pun ) and decided to diminish mine, that is make it non existant. This was the culmination of ten months of arguing and fighting and trying to prove that I could not have possibly used the amount of electrikery that they surmised me to have done.
Add to that more shenanikins with an unscrupulous landlord and the outcome was the need to find somewhere to live like pronto.

During more ahem 'talks ' with the powers to be at the power company, like the threatening to go to the ombudsman etc, and it appears that all might not be well in the other flats too. Seems our landlord might just have been using the flats to supply some of the power to the shops, I will know more when the inspector has conducted his investigation. This was brought about by a friend of mine who is a fully qualified electrician, inspecting the appliances at the flat and the supposed tariff the meter was supposed to be on and declaring that there was no way that the amount they say was used could have been used.
Staying inbetween the flat and my sons and I had me a little accident in which I broke my wrist,but I also found me a house. The broken wrist and not getting paid for five weeks while they changed my wages from weekly to monthly has held things up somewhat but finally I got moved in,
And today, finally, I got my internet connection installed.
And there you have it, well most of it.
Oh by the way
I'm back