Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

Sometimes it may seem that I spend my time in my head day dreaming and fantasising, but most of my time is spent reading and writing and working and cleaning and so on. The dreams and fantasies are my escape pods.

I believe we all should have places that we can escape to, and it isn't always physically possible, for many years 'The Garden' kept me sane. You could say it kept me alive, in the beginning when I first 'found' it, when I needed somewhere to go as I couldn't physically escape, without it I wouldn't have survived. It has grown, as I have, from the beginning when it was all brambles and trees and roses growing wild.

The long sweeping lawns, the little stream to sit by and listen to the dreamy music it makes as it meanders gently over little stones set in its bed. The scent of the roses, and Jasmine and any other flower I decide shall grow there. The trees dotted about for shade when the sun is high in the sky, an the centre piece of course is the Willow, the tree of Hope, natures ballerina, graceful and tall, in whose centre you can hide from prying eyes and simply watch and wait.

The house often took on different structures, sometimes it would be long and rambling ( A bit like my posts ) other times tall and imposing, but the one thing that remained constant was the porch, this surrounded the house and was for sitting on in an evening. Sometimes in solitude sometimes with friends, playing the guitar and other instruments, laughing, joking, just talking.

Often I would change things in the garden, change the lawns or the flowers, but the one thing that remained besides the willow was the over riding sense of peace, of serenity, nothing bad was allowed in the garden, it was/is a haven, a sanctuary. This is what keeps me sane in a mad world of change, it is my one constant, where I go when upset, confused, or just too tired for the demands of life. And when I return, be it five minutes or five hours, I am refreshed and ready once more to face what has to be faced.

Perhaps others have a garden, a sanctuary? If not, well you can share mine.

I dream of long goldeen prairies beneath endless blue skies. I dream of a sea of neon against a backdrop of midnight blue. I dream of Golden sands and white breakers, of Groves of fruit bearing trees, of horses running wild, of vast fields of green, green grass, scattered with flowers bright.

I see the cows graze, I feel the power of the wild beasts as they roam, the restlesness of the Wolves as they wander. The watchfullness of cats, the loyalty of dogs, and beneath it all the coarsing, burning tide of freedom.

We are after all descended from Animals and some still act that way, perhaps it is that which we bury deep inside that keeps us ever searching for the something new, the adventure, the always wanting to be the best, the top dog, the leader of the pack. The striving to become, but do we know what it is that we want to become?

It has been a strange day, all manner of strange things happen, mostly missed as we go about our daily lives, perhaps we have become immune to the mystical side of life, the magic that surrounds us, because we concentrate too hard on the neccessities of life. But just for a little while it is nice to gallop the plains with the horses and run wild with the Wolves, even if you never leave your living room

Hope everyone had a good day

A clear blue sky with pretty pink streaks, white clouds on the horizon, tinged with the colours of the dawn. The ground is wet from the night rains, though the dark clouds appear to be gone for now, and the wind has dropped, just a gentle breeze stirring the leaves on the branches of the blossom trees as I pass.

The sun appears to have claimed the sky for a wee while at least, and though there is a slight chill in the air, it is more the chill of early morning than the cold it has been these past few days.

One of my rpoblems is that I think too much, I I take things that people say and do and let it run around in my head to try to work out the real meaning behind it. Analytical and logical isn't always the right way to be, sometimes you just have to accept things and not try to find reasons.

I dont judge people, I try to take them on the merit of who I think they are, of how they present themselves, so it is always a bit of a blow to find that others judge me. This used to bother me, I used to wonder why they had done/said the things that they do. Now I think that so be it, I am who I am, I think, write and act as myself, people will form their own opinions as to what/who they think I am, and from them they will either stay or go.

Life is far too short to worry about the way that I present myself, not everyone is going to like what I have to say, so be it. Lets face it, if we all liked the same things it would be a very boring world, I count myself lucky in that I have learnt the value of the here and now, it was a hard lesson to learn, and cost me much, but learnt it was. I learnt the value of true friendship, and how to listen when someone spoke.

I dont think I am a bad person, I am certainly no Angel, despite what my picture portrays, I dont think I am any better or worse than a multitude of people out there, I dont have an over inflated ego ( Though sometimes it seems I may come across that way) I like the me that I am now mentally, but I dont like my physical self (There are some on here that know exactly what I mean) I try to be fair to others and I expect the same fairness in return, I dont think that is wrong, though others might.

I do have a very cynical outlook about some things, but am willing to hear both sides of an argument/disagreement, I like to sort things out through the medium of talking and sharing, it doesn't always work, and I am always ready to admit when I am wrong and apologise if neccassary. We are after all only Human, and not infallible.

I am having a clean out of friends on my list, some may have noticed that it is diminishing somewhat, mainly it is just people that haven't blogged in months, if for any reason you dont feel you want to be there anymore just let me know.

Right am off to prepare for another fun day.

Have a good one xx

The day started wet and windy and remained that way right up until after I finished work, the sun popped out to say hello and the evening has been nice and balmy, just like a summer evening.

Took the Molly out and it was only just starting to become dusky, and that was gone ten, a beautiful almost full moon, and a sky full of stars, bats flying around and birds still singing their good night song.

I have been thinking a lot about blogging, which sounds silly I know, like I dont have better things to think about, but its been more about whether I should carry on doing it than anything else. I guess it will take a bit more thinking and a really clear mind before I come to any actual decisions, I enjoy writing, and I like the fact that I have 'friends' on here that I can have a laugh with, and even connect with on some level. For now I shall probably carry on as I am, though the studies need a lot of attention at the moment.

Anway off to the land of nod, well off to bed and hope the sandman stops by, have a good night and sweet dreams.

The day started off on a bit of a downward shift, sorry folks, just return to work blues coupled with this lousy virus that doesn't want to shift, despite the vitamins and healthy eating.

Anyway I am glad to say the day soon took an upward tilt, mostly because I have just spent the entire day laughing at everyone else for a change.

There have been a couple of crappy moments, one of which was very much of a downer. But I haven't let it affect me too much, and the day has run along on its own little course.

I started to get a tad annoyed when I discovered that yet again someone has saved an amended letter over the standard letter and it meant that the two hours work the manager had done had to be redone, so to stop her getting stressed I did it, first day of the week she has reports and meetings and she only did it to help us out because we are a member of staff down. Course she should have checked as I did when I had used it, and reamended it to the correct one, but by the time I used it she had done hers.

I did get to send round an email telling them if it happens again the letters will be locked and only the manager and I will be using them. It isn't so hard to 'save as' and then the letter reverts to the basic one, sheesh some people

The day seemed to fly past, and to be honest I didnt get done half of my own work for redoing other peoples, but such is life, means it will be a quick day tomorrow too.

Hope you all had a good day.

It seems strange that today is a Tuesday and not a Monday, because it feels like a Monday.

Back to work, and another round of doing what it seems I do best, for everyone but myself. Solving other peoples problems seems to be a lot easier than solving your own, doesn't it?

I am feeling a little down this morning, must be the holiday blues, going back to work after a long weekend, that amongst other things.

I guess I am not much in the mood to write a blog this morning, so I will just say have a good day, despite the rain.

Not too unproductive a day, cept someone keeps drinking my coffee when I am not looking So I have reverted to coke, the drink that is, before I get any quippy remarks from certain bloggers

Tis a funny thing but since getting this virus in my throat I can no longer abide milk in my coffee?

Anyway on with the booky stuff, this is what I am studying to right now.

It is absolutely siling it down here now, it is like October with the wind howling and the rain pouring and it is bloomin cold! Never mind, I should go out and do some more stuff but, I am going nowhere but the local shop.

Back to studying and listening to music.

How about some Rod?

Theres a song that always comes to mind when I have a busy start to the morning, it is called 'Poor mans Son' and it starts 'I'm up each day with the rising sun, I got this job and it must be done' sort of just fits somehow, though the rest of the song is about working for his woman so that doesn't quite go

Up at the crack of Dawn and already the washing has been done and is now drying, have been putting away the things that I bought for the holidays, so I dont get tempted to wear them before, like there is any sunshine around to wear them. Washing up all put away, Molly walked and told off and sulked and then played with and is now layed in her usual place between the two flights of stairs.

I discovered something really strange today, I type faster when holding a pen or pencil in the fingers of my right hand? Must be a work thing

The rain has stopped for now, and I can see the tops of the trees of the woods and out over the fields and up to the top of the hill. One day I will live in a house up there and I will have the whole of the valley laid before me Ambition is a wonderful thing.

I discovered this weekend just how lovely my friends on here are, thanks guys for making my weekend a good one, you know who you are, thanks for the offers and I hope you undrestood what I meant in what I said.

Right time to go do some brain work, thats if I can get it going today, it doesn't seem to want to concentrate t all.

It has been a strange day, so much to do so little done, and I know it is good to sometimes take a day out ( apart from the shopping that is) but then everything goes to pot and now I still have it all to do and a day less to do it in.

Never mind I am sure I will get it all done, thats if I ever get to bed to get some sleep, but it seems that I am here wide awake and not feeling in the least bit sleepy

Have been trawling (Is that the right word) the net, came across some interesting stuff, some funny stuff and some strangely weird stuff, but hey thats life on the internet for you.

Have been thinking of setting up my own group/web page, but dont know if I would have the time to maintain it, so many people seem to do that nowadays dont they?

Maybe I will just go and lie in bed and read this new book, all about a serial killer, I will get it started eventually, might be a good time to try.

OK enough rambling, off to see what else the night holds

Hmmm, lets see apparently I have to write seven facts about myself.

1) I am the third child of eight, but the eldest girl

2) I love books

3)I beleive in Fairies and Dragons and all things mythical and mystical

4) My best friend is a gay man, and I love him to bits xx

5)I see dead people, actually I feel them around, though I have seen some.

6) I am analytical, logical and said to be cold, except to my friends, my nickname used to be Icequeen

7) I adore Wolves

Right I tag um

Paddy, Steph, usksider, Lindow,goinsomewhere, Jessy and Paulboyd

Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog

After my eventful day I thought I would sleep like a baby, after studying till, well late, I went for a refreshing walk with The Molly and then retired to my comfy bed.

Unfortunately the strange dreams appeared again and as always they woke me up, getting back to sleep is always a problem for me, once woken sleep vanishes and the rest of the night is spent trying to find a comfotable position, and willing myself to go to sleep. Course it never works it is like trying to hypnotise yourself

Still I dont feel that tired, a walk in the rain soon washed that away, and I will be having another one when I go shopping, for food this time.

And a day of shopping cleaning and studying is on the agenda, the shopping wont take long, the cleaning the same, so hopefully a lot of study will be getting done today and tomorrow, since the rain looks to be set in for the day there will be no long walks by the river.

Hope you all have a great Sunday, back later.

Wow I am suffering from mega sensory overload! Not to mention achy legs. Leeds was a blast, really, despite the odd panic stricken moment, ok it was more than the odd one and it was more than a momant, but I did quite well, I just didnt go in the shops that were bursting at the seams, which meant I didnt go in quite a few.

But, what with marching bands and street vendors and bubbles everywhere from tiny to huge, and candy floss, and more street vendors and the biggest book shop I have ever been in, yes I bought books and walking forever, it was a good day.

I bought bright coloured tops and what one of my dearest friend describes as 'Serious' Lingerie, jeans, boots, swimming costume? Like they are going to get me to wear that!

But no shoes, Sorry Eggbod, you know when you see the perfect pair of shoes ( only serious shoe people will understand this) the ones that just jump out at you and you know they are the ones you have been looking for? Well I saw them in my little town before I went to Leeds, I didnt buy them, I thought no, there will be some there just as good if not better, but there wasn't, every shoe shop, nothing that even came near. Trouble is I cant afford them, well not if I want to eat this month, but hopefully I will be able to get them next month before we go away

So now I am seriously shattered, and will be lucky if I manage to do anything but fall asleep on the sofa

Hope everyone else had a good day xx

It is a beautiful morning, the sun rose in a blaze of pinks and oranges, kissing the few clouds and making them blush. Sending out her ribbons across the horizon untill the whole sky seemed to be painted with streaks of pink in a myriad of shades melding into orange and fading, all against a canvas of blue.

There was still a slight chill in the air as The Molly and I wandered, and she played with her new friend the blackbird, who likes to tease her by hopping a few feet away and then flying up into the tree as she gives chase, and then back down in front of her and off again, Molly certainly enjoyed the game, she is feeling much better.

I too am more refreshed this morning, knowing I can forget about work for a few days, even though I know that I have a pile to do when I get back in, I am not going to give it a thought for the next few days. In fact today I am thinking of all those lovely shoe shops, keeps my mind off the actual thought of going into Leeds on a Saturday, I must be mad

Right I shall go and attempt to make myself look passable, as I have to pop into town here before I go to the City.

Catch you later

This just about sums up my day. I am so glad it is Friday and despite the fact that I had to work over, yet again, I am now feeling much more relaxed and looking forward to the weekend.

Am shopping in Leeds tomorrow, I was dreading it, but am not now, as it is just going to be the girly and me shoping for the holiday and some bits for the wedding, so hopefully if it stays as nice as it is now (without the wind) it should be a good day.

Now the only decisions I have to make tonight is, Rogan Josh or madras, rose or white wine

Catch you later

Imagine long soft green lawns leading down to a little stream, paths that meander around grounds set with trees and flowers, a Rose Garden with benches in cool shady places, to sit and relax. Children playing, throwing a ball around or rolling on the soft lawn, couples strolling hand in hand, other Adults wandering, chatting, beneath a blue and cloudless sky.

The exotic smell of different foods cooking, making the mouth water and the tummy rumble in anticipation of the feast to come. Down by the stream stands the Willow, tall and graceful her branches sweeping the floor, and beneath her branches in the cool shade you sit relaxed with your back against the trunk of the tree, watching the scene unfold in front of you, seeing but unseen, watching quietly as the ghosts of a hundred pasts play.

Perhaps it means something, perhaps it is just a beautiful way of relaxing, serene and peaceful allowing the cares of the day to flow out with the gentle stirring of the branches of the willow.

Ah well best leave it til later, or I will never get to work

Have a good day

I'm a pretty laid back person most of the time, even when I am running round doing everyone elses's job, I do it because at the end of the day it is the client that counts and as long as they are getting the job done right then everything is fine.

When I am told that as of next week, I am going to be at least one member of staff down, permanently, and that over the next few weeks I am going to be more members of staff down due to things like holidays etc, I dont panic, I dont run round like a headless chicken saying, what are we going to do, I say fine, just as long as I can slot in the other things that need my attention, I am sure we will manage.

When I volunteered to stay behind after work because a client needed me to consult with his wife who doesn't get home until twenty past five, I simply got on with other jobs that needed doing, and as the other girls went, saying stuff like why couldn't they call tomorrow and I patiently explained that she doesn't finish work any earlier tomorrow so what would be the point in that? It didn't bother me, apart from one of the girls I work with who completly understood why.

Maybe I am old fashioned in my belief that we are there for the client and not the other way round, after all it is their money that pays our wages, even if the wages are crap!

Perhaps doing a job to the best of your ability, and going out of your way to do it is an old fashioned concept, but when I had talked to that lady and her husband, and they had thanked me for shedding a tiny little ray of light on an otherwise dark time ( Her husband is terminally ill ) I am glad I am old fashioned, and I shall continue to be so.

I have had o much to do this morning tht I am now being chased by the white Rabbits again.

Molly has been off colour these past few days, she has a cold, and apart from coming home to her throwing up all over, she has been somewhat clingy one minute and sleeping a lot on the other. She seems to be over the worst of it now and is lively and a pain again this morning. And she thanks Mama and Richard for their scritches and hugs.

It is a wet morning, nothing new there then, but I have just ordered the wedding rings for the big day, and paid for them ( Sons money not mine) and they will be here in the next couple of weeks. The wedding dress has been suitably altered, the suit has been bought, she finally managed to settle on a pair of shoes for the big day, and on Saturday we are doing Leeds, holiday clothes, because they are cheap there, not that it makes much difference when you dont have any spare money to start with

I have shoes, two pair of to choose from for the big day, and more shoes, another two pair of, for the evenings, now I have to go buy beach wear, this is not going to be easy As with the way that I think of myself I will probably end up with a ski suit!

And now tis time to prepare for the present and another work day, at least it is Thursday and after tomorrow I have three days off.

Have a good day all.

My day started off perfectly with a nice walk in a chilly wind and an overcast sky blocking out the sunrise, though the pretty colours that the sun makes of the grey clouds is a little compensation. Then my computer went down, before I so much as typed a word.

I would like to say the day got better, but that would be lying and I dont do that. Though to be fair it didnt exactly get worse.

I finally managed to fix the Computer around 8-45 this evening after numerous trips for equipment it turned out I didnt need. The problem apparently was a power boost that had caused the Modem drivers to disappear, so uninstall the old driver and reinstall the new. Seems I am not so useless with techy stuff

I have decided that I must be regarded as A) A pushover or The fountain of all knowledge as far as work is concerned, today is the day I sort out my other two divisions of the department, there is enough staff to sort out the settlement side while I concentrate on the more delicate matters of critical illness and death.

At least thats how it is supposed to work. Tuesdays and Thursdays I chase up Death certificates, doctors letters, call clients and creditors make sure everyone has everything they need etc etc etc. Except of course for the constant interuptions of, how do I, and will you look at this, and so on and so forth. And the inevitable, they only want to speak to you, whenever the phone goes. There are four others they can speak to, but no, it is just me, and so I spend the day sorting out other peoples messes and answering calls I am not supposed to be taking!

Dont get me wrong, I very rarely dont speak to a client that asks for me, I always try to sort out what their problem is and call them back to let them know it has been done. But inevitably it means that the work I should have done today has to now be done tomorrow, along with tomorrows. Ah well it is half way through the week tomorrow and next week is a four day week, and the week after and the week after So I guess I cant complain, can I?

Bath time methinks

I seem to be surrounded by strangeness, the dreams are getting even more frequent, dreams of exclusion,strange dreams filled with people I dont know, I know what they mean and even possibly why I am having them,they will stop soon and everything will have changed yet again. Right now I dont want to go to sleep, because I dont know if I want to see.

It was beautiful last night, the sky was a mixture of dark and light clouds, and the colours were hard to describe, almost like the bluey black of a bruise, mingled with different shades of grey, but it wasn't the ominous sky of rain, it was more gentle than that, serene even despite the colour, and they shaped patterns across the horizon and all across the sky to here where I watched them, almost like they were putting on a display for me.

I did try last night to blog about it and to answer comments, but Blog didnt want to play, so I left it and went and did something else instead.

Perhaps it too is trying to tell me something?

I had a pretty rough day yesterday, it may have been this cold thingy peaking, but I thought I was coming down with a serious migraine. It could also be the consequence of too much TV, something I am not used to, mixed in with the study.

I have actually managed to catch a couple of hours sleep and have woken this morning with just a few twinges remaining, though it wasn't helped by my jumping out of bed because it was light outside thinking I had slept in and the alarm hadn't gone off. I picked it up and it was 4-57, the Alarm goes off at five.

So the sunrise beat me this morning, never mind, tomorrow is another day. I am showered and though I can't say I am raring to go at least I feel a bit more refreshed.

Life is strange dont you think? There you are trundling along, doing your own thing and all the time there is your mind going off and doing its own thing, and then at some point something comes along and makes the two meld together, and suddenly you are not trundling along you are looking around and trying to find what it is you really want to do. From that time on you are restless and striving for that one or two things.

I meet people sometimes and I think he/she would be perfect at this or that, and the job they actually do is totally different, and you wonder why they went into what they did, course me being me, I have to ask, why do you do that? The problem is when you start asking people why they do a certain thing you make them start thinking about it, if they are secure in what they do it isn't a problem, if they are not, then oh boy, thats a nice can of worms you have opened!

I am good at opening meataphorical cans, or gates or whatever you want to call them, just a question placed in the right way at the right time, and if that person was secure then the gate/can/door would be firmly locked, and my question would be met with a categorical answer. Maybe I should stop asking questions?

Well thats enough philosophising for this morning, better go get dressed and ready for work.

Have a great day, even though it is Monday

Sundays are for resting and relaxing, so they tell me. So here I am at just after seven in the morning, taken the dog out, and gone and read loads of blogs. Not really commented, just read, there are so many

Isn't that what it means then, thats resting, at least I havent gone and cleaned everything again

Yesterday, I did my early morning clean up, blogged, studied, and then decided to watch the second series of Hex, which my daughter has kindly lent me.

For those who have never seen this programme (Which I hadn't untill my daughter lent me the first series) I can only say, it is fascinating, the first series centres around the fallen Angel Azazial, he and 199 of his cohorts were thrown out of heaven for falling in love with Humans. Not to Earth but to some pit of Darkness, the prophecy states that when Azazial has a son by a Human woman he will be able to release the rest of them. It is set in and around a private school and is a blast, that Azazial is some eye candy

I turned it off reluctantly and went in to town with the sons girlfriend, she took the wedding dress in to be altered, we went and did some shopping and then I watched the most boring cup final ever and to be honest I dont think either side deserved to win! The toll of European football and other cup ties showed in both teams, and it was sheer luck that Chelsea managed to find a way through and score. At least it didnt go to penalties.

On todays agenda is more Hex, more study, and a bit of relaxing.

Catch you all later.

There is something sadly wrong with having done all the housework and taken the dog out by half six in the morning on a Saturday!

The rain still holds sway here, though the sky is a little brighter right now.

I was thinking last night of when I first decided to go down the route of becoming what I am trying to achieve. The problem being I was a single parent and there wasn't the facilities then as there is now. The children took up most of my time, what time they didnt have was spent cleaning, cooking, working.

My son said to me a while back that I could have done it, but as I pointed out to him, apart from the fact that there is no way we could have got a computer, how did he envisage where I would have got the time from? And as they grew I went out to full time work, 12 and 14 hour shift doesn't leave much time for anything else, though at that time I was doing my NVQ in nursing care.

I have always said that things happen as they are meant to, just because they are not in the time we would have liked and often not in the way we would have liked, doesn't mean that it wont happen.

And now I am going to write a letter to a dear friend, with pen and paper no less

Catch you later sleepy heads

Well thats another essay done and submitted to the uni, I can breath again now, except I am finding that a bit rough as I have this cold

I have had a pretty rough day, but it is now the weekend and I am not going to worry about work or anything else for that matter. I am going to go and soak in a nice hot bubbly bath, with soft music and a glass of wine.

Hope you all had a good day.

Catch you later.

Quick hi, good morning, catch you later.

White Rabbits everywhere today, and tis raining, yet again.

I am having one of those mornings where the simplest of jobs seems to be taking forever, you know those days, where the clock seems to tick faster than normal and you think something has taken five minutes and it has actually taken ten!

My nights are filled with either sleeplessnes or strange dreams, so strange they wake me up

Well I have to rush off now and get ready for the real, very wet world out there, have a great day

I have had a strange day, with people needing a bit of sympathy and that is work colleagues not clients, and others, needing a swift kick, which is both

It has ended with my being humbled and having a lump brought to my throat and maybe just the glimmer of a tear to my eye, and there are not many who can do that to me. My son can, as he has yet again proved that I can't have done that bad a job of raising him.

As you know my TV decided to give up the ghost and join the others of its ilk in that great junkyard of no longer working electrical equipment, my son had told me I could use his that he had in his bedroom, I thought he meant borrow he said no you can have it.

Last night he took me out for a meal with the family, and then I watched the little one, I made some joke about there always being an ulterior motive, and I was joking, I dont mind helping them out, I never have, just sometimes they do seem to take advantage, but we always seem to have this way of being able to sort things out.

When he came back he made some excuse that he would bring the TV today after he finished work at six, I said that was fine, no rush, match isn't til Saturday Anyway, at half six his girlfriend turns up, she said she was bored, and I said but isn't h on his way home she said he was stuck at work, but wouldn't be long, so I made coffees and we chatted. Son rongs a little while later do I want some KFC as he is bringing some for them, I said no dont bother. He did anyway, amking sure I had something.

Anyway he arrives and he says right I have the TV in the car I will bring it in, and off he goes and comes back with this box, huge box, brand new TV, 28 inch wide screen flat tube thingy, there you go mam he says as he sets it up not only does it have a remote ( my last one was second hand, no remote) but it has a twelve month guarantee. I just stood there, but, I thought you were having the new one, was all I could say, why I have got one in the bedroom and he laughed at me. This is to show you we do appreciate everything you do for us, though we might not always show it.

Sometimes my kids drive me to distraction, but I can honestly say that I dont regret one minute of the life I had to give up, or the things I couldn't do, to raise them, they are not Angels and they are not perfect. But I love them to bits, and that Son of mine has grown in to a fine man.

The day is overcast, as seems to be the norm at the moment, yesterday the sun didnt manage to struggle through the clouds untill late afternoon and then never really got herself motivated. Looks like it could be another one of those days. In a few weeks we will be moaning that it is too warm

A friend got me thinking about my early years of roaming in the woods and by the river last night, the sad part is that children nowadays dont have either the luxury of that freedom, because of predators or the inclination because of TV and Games consoles and computers. While Technology may be a wonderful thing, it has taken away a wonderful gift too, but then I guess parents could always take their chidren out for walks, but I guess that might mean missing Eastenders and the like?

Its not that there were not any predators preying on young cildren when I was young, they just were not as brave as they are now, they didnt have many things to feed their fantasies with, and were too afraid of getting caught. Not by the police but by the families of whoever they had hurt. Their Justice may not have been entirely legal, but it worked.

I remember one incident clearly, we had a man that had been visiting the playing field where we had the swings and slide and roundabout, none of us were very old, but we all lived in the four streets to the left of the field. He had just been watching us, we kids didnt think anything about it, he was just this strange man. Until we said something to one of the Mothers because the Strange man offered one of the little ones some sweets, she had wandered off and was seperated from the pack. We all called her back, and I realise now luckily, she ignored the man and came back.

Two days later and we were playing again, the man appeared and seemed to get a bit bolder, one of the girls whose Mother lived facing the field, turned and raised her hand and waved to her mam, next thing all the Mothers are surrounding this guy. We were sent home, so we didnt see what happened, but he never came round again. Guess you dont mess with Mams

The strange thing was, some years later the Father of one of the girls we all went to school with and played with, and whose house we all went to, he commited suicide, not very pleasently either, he laid on the railway tracks. He was to most of us a lovely man, gentle and sweet. Turns out he liked little girls and had been caught, rather than face the shame, he took the easy (Could that be described as easy?) way out. He had never been innapropriate with me, but apparently had with several of his daughters friends, one of them complained. Which just goes to show that you never know what is beneath the surface bubbling away.

In all the time that I wandered the woods I never saw or heard anything to make me afraid, in fact I felt quite the opposite, I felt protected and safe, there again I could have hidden in there and noone could have found me, done that once or twice, though I paid dearly for it when I got home.

Right time to leave the wanderings down the lane of memory and prepare for the here and now of a work day, catch you all later

It hasn't been too bad a day, got plenty work done. Had some pretty cool laughs, etc, etc.

My son took me out for dinner with him and his family, which was lovely, but then of course the main reason for it emerged, oh mam will you babysit while we go here and there etc. I didnt mind really, as he has treated me to a lovely steak dinner with wine, and is giving me (yes giving not lending) his TV from his bedroom, again an ulterior motive, sort of, he was already buying a new one and was going to offer me it for the study anyway

So I am on his computer which is slower than the tortoise in the race with the hare, man I am making coffees while it loads one page! The beauty of dual technology, mine not his, playing on his comp sure makes me appreciate mine more

Anyay I trust everyone had a fair to middling day if not a great one

The day was heralded with delicate shades of pink and orange mixed with a pale grey. Across the horizon she kissed the clouds and eased them gently out of the way, the clouds touched with a pink blush made way for the beauty that was awakening and blue sky became streaked with pink and orange ribbons.

She made a grand entrance but hides once more behind the clouds, the day is overcast, but not as dark as it was yesterday.

So the TV is dead, apparently it is something to do with the mother board and fuses, yada yada yada, all I know is there is nothing, no picture and no sound. Good job I dont watch a lot of it But it also means no DVD's or games console

Which means I have to find the money to replace it at some point. Though my son is letting me borrow his untill I can, that is his spare one, which is in his bedroom.

And now tis time to prepare to face the challenges of the day, primarily known as 'the Workforce' though force has little to do with the people I work with

Hope you all have a great day

It has been a fairly good day, got loads of work done, and had what seemed to pass for an apology from the one of the emails.

Though she did go out of her way to try to get others to leave me alone so I could work. Anyway it wasn't too bad until I got home, and found that my TV has died. Nothing, nada, zip, it has power, and thats it, it seems someone up there definately does not like me.

So I have spent the night studying, hence the lateness of this post. And am off to bed hoping for a better night than last night.

Catch you all later.

No sunrise this morning, the clouds and the rain hid the sun as she rose over the hill, and faint tinges of pink amongst the grey was the only sign of her coming, the day brigtened slightly, but has not got above the very dull, flat grey that heavy rain brings.

I guess it is an apt cloak for a Monday morning, that back to work feeling often feels like that. I am full of cold, getting wet can do that sometimes, but it will go, tis just a cold.

Not a lot to say this morning, am feeling a little like the sky looks.

Off to get ready to face the days challenges, have a good monday, and I will catch you all later to hear all about it

So I be'd out and now I am back, and much too tired to write anything sensible, so off to bed for me.

Night, sweet dreams all.

It is a lovely morning despite the rain which for now seems to have stopped. The sun is peeping out from behind grey clouds and doing her best to brighten up the day. The rain still on the roofs and pavements is glistening in the sunlight.

Got plenty studying done yesterday and will do even more today, might even get this assignment in before time, ya never know

I have thought about what happened Friday and I genuinely think she hadn't remembered about the email, she had a couple of tough days at the end of the week, and I honestly think on Monday she will remember when she reads my mail and she will hopefully apologise, she is normally an up front person and she will say if she has done something, which is why I got so annoyed about it. I shall see, meanwhile I have been looking at jobs, just in case.

And I know it is Sunday and writing a post before seven is a bit sad, but neither my body or my Dog, the inimmatable Mis Molly, will let me sleep past six. Though I have to admit that Molly is getting better, she does give me an extra hour on a sunday, it is normally five when she wakes me the rest of the time

And I have started writing that best seller, along with my stories on blog that should keep me busy and out of trouble

So have a good day, and dont so anything I wouldn't do

I had a pretty rough night, I expected it. A nice walk in the rain this morning, and a trip into town soon blows the cobwebs away though, so now it is down to some tough studying, and I treat myself to some choccies to go with that bottle of wine in the fridge.

The sun is now shining and the view from this window is awesome, but as much as I am tempted to sit and while my time away with you gorgeous people, I have to study, if I ever want to get away from the type of thing that happened yesterday then this is the way to do it, either that or write that best seller

Catch you later and have a great day

I had a pretty good day untill ten minutes before I finished. Though it was tiring I felt I had done some really good work today, and now I feel like crap.

My um, manager asked me to send an email to another manager about something their team had done wrong, I wasn't sure how to put it as I was pretty annoyed, so she told me what to write, I read it back to her and asked her if she was sure I should send it, twice, she said yes.

Today just before I finished I got a terse email from her telling me that I should not have put in the mail what I did as it was to a manager and instead I should have gone to her and she would have sorted it face to face, erm excuse me? I sent her one back saying that I wrote exactly what she told me to and read it back to her, of course by this time she had gone, so I now have to wait until Monday to sort this out.

If on Monday she denies telling me what to write or that I read it back to her, I am handing my notice in. This is a woman that constantly tells me she is up front and expects the same from us, well this isn't being up front and I am disgusted at the mail I got.

So looks like I could be out of work soon folks

Right off to calm myself down with a nice long bath.

http://forensicsncrime.proboards38.com/index.cgi

It is pouring here again today, which means a quick walk as Molly doesn't like the rain. She doesn't like baths either, but loves playing in the river?

The link above is to a Forensics and Crime site that I am moderator upon, if anyone is interested in reading about different types and discussions about these things. The board has been suffering lately as a lot of the members have full time jobs and/or are at Uni, there are a diverse set of people on there from all walks of life, a lot like here. We have policemen from America and England, people that wish to go on to be forensics or law enforcement.People that just like to discuss different crimes, we have people that have been touched by crime, People from all different age groups and countries.

Take a peek you might like it. Until I work the code thingy out that the lovely Mr Spencer gave me (Sorry Andy, told you I was thick) I shall just be posting the link on my posts, once I have it mastered I shall be putting in a permanent link to the board.

And now it appears I have white Rabbits chasing me, so have a good day and catch you all later

The rain is still holding sway and so the sunrise was masked by dark and light grey clouds, though she still managed a brilliant array of pinks to tinge the edges of the clouds with and where the clouds broke and there was blue sky, she had streaked it with her morning robe.

So grey and overcast again, a bit like how I feel after a really rough day at work yesterday. I appear to have caught Mrs F's Wednesday syndrome

In between being constantly interrupted by other members of 'the team' which made my own work take much longer, and constant enquiries and telephone calls, I seemed to be tidying up everyone elses work! And then the very last client decided she didnt like the fact that her creditors were messing about and got nasty with me, which was the perfect end to a lousy day.

Now I have to go in today and chase down a settlement that the creditors do not want to give, and I have to say that in this instance I can understand why, but the fact is I have to try to change their minds. Another glorious day to look forward to.

Never mind it may stop raining, and rainy days always bring rainbows, see there is always something good to find even in the most miserable of days

The sun rose in an almost cloudless sky to a chorus of bird song, rose pink she wore today as she peeped over the hill and slowly emerged. Ribbons trailing along the horizon she brought with her soft grey clouds to offset her bright colours.Many different songs greeted her this morning, the Blackbird was out and the Martin, the Finches though the smallest made the most noise, their sweet songs filling the trees.

Tis half way through the week already, I could get to like bank holidays

I couldn't answer any comments last night, or seemingly comment on anyone elses blog, blog was broked. It was taking ten minutes (slight exagerration there) to load a page and when I tried to comment it just sat there for hours ok about five minutes, but I had to give up in the end I shall answer comments today, time allowing.

I am doing a reading tonight after work, so I may not get to here untill waaaayyyy late, well later than normal. As I do have some major studying to do. I am trying not to neglect my friends though sometimes I feel like I am doing just that, I am reading everything, just not finding time to comment on more than a few, if that, when Blog breaks.

Anyway have a great day, maybe it wont rain today, though those clouds are getting darker by the minute.

Catch you later

Well looks like it has been a bad start to the week for lots of peeps.

Mine hasnt been bad, well, I am saying it hasn't I had a review today and it could go one of two ways, they could give me the raise, or they could fire me.

It went something like this

"So what do you think the progress has been, how do you feel about your position and what have you?"

"Well, I know I cant manage on this wage"

This was met with a sort of open mouthed silence for a minute or two

"Oh, erm, er"

"I mean I am a little tired of struggling from one month to another, but right now I am keeping my options open"

"You are"

"Yes, after all I was promised a raise I didnt get, and when you consider all things together, well come on, the women that say they can manage on this pay are the ones that have two wages coming in"

"Right"

"As for the question you asked, well this is what I think"

And so we got down to the proper interview/review whatever you want to call it, when it was typed up for me to sign she had put in everything I said, which I didnt expect. So they will either try to keep me or try to get rid

It wasn't too bad a day, managed to get a couple of issues sorted. But I got the feeling by the end of the day, she wasn't sure about what I was going to do. Never mind, we will see what happens.

And so to the rest of the day, well it has rained pretty much all day on and off, though right now the sun is shining. I seem to have caught a cold, that will be through getting soaked yesterday no doubt,its cool I will soon work it off

And now I am going to go nd have a long soak, and relax.

It was a sullen sunrise this morning, grey clouds tinged with pink, mistress Moon had stayed around but the Sun refused to come out from behind her grey veil to say hello. Chilly and damp with a grey sky and back to work, what a lovely start to the working week.

So I checked my lottery numbers, and I didn't win the jackpot, but I did win a tenner, so at least that is something. Maybe one day there will be a few more noughts on the end of that

Anyway have loads to do so have to go.

Have a great day

The rain stopped the sun came out, and I decided that I was tired of studying and cleaning and TV, so off we went the Molly and I,My sons girlfriend and the four year old terror tornado, this was where we spent our day.

This one just above was the view while I was growing up, I used to sit in the window sill and dream of one day flying away over the hills.

And then we went here

To the left of this last picture you can just about see what is another tunnel under the bridge, Molly and I were in there and Kian thought it was hilarious when Molly tried to get me into the water with her. Molly loved it, splashing about and running from one side to the other through the water. Then it began to rain again which meant home time, we stopped on the way and bought some food for tea as neither of us had the energy left to cook. Molly is flaked out in front of the fire, think we tired her out a bit.

Mind you, think I may just sleep tonight too.

We didnt have a camera so these photos are from last year about the same time, same bloomin weather.

So how was your bank holiday?

It is absolutely pouring it down here, and it is lovely, so fresh, the smell will be awesome in the morning, the earth always smells so nice after rain, and the grass. All those different smells seem to be enhanced by a good watering.

Ah well, maybe the sound of the rain falling will help me to sleep, who knows?

This was the glorious sight in my woods, though this picture isn't my actual woods as I didn't have my camera with me. It is very close to it.

Dont you just love spring?

I must be bored, I have just sat through two hours of Swellen and Lucy the poison Dwarf

You have to love the clothes and the hairstyles, but they are still in the seventies yet, wait a few more episodes and we get down to the really cool looks

Funny but I have only just noticed that when they changed their styles they all went up a bust size or two as well, what do they put in the coffee out there?

The saga of the Ewings, I loved it, it was the one programme that I was able to watch uninterrupted as it was hubbies games night at the pub, not that he needed an excuse to go to the pub

And the Colbys, though that wasn't as good as Dynasty. But my most favourite next to the dark deeds at Dallas was Knots Landing, yep another Ewing Saga, this one involved Lucy's ( The poison dwarf) Mama and papa Gary and Valene. Gary is the oldest of the Ewing brothers and had left home when Dallas first started.

In many ways better than Dallas, but not quite as glitzy Knots Landing actually became the longest running Soap finishing in the early nineties. Course they had stopped calling them soaps then and it was classed as a Drama series. How well i remember the stealing of the twins and the time that Valene turned into Verna, and who couls forget William Devane as Gregory Sumner, and the Makenzies, man I adored Matt Makenzie

Played of course by Kevin Dobson.

Ah well back to reality, better go get some work done, catch you later

You are a Daisy

You see the world with an artist's eye.
Finding beauty is easy for you - even in the dullest of moments.
You notice all of the colors of the world, from fresh grass to sunsets.
You are a total optimist and hedonist. You love to drink life in.

I couldn't get the code to work so had to cheat

http://www.blogthings.com/whatflowerareyouquiz/

Once upon a time in a far distant land there was a little princess, she was a happy little soul, with friends and sevants she loved, well a servant she loved. Long flowing dark chestnut locks and a sunny disposition. She loved nothing more than playing with her brothers in the back garden or on the beach.

Then one day the sunny happy world of this little princess was rent asunder, she had to leave the golden land and make her way with the family to the Dark Northern shores, it wasn't too bad when they first arrived, she still had the sea, though the beach was no longer soft and golden, and the stupid people coudn't understand what she said unless she spoke the Mother tongue, though that could be quite fun as she could call them names and they would smile and say isn't she sweet

Then the Mother decided she didnt like the cold winds from the sea and wanted to move inland, so they moved to where the Male Parents people lived. And that was the end of the fairy tale.

At four years old, taken from everything she knew (though they tell her she had lived in this land first as she was born here) the world became a dark and hostile place. The Mother had never really had to anything to do with her, as the servant had seen to her from her being nine months old, and the boys were more important in this world. She became a kind of Cinderella, except there was no lost Father or handsome prince, just the Evil Mother and Male Parent, and the chores and all the other stuff.

So she wrapped herself in a little cocoon and watched and waited, and grew, and then she found she had a gift. The gift of writing, of putting into poem or into stories all the stuff that was in her head. The Male Parent belittled the gift and for a long time it was hidden, but once free of the bindings of that life she slowly is allowing the gift to come into its own, except it likes to play games and ramble a bit here and there.

But there is freedom in this gift, it allows the cares and woes to drain away through the fingertips, into the pen or the keyboard, sometimes, when she is writing with the keyboard she isnt even looking at what she has written, or even the keys, which is probably why words often come out back to front and letters wrong way round? Sometimes the words just come and the piece writes its self.

She may no longer be a princess, but she is her own person, and she has gotten to like that person, because if you dont like yourself how can you expect others to?

Happy Birthday Jake

To you both in your new Home xx

"Good Morning this is L from xxxxx, I am calling on behalf of a mutual client Mr X account number blah blah, to inform you that our Mutual client has passed away"

" Can I just ask you some security questions L, first is Mr X there with you?"

Phone goes a Man answers " Good Morning this is L from xxxx, Can I speak to Miss XX XX?"

"Speaking"

"Good Morning this is L from xxxx Calling on behalf of a mutual client xxxxx to inform you that Mr xx has passed away"

"Will Mr X be sending us proof?"

Do you ever feel like doing something totally out of character? You know like really shocking people just for the hell of it?

I felt like that at work today, I just felt like turning round and saying will you sod off and just do the work and leave me alone to get on with mine instead of asking me stupid bloody questions every five minutes!

I didn't, I just got up and went and showed one for the hundredth time how to suspend and settle accounts, Another how to phrase a letter, another how to work out offers to creditors, and that is how the day has been really. What with that and deaths and critical illneses it is enough to send a sane person loopy.

Which means it is a darn good job I am already crazy, else I soon would be

But it has been a beautiful evening again, a lovely walk home, which relaxed me a bit.

So how has your day been?

No sunrise this morning the sky is so grey and overcast, but I guess we had hardly any rain in April so it has to come sometime

It was still a lovely walk, and the air still had that fresh smell that early morning brings, I love that smell it is the smell of being alive, the earth, the grass even the air has a special quality about it.

Every morning I pat myself on the back for having left the flat and moved in to this house, there would have been no Molly had I stayed in the flat, and without her I would not have rediscovered the peace of the early morning walks. She makes me move when I dont want to, and though sometimes I think it is a pain having to have a routine, it isn't really, it is a blessing.

The lovely greetings when I get home,the cuddles, and she asks for nothing more in return for her love than to be fed and have a few scritches and her walks. She is a little sweetheart, as much as I might moan sometimes about the fact that she ties me, I wouldn't be without her.

And now it is time to get ready for work, she has had her morning ritual and it is time for mine.

Hope you all have a great day.

I love my Job, I really do, even the hard parts of it like talking to the guy who has just been told he has x amount of time left to live.

I love that feeling when they say to you, thank you, I dont know what we would have done without you to sort it out for us.

Yes we have the moaners, the people that think it is your responsibility to move heaven and earth to sort their lives out, as though you were the one that made them take out thousands of pounds worth of debt in the first place!

We do make life easier for thousands of people, but there are always going to be the ones that expect more than can be delivered, and those that expect miracles. But there are also going to be the ones that hold their hands up and say, yes we were stupid, yes, we should not have done it, and these are the ones that you can honestly know are trying their best.

So comes the biggest bug, I cannot afford to stay in my job, as much as I love it, they dont pay me enough, I am literally just surviving. There is little chance of a wage rise right now as the company is going through what we call a slow patch. So I am going to have to look for something else. And it is really, really not what I want to do.

Why is nothing ever simple?

The Sun is hiding this morning, behind clouds of dark grey, the only way of knowing she was awake was the lightening of the sky and the pink and rose edges to the clouds. Too many Martinis with Mistress Moon celebrating the Beltane, no doubt.

Paddy and I have decided that I am going to write a book about blogging, we came up with the working title of 'Therapy for the Masses' blogging is very theraputic, even if all you write is some inane piece about sunrises/ sunsets. Or a walk in the woods. Just the writing down, the act of moving stuff from the mind to the page ( So to speak) is a form of Therapy.

Letting off steam, having a rant, bemoaning the ill fortunes of life, whatever you write, however you write it, it is a form of expression that is much better laid down on a page in your blog, venting is good for you, it eases your blood pressure it releases the stranglehold that stress can place on you.

And there is the other side, the lovely poetry that I have found in my hoppings across blogs, the stories, the musings and the debating the news, all in the one little blogosphere.

This is, for the most part, true life, people, we have it all. The tragedies, the romances, the breaking ups and the getting togethers, the stories of children that are good and children that are bad, and those that are just in between. Births and deaths and the whole of lifes cycle, here in the world of blog, and it is real it is happening.

As I write this someone else is writing about something a hundred times removed from this, but connected, they are writing of a night out/in, a lost/found love, a birth/death, a new romance/breakup. They are writing of walks in woods, on beaches, in forests and by rivers. Of their Holidays, of their work, of their life.

For me this place is a Haven, I am a people person, I am fascinated by people, where else could I find so many different people all connected by a common bond, the need to write it out. The need to have their say, whether anyone listens or not is not the point. Putting it out there is the point, letting it flow through the fingertips and out to the keyboard and away into the ether of cyberspace, is the point.

There are many beautiful people on blogs in blogland, there are also some idiots and some that believe they are more intelligent than others, there are those that believe the world owes them a life, and those that have retreated from it, there are those that want to communicate but are too shy, have no self worth, there are those that think they should be heard above all others, and those that have nothing to say but will say it anyway.

Dont you just love it here?

Have a great day

I have been blog hopping, just for a change

It never fails to amaze me how different all our bloggers are, so many different ages, and countries and outlooks, and it also never fails to amaze me that people set themselves up as surrogates and would be teachers and the spelling police, only a few, but sometimes those few can spoil it for others.

A blog is a public diary that belongs to a private person, it says so on the bottom, the contents of the blog belong to a private person. So why do people feel it is their right to tell others what they should or should not write about?

A little hint for those that do it, if you dont like it dont read it! It is simple really, or is that too logical?

Anyway enough of that, it is too beautiful out there, gazing at the lovely landscape beyond my window to let the self appointed blog police spoil it

And it hasn't been too bad a day, the top man is well suited with me at the moment, as he had the advertisers in today and he needed some wowsy figures for them to look at, which of course I had achieved, bet it doesn't mean a bonus in the paypacket though

Hope you all had a good day

The sun rose bright and Golden this morning, amidst ribbons of pink and grey, the clouds dissipated along with the ribbons and left a clear blue sky with a lovely Golden sun. Looking out over the valley I could see the early morning mist hanging above the river and could trace its course along the valley floor.

The tops of the trees in the woods and beyond to the fields, all looked fresh and shiny. That wonderful early morning smell, undisturbed by cars or people (cept for me) the cheeky little bird that decided it was having that worm despite the fact that Molly was snuffling round by it. She stood and watched it and then decided to have a dig to see what it had got When I called her away and we set off back, quite a few little birdies decided to go and feast on what she had dug up. Quite proud she was at feeding the birds.

I swear if it wasn't for that chill wind it would already be warm out there.

Time for work things, have a good day.