Tell me could blog.co get much slower without actually stopping? It is so slow between leaving one blog and reaching the next part I could have made a three course meal!

It has been a very long day, and I know it is my last for 11 days, but, considering I have just done well over a weeks worth of work in three days it should be pretty plain sailing for them while I am gone. I hope!

Its really a case of being tough if it isn't, I need this break, to get myself together and rest and relax.

One of my problems is that I always push myself too hard, no matter what I am doing, comes from always having to prove that I am better than they ever gave me credit for. And I dont need to because I know I am. But old habits die hard and it is not easy stopping myself from doing it.

bloomin heck another whingy blog! Just shows how tired I am

What a wild morning it is, wind is blowing a gale out there, and I expect it will rain at some point. I went and babysat for my Son last night while he had a couple of hours out on his one night off. And where did he go? Where he works, now what is the point in that? He might just as well have worked!

The new season of CSI started again last night, so the books went away for two hours and I immersed myself in fiction, loved it

My last day at work and I just know it is going to be manic, I have so much to do and not enough hours to do it in, but I will get it done, and I expect, for the next two days at least that the phone will be ringing and I will have to talk them through at least some stuff. Especially after finally admitting yesterday thatI am the only one that knows how every bit of the department works, I have only been telling them for weeks!! My first job today will be to write out the procedure for dealing with two parts of the work I do that no one else has ever dealt with.

And apart from that and the fact that I will have to sort clients out, it should be a good day

Taking the day off everything tomorrow and just chilling, my first day off and I intend to make the most of it, whats you betting it doesn't work that way

Off to prepare for 'Out There' have a great day

I am sooooo tired, I did not think that today could be as hectic as yesterday, not when I had most of my staff in, but it was even more so!

And the pressure because I need to sort everything out before tomorrow night when I start my break, at one point I just got up and said "thats it I am having a break" I think that was after the armless 3D Humans and the spaceship landing?

I really cannot wait for tomorrow night! I am so looking forward to being able to relax, at least a little for a week or so.

Right the books are calling, back later

Its a strange thing but I actually didnt feel that cold this morning, out there, when I took The Molly for a walk. The sky appeared lighter, but that could be more to do with the sleepy moon than and actual earlier lightening of the sky.

Tis Tuesday, course that is normally the day that follows Monday, and the one that supposedly runs smoother, truth to tell Mondays arent always that bad, depends on how bad a weekend the clients have had.

OK, back to the morning routine, everyone have a good day and I shall leave you with this little thought for the day

Pass it on

You all know how much I love music, and one of the reasons that I love it so much is the memories that it evokes.

When I was at school and at that age when girls are being asked out by boys, I was always passed over, there were many reasons for this, being kept away from school to mind the little ones, the way I had to dress, my shyness. I was called the same names at school as I was at home, and though now I realise it is just the way of teenagers, then it hurt, made me shyer, different from the others.

A while ago I met one of the guys that called me those names, along with all the others, but admittedly he was never as cruel as they, and would often walk away rather than join in. It was on a night out with my friends, he said very little, just said something like, "sometimes young lads are fools but grown men are bigger ones" then told me he had asked the DJ for song for me, he said to listen to it because it was true.

I think he was drunk, and needed glasses, but it was a lovely thing to say and do.

The song

I was full of beans this morning, only three days to work, how bad could that be? Mondays are hectic, always, but I now have staff so I dont have to deal with it myself.

Except I have four staff and three didnt show, one sick one on holiday ( OK I forgot about that one) and the third because of her, hours decided not to work untill lunchtime today. Now because they have combined this other department along with mine that left three of us doing the work for six people, and three departments!! Actually I correct that as one was in meetings all day that left two of us.

So it has been a very hectic day, though it did pass fast

And how has your day been

Monday morning, back to work, although this week I have only three days to work as i finish on wednesday night for 11 whole days

So while I expect a very busy, manic day today, it being monday, and probably a very busy manic day tomorow, as the first two days of the week seem to be the busiest, I have the time off to look forward to. It will of course be busier than most weeks as I have to ensure that my staff have enough work to do while I am away besides the work that will come in during that time.

So the fact that I got hardly any sleep last night, and instead wanted to go to sleep when the alarm went off, doesn't really bother me today, though by the time I finish at five I will be something akin to a zombie

The weather is cold(ish) and wet, but it will soon be summer And now it is time to prepare for 'Out There'
Hope everyone has a good day

I had my lovely Lamb dinner, I dont normally do the full dinner thing, being on my own, but I soooo wanted one. And I have to admit, after my meal, my little house all quiet and peaceful, full tummy, all cosy and warm with molly snuggled up against me with her head on my chest, and I was soooo relaxed, I fell asleep

Now I have all that washing up to do

Then I went to the shop, dont listen to a conversation that has started before you arrived, it is so baffling, but oh so amusing Then thats my imagination for you.

I have been in town twice today, aren't I the brave one? In between posting n here, studying, and so on.

So what have you lot been up to, apart from the two nursing hangovers, I dare say they have been recovering

I apologise to any vegetarians out there, and if you are one dont look!!

In just over an hour and a half I will be sitting down to a meal something very close to this.

Mmmmm

I am having a posting frenzy today, so just ignore me and go read something interesting!

I have been on a little journey, or not so little, it has taken weeks, and lots of deep thinking. I guess you could call it a journey of self rediscovery, unfortunately it has caused a few downward swings as well as upward ones, I guess noone likes to remember painful events and that is one of the things that makes journeys such as these so hard. Because you have to go there, as hard as it might be, it wouldn't be a proper journey of self if you didn't, after all it is both the bad and the good that makes us who we are.

At the age of seven I was a small child with long reddish brown hair usually held in plaits because of its length, that was my physical stature, much like any other seven year olds really. It was only in the eyes and the mind that I differed from many of my age, I dont say all, because as I have since discovered I was not unique, are any of us?

At seven I could already run a home, I could cook, after a fashion, clean, mind babies, wash,dry and iron clothes, I was often mum, nurse, housekeeper. In many bizarre ways I was outwardly a child and inwardly an adult. I grew up fast and hard, like many of us have had to. In later years I encouraged my 'friends' to talk of their childhoods, I revelled in their tales of family trips and holidays, I lived with them through thier games,played with siblings. I did not envy them, the past is past and it can not be undone. But we can learn from it, and my children had those tales to tell, of the fun and the games, albeit with just mam.

I am told that if caught off guard I have sad eyes, I guess you cant go through life and its trials without it leaving some trace somewhere. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, does that mean I have a sad soul?

I love life, despite what it has put me through, and man it has really put me through some stuff, I dont expect people to understand what I am talking about, only a very few know, and even fewer know everything. But I am writing this for me really and I know, I just need to sort my head out and this is the way that I do it.

I didnt always feel this way, I have come close to giving up on everything and everyone, but I have this stubborn little part of me that just will not give up no matter how bad things are, maybe its a blessing, maybe its a curse?

What I have found is a blessing are friends, it doesn't matter how bad you feel there will always be someone who tries to make you feel better, and they are there to share good things with too. I love it when I get a call out of the blue, or a letter or email, I guess as much as I value my independence and my solitude and space that I am also a people person too.

And as much as I dont like the outside me, the physical one that I see when I cant avoid the reflection in the mirror, I like the inside me, the one that writes all this rubbish, and rambles and wanders, and apparently the one that my friends see.

I have had a strange few weeks, I have discovered that it doesn't matter how nice or polite you attempt to say things, some people are still going to take offence and call you names, well actually that is a bit harsh, label you, is more apt.

In the past few weeks I have been labelled a Brainwashing Liberal, because I didn't agree with someones point of view?

A Feminist of the worst kind.. because I dont agree with staying at home tied to the kitchen sink and 'caring' for some male?

A bitch.. because I wouldn't meet someone that I had been chatting to online, and then wouldn't chat to him because of what he was saying?

An Anti-Christian..because I dared to stand up for my friends rights as humans?

And all by people that have never read my blog, never met me, and are, I presume, still living in the dark ages.

So lets take each point, A brainwashing Liberal..Well if I knew how to brainwash I would be living in luxury with servants etc etc, so thats out, and if standing up for what you believ in makes me a liberal, then I guess I am, I thought it made me a free thinking Human?

A Feminist of the worst kind.. Well I believe that a relationship is shared, so why should I be the one to stay at home? To me you share everything and that includes bringing in the wages, the cleaning, the cooking, does that mean I would love the person, or respect that person any less? I dont believe so.

A Bitch..Well ok I'll give you that one, but to call me it just because I wont meet someone I have been chatting to for five minutes, well I may be a lot of things, stupid is not one of them!

An Anti-Christian..I always thought that Christianity was in the acts of kindness etc, so I dont go along with all their doctrines, and some of the stuff that the church comes out with, is quite frankly straight out of the middle ages, my beliefs are mine and they dont make me anti-anything they make me who I am, at least I thought that they did!

Now dont get me wrong I am not upset by all this name-calling-labelling stuff, quite the opposite I find it amusing. It just goes to show that I can evoke reactions in people merely by using words, trying to get a point across without reverting to slander, abuse and tit for tat name calling can sometimes be quite fun, for me anyway, I try to always remain calm, because to me if you are attempting to debate an issue and put across your view it is always better to do it in a calm and reasonable manner. Apparently it doesn't always work that way

7-20 on a sunday morning, what on earth am I doing up and on here at this time? Isn't it strange how our bodies become 'conditioned' to certain things, for instance mine has become conditioned to always being up and about by a certain time, and the only time that its internal alarm clock doesn't kick in is if I have had a drink, which is very rare.

As Adults we condition our bodies to be fed and to rest and to work, and changes to that conditioning can cause all sorts of problems, for instance overwork can cause the body to insist on rest by creating headaches or stomach pains, by making the heart react or the bowel become irritable, by the appearence of Ulcers, demanding it be fed properly and that you give it the rest and care that it needs.

Our bodies are not simply the shells in which we reside, they are the things that enable us to walk and play, and work and go out with our friends, without out bodies we are invisable, does it not make sense to try to care for them at least a little?

Saturday, and shopping raises its head, now most of you know about me and shopping, we just dont mix! So normally a quick trip when the shops are at their emptiest is the way I try to do it. But it seems the Godessess had other plans for me today.

Yesterday I solved one of my ongoing problems by buying a freezer, now money is a bit tight ( A bit!!! ) so I chose a second hand shop and the freezer cost me a mere fifty, cool ( Or freezing?) It was delievered at twelve, and at two, having given it time to settle, I switched it on to let it freeze in anticiapation of filling it. It ran for ten minutes and went bang!!! I was not perturbed, I got myself and the very much misbehaving Destructor ready and off we went, I went to the shop told him what had happened, he refunded my money and arranged to pick it back up.

So still without a freezer and dragging a still misbehaving child along, I ends up at Sunwin house and wanders in, and comes away with a Brand New freezer for only fifty pounds more than I paid for the secondhand one and a 12 months guarantee.Cant have it for two weeks, but well I have been without for six months. Nips back home as son and GF are on their way, and that would mean I could then go shop, quickly without child, who by now has made my arm twice as long as it was!

The text I got said be there in thirty minutes, I recieved it before I bought the freezer, I bought the freezer, walked all the way home, (holding phone as I knew they would ring to see where I was if they arrived before I got back) got home made and drank a coffee, all before they got there,I worked it out to three times thirty

Anyway it didnt work out as planned as son went to work and Missy and Demon child came into town with me. Now Demon child had started playing up even worse when Mam arrived, having been told if he was good in town he could have his stuff back in his room (it was confiscated yesterday) we hoped it would be ok, Not.A.Chance, not only did he not behave he ended up screaming and crying because he couldnt have what he wanted which was everything he saw. I ended up in the Supermarket telling her if she didnt sort him I was buying the cloth which was in front of us on the aisle and gagging him! Dont say No you have some at home, or no later, tell him NO end of,he is now lying, which I know they all get into but this is with stuff he does right in front of you and then when he gets told off says no I didnt, but continues to say it twenty times over then starts screaming. I thought we had got him out of all this, but it seems mam has found a new hobby and he is getting his own way again. Thank Heavens it is my last weekend of having him.

And why do people think if it is buy one get one free they just have to buy it? My butter and my bath stuff were on it, thats cool because I buy them anyway, then Sons GF says, xxxx Shampoo bogof,
hmm, and?
well you should get some,
erm but I dont use that one,
yeah but its one free,
well yes but I would be paying out money I wouldnt normally pay out, so how would I be saving?

This happened with about ten items, and each time I would say, but I dont need it, or dont use it. I couldn't seem to get it through to her that buying one and getting one free is a false economy when you neither need or use it in the first place, I would have put an extra ten to twelve pounds on my bill had I gone along with her idea of shopping?
And they call me crazy

Do you ever argue with yourself? I do it all the time, it is like I have two or more people inside my head,but there are two main ones, one is the voice of reason, the other the voice of insanity. Sometimes when things get on top of me a little, the voice of insanity starts whispering things, you know the kind of things that get you into trouble, or make you wish you hadn't done them

Then the voice of reason chimes in, it tells you the consequences of doing what the voice of insanity is trying to get you to do, it asks you to look at the 'bigger picture' it reminds you of what you have to lose, of the fact that tomorrow is another day and things may look differently then.

Then of course the voice of insanity disagrees, and they begin to argue, amongst themselves.
Thats usually when the voice of authority makes its appearence, it tries to reason with the other two, thats usually when the voice of self comes out, this is a particurlarly lovely voice because it speaks with pictures, sounds nuts right? But it does, it shows me the right thing to do and why, and that shuits all the other voices up, as they are too busy watching the picture show to bicker.

This only usually happens when I have had a bad day/week,or an exceptionally good day/week, or if I have come across someone that I may be more than just attracted to, or if someone has upset me in some, usually, unknowing way, or if I am overtired or......come to think of it, it happens quite a lot

I read a book/watched the film, titled the Three faces of Eve, about a woman with multiple personalities, it turned out she had about eight or something, its been a long time since I read it. And then I read another book about a guy with the same disorder. There is another one, more recent called Identity, which shows a murderer whose personalities are even different sexes, as well as different ages. The fascinating thing is, we all have it, not to the degree where we make ourselves look different and speak in a different voice, but we do change our personalities depending on where we are and who we are with.

We adopt different identities, different personas, ever heard anyone say of a work mate "you want to see them when they are out, totally different"? I guess it is a safety mechanism, it seperates our public face from our private face, and possibly keeps us sane, or not as the case may be.

Even in work I am several different people, when I do the settlements I am a negotitor, when I do critical illness or death I am the listener/friend/voice of calm, when the staff are stuck and need help I am the manager/teacher, when we are all having a laugh and a joke I am part of the team/one of the girl/boys.

At home I am Mother/Father, sister, aunt, daughter, boss,friend, ME. But which one of them is me?
Ah, well they all are, because it doesn't matter which role you take on, in whichever environment you happen to be, the essence of you is still there, beneath every other facade, the real you lurks. If people are really observant they can even catch glimpses of it slipping out every now and then.

It is Saturday, the weekend, no work, and of course the cleaning,washing etc has to be done ready for the week to come. Isn't life fun

I had this

And this

Night

This?

Or this?

I have had a strange day, busy as normal, very busy as it happens. I had to talk to a guy whose partner died on Monday, that was hard, poor guy probably didnt take in one word I said. But thats ok, I expected that, so I backed it up with a letter explaining that we were there on the other end of the phone. His partner died of cancer and he was with him, when he went, at home.

I sat there today amid the noise and the bustle, phones ringing, people talking, the sound of keys tapping, and it was like the noise was at the far end of the tunnel and I am thinking "what am I doing here? why do I do this?" then the girls tell me tht Mr xxxxx is on the phone, 74 and can hardly breath and I take the call and he calls me an Angel because I sorted his creditors out for him, such a simple thing to do, yet to him it is everything. I guess thats why I am there?

I sorted my food situation out, I managed to finally buy a freezer and tomorrow I can go and buy fresh meat and freeze it and have supplies for a whole month, back to normal, it has been hard living without it and so damn expensive!!

And shortly I will be picking the phone up and ordering a delicious curry, feet up, glass of wine and relax, AAhhhhhhhh

The end of the week, the start of the weekend, POETS day, PAYDAY!!!!! Well this friday is payday, not every friday is of course. Monthly pay is a pain, but I guess just about everyone gets paid that way nowadays. What happened to the weekly paypacket, its all BACS systems and bank accounts?

It is cold and wet again, but it will soon be light mornings ( says she looking out at a nighttime sky) and light nights, I may even get to see a sunset, instead of it being dark when I leave work! It is only at weekends that I dont feel like I am living in a night time land, or underground maybe like the Morlocks. Hmmmm, to be honest, being fed and pampered doesn't sound all that bad sometimes I just dont fancy being some beasties dinner.

I have just recieved all the books for my first part of my study, that is just for one course, the second lot will be here sometime today or this weekend for the second course. Which means I am going to be pretty busy again, though of course I will be around, for breaks, and I have worked it out so many days for one, and so many for the other with one day off in the middle. That way I dont overtax this poor brain, and I get to write something other than essays and read something other than text books!

Ah well time to get ready for 'out there' have a good day and dont do anything I wouldn't do

I walked to work, not really feeling up to it, not really wanting to go, but isn't it strange how when your spirits are a little down, something comes along to lift them again?

As I walked to work I first noticed that our friend Jack had been touching the gardens with his icy fingers and laying them over with a beutiful glittery, filgree of white frosting. Even the pavements, and I should really have been watching where I was going as they were a little precarious, but my attention had been drawn from the gardens and captured by the sky.

The sky was awesome, the brightest, lightest blue above the hills, splashed with blush pink and orange clouds, fanning out over the horizon and deepening to a rose pink above me, where the sky was a little deeper blue, it seemed endless and was truly breathtaking.

It was only with luck that I didnt hit a patch of ice and break something but I managed to get to work unscathed!

And tomorrow is payday, which is something good to look forward to for a change

I am in a quandry this morning, not what to wear which is the one that normally hits me in the morning, but where to write! I have so many ideas spinning round in my head that I think it really might just explode and they will all go flying off and take on life forms of their own.

Only I dont have time, as I am determined to go back to work, and stay there, at least untill five o clock. And what is it with my words? Everything keeps coming out back to front, the first letter is right and the last but the ones in the middle are all scrambled, I am continually having to edit! I seem to be having a malfunction. I know that they do say that you can understand the word as long as the first and last letters are in the correct position because the eye automatically translates it, but a whole post!

The weather is crisp and cold, and the stars glittered in the sky, Lady Moon had dissapeared out of sight but she was there last night when I went out, A waxing moon, great for wishing on and for castings. Perhaps wishing might eventually work, I have only been doing it most my life, still waiting, perhaps I dont say the right words? Its a good job I dont depend on wishes to get me through life, I dont actually depend on anyone/thing except myself, and I am totally unreliable

I am so skitty Scatty today, work should be fun! I had better go and prepare for the joys of my employment, I hope you all have a good day

For two days I was off work, noone came near, they knew I was off work, they knew I was unwell, not a peep, nothing, nada. Today I go to work, and get sent home, and everyone has been down, does that mean if I take the time off I am ok, but if work sends me home I am sick??

The slight dusting of snow that managed to survive the rains of the night decided to freeze and tried to get me when I went to the shop, Ha! I saw you sneaky

Apparently they have released footage of a very rare shark found swimming in the sea of Japan

Remarkable pictures of a rarely-seen shark, whose species has swum the Earth's seas since prehistoric times, have been released.

The 1.6 metre long deep sea frill shark was first spotted swimming in the shallows by a fisherman in Japan.

It is very unusual for the creatures to be seen alive and experts believe a seasonal up-current carried the shark from its deep sea habitat to the shallows.

This particular shark was a female weighing up to 7.5 kilograms. It has six gills and bizarre forked teeth.

Fossil records can be found of the animal dating as far back as 80 million years ago.

However the shark was unable to survive outside its deep sea environment and died soon after capture

Pretty aint she?

When Men become obsolete

LONDON (Reuters) - Flora, a Komodo dragon who has never mated or even mixed with a male, is the proud mother and father of five baby dragons, scientists said on Wednesday.
Both Flora and her babies, which measured 40-45 cm (15-18 inches) and weighed up to 125 grams (4.4 ounces) when they were hatched at the Chester Zoo are doing fine.
Two fertilised eggs are still in an incubator.
"Flora is oblivious to the excitement she has caused but we are delighted to say she is now a mum and dad," said Kevin Buley a curator at the zoo. "When the first of the babies hatched, we didn't know whether to make her a cup of tea or pass her the cigars..."
Scientists announced in December in the journal Nature that Flora had fertilised the eggs herself, without any male help, in a process culminating in parthenogenesis or virgin birth.
Other lizards do this, but Buley and his team said it was the first time it has been shown that Komodo dragons, the world's largest lizards, can also accomplish it.
The baby dragons, all males, are being cared for in a special area of the zoo and feasting on a diet of crickets and locusts.
"We haven't made a decision on names yet -- as Komodo dragons can live for over 40 years, we want to get the names just right," Buley added.

The Proud Mum/Dad

And Baby

Ever get the feeling you're not wanted? I had been at work three quarters of an hour when the manager said I am not happy at you being here, I had been at work an hour and a half when the director said "Wheres your coat" "Um over there why?" " You are going home, come back tomorrow when you are better rested"

He went on to say how they were pleased that I had made the effort but, if something were to happen? This is on account of still not being able to raise the right arm properly, making everything I do very slow and a leeeetle painful, I did put the phone on the left side, but they said they would rather I took the extra day, ok, but its not your wage that will be short! Still health is more important than money.

So here I am back to bug you all again

Back to work this morning, mainly because if I stay at home much longer it will drive me even crazier than I already am, as was evidenced yesterday in the amount of time I spent on here!

The snow lasted all of ten minutes before the rain came and washed it away, better than it freezing I suppose, and it is raining again this morning. Though not hard, well not yet anyway, managed to get The Molly to go out in it so it wasn't too bad.

I used to take my children out in the snow and play sledging and we would build snowmen, and have snowball fights, and have the whole street joining in, they would come in have hot cholcolate get warm and have dry clothes put on, then we would be off out again, we would spend all day out in it, just lately we are lucky if there is enough snow to make snowballs with let alone snowmen.

I have noticed too how much later it snows each year. When I was young it snowed from October through to february not all the time but those months were the months you expected snow. Now it doesn't seem to snow before the end of January and the past few years it has been February and March. Thats if we get any!

Right away to get ready for work, hope you all have a good day.

I chacked the weather forecasts twice today, having announced that I would be back at work tomorrow ( As the whole of blogland breathes a huge sigh of relief) I wanted to know what it would be like, I have said several times over the past couple of days that the air has had the feel and the smell of snow.

The weather forecast tells me no snow, today cloudy with sunny spells, tomorrow sleet, thursday cloudy with sunny spells and friday the same. So I gets wrapped up because it has been really cold today, steps outside the door, and it is snowing!! Admittedly not really heavy, just fine stuff, when I leave my sons it has got heavier, it has now gone back to fine but the sky is full of it.

Be just my luck for us to have a fine powdering and for it to freeze overnight, making going to work slightly treachorous as I live on a hill! Still, guess the weathermen will be scratching their heads and scurrying about changing the forecasts right now

You are allowed to say Awwww, if you must

Can you tell I'm bored?

Roll on payday, I have been fancying this for two weeks.