Sunday morning, not that saturday night has finished yet, at least thats what it feels like when the sleep genie forgets to visit.

My son called me at just after six, to see if I was awake, no dear I always answer the phone in my sleep! He had just finished work and came for a coffee, he was angry and upset, they have found the car, whats left of it anyway. Apparently our theives as professional as they may have been at stealing it, didnt want it for anything more than transport, then they fired it. The police reckon they did that to cover up any prints etc, which is why they think it was professionals who took it for a ride to where ever their own transport was. Five grands worth of car gone just like that Why couldn't they have taken the crappy fiesta parked just above if thats all they wanted?

Anyhoo, it is New Years eve, and I guess everyone is preparing for the nights festivities, I shall be at home as per normal, not liking crowds does tend to keep me in on New Years eve. Still I shall have a little drink to all my friends and wish you all a Happy New year when the clock strikes the hour. Apart from that the day will be spent cleaning and stuff, always like to greet the new year with a nice clean house. Strange the things we do?

The hail is bouncing against the windows as I sit here and write, no not this, other things that I am writing, but needed a short break.

And though the wind is blowing a gale and trying to open my door ( which is locked) and trying to come in through my window, and the hail keeps replacing the rain, I have visions of blue skies and sweet smelling meadows, with a little stream meandering beneath the trees set there in the middle, a warm breeze stirring the leaves gently.

The humming of bees as they gather their nectar and the lazy circling of a bird high up in the oh so blue sky, dotted here and there with white fluffy clouds, a picnic basket, a cloth, and wine chilling in the stream. A book open, but unread as the scenery takes precedence over all else.

One way to battle the cold of winter, I guess

All through the night and this morning the wind was blowing a gale, the rain was pouring, bins were flying across the street, doors and windows rattled. I was at my sons, babysitting, the dog kept jumping and barking ( They have a Siberian Husky) several times going to the window and growling and barking. At five thirty when my son came home, we discovered his car had been stolen

It is parked on the street just up from the house, so its not in immediate sight of the window, and as car alarms were going off all over the place because of the wind, and whoever did it, knew how to disable an alarm pretty fast. Apparently the police say it was the perfect night for it. Doesn't stop me thinking I should have heard something. Though my son says he is glad I didn't, as knowing me I would have tried to stop them, and it could have been dangerous. What! With a dirty great Husky at my side?

The police are coming later for a statement

What a lovely end to the year, hope this is not a taste of things to come.

Just been talking cars with FK and it brought back the memories of the cars that I have loved and lost. Not cars we have owned, but ones that were exclusively, mine, well in a fashion seeing as how I couldn't drive

Cars never bothered me one way or another, they were a means of transport, untill we bought the Corsair,my money, but apparently his car,not! now that was a beautiful car

Course, she didnt last long before the ex swapped her or sold her, I dont remember which.

My most favourite car, and the love of my life, (which I cannot find a picture of, all my pics being destroyed some while ago )
Was a bright yellow Toyota Corrina, we got her in 82, and she had been stood for a few years so she was a seventies model.

I first saw her one morning when taking the children to school, she was stood in the playing field we passed through, next to the back garden of the owner, grass growing up her wheels, looking all forlorn and unloved, Awwwwww! It was like she called to me as I passed through, for about two weeks I passed her, and kept thinking go ask what he is doing with her, but I was awful shy.
Then one day as I went through he was out in the garden, so I said to him, what are you planning to do with the car, he had a new car and she apparently had been stood for three years unused, the first two in the garage and then a year with the grass growing around her. So he was considering junking her, I asked him how much he wanted, I know, what an idiot, buying a car that has been stood that long, guess he thought so too, but I got her for next to nothing.
I took the key and placed it in the ignition and turned it, baby didnt let me down, she started on the first turn of the key, what a beautiful sweet sound ( yes I had put petrol in first, just enough to get her going)

We got her moved to mine and cleaned her up, she glistened and shone when I had finished, inside and out. The very first car that I had seen and bought exclusively myself, and I loved her to bits. Amidst promises of driving lessons for me so I could drive her, hubby took over, then one day he decided to drive home from Grassington with the handbrake on, he got as far as Silsden before he noticed the smoke coming from beneath the bonnet

The engine of course had seized and rather than get rid of my lovely car, I invested in a reconditioned one, which we duly fitted ourselves, with a little help from a mechanic I knew,( yes I can play with car engines and change radiators on Ford transits, and have even been known to regulate the timing on a car&bike )

She didnt run quite the same, though the engine was a newer model, then came the glorious day when my (since divorced) husband went out in her and came back in a Triumph Herald????? He had swapped her, I told him he had to just go and get it back, but apparently he was into this guy for some money and he had insisted on my car.

I stated rather wickedly that I hoped he crashed it, and he did, two days later, into a wall And my baby was no more.

I was remembering through the night, when sleep became that bright elusive butterfly once again, songs I used to love, a long time ago when the world was young and I was already old. There is always one song, you know it, the tune runs round your head, but the words wont come and the title eludes you, it will be there for weeks now driving me nuts

The follies of youth, except I didnt have any, I grew up before I should and missed all that tearaway terror time, I rode bikes and wished on stars, but it was done in secret. Never getting dropped off near home in case I was seen, never able to go do the things that all the other girls my age were doing, the princess locked in the tower, except the Prince never came, guess his bike ran out of fuel?

They get tired of people that are not allowed to come out and play, and so they stop asking, but I never stopped wishing on stars, and eventually I escaped from the tower, admittedly not very far at first, just another room. But came the time that I found my way from there to freedom, of a sort.

I always go to sleep, when it will allow, with the same thought, tomorrow is a new day, and it is, for you never know what it will bring. What magical things there are for you to discover, each new day brings a new drop of magic into your life, and all you have to do is see.

Sometimes I feel like I am stood in the middle of nowhere, in the height of a storm, no one hears me because when I speak my voice is drowned out by the thunder and my words are whipped away by the wind. No one can see me because the lightning blinds their eyes and the sheets of rain provide a curtain behind which I am hidden.

Other times I fear to speak because the veil of quiet that lies over everything would be shattered by the sound of my voice, even a whisper would break the fragile peace. And I hold my breath for fear that great damage would be done to the gossamer thread that holds it all together.

Dreams, in the rare times that the sandman finds his way to my bedside, yet not dreams, because often they feel more realistic than reality itself, woven from some thought that has found its way down in to the dark of the vast cavernous tunnels of the subconscious.

Perhaps it is reality that is the dream?

I got out of bed and stumblingly took Molly out for her walk, feeling not so much that morning has broken but that it has snuck up and gone BOO!!!!

And its Thursday, what happened to the rest of the week? Come on own up, who took it?

One of the problems with Christmas is it disorientates you, takes away days, and before you know it the New Year is racing towards you like a runaway train, and you suddenly start thinking, whats the next year going to be like? And hoping that the good things that you had this year repeat themselves and the bad things get lost in the ether.

My keyboard is mucky, will have to clean that tonight, thats what you get for eating chocolate and typing at the same time.?

Um, where was I? Ah yes, we have done Secret Santa, and the Wonderful Juzzmeister is doing Your year past, so how about we do New years Eve?

Lets hear those stories of what you got up to in New year celebrations past, I am sure there should be some absolutely brilliantly funny happenings out there somewhere

Right now I have to get ready for work, but I am looking forward to reading tales of Celebratory happenings

You know sometimes you get that really high feeling and you just know there is going to be a come down to it, well I got both yesterday, never mind, these things happen.

Work was a bit slow, with half the firms still not back, and the other half only scantily staffed, it made my job practically impossible, so I gave up and left early. Means I will probably have to work Sat morning but thats no loss.

I took a little trip into town, seems my place was just about the only place that isnt a shop that went back to work today! However I did manage to find a shop empty enough to get a new top and some new jeans at a knock down price in the sales

So what you lot been doing then?

Running exceptionally late this morning, cant stay to chat, got to go to work, have a good day and catch you all later.

Just watched Johnny Depp, mmmmmmm.Why is it that some men just get tastier with age? And why dont I meet them?

Speaking of Pirates, the next thing on is the film about the airliner that never made it to its target at 9/11, dont know if boxing day is the right time to show this but, there is never a right time I guess.

It makes you wonder if Five US have chosen this time because of the death sentence on Saddam being upheld by the appeals court? Bit of a no win situation this one, whatever they do or dont do to him, they make him a martyr. And thats the currant affairs world news dealt with.

Next on the agenda, I had to laugh today when going on my epic journey, for weeks it has been advertised that the supermarket is closed for two days, not opening untill wednesday, people bought huge trolleys full of food and drink, and what were they all doing today, driving to the supermarket, then cursing cos it was closed? Erm what happened to all that food? Do people actually read posters and adverts stating when places are open and closed?

Thats it foir now, more rambling later, depending on how many Baileys I partake of

Yesterday I had a choice, I could sit at home on my own in the lovely peace and quiet, and wallow in memories of christmases past, or I could get dressed up put on the make-up and go somewhere else, somewhere I didnt want to be, I took the second choice, because it made my son feel good.

Today I had a choice, stay at home where it is warm and cosy, and watch TV, and play on the comp, and do a bit of study, and eat chocolates and get slowly tipsy. Or go and visit my 81 year old mother who has different memories to mine and moans about everyone, and talks about the guy who beat her black and blue and made her life a misery for forty odd years as though he was a saint. I chose the latter, why? because she is my mam.

I made a discovery today, I have been waiting ten years to make it, and though it is not going to magically make my life better, it has given me an inner peace I haven't known in a long time.

I love the walk to my Mothers, it is a long walk, it is mainly uphill on the way there, but the scenery is spectacular, and the sound of the river as I get near is magical.

Hope everyone else is having a good day.

Susans House

Enjoy

Today I will venture out from my little cosy house and go and attempt to talk to the Mother, that may sound a little mean, but talking to someone that has an entirely different version of the past than you have, and one who lies so consistently that she manages to make you unsure of the truth, is damn hard work.

But she has had another fall and is nursing a bruised rib ( Though she insists it is broken) and a cut and swollen knee, and she needs some stuff getting. I do this every year, she does this every year, its becoming a tradition!

She tells me no one has been, but my sister went Christmas Eve, she admitted yes she had, but she didnt come for christmas? She tells me that she hasn't been to my sisters for nearly four years, I say no mam we had your party there last year, oh yes so we did? My sister tells me they go and pick her up at least once a month for the weekend, she even has her own room there. Guess it wont be long before she needs to be there for good

On the brightside, I am back at work tomorrow

Thats it then, over for another year, all this fuss and the day passes, somewhat slowly, but it passes. I did my bit, got dressed up put my mask on and played the part.

Actually it wasn't that bad, the kids enjoyed themselves and after all that is what christmas is about, the kids. The difference this year, I was able to leave when it got too much, and come home to my quiet little house and my little Molly.

All in all, it was different, it has been quiet, and I have managed to keep the pace nice and slow, now I am enjoying a nice glass of baileys and writing, letting the thoughts flow, though I will probably end up with a load of gobbledy gook, who cares?

Isn't it amazing how a few hours sleep can make such a difference! Anyway it is Christmas morning, early I know, though not as early as it could have been had I got up when I woke up

Things look different today, not because the situation is any different, but because a new day always makes things look better and we can look at things more reasonably and calmly. I will miss not seeing the children, but, I will not dwell on it, today they are going to do something new and hopefully for them it will be exciting. After all life is about change.

Thankyou for the lovely comments, I am glad that I have stuck to what I said and not 'done' Christmas this year, for the first time since I can remember I have not had to get up at the crack of dawn and start messing about preparing for the family, and it is so nice to be able to relax and just do things at an even pace, no cleaning up wrapping paper, no fetching and carrying, I am having a totally selfish Christmas. And it feels good

Wishing You All A Wonderful Christmas
A time for reflection as well as Celebration
Embrace the New Year
With open arms
And enjoy every moment !

Merry Christmas to all my friends xxxxxxxx

It seems that I am to be punished for wanting to take a christmas off from doing all the hard work and having all the family at mine, my punishment is not getting to see my eldest daughters children, at all, over Christmas.

I have had no text messages, no phone calls, in fact right now it is like I dont exist, she texted my son and asked him to take the presents up. When he asked her if she had been to see me, she said she didnt have time, he asked if she had text me, she didnt have time. I have never since the first one was born, not seen them at Christmas, and I cannot even go up tomorrow as she will be at the house of the latest fellas mother.

Feeling like emptying the bottle of Baileys

But I wont, why is it that trying to show my lot that I too have a life and it is time they did their own thing always ends up costing me the most?

Tis Christmas Eve ( Ok only just but it is!)
The time for Children to hang up their stockings and get ready for the Fabled Mr Claus, the time when we moan and witter but look forward to anyway, after all it is the one time of year when you will spend time with people you can not stand and grin and bear it and even like it, at least a little.

But there is another side to Christmas, a bleak dark side, some may remember that I posted this last year, and I do it again, just to remind us that we may not have that 'someone special' to buy for, but we have families that love us and we them, and we can always see a tomorrow.

Let Me take you on a journey to the Dark side of Christmas!

For most people Christmas day is a day of love and families,joy and sharing,it takes forever to come and is gone far too fast,though people grumble about the cost and the commercialism,they still love it,and yes it is the time when you think of those who are not there,but you dont dwell on it,it is Christmas after all!

However there are those for whom Christmas day is the bleakest time of the year,it comes too fast and lasts forever,it is the longest, most painful twenty four hours that exist,and for some a day they do not see to the end!
The number of suicides at Christmas is almost double the number of any time for the rest of the year.Why is this? What makes this time so hard? so bleak and dark that they cannot make themselves face the next one?

Do you remember the office clown? The one who gets on your nerves at every office party,who always makes a fool of himself with the big stupid grin on his face and the party hat on,his loud voice grates and irritates,he is everyones best friend,or is he? The loud voice is his "look at me I am here" plea to the world,and the big stupid grin hides the fact that every sigh,every rolling of the eyes or whispering behind the hands sends poisoned tipped arrows straight to his soul!The last to leave in the hope that someone will invite him to thier place for a drink,a chat,wanting to talk to him,not at him!And off he wanders into the cold dark night,alone,empty,and just maybe this will be the night that he says sod this I have had enough,and walks out in front of that car/bus/train!

And the female version,the life and soul, will dance with anyone and everyone,will go to the nightclub in the hopes of finding someone that will give her some time,what do they call her,the slapper? easy?,all she wants is to be held,for someone to take away the darkness even just for a little while!And she will take him home,and invariably he will be gone before morning! She will spend Christmas day crying and alone in bed with the phone beside her hoping someone will call! And maybe she has had enough too,or maybe she will just get drunk and think about it!

The old lady/man across the road,the one who dislikes your kids and tells them off constantly,spends christmas missing the ones they love,because they are old now and not worth the time,wife/husband gone,children ( if they have any) have lives of thier own and think posting a card with a bit of cash in means they have fulfilled thier duties!

The longest twenty fours hours of thier lives,they can see and hear the fun and the joy around them,but cannot be part of it,they have nowhere to go,nothing to do but try to get through that very long,very bleak day.

So when you are wrapping your childrens presents this year,when you are thinking what to write on the card to a loved one,thinking of all the great times you have had/will have,and when you see the beautiful expressions of joy on thier faces,spare a thought for those that dont find christmas the greatest time,maybe a christmas card for the little old man/woman across the road with merry christmas neighbour on,maybe a shake of the hand for the office clown and a promise of a drink in the new year,and maybe just a little compliment for the lady to let her know she is a human after all!!

Enjoy your Christmas I hope you have a good one!

What a day! Eight thirty this morning had my first, but by no means last fall out with the terrible two. And that was just breakfast time.

I had to go into town, no choice, and had to take them with me, not once but twice!

And then it ended up with them not going home at all, up untill a few minutes ago I was having them untill tomorrow at seven, I am still having them untill seven but my son is going to come and take them in to town in the morning and we are all having lunch together. He has been at work since eleven and wont finish untill five in the morning, then he is back at work for six that night, meanwhile his girlfriend is working tomorrow day. Oh what joy

My little tree is now looking all christmasy with lights and stuff on, but couldnt find a fairy or angel for the top so I made my own star and put that on

So all presents bought, food shopping done, tiddlys in their Jammys, soon I will be able to relax.

The tree sits all sad and forlorn, its branches open, not a drop of glittery, baubly stuff graces those sad little branches, not one light twinkles, no fairy/star sits atop.

Well at least I bought one! Trouble is there is not enough room in here for a nice sized one, so I have got a little one, and to be honest all it has done is remind me that I am alone. Tomorrow I shall buy some pretty little lights and stuff and maybe it will not look so sad then.

I dared the town after finishing work, it wasn't too bad not as full as I thought it would be, I managed to get some shopping done, on a roll and feeling like the conquerer, I headed to the supermarket. Seems the town wasn't empty they were all in Morrisons, so of course that didnt get done

Right off to get a baileys and ice

The last day at work for four, even longer more hectic days, off.

The secret Santa so far has been absolutely fantastic!!
There are still a few entries to be done, and a few still to be picked, from people that have been missing, but I can honestly say that I have enjoyed every single entry.

There have been rhymes and songs and videos, and they are so funny, so cool, I have not seen one that I haven't liked,laughed at, thought Awwww. Even when it has been people you dont know, have never read, you have risen to the challenge and it has been brilliant.

Thankyou everyone for making this a resounding success, and proving yet again what a great community this is.

Here we are three days away from Christmas eve and here am I with only one present bought, and one that isnt going to get to its recipient as I missed the deadline for the post

To make matters worse, I dont get paid until tomorrow

I had a pretty rough day yesterday, my wage rise is a joke, though I get another in three months, and a couple of other things that happened made my three.

The Director sat there and told me how much they appreciate my work, how they know I go that extra mile for my clients, how they know of my special rapport with the creditors, how much they appreciate my helping everyone, then give me a wage rise that does not in any way reflect what they have just said. Because everything is changing and all the wages are being restructured, and so on and so forth!

Never mind, I guess something is better than nothing, just a shame I dont get it this month.

Anyhoo, time to get ready for work yet again. Hope every one has a good day.

I was going to write my usual good morning post, but to be honest I have been so overwhelmed by the response to Secret Santa I cannot think of one.

When you are all done and everyone has chosen their numbers and written/put together their different posts I shall place a list of who has done what and everyone can go have a look, because they are great, guys, the ones that I have visited so far.
There are a few people left who haven't picked their numbers and a few late comers that have joined in, so numbers left now are, 16,30,31,32,33,34.

you people rock!!

Good Tuesday morning bloggers. Very foggy this morning when I took the Molly out, twice! I think she just likes to play, or it could have been those scraps that someone had thrown out that she was after

There are still a few that have not chosen a number but I know that some are busy, time of year and all that. Our first two secret santa post are done and you can view them here http://random-veryrandom.blog.co.uk by the lovely Ros and the second one at http://danielford.blog.co.uk
I think he did rather well for a young man that hadn't a clue what I was on about, but then does anybody?

Are we having fun yet??
I feel like one of those idiots lovely people that bore you stupid entertain you in the prison holiday camps

So another day at t'mill, well it feels like it sometimes, hope every one has a good day