Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

What is it about time off, I had planned to have a nice relaxed day today then throw myself into full revision tomorrow and the rest of the week. But nothing is ever that simple, well not for me anyway.

I am just as tired as if I had been at work all day, and that cant be right can it?

Anyway time for the crime programme once again, I'm beginning to think I have an obsession

I have been debating with myself for a long time now about the advantages and disadvantages of dating, bearing in mind that I dont get a lot of free time, what with work and study etc.

It is eleven years since my last relationshop ended, not very well I might add. We had been together ten years and it had been um, not good, anyway it left me very wary about wanting to try again.

Since then I have been on five dates, I always chicken out, find a reason for not going, a very valid one though.

Dont get me wrong, I dont feel as though I am missing out on anything, I dont go to bed thinking if only, I dont rise in the morning wondering about might haves etc. I am pretty content on the whole, though sometimes it would be nice to be wined and dined.

I just sometimes wonder if I will ever get brave enough to actually take that chance again? If I will ever take down the barriers? I used to enjoy dating, never wondering where it would lead just taking it as it came. Is it possible to get back to that way of thinking?

Its a fairly grey morning, but I still managed to watch a spectacular sunrise, Pink blue and grey, the clouds managed to look like ripples on water tinged with a pink hue. I walked beneath a canopy of pink and white Angels confetti and when the breeze blew the petals fell softly around me. I love Blossom trees, that heady smell when you stand beneath them, the soft petals of the flowers, they are so delicate, yet such hardy trees?

It does seem strange sat here at this time not having to rush to get dressed, though I have said that I will go to my sons and get him up, just to make sure he is on time.

And the wedding, ah yes the wedding, well the big wedding is off, the church and everything. I no longer have to cater for nearly three hundred people because it aint happening! A mutual decision, brought about by my telling them that if they intended to get married, bearing in mind the church has been booked since last June, then they really needed to get things sorted.

It seems there are two other friends getting married the same week, and the cost and the fuss all got to be too much for them, so instead my Son has booked a week at Great Yarmouth, the same week they were getting married and we are all going there. And that is where they are getting married, no fuss, and a quarter of the cost, he is far too much like his Mother!!

Still I am looking forward to a week in the sunshine, though I am under orders to leave the books at home

And now I am going to have a leisurly breakfast, catch you all later