Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

Sunday morning, not that saturday night has finished yet, at least thats what it feels like when the sleep genie forgets to visit.

My son called me at just after six, to see if I was awake, no dear I always answer the phone in my sleep! He had just finished work and came for a coffee, he was angry and upset, they have found the car, whats left of it anyway. Apparently our theives as professional as they may have been at stealing it, didnt want it for anything more than transport, then they fired it. The police reckon they did that to cover up any prints etc, which is why they think it was professionals who took it for a ride to where ever their own transport was. Five grands worth of car gone just like that Why couldn't they have taken the crappy fiesta parked just above if thats all they wanted?

Anyhoo, it is New Years eve, and I guess everyone is preparing for the nights festivities, I shall be at home as per normal, not liking crowds does tend to keep me in on New Years eve. Still I shall have a little drink to all my friends and wish you all a Happy New year when the clock strikes the hour. Apart from that the day will be spent cleaning and stuff, always like to greet the new year with a nice clean house. Strange the things we do?

The hail is bouncing against the windows as I sit here and write, no not this, other things that I am writing, but needed a short break.

And though the wind is blowing a gale and trying to open my door ( which is locked) and trying to come in through my window, and the hail keeps replacing the rain, I have visions of blue skies and sweet smelling meadows, with a little stream meandering beneath the trees set there in the middle, a warm breeze stirring the leaves gently.

The humming of bees as they gather their nectar and the lazy circling of a bird high up in the oh so blue sky, dotted here and there with white fluffy clouds, a picnic basket, a cloth, and wine chilling in the stream. A book open, but unread as the scenery takes precedence over all else.

One way to battle the cold of winter, I guess

All through the night and this morning the wind was blowing a gale, the rain was pouring, bins were flying across the street, doors and windows rattled. I was at my sons, babysitting, the dog kept jumping and barking ( They have a Siberian Husky) several times going to the window and growling and barking. At five thirty when my son came home, we discovered his car had been stolen

It is parked on the street just up from the house, so its not in immediate sight of the window, and as car alarms were going off all over the place because of the wind, and whoever did it, knew how to disable an alarm pretty fast. Apparently the police say it was the perfect night for it. Doesn't stop me thinking I should have heard something. Though my son says he is glad I didn't, as knowing me I would have tried to stop them, and it could have been dangerous. What! With a dirty great Husky at my side?

The police are coming later for a statement

What a lovely end to the year, hope this is not a taste of things to come.

Just been talking cars with FK and it brought back the memories of the cars that I have loved and lost. Not cars we have owned, but ones that were exclusively, mine, well in a fashion seeing as how I couldn't drive

Cars never bothered me one way or another, they were a means of transport, untill we bought the Corsair,my money, but apparently his car,not! now that was a beautiful car

Course, she didnt last long before the ex swapped her or sold her, I dont remember which.

My most favourite car, and the love of my life, (which I cannot find a picture of, all my pics being destroyed some while ago )
Was a bright yellow Toyota Corrina, we got her in 82, and she had been stood for a few years so she was a seventies model.

I first saw her one morning when taking the children to school, she was stood in the playing field we passed through, next to the back garden of the owner, grass growing up her wheels, looking all forlorn and unloved, Awwwwww! It was like she called to me as I passed through, for about two weeks I passed her, and kept thinking go ask what he is doing with her, but I was awful shy.
Then one day as I went through he was out in the garden, so I said to him, what are you planning to do with the car, he had a new car and she apparently had been stood for three years unused, the first two in the garage and then a year with the grass growing around her. So he was considering junking her, I asked him how much he wanted, I know, what an idiot, buying a car that has been stood that long, guess he thought so too, but I got her for next to nothing.
I took the key and placed it in the ignition and turned it, baby didnt let me down, she started on the first turn of the key, what a beautiful sweet sound ( yes I had put petrol in first, just enough to get her going)

We got her moved to mine and cleaned her up, she glistened and shone when I had finished, inside and out. The very first car that I had seen and bought exclusively myself, and I loved her to bits. Amidst promises of driving lessons for me so I could drive her, hubby took over, then one day he decided to drive home from Grassington with the handbrake on, he got as far as Silsden before he noticed the smoke coming from beneath the bonnet

The engine of course had seized and rather than get rid of my lovely car, I invested in a reconditioned one, which we duly fitted ourselves, with a little help from a mechanic I knew,( yes I can play with car engines and change radiators on Ford transits, and have even been known to regulate the timing on a car&bike )

She didnt run quite the same, though the engine was a newer model, then came the glorious day when my (since divorced) husband went out in her and came back in a Triumph Herald????? He had swapped her, I told him he had to just go and get it back, but apparently he was into this guy for some money and he had insisted on my car.

I stated rather wickedly that I hoped he crashed it, and he did, two days later, into a wall And my baby was no more.

I was remembering through the night, when sleep became that bright elusive butterfly once again, songs I used to love, a long time ago when the world was young and I was already old. There is always one song, you know it, the tune runs round your head, but the words wont come and the title eludes you, it will be there for weeks now driving me nuts

The follies of youth, except I didnt have any, I grew up before I should and missed all that tearaway terror time, I rode bikes and wished on stars, but it was done in secret. Never getting dropped off near home in case I was seen, never able to go do the things that all the other girls my age were doing, the princess locked in the tower, except the Prince never came, guess his bike ran out of fuel?

They get tired of people that are not allowed to come out and play, and so they stop asking, but I never stopped wishing on stars, and eventually I escaped from the tower, admittedly not very far at first, just another room. But came the time that I found my way from there to freedom, of a sort.

I always go to sleep, when it will allow, with the same thought, tomorrow is a new day, and it is, for you never know what it will bring. What magical things there are for you to discover, each new day brings a new drop of magic into your life, and all you have to do is see.

Sometimes I feel like I am stood in the middle of nowhere, in the height of a storm, no one hears me because when I speak my voice is drowned out by the thunder and my words are whipped away by the wind. No one can see me because the lightning blinds their eyes and the sheets of rain provide a curtain behind which I am hidden.

Other times I fear to speak because the veil of quiet that lies over everything would be shattered by the sound of my voice, even a whisper would break the fragile peace. And I hold my breath for fear that great damage would be done to the gossamer thread that holds it all together.

Dreams, in the rare times that the sandman finds his way to my bedside, yet not dreams, because often they feel more realistic than reality itself, woven from some thought that has found its way down in to the dark of the vast cavernous tunnels of the subconscious.

Perhaps it is reality that is the dream?

I got out of bed and stumblingly took Molly out for her walk, feeling not so much that morning has broken but that it has snuck up and gone BOO!!!!

And its Thursday, what happened to the rest of the week? Come on own up, who took it?

One of the problems with Christmas is it disorientates you, takes away days, and before you know it the New Year is racing towards you like a runaway train, and you suddenly start thinking, whats the next year going to be like? And hoping that the good things that you had this year repeat themselves and the bad things get lost in the ether.

My keyboard is mucky, will have to clean that tonight, thats what you get for eating chocolate and typing at the same time.?

Um, where was I? Ah yes, we have done Secret Santa, and the Wonderful Juzzmeister is doing Your year past, so how about we do New years Eve?

Lets hear those stories of what you got up to in New year celebrations past, I am sure there should be some absolutely brilliantly funny happenings out there somewhere

Right now I have to get ready for work, but I am looking forward to reading tales of Celebratory happenings

You know sometimes you get that really high feeling and you just know there is going to be a come down to it, well I got both yesterday, never mind, these things happen.

Work was a bit slow, with half the firms still not back, and the other half only scantily staffed, it made my job practically impossible, so I gave up and left early. Means I will probably have to work Sat morning but thats no loss.

I took a little trip into town, seems my place was just about the only place that isnt a shop that went back to work today! However I did manage to find a shop empty enough to get a new top and some new jeans at a knock down price in the sales

So what you lot been doing then?

Running exceptionally late this morning, cant stay to chat, got to go to work, have a good day and catch you all later.

Just watched Johnny Depp, mmmmmmm.Why is it that some men just get tastier with age? And why dont I meet them?

Speaking of Pirates, the next thing on is the film about the airliner that never made it to its target at 9/11, dont know if boxing day is the right time to show this but, there is never a right time I guess.

It makes you wonder if Five US have chosen this time because of the death sentence on Saddam being upheld by the appeals court? Bit of a no win situation this one, whatever they do or dont do to him, they make him a martyr. And thats the currant affairs world news dealt with.

Next on the agenda, I had to laugh today when going on my epic journey, for weeks it has been advertised that the supermarket is closed for two days, not opening untill wednesday, people bought huge trolleys full of food and drink, and what were they all doing today, driving to the supermarket, then cursing cos it was closed? Erm what happened to all that food? Do people actually read posters and adverts stating when places are open and closed?

Thats it foir now, more rambling later, depending on how many Baileys I partake of

Yesterday I had a choice, I could sit at home on my own in the lovely peace and quiet, and wallow in memories of christmases past, or I could get dressed up put on the make-up and go somewhere else, somewhere I didnt want to be, I took the second choice, because it made my son feel good.

Today I had a choice, stay at home where it is warm and cosy, and watch TV, and play on the comp, and do a bit of study, and eat chocolates and get slowly tipsy. Or go and visit my 81 year old mother who has different memories to mine and moans about everyone, and talks about the guy who beat her black and blue and made her life a misery for forty odd years as though he was a saint. I chose the latter, why? because she is my mam.

I made a discovery today, I have been waiting ten years to make it, and though it is not going to magically make my life better, it has given me an inner peace I haven't known in a long time.

I love the walk to my Mothers, it is a long walk, it is mainly uphill on the way there, but the scenery is spectacular, and the sound of the river as I get near is magical.

Hope everyone else is having a good day.

Susans House

Enjoy

Today I will venture out from my little cosy house and go and attempt to talk to the Mother, that may sound a little mean, but talking to someone that has an entirely different version of the past than you have, and one who lies so consistently that she manages to make you unsure of the truth, is damn hard work.

But she has had another fall and is nursing a bruised rib ( Though she insists it is broken) and a cut and swollen knee, and she needs some stuff getting. I do this every year, she does this every year, its becoming a tradition!

She tells me no one has been, but my sister went Christmas Eve, she admitted yes she had, but she didnt come for christmas? She tells me that she hasn't been to my sisters for nearly four years, I say no mam we had your party there last year, oh yes so we did? My sister tells me they go and pick her up at least once a month for the weekend, she even has her own room there. Guess it wont be long before she needs to be there for good

On the brightside, I am back at work tomorrow

Thats it then, over for another year, all this fuss and the day passes, somewhat slowly, but it passes. I did my bit, got dressed up put my mask on and played the part.

Actually it wasn't that bad, the kids enjoyed themselves and after all that is what christmas is about, the kids. The difference this year, I was able to leave when it got too much, and come home to my quiet little house and my little Molly.

All in all, it was different, it has been quiet, and I have managed to keep the pace nice and slow, now I am enjoying a nice glass of baileys and writing, letting the thoughts flow, though I will probably end up with a load of gobbledy gook, who cares?

Isn't it amazing how a few hours sleep can make such a difference! Anyway it is Christmas morning, early I know, though not as early as it could have been had I got up when I woke up

Things look different today, not because the situation is any different, but because a new day always makes things look better and we can look at things more reasonably and calmly. I will miss not seeing the children, but, I will not dwell on it, today they are going to do something new and hopefully for them it will be exciting. After all life is about change.

Thankyou for the lovely comments, I am glad that I have stuck to what I said and not 'done' Christmas this year, for the first time since I can remember I have not had to get up at the crack of dawn and start messing about preparing for the family, and it is so nice to be able to relax and just do things at an even pace, no cleaning up wrapping paper, no fetching and carrying, I am having a totally selfish Christmas. And it feels good

Wishing You All A Wonderful Christmas
A time for reflection as well as Celebration
Embrace the New Year
With open arms
And enjoy every moment !

Merry Christmas to all my friends xxxxxxxx

It seems that I am to be punished for wanting to take a christmas off from doing all the hard work and having all the family at mine, my punishment is not getting to see my eldest daughters children, at all, over Christmas.

I have had no text messages, no phone calls, in fact right now it is like I dont exist, she texted my son and asked him to take the presents up. When he asked her if she had been to see me, she said she didnt have time, he asked if she had text me, she didnt have time. I have never since the first one was born, not seen them at Christmas, and I cannot even go up tomorrow as she will be at the house of the latest fellas mother.

Feeling like emptying the bottle of Baileys

But I wont, why is it that trying to show my lot that I too have a life and it is time they did their own thing always ends up costing me the most?

Tis Christmas Eve ( Ok only just but it is!)
The time for Children to hang up their stockings and get ready for the Fabled Mr Claus, the time when we moan and witter but look forward to anyway, after all it is the one time of year when you will spend time with people you can not stand and grin and bear it and even like it, at least a little.

But there is another side to Christmas, a bleak dark side, some may remember that I posted this last year, and I do it again, just to remind us that we may not have that 'someone special' to buy for, but we have families that love us and we them, and we can always see a tomorrow.

Let Me take you on a journey to the Dark side of Christmas!

For most people Christmas day is a day of love and families,joy and sharing,it takes forever to come and is gone far too fast,though people grumble about the cost and the commercialism,they still love it,and yes it is the time when you think of those who are not there,but you dont dwell on it,it is Christmas after all!

However there are those for whom Christmas day is the bleakest time of the year,it comes too fast and lasts forever,it is the longest, most painful twenty four hours that exist,and for some a day they do not see to the end!
The number of suicides at Christmas is almost double the number of any time for the rest of the year.Why is this? What makes this time so hard? so bleak and dark that they cannot make themselves face the next one?

Do you remember the office clown? The one who gets on your nerves at every office party,who always makes a fool of himself with the big stupid grin on his face and the party hat on,his loud voice grates and irritates,he is everyones best friend,or is he? The loud voice is his "look at me I am here" plea to the world,and the big stupid grin hides the fact that every sigh,every rolling of the eyes or whispering behind the hands sends poisoned tipped arrows straight to his soul!The last to leave in the hope that someone will invite him to thier place for a drink,a chat,wanting to talk to him,not at him!And off he wanders into the cold dark night,alone,empty,and just maybe this will be the night that he says sod this I have had enough,and walks out in front of that car/bus/train!

And the female version,the life and soul, will dance with anyone and everyone,will go to the nightclub in the hopes of finding someone that will give her some time,what do they call her,the slapper? easy?,all she wants is to be held,for someone to take away the darkness even just for a little while!And she will take him home,and invariably he will be gone before morning! She will spend Christmas day crying and alone in bed with the phone beside her hoping someone will call! And maybe she has had enough too,or maybe she will just get drunk and think about it!

The old lady/man across the road,the one who dislikes your kids and tells them off constantly,spends christmas missing the ones they love,because they are old now and not worth the time,wife/husband gone,children ( if they have any) have lives of thier own and think posting a card with a bit of cash in means they have fulfilled thier duties!

The longest twenty fours hours of thier lives,they can see and hear the fun and the joy around them,but cannot be part of it,they have nowhere to go,nothing to do but try to get through that very long,very bleak day.

So when you are wrapping your childrens presents this year,when you are thinking what to write on the card to a loved one,thinking of all the great times you have had/will have,and when you see the beautiful expressions of joy on thier faces,spare a thought for those that dont find christmas the greatest time,maybe a christmas card for the little old man/woman across the road with merry christmas neighbour on,maybe a shake of the hand for the office clown and a promise of a drink in the new year,and maybe just a little compliment for the lady to let her know she is a human after all!!

Enjoy your Christmas I hope you have a good one!

What a day! Eight thirty this morning had my first, but by no means last fall out with the terrible two. And that was just breakfast time.

I had to go into town, no choice, and had to take them with me, not once but twice!

And then it ended up with them not going home at all, up untill a few minutes ago I was having them untill tomorrow at seven, I am still having them untill seven but my son is going to come and take them in to town in the morning and we are all having lunch together. He has been at work since eleven and wont finish untill five in the morning, then he is back at work for six that night, meanwhile his girlfriend is working tomorrow day. Oh what joy

My little tree is now looking all christmasy with lights and stuff on, but couldnt find a fairy or angel for the top so I made my own star and put that on

So all presents bought, food shopping done, tiddlys in their Jammys, soon I will be able to relax.

The tree sits all sad and forlorn, its branches open, not a drop of glittery, baubly stuff graces those sad little branches, not one light twinkles, no fairy/star sits atop.

Well at least I bought one! Trouble is there is not enough room in here for a nice sized one, so I have got a little one, and to be honest all it has done is remind me that I am alone. Tomorrow I shall buy some pretty little lights and stuff and maybe it will not look so sad then.

I dared the town after finishing work, it wasn't too bad not as full as I thought it would be, I managed to get some shopping done, on a roll and feeling like the conquerer, I headed to the supermarket. Seems the town wasn't empty they were all in Morrisons, so of course that didnt get done

Right off to get a baileys and ice

The last day at work for four, even longer more hectic days, off.

The secret Santa so far has been absolutely fantastic!!
There are still a few entries to be done, and a few still to be picked, from people that have been missing, but I can honestly say that I have enjoyed every single entry.

There have been rhymes and songs and videos, and they are so funny, so cool, I have not seen one that I haven't liked,laughed at, thought Awwww. Even when it has been people you dont know, have never read, you have risen to the challenge and it has been brilliant.

Thankyou everyone for making this a resounding success, and proving yet again what a great community this is.

Here we are three days away from Christmas eve and here am I with only one present bought, and one that isnt going to get to its recipient as I missed the deadline for the post

To make matters worse, I dont get paid until tomorrow

I had a pretty rough day yesterday, my wage rise is a joke, though I get another in three months, and a couple of other things that happened made my three.

The Director sat there and told me how much they appreciate my work, how they know I go that extra mile for my clients, how they know of my special rapport with the creditors, how much they appreciate my helping everyone, then give me a wage rise that does not in any way reflect what they have just said. Because everything is changing and all the wages are being restructured, and so on and so forth!

Never mind, I guess something is better than nothing, just a shame I dont get it this month.

Anyhoo, time to get ready for work yet again. Hope every one has a good day.

I was going to write my usual good morning post, but to be honest I have been so overwhelmed by the response to Secret Santa I cannot think of one.

When you are all done and everyone has chosen their numbers and written/put together their different posts I shall place a list of who has done what and everyone can go have a look, because they are great, guys, the ones that I have visited so far.
There are a few people left who haven't picked their numbers and a few late comers that have joined in, so numbers left now are, 16,30,31,32,33,34.

you people rock!!

Good Tuesday morning bloggers. Very foggy this morning when I took the Molly out, twice! I think she just likes to play, or it could have been those scraps that someone had thrown out that she was after

There are still a few that have not chosen a number but I know that some are busy, time of year and all that. Our first two secret santa post are done and you can view them here http://random-veryrandom.blog.co.uk by the lovely Ros and the second one at http://danielford.blog.co.uk
I think he did rather well for a young man that hadn't a clue what I was on about, but then does anybody?

Are we having fun yet??
I feel like one of those idiots lovely people that bore you stupid entertain you in the prison holiday camps

So another day at t'mill, well it feels like it sometimes, hope every one has a good day

Goood Morning Peoples, Monday morning and this time next week it will be Christmas day! How times flies, hope you are all ready for the big day?

I'm not nowhere near ready, but then I always work better under pressure

Right down to what you are actually reading this for, tis time for the Secret Santa draw. To make it more random I want you to pick a number between 1 + 30, obviousley you cannot have a number someone has already chosen so first come first served kind of thing To make it even fairer and so noone can be accused of favouratism my name is not in there, I will tell you who you get and their blog in answer to your comment. The posts have to be public and have to be done by Christmas Eve.

And then I will tell you the second part

Rmember this is all in fun, and it doesn't matter if you know the people or not, it is a great way to get to know new people and read new blogs.

Right time to get ready for work Have a good day all

Last few hours to get your names down for the fun of Secret Santa, it will close at Midnight and tomorrow I will leave a post inviting those that have their names down to choose a number.

This is open to everyone so if you fancy playing, then drop me a comment or a PM and I will add you.

Well I am

I appear to be a bit late with this one, but better late than never, I think

Five Facts about me nicked from Teri-R

1) I am the third child of a Family of Eight but the first born Girl.

2) I was supposed to be born a Gemini and was born instead a Pisces.

3)I see dead people, at least I think they are dead

4)I have had two poems published...In America

5) I used to be mad, now I am just Crazy

Have you ever been sat surrounded by sound and yet felt like you were totally alone, in a void? You know that should you need them your friends are on the other end of that phone, but the phone seems so far away, out of reach.

You can hear people laughing, singing, talking, but they are on the other side of the wall, out there, and the wall has you enclosed. The child is upstairs and asleep, and even if he were awake, he wouldn't understand what you were saying, thinking feeling, he is only a chid.

The options diminish, you can not go anywhere physically, so instead you go mentally. And suddenly a whole new world opens up, and you meet all the characters that you love, the ones that kept you sane throughout those years when you never believed you would get this far.

And they will keep you company for a while, as they did before.

Now I am calmer, and no longer waiting for the men in white coats in the green van with square wheels to turn up at the door.

I get that it is Christmas, I get that you just have to get it all done today, that the fact that there has been weeks and there is still a whole week doesn't count. What I dont get is why it has to make people so rude so ignorant and so beliggerant!

There was absolutely no way I could go in the town centre, I tried, I really did, we have one of those covered all in one centres and there are doors all over the place but so many people, everywhere, so I skirted it and tried the market instead, I got half way through, I swear these people were following me!

So after three hours in Hell, I came home with the grand total of 1 item,I kid you not, my darling Paddy says look on the bright side at least you got one!
At this rate I might just have bought them all by next Christmas!

I have to go shopping, it is Saturday, it is the week before Christmas, oh Lordie this is not going to be good!

If I am not back by four ( Or three cos its saturday and footballs on) Send out the Wolves!

I have put the day for drawing the Secret Santa names off untill Monday night, so folks now is the time for getting your name down to play.

Closing date is tomorrow night.

Come on get your names down and have some fun!!!!!!

Despite the many voices that encouraged me last night * cough* the wine lays unopened and untouched on the shelf in the fridge *sigh* I was full of good intentions, sort out the destructor, put him to bed, open wine.

However, by the time I got him to bed, and finally managed to persuade myself to eat, time was moving on. It moved even faster when I opened my eyes and discovered it was half past midnight? I had fallen asleep while reading a chapter of my book

This is very unusual for me, so I must have been tired. So, by this time all the good tv programmes have finished, not that there are any anyway on a friday, or saturday or sunday.....

I did think about going into work this morning, for all of ten minutes even, but have decided that considering the hours I worked over last week, etc, I might as well concentrate on the house this weekend and me, for a change. And I have to get some sorting done for this thing called Christmas

I have decided that maybe tonight I will open the bottle of wine, bought for me two weeks ago, and partake of a glass or two, and maybe I will sit and listen to music and chill and erm, well whatever.

Trouble is I have stuff to write, and percentages to work out, and stuff to read, and things going on in my head that dont want to not go on, and a destructor that does not want to behave, already.

Maybe I should just leave the wine in the fridge?

Fridaaayy, and the weekend starts here, well not here exactly, on this blog, like cos its friday, oh you know what I mean

The wings have been groomed and brushed until they shine, the feathers are all glossy and erm Black. It was a friend of mine that sent me that picture, the profile one, said it reminded them of me, when I asked how, they said it was because, I was good, but not pure, like a saint or heavenly Angel.

I have a good heart, they said, but that doesn't mean I dont do things that are not always so good * Ahem*, I have had a rough life and have done some stuff that while it isn't always good, it isnt really bad either, just necessary, though there would be those that classed it as bad, but what the hell do they know.

To them I was their Angel, but, I was also a little devil at times, so they thought an Angel with Black wings was a perfect description for me. And it kind of looks like you too, they said.

Well all I have to say to that, get your glasses fixed No seriously, I was quite charmed by their description of me, though I am still trying to work out what they meant?

Anyway, a very good friday to all out there, and for Jake, I held the door open for a person I dislike, and helped her to pick her papers up, when she said thanks I told her to pass it on ( Not that she will, but one can hope, I was floored when she said thanks ) Maybe I will try it again today

So right now everyones thoughts are turning to Christmas and what they can buy for others, and what they would like to recieve, and will they have enough money to last through, well probably not does momey ever last long at this time of the year? Will the people that they have bought for like what they got them etc etc.

So lets take a break from snowmen and glittery baubles, angels ( Hehehe well maybe not angels ) and stars and stockings and candy canes etc etc.

Lets go on a little holiday, somewhere hot and sunny with Golden beaches and spectacular sunsets. Or maybe ski-ing, or maybe visiting the Art galleries.

What I am saying is choose somewhere that you would like to go, whether you have been there or not, and tell me why?

And when you have let me know where and why, I will compose a blog so you can all see what others chose too

I'm a white rabbit this morning, and therefore have no time for anything.
Just to say good morning have a good day

OK
Lets get with the feeling of the season.
Smile, and lets get happy.!!!

OK, so my self enforced exile lasted all of a day and a half! Having been banned from working over every night untill late by the big boss who stated that they would rather I went home and be a little behind than work myself into a sick bed and nothing at all get done. Which was fair comment I guess.

Study timetable worked out so that I can blog during breaks.

My last Physio done and dusted, though my wrist is aching, at least I am back to typing with two hands again.

And later, after study, maybe an update on what has happened in the last two days

The reason that I am taking a break, just to stop you all getting out the party hats without me

It is purely work and study related, I am going to have to work over very late for the next few days, and I am trying to work out my new study schedule.

Yes december is a rough month for me, but so is April, but normally I find being around people that make me laugh etc, works wonders, which is why a year on I am still here.

Thanks for your comments which I will answer when I get time, I am too tired when I have finished on a night to do anything other than veg and go to bed.

But, I will be back, in a few days

Taking a little break, just for a couple of days.

Remember, there is still time to put your name down for Secret Santa, leave your names either here or on the Secret Santa post, or PM me with them.

I'll be back.

I have a wealth of sayings that I use, like the one that I posted last night, mostly they make me smile, often they lift my spirits, and they can usually make someones day.

One saying that I rarely use is 'Time is a great Healer' because although time heals external and internal physical wounds ( Along with treatment of course) there are many things that Time cannot heal.

I have heard it so many times, been told it as 'Advice' so often, that sometimes when people say it I just want to scream. I know though, that when they do, they are trying to help, mostly, and it is such an easy thing to say after all. And often, time does help you to heal where certain things are concerned.

But,There are certain things that time cannot heal, there are certain wounds that no medicine can touch. All that time does is help you to learn to live with them, help you to wrap them up and put them away out of sight. And every so often, certain times of the year, or things that you see or hear, they come out and they fill your head for a little while. They are always there in your heart, that little piece that is missing, the void that no one can touch. And you live it all again as though it was yesterday.

Time does not always diminish pain.

Appreciation is like an insurance policy, it needs renewing every now and then.
Thank you xxx

Last night was the works Christmas do. I had already ssaid that I was not going to go to this, apart from having heard the stories that emerged from last years, it was a big weekend for my son and he couldn't get a replacement sitter.

Every year apparently at the Christmas do they give out awards to different departments for various things. Roughly around nine pm, I recieved a text, you have won an award, what! I texted back what for?
Apparently something to do with outstanding contribution to the company, but she was very drunk and I shall have to wait untill Monday to find out exactly what it was,
I am sooo glad I did't go, being called out in front of all those people on to the stage,
Still it is nice to know that my work is acknowledged

Right back to the housework

Went for a walk at stupid o'clock, came back, read a book, well a couple of chapters anyway. Got the Destructor up and fed, blogged, downloaded some music, blogged, started writing a chapter for one of my stories. Watched football, yay!!!!!!!

Made lunch, made ovaltine with milk, just because it gave me something to do.Had an all out battle with the Destructor, which I won by putting him to bed and banning him from tv.

I was so bored I even thought about going into work!! I dont seem able to do this do nothing weekend thing??

I went for a walk beneath a beautiful sky, for the first time in a while at night, the clouds were gone and the moon and stars filled the heavens, admittedly it was cold, but at least it was not raining!

For some reason last night I began thinking about the uncanny things that I had witnessed, what some people class as supernatural, we classed as normal.

My first brush with the spirit world happened when I was quite young, we had moved here about two years earlier and life had changed dramatically from when we lived in Singapore. Firstly there was the cold to contend with, winter had appeared a few short months after we had moved in, and though we had gazed in wonder at the beautiful snow as it fell, we soon felt its cold bite.

Rain didn't bother us, nothing that Yorkshire could bring compared to the monsoons as far as rain went, the difference was in the fact that the rain was cold.

So to us, the fact that it was a cold house was not unusual, it was a cold county. Only when things started to move and break, and fly across the room, did we realise that we had a lodger. Things had gone 'missing' but it was put down to childish pranks and the two oldest boys were constantly being told off for this. Then the fun really began.

It was about one in the morning when we heard a loud crash and the entire family woke and flew downstairs, we kids thought it was mother, she was accident prone ( At least thats what we were told then to cover the bruises etc) but no, she was coming down the stairs too. When we reached the kitchen we found mothers best glass dishes shattered on the Kitchen floor.

Now these dishes were kept at the top of the cellar steps, in a cupboard, the cellar door was barred from the kitchen side, we looked and it was still barred. We had all come down the stairs together, there was no explanation. The one thing I remember was The Male Parent saying in a low voice " No, not again" That was the beginning.

The playful spirit, poltergeist, whatever you wish to name it, created havoc in the house for weeks, it would hide things, it would pull my hair, it flew things across the room. We learnt to ignore it, and duck, we talked to it, though it never talked back. If we couldn't find anything, we would turn round and say, what have you done with it?

It picked on Mother mostly, The Male Parent was at camp through the week, and Mother was the target. It would pick up her hair brushes when she was sat trying to get ready in a morning, it smashed the little glass dishes on her dressing table when she chose to ignore it. Then one day it had been particurlarly active through the night, and had kept us awake with its messing about, Mother was tired and when she tried to sit at the dressing table and do her hair, once again it pinched her brushes, only this time it started throwing things at her, one of the brushes hit her and she jumped up, we were huddled in the doorway, watching her getting mad, she picked up the brush and threw it at the wall " Thats it! I have had enough, go find someone else to torment, I am not putting up with it any longer!! " She shouted while she was throwing things.

That was the last time we were ever plagued by it, if it still lived with us, it didnt show itself through doing anything wrong, apart from the occasional item going missing.

Friday night and there is nothing on the tv, so the mmusic is playing softly in the background as I sit and write, not this, but other writing, some of it serious never to see the light of day, some of it for my other blogs. Some of it letters to friends.

I love writing, when I write my stories mostly it is on the computer, mainly because I can write faster this way, my fingers fly over the keys and still they cannot always keep up with the screenplay in my head.

When I write to friends I like to use pen and paper, the personal touch, but not just because it is more personal, somehow the flow of the ink on the paper, the curving of the letters as they form, brings a kind of inner peace, as though everything negative flows out with the flourish of the pen. Writing is so theraputic.

I often pick up pen and paper if I have had a really rough day, often what I write is nonsensical to anyone but me, it is not formed in to coherant sentences or paragraphs, it can be disjointed, it jumps from one thing to another mid stream, but it enables me to rid myself of all that stuff that would otherwise build up, and sometimes it ends up as a poem, or the beginning of something worthwhile.
But mostly it follows the course of most things I write, it rambles.

So it is friday, and it is supposed to be that laid back, end of the week, roll on the weekend, day. Isnt it?

It started with my new assistant deciding she wasn't well enough to come in to work. It continued with the world and his wife wanting to talk to me, I had some important cases to sort, you know the sort that have a time limit. The phone never stopped.

I have debated all day, should I work tomorrow? get done all I didnt get done today, by five o'clock I had made the decision, not a chance, had enough for one week.

So weekend off, well from work anyway.

This morning for the first time in days I managed to see the stars as I was out walking, as the clouds raced avross the sky, they provided breaks through which the heavenly bodies shone.

Its as though I was being shown that it doesn't matter how cloudy or dark the sky is, the stars are still there, looking down. Life is a bit like a cloudy sky sometimes, all you see is the grey and the black of the rain clouds, but eventually along will come the wind of change and blow them away, and the sun will shine and the stars will glitter.

There will often be grey skies, there will often be black clouds at some point,the trick is to remember the rainbows that follow, the sweet smell of the earth and the freshness of the air.

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday and it didn't happen

Have a great day.

For Paddy Photographic evidence

One Alias

Alias two

Sleep decided to play one of its hide and seek games, thats ok, about fout thirty my eyes started closing, so I reset the alarm, it normally goes off at five and I thought well for once just get up get ready and go, so I reset it for half six, that way I might get a couple of hours. I last look at the clock at half four.

The phone goes,I reach out my hand with my eyes closed and answer it " Are you up?" the voice says, and suddenly I am wide awake, noone rings me unless it is an emergency, I say yes, I am up, as I throw back the covers and leap out of bed. " Great put kettle on be round in a couple of minutes" What! I look at the clock,five fifteen!!

Apparently my darling son and his girlfriend are arguing he walks out, knows I am normally up at that time, so much for my couple of hours, but I did get a lift to work, and he has brought my computer downstairs, and set it all up for me.

So now I can, blog, watch tv and be warm and cosy all at the same time

The rest of the day seems to have gone the way of this morning however,I just seem to be chasing my tail, so much to do, and new cases coming in all the time. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, lets just hope it is a long burning wick in a lamp and not a match

Well ok, its only been six or seven, but if this rain dont stop soon I am going to continue with that damn Ark I started building!!

We humans are strange creatures, I believe it has been said before, there is no one quite like a Human for locking emotion away and pretending it is something else, or that it doesn't exist at all.

Of course mostly it is a protection thing, we protect ourselves against being hurt, usually because we have been hurt in the past and though some are willing to take the risk, over and over. Others are not, the pain is too much, the fear of that pain being visited on them again makes them shy away from anything more than friendship.

Friendship is good, friends help you when you are down, pick you up off the floor, lecture you when you are not eating properly, provide a shoulder for those very rare times when you cry, laugh with you, joke with you, tell you their deepest secrets. While you keep yours locked away, not wanting to burden them, not wanting them to be sad, for is it not your job to brighten their day not darken it?

Some friends do not realise how important they are in your life, that is not their fault, you haven't let them know, after all would that not place a burden on them, one they may feel they can not carry. Sometimes it is better to be the listener, the one that takes away the pain, the one that provides a haven, for in doing that you can feel that at last you are worthy of something, you can give this gift, because it is something that you know how to do, something you are good at, and it relieves the burden from your friends.

But, who listens to the listener?

Wednesday, half way day,, its even spelt strange? Only half a day at work today, supposed to have physio this aft, but, the way I feel right now,I may just not bother.

Anyway another birthday today, today it is Brads birthday

Have a wonderful day sweetheart.
If you want to wish Brad a happy birthday you go here http://bloglikesit.blog.co.uk

I hope everyone else has a good day too

Setting the world to rights is a tiring job, so I decided not to work over tonight and concentrate instead on, well, nothing really.

I have eaten, food is needed to keep up those energy levels depleted during the days tireless tasks, well sometimes anyway.

The rain is still pouring, Molly is still refusing to pass the doorway, course she will have to soon, I know what that will be like, I will be half way up the street, she will have gone, done what she has to and be back at the door, looking at me like I am nuts as usual She will run in shake herself all over the place ( me usually) and then sit moaning for the next hour giving me those looks! Lordy I am so cruel!

Sometimes when I am tired from worki and feeling a little alonesome, I get to thinking how I got to where I am, they say that everything happens for a reason, but I often can not see that reason, can not find it no matter how hard I try, there are some things in this life that there is no rhyme or reason for, no answers to the questions asked, and trying to find them can leave you constantly searching and in doing so, it is possible to miss that which you should have.

Hmmm, I think it must be caffeine time

Gooood Morning Blogland, quick post before I fly away to work.

Tuesday and it is pouring with rain, I went to take Molly out and she point blank refused to move past the door way, I pulled, she resisted, I coaxed, she stubbornley would not move, I stood out in the rain and tried to get her to come out, she looked at me like I was mad! Perhaps I am the stupid one?

A very happy birthday to our lovely Juzzzy

If you want to say Happy birthday then you know where he is http://juzzzy.blog.co.uk Have a wonderful day Juzzzyxx

I hope you have all have a great day

I know Mondays are not the best days at work, you get all the mess from the weekend to contend with, and then the computer plays up and decides that it wont let you print a thing, then when the guy from IT comes it prints right away and you feel as though he is giving you that ' Bloomin women' look.

But, the people you talk to thank you for your time, they say how glad they are that you can spare the time to talk to them as you do, not a quick two minute whats the problem, but as long as they like, let them get it all out, say that you will sort it, and actually do it. They thank you, they laugh with you, you are on first name terms with them, the guy that said he wouldn't phone you all the time, and regurlarly does, ends the call with a " If I dont call before Christmas have a good one, but, I probably will" it doesn't matter though, after all it makes them feel better, puts their minds at ease.

And the one that got to you today,when you had to call all the creditors to tell them that one of your clients lost his wife suddenly, such a shock to everyone, most of them say yeah ok, but we need this that and the other. And then you ring Capital One, and tell the same thing to the guy on the other end of the phone, you dont even have time to say I will forward on the death certificate etc, when he says, I will tell you what I am going to do, with immediate effect, and you think OH Oh, but then are touched when he says, I am putting a freeze on this account for the next three months, no interest or charges will go on, he does not have to pay a penny to us untill after that, give him a little time to try to sort things out, if we need anything we will call you, or write to you, please let him know and pass on our condolences. Even the big guys have a heart.

Mondays are not always that bad.

A year ago today I made a decision that has given me not only great pleasure, but has enabled me to find and meet some lovely people. I had been reading an on line journal through a link supplied by a friend who, sadly is no longer a friend. This journal fascinated me, beguiled me, and intrigued me so much that I decided I should do that!

For some reason, still unknown to myself, I lost the link and in searching for it stumbled upon a community known as Blog.co.uk, the first three blogs I read belonged to three people that were to become friends, one sadly left having done what he set out to do, apparently, he felt it time to move on, though many will remember him as Uncle Ridgeback.

The other two have become not only blog friends but friends in real life too, who would have thought that could happen? My very first post was to set the stage for what became a habit of mine, one I have had for years, it rambled.

Nothing new there then

I got one comment, this didn’t worry me, I hadn’t started this to become the greatest blogger in the world, I had started it because it gave me something to focus on, a place to come and get all that stuff out of my head. Of course it was exciting getting a comment, and then I got my first friend invite, Jessica, lovely lady and still a friend, I still read her blog even though she is such a busy lady nowadays.

My next two friends were Skip and Sunil, and then the people whom I had first read when I first arrived, Paddy and Juzzzy and of course Ridgeback, who I have to say I read on a regular basis and two I still do. I soon became part of a lovely community of people who would read and comment, and debate, have a laugh or a cry. There were the odd occasions when I would get a nasty comment, and the odd nasty email, but every community has its killjoys, they usually don’t last long

And here I am a year later,with some lovely friends, still rambling, still blogging at stupid o’ clock, still loving it, heres to another year of Blogging and to all the people that made me want to stay.

It is pouring with rain, the wind is howling, it is pitch black outside and the dog decides she needs to go. Like desperately wants to go, no time to grab coat or scarf, grab the lead and out, the wind hit me from all sides and the rain drenched me in a matter of minutes. Still at least she didn't have an accident in the house.

I cleaned all my room, vacumed, now that is funny, Molly doesn't like the vacum and so she attacks it and got down on my hands and knees and polished/wiped my laminated floor, it is gleaming now Course then we both came in from the wet windy outside and it got wet foot and paw prints all over it Ah well, a cloth soon sorted that.

And now maybe some tea and relaxation is in order

Faerie: Aren't you a cute little flying person? Faeries are earth spirits. They live among each element completely hidden. They have cousins called Pixies. Pixies however, are very mischevious. They enjoy tormenting other creatures for fun. Little pranksters.. I hope you never meet one. Pixies have a bad reputation for finding a creature and clinging to them until death. Faeries can be somewhat close to a Pixie, but mostly they are loving, playful, and carry with them a child-like enthusiasm for life. Hide among the pedals of a Daisy, you are a Faerie.
.............................................................................................................................................

So apparently I am a faerie, though it wouldn't let me place the actual script and pic here, for some reason blog.co is doing  that right now, even with my music, some days I can put things on some days no matter how I try it wont play. I am beginning to wonder what the point is in being Pro?

I was supposed to spend the night up at the destructors house with the children, on account of the dog, they were worried about it being left on its own as it is quite new to the household and everything is strange to it, I was worried about the children being alone with it this morning, they dont get to bed until six, the children are up at half seven, normally it isn't a problem because they are with me, but they would have been left alone and apparently yesterday the dog wouldn't let the little one out of the bedroom, which is good because it means he can not do any damage, but, my son tells me that they keep teasing her and she is not liking it. She is not a nasty dog, but she is only thirteen months old, still a baby herself, and there is no way you can trust the kids not to tease her.

I persuaded him, quite easily, that it would be better for them to stay at mine so they could get a proper sleep when they finished work, the dog has to learn to be left and the children have to learn to be good to her, with supervision, once they are used to her and she is no longer a novelty they will leave her alone and she will be more tolerant. Except now I am stuck in the house all day with the children, me and my bright ideas.

Still there is much to do, cleaning to be done, stories to be written, books to be read. Clothes to be ironed, cupboards to sort. Damn it must be time for a coffee

Work, on a saturday is a very laid back kind of atmosphere, especially in the room that I am in as there are not many there and we all kind of help each other out.

The new manager of the team that I once was part of and still am though not, yes I know confusing,she is still finding her feet as far as some things go, and she constantly asks my opinion, or asks me how something works and why. I dont mind helping her, she is cool, she gets the job done, and my friend who I thought was being demoted has actually just been moved to a team that has less stress.

The work I had to do, for the Director, to do with the person who is to have her contract terminated, well to be honest I no longer feel as guilty as I did, apparently though he asked me to go through the files and sort out what had been done and how far things had progressed it was so the new manager of the team could actually sort it out and do a synopsis on it. When faced with the actual breakdown of the consequences of her actions or rather inactions and knowing that I am the one that is going to have to clean it up, made the guilt lessen.

These are not simple cases of someone not being paid correctly or a letter going missing, these are people that have lost their spouses and not always in the nicest way, when they should have been given full support and sympathy, they were given beurocratic letters and then left to fend for themselves. The directors are not happy, the owners are not happy, they looked at the difference in the letter that I sent to a client last week when his wife died suddenly and the letter sent to a client by this other person under the same circumstances, the difference is in the wording, but it makes all the difference in the world to someone greiving.

Anyway, enough about that, how many of you have got advent calendars? apart from Jake and Sarah of course I was bought one at work, as were all the other members of the 'team' cute idea, I haven't had an advent calendar in ooooh a long while,

Suddenly makes Christmas a whole lot nearer

Home and tired, got work in three hours, whats the chance of catching some Zees? Not much I dont think, never mind, soon be Sunday

In just under an hour I have to go out and wont be back until stupid o'clock. This is on account of working tomorrow, when I work on the saturday I babysit at the childs house so that I dont have to drag him out of bed at an unearthly hour.

Course that means no chatting on line or blogging as my son hasn't got his internet connection sorted yet. Still I will get some studying done, and some reading for a change.

I was given a task to do today by a director, and asked politely if I could do it right away as it was most important. The task was to check all the Deaths that had supposedly been worked on and see precisely what had been done and if it had been followed through to conclusion, with sensitivity for the clients spouse. Quite a grim task, but I did it, not thinking about why, because lets face it, this is a sensitive issue and should be handled with delicacy and as speedily as possible. Only in quite a few cases this had not happened.

It was only after the task had been completed was I made aware that it was because they wanted to see exactly what the person that used to do this had actually done, or not as the case may be, because they intended to terminate her contract, well thank you, now I really feel bad, it is just before Christmas.

Admittedly it isn't just that bit that is under investigation but quite a lot of other stuff that she should have done and hasn't, which has cost the firm money when there was no need for it. Especially when one of those things was a direct request from a director to be done that day and then three weeks later was found on her desk, under a pile of paper, still not done. Doesn't stop me feeling bad though.

And the director told me off! for coming in to work when I was unwell, "Good God woman does it take a hurricane to keep you at home" he said
" I dont know you will have to ask Paddy? " only he didnt get that Like I said had I not been there his important client would not have got his settlement until next week, and he would have been on holiday then.

Never mind there is always Sunday to rest, I hope

And what are you doing with your weekend??

Friday morning, the end of the week, the beginning of the weekend, it is still raining, and the wind is still blowing, but it may change and the sun may shine.

It is also the first of December today, the start of a new month, the last month of the year,depending of course on whose calender you use. So lets get some more names down for Secret Santa, dont forget this is just a game for fun and is open to ALL bloggers, just think of the laughs you will have, and you will get to know people that you may not have previously known, think of it as a fun challenge, something different to do. And let me know if you want to have a go.

Early mornings are great, so quiet, and calm, unlike the rest of the day, there is such peace before the worlds alarm clocks go off and the people start rising and preparing for work, which I shall now go and do.

I hope every one has a great day.