Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

April is a very bad month for me, I am sure that most of you know this,I have said it before. There are a few people on here that know why, most people dont, but suffice it to say it was the single worst time of my life and nothing that happened before or since or that could happen could surpass it.

I relive it every year,sometimes a few times, sometimes just the once, which is good considering once I relived it every day.

The annivesary is in ten days, this year has been pretty tough, for some reason, I have been there a few times. And of course as the anniversary gets closer it gets harder.

So why do people insist on trying to get me to talk about it? I dont mean the people on here, I mean family, and people who are supposed to be my friends. Why do they not listen when I say I DO NOT WANT TO DISCUSS IT!! What do I have to do, lock myself away for the next twelve days?

I want to be with people, I want to feel that there is someone there, then if I do wish to talk, I can, but in my time, my way. Am I being selfish?

Take no notice of me, just letting off steam.

I have a lovely peaceful environment, ok the musics on, but it is my music and it isn't on loud. Apart from the building work across the road, which I am trying to ignore.

So why can I not settle to this revising? I have it all worked out, I have all the past exam papers so I am answering questions which is actively making me revise, yet I dont seem able to settle to it at all

Maybe the sunshine and the beautiful day are disrupting the mundane tasks of reading and writing? Or maybe I am just fooling myself and I really dont have what it takes to do this?

Mybe I should take a walk, I think that is the best idea right now.

Catch you later

It is beautiful again today, and now that my office is back in the attic where it was originally, I have that beautiful view to look at when my eyes raise from the books.

The building work across the street isnt helping but, I have my pressie from my lovely friend to play as loud as I please to drown it out.

I love music, when i am at work we are not allowed it because of the phones, but when working at home, no matter what I am doing the music is on, there is nothing quite like it to make the cleaning go faster or the hours slide by when studying.

Today it will probably range from Yello, that I have on now, through to Kenny G, Kenny helps me to relax, I love his music, soft sax, one of the most relaxing sounds there is.

In between there will be Def Leppard, Iron Maiden, Blue, Backstreet Boys, George Michael, Fleetwood Mac, Amy Winehouse, maybe a bit of Whitney and definately some sixties tunes. A bit of poison, some Snow Patrol, Some Compilations. I think that might just about get me through most of the day.

Right must go and have breakfast first, else I will be getting in bother off a certain person, catch you later, have a good day.