And here I am back again, I have slept the sleep of the um, well tired I guess, though I dont think drug induced sleep is that refreshing at least I got some

I wandered out in to the cold wet night, though I was nice and warm and cosy in my nice warm winter coat. Though I was actually too warm, it really is not that cold yet, in fact it has probably been one of the mildest Novembers I can remember. Of course it is the 1st of December tomorrow and then it is all downhill to the new year, so can anyone tell me, what happened to this one?

It seems to have gone by so fast, must be the studying that is responsible for that, amongst other things.December the last month of this year, and of course that most expensive of all days Christmas, there is a debate going on about if I should have a tree or not, I wouldn't mind but I am not even the one debating

And tomorrow is also Friday, the end of the week, the forerunner to the weekend, though I will be working most of it to make up for today, never mind, I will soon be caught up and everything will be fine.

Here I am with a much needed day of rest, and what am I doing, well nothing actually, apart from sitting here and typing nonsensical stuff, isn't that what days off are for?

My son has just bought the most beautiful dog, she is a Huskie and is called Ellie, and is absolutely beautiful, thirteen months old. Her owner no longer could look after her as she should be looked after, and to be honest she has been well looked after up to now.

Of course it got me to thinking about my life with German Sheperds, we used to take mistreated ones and retrain them, then find them good homes.

We took one that had been locked up 23 hours a day in a beneath stairs cupboard, his name was Major and when we took him he didn't know what daylight was, he had never seen it, he went out at night, for one hour and was then put back in the cupoboard.

The first time I tried to take him out through the day he panicked and shot back in the house,I had spent weeks getting him used to the daylight just by having him in the room with the light coming through the windows. We had to have his eyes tested to make sure that they hadn't been totally damaged by his dark life, and though they were at first weak outside in the light, they did become stronger.

Everything was strange and new to him, cars, people, he had no idea about roads, and sadly, he didn't know how to play. He had never chased a ball, or a stick, never played pull with a rope, but he was damn good at hide and seek in the dark! By the time he was ready to go to his new family he was like a pup again, his tail wagged all the time and he would bring the ball and stand with his head to one side waiting for you to throw it.

When we chose a family, it was usually the dogs choice, we would spend a few weeks taking them every day, so they got used to them and the family got used to the dog, allowing them to take the dog out teaching them the dogs instructions so the dog didn't get confused. And there would come a time when the dog would be reluctant to leave and thats when you knew they were ready to go to their new home.

I kept the last dog we rescued, Khan, he was my baby, a beautiful black,tan and sable. He was huge, and I loved him to bits. Sadly Khan died of a heart attack but I like to think I made his last years better for him than they would have been.

Good morning fair people of Blogland, tis that dreaded wed-nes-day, the middle of the working week, the nowhere day, I like this day, but many see it as a hurdle to be gotten over to start the descent to the weekend. I suppose it depends upon whether the glass is half full or half empty as to how you view this day.

It has been a rough week so far with some family problems rearing their heads, but hopefully calm has once again descended upon the Dark Angel clan and the rest of the week will be fine.

Secret Santa is doing well, still plenty of time for others to join, so come on put your name down and have a bit of fun. Want to know what I am talking about see the post further down Titled Secret Santa.

Got to go now, work beckons, but onlyfor a couple of hours today, am going to see the doctor man later.

Have a good day, keep smiling.

I am
The quiet before dawn
The golden summer morn
The sweetest scented rose
I am the gentle breeze that blows

I am
The rainbows in the sky
The softest lovers sigh
the sweetness in your smile
I am your heartbeat, for a while

I am
The thoughts that fill your head
The words you left unsaid
the dreams that fill your sleep
I am, the secret that you keep.

I often write about how lucky I am, dont worry I am not going to go off in to long protracted rambles about my wonderful friends etc. Though they are.

I usually find/see/hear something everyday that makes me thankful of what I have, makes me miss less that what I can not have, but never quenches the determination to better myself if I can.

Today was one of those days that made me think about it a little more, made me a little more thankful for those that I have beside me ( even if some of them are in Walesand Ireland) made me feel a little less lonely, and maybe a little more humble, in fact a lot more humble, about life and its random choices.

Sometimes no matter how determined you are that nothing will spoil your day, that it will be good, that you will carry that cheery feeling with you untill the moment you close your eyes again, or for some of us, the moment we lay down, it doesn't work that way, something/one gets under your skin and no matter how you try to remove it, it sticks there like a tenacious terrier with its bone.

It doesn't have to be something that gets you annoyed, or mad, or flustered, just something that makes you feel extremely sad, and extremely lucky.

The week can only improve.

The wind is howling, the rain is pouring, but, it is a wonderful day, I am going to keep thinking that to myself all day,then it may just turn out that way

Some happenings here in Blogland today firstly it is MORELEARNNG'S birthday, a very happy birthday to you, my friend

To wish him happy birthday go to http://morelearning.blog.co.uk

Second JOHN arrives today in Ireland, and though I cannot be personally there, Welcome John, maybe you can get Paul to slow down a bit, there again, which brings us to the third thing, PAUL's big opening night tonight, break a leg Paul, not that you need any luck, from the little I have seen and heard your shows are brilliant.

If you want to wish him luck then go to http://paulboyd.blog.co.uk

And for anyone else that is having a special day, enjoy, have fun.

Happy Monday folks

I have spent the afternoon with the poly boy, no it wasn't so I could watch my team play on his widescreen tv It was actually because he phoned me and asked me to go up, I mentioned that my team were playing and shouldn't he be resting, I would keep the boys a little longer, but he wanted to see me, and mentioned that I could watch the game at his. You wouldn't think he was in his twenties

Anyway, he is a lot better than he was early this morning, except he can only drink juice and water and eat toast and biotic yoghurt, that hasn't gone down too well but, he is actually doing as he is told, which means it must really have scared him.

My team won Yayyyyy, twice in 4 days, go boys!!

So where was I, oh yes, thinking about what to have to eat?

Good morning folks, I apologise for my tardiness in answering comments on Secret Santa, I will do that in a short while, keep them coming the more we have the more fun we have

The reason for my lateness today, my Son was rushed into hospital from work at stupid o'clock this morning with severe abdominal pains, he is home now, but it was a scarey few hours

As a result I am very tired and have a severe headache, but a couple of paracetomol, and a few hours relaxing will sort that.

Secret Santa is going well, remeber it is not just for people on the friends list this is open to everyone in Blogland should they wish to join in

Secret santa

I have had an idea, behave its not that bad!

I am sure you have all heard and probably participated in the Secret Santa that usually does the rounds of work places at this time of the year.
Basically names go in a hat and you pick one out and you buy that person a present.

I dont propose we all buy each other presents, that could turn out to be costly what with different countries, cities etc.

What I propose is this, we put our names in a kind of hat, namely my mail box, I will then number the names so noone knows who is who, and you choose a number. You then have to write a Christmas blog for and about the person you have chosen. Only the person that has chosen that number will know who it is.

The blogs are to be written Christmas week.

Anyone wanting to participate just let me know, either by commenting, or PM'ing or mailing me.

What do you think folks, lets make Christmas fun!!!!

By the way this is for everone not just people on the friends list, so if you have read and want to join in, just add your name

1 Day, that makes it tomorrow!!!!!!!

I lay awake, warm and cosy on the sofa, for most of the night, just thinking, letting the thoughts drift not focusing on any one particular thing at all.

Of course Christmas popped up, that most strenuous of times, that most costly day of the year. I had informed my children several months ago that I will not be doing Christmas this year and that they have to make their own arrangements, an announcement that did not go down very well.

Every year I do Christmas dinner and they all come to me, it is the longest, hardest, day of the year and last year, after yet again having to, cook, clean, run around after their children while they sat on their * and drank wine and beer etc, I said thats it, the last one I am doing. They didnt believe me, now they do.
My little house is no way big enough, and to be honest I dont want to be the one doing everything while they sit around, anymore.

So son says, you come to us, we know where this is leading dont we? Apparently if I have the destructor on christmas eve as they both have to work, I can cook the meat! And I may as well stay over as its Christmas eve and I am coming back the next day anyway.

My answer, I live five minutes away, if that, I am going home and you can phone me five minutes before dinner is ready

More nocturnal thoughts later, I need a caffiene boost

There I am all buzzed up, knowing that friday is laid back day, everyone is happy as it is nearly the weekend. I plaster a radiant smile on my pale as a ghost face and make a supreme effort to greet everyone with a smile and a hello.

So what the hell happened? I dont think I have spoken to even one person who did'nt have a lousy night, and they are tired, and they think they might be getting a cold, and they have a headache. And not just the people at work either, just everyone.

So tell me, did this mysterious affliction hit all these people when I was not looking, it cant have been while I was sleeping as I didn't, but for me its normal! Is this the opposite of The Day of the Triffids? Instead of affecting all the awake people it has affected all the asleep people, which means soon giant plants will be invading our streets or something.

Its friday, what happened to great its the weekend?

Ah well never mind, I shall sip my Smirnoff ice and muse about the beautiful, and the natural, and No, it wasn't me that fed the Triffids

2 Days

What is it about Friday morning that is different to the rest of the week? Maybe its because Friday morning means last day before the weekend?

A whole two days to leave work behind, forget about all the issues, relax, do your own thing. Everyone is nicer to deal with on a friday, more relaxed, laid back and helpful. Even the bosses realise that Friday is different it is dress down day where I work, no business suits, jeans and t-shirts or wooley tops, as long as they aren't OTT.

But I have to admit my bosses are the most approachable bosses I have ever worked for, and I am including the two that own the place, down to earth, they will laugh and joke with their work force, go out of their way to make sure that things are right if their employees are giving them what they want, which to them is just good old fashioned work ethics. Do your job the best you can and of you can think of ways to improve it, let them know, they are always willing to listen and if it is a good idea to put it into practice.

Anyway enough about that, I am star struck again this morning, seeing as how I have just been stood beneath a multitude of them, icy little diamonds covering the sky.

I am being taken out to lunch today, so I had better make sure I look at least half respectable

Have a good day, and enjoy whatever you are doing

I seem to have a little bit of a situation going on at the moment at work, on the one hand I am pleased that the big boss has such faith in me that he will say " lets pass this to Lynd, she will get it done" and on the other, well it means that the person that should have done the work, and the person that normally does this kind of work as part of her job description has now had it removed from her.

Am I being disloyal to a work colleague by being loyal to clients and giving them the service that they should have been getting to start with?

It started with the addition of the Critical Illness division into my department, that was fine, as there was no appointed person untill I took it over, now they have added yet another division to my little overworked department in the form of Deaths, the Director seems to think that it follows naturally that I should deal with this, especially when he found through the absence of two supposedly key members of the Customer liaison department ( They normally deal with deaths etc) that the work was either not being carried out or was being carried out too slow and in a manner he was not best pleased with.

His instructions, overhaul all the letters that are sent out to clients and creditors, compose new ones that will actually show sympathy and not beurocracy, from now on this is your baby. Like I dont have enough to do!

Trouble is the manager of this department is a friend, the Director has decided she is not doing her job, big changes are afoot but he is not saying what yet. She is absent from work, again, and he has had the chance to look into what she actually does, or rather doesn't get done.

I feel disloyal to her when he is taking apart her department, yet at the same time I am feeling pride in my own work that he believes I can get results.

What a conundrum!

Anyway, my team won, yayyyyy, in fact all the British teams won tonight. So that has made me feel good, despite the fact that when I went to work this morning I looked like Death on a bad day

Just got back, quick sandwich and I cant stop as my team are playing in five minutes

A very, very, long day, but I will tell you more later

Ciao for now

The wind is howling, it is pouring it down,it is darn cold, anyone would think it was winter

Nearly the weekend, and for me nearly payday Not that there will be a lot left after I have paid out but hey for at least a few days I will have some money

And once again into the fray, working late tonight, got loads to do and it is work late tonight or work the weekend, hmmm, lets see now, break up the weekend or sacrifice a few hours through the week,easy choice really

Just got to find that magic spell that will stop the wind trying to blow me back the way I came, now what was it, ah yes, T A X I
Just jessin of course I only live five minutes from work, tis easier to walk than wait twenty minutes for a Jo Baxi!

I hope it is nicer out there wherever that is, and that you all have a good day.

In trying very hard to clear my head of this mugginess I have been going through past writings, no not blog ones I rarely re-read them.

Its hard enough to make sense of the things I write when I am not muggy, I am looking at them and thinking, did I really write that? So if anyone gets any weird letters in the next few days, its not me its the medication

I often read and watch true life stories, I guess it is my way of convincing myself that my life has not been that bad after all, that there are many out there like me, who have in some form or another had lousy childhoods yet have still managed to grow into half decent adults.

Sometimes I would get through by imagining that this really wasn't my life and that some King/Lord/Duke whatever was going to come one day and announce that he was my real father and my life would then begin. Of course I knew that would never happen.

Then my fantasies changed, they became less about being rescued and more about surviving and becoming someone other than the person they all thought I would be, I think I managed to do both of those quite well.

One other thing that my escapism from my early life gave me was the ability to write what I saw, I may not always do this very well, or even coherently sometimes,and the stories that I write may not be the best sellers of all time, but, they are as much a part of me as the colour of my eyes.

I set off to work feeling really Cr..erm not good, full of cold and you know how that makes you feel

Texting my normal good morning messages to my bestest friend, and him trying to make me laugh and feel better ( He is so lovely) walking down the road with the wind blowing and thinking why am I not at home in bed?

When I turned the corner and Wow, the most beautiful sight, right there in front of me. the sun was just coming up over the hills and it was colouring all the clouds, the sky was a mixture of colours from dark grey to the most beautiful pinks and blues. How could you feel grotty after seeing that? It widened the smile that my lovely friend had already put on my face.

Now I am off to put my feet up after a gruelling hour at Physio.

Catch you later

4 days

Middle of the week again, where does the time go?
Yesterday seemed to fly past despite the fact that I worked late, I guess thats because I was so busy.

I guess being busy is better than having nothing to do, being full of cold doesn't help though, but, it is only a cold and it will run its course, as they do.

Thinking about things when you are laid wrapped up on the sofa feeling slightly sorry for yourself tends to bring back memories, some that make you smile, some you dont want to remember, many you dont want to remember. Memories are nice for long winter evenings when the rain is falling and you close the curtains and get all cosy. But only if the things you remember are nice.

I remember being dressed in this pretty little white dress with a huge blue sash that tied in a bow at the back, my long hair being taken down from its plaits and brushed untill it shone, this was for a family photograph that had been requested by the grandparents, I say family it was my two brothers and I, one older and one younger. There were some taken with my hair down and some with it back in its plaits, twenty minutes after the photographs had been taken, I was up a tree, white dress and all
Boy did I suffer for that one! But I still managed to climb higher than the boys despite having a dress on, never wore that dress again

Isn't it funny the things that pop into your head?

Time to go now, again, hope you all have a great day and dont work too hard

I usually try to do the rounds of blogs a few a night and more at the weekend, but tonight I have no energy, a very long day, not getting home untill nearly half eight from work, bearing in mind I started at eight. And on top of that I am sneezing my blooming head off

Just to let you know I am not ignoring anyone, I am just a little pooped tonight and I am now going to wrap myself up on the sofa in front of the fire and relax for a short while.

So no ramblings tonight folks, unless of course I get a new lease of life somewhere in the early hours

5 Days

Hey ho, another work day, I seem to measure my life by these at the moment, but then most of us do

It is pouring it down ( nothing new there then ) and slightly cold, but, its not as bad as it could be. at least its not snowing

So have a good Tuesday folks, and dont get too wet

I dont consider myself to be stupid, then again I would never get in the running for the brain of britain! I am of a fairly high intelligence, I love learning, and I devour information as though it was biscuits with afternoon coffee.

So I am bemused and bewildered at the fact that I cannot seem to master Statistics. Give me figures, such as I work with, I will instantly work out the percentages, instantly work out the difference between the account balance and the settlement figure when they only give me a percentage to work with.

My children used to find it amusing that they could give me sums to do and I would beat the calculator, but thats more to do with others having slow fingers than me being clever I failed miserably at maths when I was at school, and the only reason I am any good with figures is because they interest me. When you have to feed and clothe three children and run a household on next to nothing you soon learn the value of being able to play with figures. And my Mother had trained as an accountant so I guess figures run in the family.so to speak

But, somewhere somehow when those statistics enter my brain, they just dont go nowhere, its like there is an invisible hand blocking the way with a no entry sign. I read the books, I think I have absorbed it, then when I come to do anything with it, my mind goes totally and completely blank. I look at it and struggle to remember what is a quasi-experiment, what is a between participants design, continuous, discrete and categorical variables,and so on and so forth. Its like there is a hole where the information should be?

So any tips on how to retain this very important information or how to recall it? Because I have tried every trick in the book and this baby dont want to play!

There are times when the day has been slightly stressful, or when things weigh me down a little more than they should, and the Angel wings seem to droop a little, that I welcome the sweet soothing nature of rain.

I stand in the pouring rain and let it wash over me,and yes I know I will probably catch pneumonia, but I did have my coat on Somehow it seems to sooth away all the bad stuff and I start to feel human again, perhaps I feel too much for others, and sometimes their pain seems to outweigh everything else,it casts a shadow over me, and the rain washes it away, releases it, and no it isn't anything that my friends at home or on here have done, I guess I get too involved with my work.

And on to better things, except I cannot think of any.

So back later with those
Hope everyone else had a good Monday?

6 Days

Monday, the beginning of another week, where is the time going?

I loved the comments I got from yesterdays post, which just goes to prove that the word 'Normal' should be removed from the dictionary

Anyway not a lot of time today, so much to do, so little time,it has a way of running away with you when you most need it to slow down a little. Sorry I wasn't around to answer your comments last night, I had one of those days that just seem to fly there is so much to be crammed into it. Is it me or does time seem to go faster at this time of the year?? Snowballing us to the beginning of the next one?

Have a good Monday all, and I will catch you later, when i stop to catch my breath

Znethru and I decided we had to think about what 'Normal' is for an hour (or three as the case may be) and then blog it. We have not discussed it, I am writing mine he is writing his. So here we go.
The question was 'What is Normal?'
How do we define normal?

Do we measure it against ourselves and the things that we do? or do we measure it against the 'Norms' of society?

Societies 'Norms' have built up over years of people telling you what is and isn't 'right', politicians, doctors etc. So then if we are to measure 'Normal' by these rules then neither I nor many of my friends can be classed as such.

We know that society is ever changing and the things that were looked upon as 'Abnormal' say twenty years ago are no longer looked on as such today, well there are still some that believe in things that are no longer the case, but this is more because of prejudice than anything else.

So lets judge 'Normal' against ourselves, I think it perfectly normal to kick through leaves on the ground, sleep silly hours, eat when i feel like it, or when my body insists I do. Gaze at stars, dance to music that I like, sing, be a shoulder to cry on, confuse people, annoy people because they dont 'get' where I am coming from and I cant seem to explain it to them. Debate issues from local to world back to local, play football, watch football, dislike cricket, think tennis is boring, prefer to read/write than watch TV, put others that I care about before all else.

Yet I know that not everyone is like me, perhaps there are very few like me, or maybe there are many, to me 'Normal' is being who you are, being true to yourself and not letting others make you something you are not.

So the answer, well there isn't one, because each individual will define 'normal' as seen through their own eyes, their own beliefs, the way they were raised and the way they are now.

I know I have said it before, and I run the risk of people saying " here she goes again" but you know, I dont give a Damn, I feel many times that I am a really lucky person.

I have great friends, I am sat listening to some fantastic music, my pleasure in this music is made even more special by the fact that I know hardly anyone else has ever heard this music, a friend of mine composed it, plays it and sent me it to listen to and get my opinion, he trusted me enough to let me have this music before it comes out on CD.

I have a Job I like and am good at, even though it is hectic and sometimes frustrating. I have a family, somewhere, that maybe gives me a thought every now and then. I have my own family, that are also frustrating, but I love em!

I may not have a husband/partner, but that has been partly my choice and partly circumstance, one day maybe. But right now, it is not an issue.

I have the ability to laugh and I do, often, I have the ability to debate and discuss many issues with friends, I have the ability to see and hear and touch, to feel the beauty that surrounds me, life is good, and I am lucky to be able to live it with such good company

An interesting day so far, had to dash off but am back now for a little while.

Did I get the synopsis done? Erm actually no, but I did get the question and answer paper done

Interesting conversations last night, thanks guys

Have had a fairly musical morning Motorhead, Queen, Iron Maiden, Abba, Don Maclean (live in concert singing Crying, goosebump time) Dionne Warwick, Alabama Three, Kenny G and of course Pink Floyd, cannot have a musical day without Pink Floyd now could we? Now listening to Kuffdam and Plant Playing Dream Makers.

The heavens seem filled with stars this past week, the clouds always seem to have dissapeared when I go out and the sky is so clear, so dark and so many stars. Makes me feel kind of small, Well smaller than I already am anyway ) It is so vast, so endless.

Anyway, sunday the day to rest and relax so how many are actually doing that?

Good Morning Its Sunday
Got to go
Back later

I see the same scene each night, the beautiful stars in the night sky, I never get tired of it, how can you tire of such beauty? Such perfection? Tonight I even saw a shooting star, amazing.

Serial killers and Signature killers, I am often asked why there are two names for what is basically the same thing? I will explain as far as I can, yes a signature killer is a serial killer, what makes him different though?

A serial killer as everyone knows is a person that kills over and over untill stopped. Throughout the course of his career he/she will evolve, starting with probably only assaults and then evolving, becoming more daring if you like, and more frequent untill they are finally caught. The serial killer usually chooses a type of person to kill in a specific way, the reason for his kill is always his own mental image. And they use many reasons for picking their specific targets.

A signature killer is a serialist in that they kill over and over untill stopped, the difference between the two, the signature killer does not keep to a certain type of person, nor do they keep to a specific way of doing the deed, the one thing that they do is leave a signature, something specific to them, a mark on the body, a certain way of leaving the victim, displaying them or covering them up. Often this is the only way that some murders can be connected the means of the murder being so different. A signature killer is often evolved before murders are connected, being able to go for long periods without being compelled to kill. Of course as with their counterparts the time in between murders does get shorter, sometimes they may commit two or three in a short space of time, then laying low for a longer period before reappearing.

With serialists the thrill becomes harder to sustain as time goes by and they have to re-enact it more often.

It is believed that the first serialist was Jack the Ripper, though it could be that it was merely the first one that became publicly acknowledged.

Whoooops wrong button

Anyway I have just spent a whole two hours lounging on the sofa and reading a fictional book

two hours now I will spend the rest of the weekend catching up on what I should have been doing Which is basically doing work I wont have time to do when at work, there is something sadly wrong here, hmmmmmm

But, my confession is, dan da dan.... I just watched Americas next top model, I know, I know, but in my defense I was too comfortable to get up and get the remote, which my daughter had moved out of Molly's way I watched three episodes before I was driven to the refuge of the study

So what we all up to tonight?