Sometimes it may seem that I spend my time in my head day dreaming and fantasising, but most of my time is spent reading and writing and working and cleaning and so on. The dreams and fantasies are my escape pods.

I believe we all should have places that we can escape to, and it isn't always physically possible, for many years 'The Garden' kept me sane. You could say it kept me alive, in the beginning when I first 'found' it, when I needed somewhere to go as I couldn't physically escape, without it I wouldn't have survived. It has grown, as I have, from the beginning when it was all brambles and trees and roses growing wild.

The long sweeping lawns, the little stream to sit by and listen to the dreamy music it makes as it meanders gently over little stones set in its bed. The scent of the roses, and Jasmine and any other flower I decide shall grow there. The trees dotted about for shade when the sun is high in the sky, an the centre piece of course is the Willow, the tree of Hope, natures ballerina, graceful and tall, in whose centre you can hide from prying eyes and simply watch and wait.

The house often took on different structures, sometimes it would be long and rambling ( A bit like my posts ) other times tall and imposing, but the one thing that remained constant was the porch, this surrounded the house and was for sitting on in an evening. Sometimes in solitude sometimes with friends, playing the guitar and other instruments, laughing, joking, just talking.

Often I would change things in the garden, change the lawns or the flowers, but the one thing that remained besides the willow was the over riding sense of peace, of serenity, nothing bad was allowed in the garden, it was/is a haven, a sanctuary. This is what keeps me sane in a mad world of change, it is my one constant, where I go when upset, confused, or just too tired for the demands of life. And when I return, be it five minutes or five hours, I am refreshed and ready once more to face what has to be faced.

Perhaps others have a garden, a sanctuary? If not, well you can share mine.

I dream of long goldeen prairies beneath endless blue skies. I dream of a sea of neon against a backdrop of midnight blue. I dream of Golden sands and white breakers, of Groves of fruit bearing trees, of horses running wild, of vast fields of green, green grass, scattered with flowers bright.

I see the cows graze, I feel the power of the wild beasts as they roam, the restlesness of the Wolves as they wander. The watchfullness of cats, the loyalty of dogs, and beneath it all the coarsing, burning tide of freedom.

We are after all descended from Animals and some still act that way, perhaps it is that which we bury deep inside that keeps us ever searching for the something new, the adventure, the always wanting to be the best, the top dog, the leader of the pack. The striving to become, but do we know what it is that we want to become?

It has been a strange day, all manner of strange things happen, mostly missed as we go about our daily lives, perhaps we have become immune to the mystical side of life, the magic that surrounds us, because we concentrate too hard on the neccessities of life. But just for a little while it is nice to gallop the plains with the horses and run wild with the Wolves, even if you never leave your living room

Hope everyone had a good day

A clear blue sky with pretty pink streaks, white clouds on the horizon, tinged with the colours of the dawn. The ground is wet from the night rains, though the dark clouds appear to be gone for now, and the wind has dropped, just a gentle breeze stirring the leaves on the branches of the blossom trees as I pass.

The sun appears to have claimed the sky for a wee while at least, and though there is a slight chill in the air, it is more the chill of early morning than the cold it has been these past few days.

One of my rpoblems is that I think too much, I I take things that people say and do and let it run around in my head to try to work out the real meaning behind it. Analytical and logical isn't always the right way to be, sometimes you just have to accept things and not try to find reasons.

I dont judge people, I try to take them on the merit of who I think they are, of how they present themselves, so it is always a bit of a blow to find that others judge me. This used to bother me, I used to wonder why they had done/said the things that they do. Now I think that so be it, I am who I am, I think, write and act as myself, people will form their own opinions as to what/who they think I am, and from them they will either stay or go.

Life is far too short to worry about the way that I present myself, not everyone is going to like what I have to say, so be it. Lets face it, if we all liked the same things it would be a very boring world, I count myself lucky in that I have learnt the value of the here and now, it was a hard lesson to learn, and cost me much, but learnt it was. I learnt the value of true friendship, and how to listen when someone spoke.

I dont think I am a bad person, I am certainly no Angel, despite what my picture portrays, I dont think I am any better or worse than a multitude of people out there, I dont have an over inflated ego ( Though sometimes it seems I may come across that way) I like the me that I am now mentally, but I dont like my physical self (There are some on here that know exactly what I mean) I try to be fair to others and I expect the same fairness in return, I dont think that is wrong, though others might.

I do have a very cynical outlook about some things, but am willing to hear both sides of an argument/disagreement, I like to sort things out through the medium of talking and sharing, it doesn't always work, and I am always ready to admit when I am wrong and apologise if neccassary. We are after all only Human, and not infallible.

I am having a clean out of friends on my list, some may have noticed that it is diminishing somewhat, mainly it is just people that haven't blogged in months, if for any reason you dont feel you want to be there anymore just let me know.

Right am off to prepare for another fun day.

Have a good one xx

The day started wet and windy and remained that way right up until after I finished work, the sun popped out to say hello and the evening has been nice and balmy, just like a summer evening.

Took the Molly out and it was only just starting to become dusky, and that was gone ten, a beautiful almost full moon, and a sky full of stars, bats flying around and birds still singing their good night song.

I have been thinking a lot about blogging, which sounds silly I know, like I dont have better things to think about, but its been more about whether I should carry on doing it than anything else. I guess it will take a bit more thinking and a really clear mind before I come to any actual decisions, I enjoy writing, and I like the fact that I have 'friends' on here that I can have a laugh with, and even connect with on some level. For now I shall probably carry on as I am, though the studies need a lot of attention at the moment.

Anway off to the land of nod, well off to bed and hope the sandman stops by, have a good night and sweet dreams.

The day started off on a bit of a downward shift, sorry folks, just return to work blues coupled with this lousy virus that doesn't want to shift, despite the vitamins and healthy eating.

Anyway I am glad to say the day soon took an upward tilt, mostly because I have just spent the entire day laughing at everyone else for a change.

There have been a couple of crappy moments, one of which was very much of a downer. But I haven't let it affect me too much, and the day has run along on its own little course.

I started to get a tad annoyed when I discovered that yet again someone has saved an amended letter over the standard letter and it meant that the two hours work the manager had done had to be redone, so to stop her getting stressed I did it, first day of the week she has reports and meetings and she only did it to help us out because we are a member of staff down. Course she should have checked as I did when I had used it, and reamended it to the correct one, but by the time I used it she had done hers.

I did get to send round an email telling them if it happens again the letters will be locked and only the manager and I will be using them. It isn't so hard to 'save as' and then the letter reverts to the basic one, sheesh some people

The day seemed to fly past, and to be honest I didnt get done half of my own work for redoing other peoples, but such is life, means it will be a quick day tomorrow too.

Hope you all had a good day.

It seems strange that today is a Tuesday and not a Monday, because it feels like a Monday.

Back to work, and another round of doing what it seems I do best, for everyone but myself. Solving other peoples problems seems to be a lot easier than solving your own, doesn't it?

I am feeling a little down this morning, must be the holiday blues, going back to work after a long weekend, that amongst other things.

I guess I am not much in the mood to write a blog this morning, so I will just say have a good day, despite the rain.

Not too unproductive a day, cept someone keeps drinking my coffee when I am not looking So I have reverted to coke, the drink that is, before I get any quippy remarks from certain bloggers

Tis a funny thing but since getting this virus in my throat I can no longer abide milk in my coffee?

Anyway on with the booky stuff, this is what I am studying to right now.

It is absolutely siling it down here now, it is like October with the wind howling and the rain pouring and it is bloomin cold! Never mind, I should go out and do some more stuff but, I am going nowhere but the local shop.

Back to studying and listening to music.

How about some Rod?

Theres a song that always comes to mind when I have a busy start to the morning, it is called 'Poor mans Son' and it starts 'I'm up each day with the rising sun, I got this job and it must be done' sort of just fits somehow, though the rest of the song is about working for his woman so that doesn't quite go

Up at the crack of Dawn and already the washing has been done and is now drying, have been putting away the things that I bought for the holidays, so I dont get tempted to wear them before, like there is any sunshine around to wear them. Washing up all put away, Molly walked and told off and sulked and then played with and is now layed in her usual place between the two flights of stairs.

I discovered something really strange today, I type faster when holding a pen or pencil in the fingers of my right hand? Must be a work thing

The rain has stopped for now, and I can see the tops of the trees of the woods and out over the fields and up to the top of the hill. One day I will live in a house up there and I will have the whole of the valley laid before me Ambition is a wonderful thing.

I discovered this weekend just how lovely my friends on here are, thanks guys for making my weekend a good one, you know who you are, thanks for the offers and I hope you undrestood what I meant in what I said.

Right time to go do some brain work, thats if I can get it going today, it doesn't seem to want to concentrate t all.

It has been a strange day, so much to do so little done, and I know it is good to sometimes take a day out ( apart from the shopping that is) but then everything goes to pot and now I still have it all to do and a day less to do it in.

Never mind I am sure I will get it all done, thats if I ever get to bed to get some sleep, but it seems that I am here wide awake and not feeling in the least bit sleepy

Have been trawling (Is that the right word) the net, came across some interesting stuff, some funny stuff and some strangely weird stuff, but hey thats life on the internet for you.

Have been thinking of setting up my own group/web page, but dont know if I would have the time to maintain it, so many people seem to do that nowadays dont they?

Maybe I will just go and lie in bed and read this new book, all about a serial killer, I will get it started eventually, might be a good time to try.

OK enough rambling, off to see what else the night holds

Hmmm, lets see apparently I have to write seven facts about myself.

1) I am the third child of eight, but the eldest girl

2) I love books

3)I beleive in Fairies and Dragons and all things mythical and mystical

4) My best friend is a gay man, and I love him to bits xx

5)I see dead people, actually I feel them around, though I have seen some.

6) I am analytical, logical and said to be cold, except to my friends, my nickname used to be Icequeen

7) I adore Wolves

Right I tag um

Paddy, Steph, usksider, Lindow,goinsomewhere, Jessy and Paulboyd

Each person tagged gives 7 random facts about themselves. Those tagged need to write in their blogs the 7 facts, as well as the rules of the game. You need to tag seven others and list their names on your blog. You have to leave those you plan on tagging a note in their comments so they know that they have been tagged and to read your blog

After my eventful day I thought I would sleep like a baby, after studying till, well late, I went for a refreshing walk with The Molly and then retired to my comfy bed.

Unfortunately the strange dreams appeared again and as always they woke me up, getting back to sleep is always a problem for me, once woken sleep vanishes and the rest of the night is spent trying to find a comfotable position, and willing myself to go to sleep. Course it never works it is like trying to hypnotise yourself

Still I dont feel that tired, a walk in the rain soon washed that away, and I will be having another one when I go shopping, for food this time.

And a day of shopping cleaning and studying is on the agenda, the shopping wont take long, the cleaning the same, so hopefully a lot of study will be getting done today and tomorrow, since the rain looks to be set in for the day there will be no long walks by the river.

Hope you all have a great Sunday, back later.

Wow I am suffering from mega sensory overload! Not to mention achy legs. Leeds was a blast, really, despite the odd panic stricken moment, ok it was more than the odd one and it was more than a momant, but I did quite well, I just didnt go in the shops that were bursting at the seams, which meant I didnt go in quite a few.

But, what with marching bands and street vendors and bubbles everywhere from tiny to huge, and candy floss, and more street vendors and the biggest book shop I have ever been in, yes I bought books and walking forever, it was a good day.

I bought bright coloured tops and what one of my dearest friend describes as 'Serious' Lingerie, jeans, boots, swimming costume? Like they are going to get me to wear that!

But no shoes, Sorry Eggbod, you know when you see the perfect pair of shoes ( only serious shoe people will understand this) the ones that just jump out at you and you know they are the ones you have been looking for? Well I saw them in my little town before I went to Leeds, I didnt buy them, I thought no, there will be some there just as good if not better, but there wasn't, every shoe shop, nothing that even came near. Trouble is I cant afford them, well not if I want to eat this month, but hopefully I will be able to get them next month before we go away

So now I am seriously shattered, and will be lucky if I manage to do anything but fall asleep on the sofa

Hope everyone else had a good day xx

It is a beautiful morning, the sun rose in a blaze of pinks and oranges, kissing the few clouds and making them blush. Sending out her ribbons across the horizon untill the whole sky seemed to be painted with streaks of pink in a myriad of shades melding into orange and fading, all against a canvas of blue.

There was still a slight chill in the air as The Molly and I wandered, and she played with her new friend the blackbird, who likes to tease her by hopping a few feet away and then flying up into the tree as she gives chase, and then back down in front of her and off again, Molly certainly enjoyed the game, she is feeling much better.

I too am more refreshed this morning, knowing I can forget about work for a few days, even though I know that I have a pile to do when I get back in, I am not going to give it a thought for the next few days. In fact today I am thinking of all those lovely shoe shops, keeps my mind off the actual thought of going into Leeds on a Saturday, I must be mad

Right I shall go and attempt to make myself look passable, as I have to pop into town here before I go to the City.

Catch you later

This just about sums up my day. I am so glad it is Friday and despite the fact that I had to work over, yet again, I am now feeling much more relaxed and looking forward to the weekend.

Am shopping in Leeds tomorrow, I was dreading it, but am not now, as it is just going to be the girly and me shoping for the holiday and some bits for the wedding, so hopefully if it stays as nice as it is now (without the wind) it should be a good day.

Now the only decisions I have to make tonight is, Rogan Josh or madras, rose or white wine

Catch you later

Imagine long soft green lawns leading down to a little stream, paths that meander around grounds set with trees and flowers, a Rose Garden with benches in cool shady places, to sit and relax. Children playing, throwing a ball around or rolling on the soft lawn, couples strolling hand in hand, other Adults wandering, chatting, beneath a blue and cloudless sky.

The exotic smell of different foods cooking, making the mouth water and the tummy rumble in anticipation of the feast to come. Down by the stream stands the Willow, tall and graceful her branches sweeping the floor, and beneath her branches in the cool shade you sit relaxed with your back against the trunk of the tree, watching the scene unfold in front of you, seeing but unseen, watching quietly as the ghosts of a hundred pasts play.

Perhaps it means something, perhaps it is just a beautiful way of relaxing, serene and peaceful allowing the cares of the day to flow out with the gentle stirring of the branches of the willow.

Ah well best leave it til later, or I will never get to work

Have a good day

I'm a pretty laid back person most of the time, even when I am running round doing everyone elses's job, I do it because at the end of the day it is the client that counts and as long as they are getting the job done right then everything is fine.

When I am told that as of next week, I am going to be at least one member of staff down, permanently, and that over the next few weeks I am going to be more members of staff down due to things like holidays etc, I dont panic, I dont run round like a headless chicken saying, what are we going to do, I say fine, just as long as I can slot in the other things that need my attention, I am sure we will manage.

When I volunteered to stay behind after work because a client needed me to consult with his wife who doesn't get home until twenty past five, I simply got on with other jobs that needed doing, and as the other girls went, saying stuff like why couldn't they call tomorrow and I patiently explained that she doesn't finish work any earlier tomorrow so what would be the point in that? It didn't bother me, apart from one of the girls I work with who completly understood why.

Maybe I am old fashioned in my belief that we are there for the client and not the other way round, after all it is their money that pays our wages, even if the wages are crap!

Perhaps doing a job to the best of your ability, and going out of your way to do it is an old fashioned concept, but when I had talked to that lady and her husband, and they had thanked me for shedding a tiny little ray of light on an otherwise dark time ( Her husband is terminally ill ) I am glad I am old fashioned, and I shall continue to be so.

I have had o much to do this morning tht I am now being chased by the white Rabbits again.

Molly has been off colour these past few days, she has a cold, and apart from coming home to her throwing up all over, she has been somewhat clingy one minute and sleeping a lot on the other. She seems to be over the worst of it now and is lively and a pain again this morning. And she thanks Mama and Richard for their scritches and hugs.

It is a wet morning, nothing new there then, but I have just ordered the wedding rings for the big day, and paid for them ( Sons money not mine) and they will be here in the next couple of weeks. The wedding dress has been suitably altered, the suit has been bought, she finally managed to settle on a pair of shoes for the big day, and on Saturday we are doing Leeds, holiday clothes, because they are cheap there, not that it makes much difference when you dont have any spare money to start with

I have shoes, two pair of to choose from for the big day, and more shoes, another two pair of, for the evenings, now I have to go buy beach wear, this is not going to be easy As with the way that I think of myself I will probably end up with a ski suit!

And now tis time to prepare for the present and another work day, at least it is Thursday and after tomorrow I have three days off.

Have a good day all.

My day started off perfectly with a nice walk in a chilly wind and an overcast sky blocking out the sunrise, though the pretty colours that the sun makes of the grey clouds is a little compensation. Then my computer went down, before I so much as typed a word.

I would like to say the day got better, but that would be lying and I dont do that. Though to be fair it didnt exactly get worse.

I finally managed to fix the Computer around 8-45 this evening after numerous trips for equipment it turned out I didnt need. The problem apparently was a power boost that had caused the Modem drivers to disappear, so uninstall the old driver and reinstall the new. Seems I am not so useless with techy stuff

I have decided that I must be regarded as A) A pushover or The fountain of all knowledge as far as work is concerned, today is the day I sort out my other two divisions of the department, there is enough staff to sort out the settlement side while I concentrate on the more delicate matters of critical illness and death.

At least thats how it is supposed to work. Tuesdays and Thursdays I chase up Death certificates, doctors letters, call clients and creditors make sure everyone has everything they need etc etc etc. Except of course for the constant interuptions of, how do I, and will you look at this, and so on and so forth. And the inevitable, they only want to speak to you, whenever the phone goes. There are four others they can speak to, but no, it is just me, and so I spend the day sorting out other peoples messes and answering calls I am not supposed to be taking!

Dont get me wrong, I very rarely dont speak to a client that asks for me, I always try to sort out what their problem is and call them back to let them know it has been done. But inevitably it means that the work I should have done today has to now be done tomorrow, along with tomorrows. Ah well it is half way through the week tomorrow and next week is a four day week, and the week after and the week after So I guess I cant complain, can I?

Bath time methinks

I seem to be surrounded by strangeness, the dreams are getting even more frequent, dreams of exclusion,strange dreams filled with people I dont know, I know what they mean and even possibly why I am having them,they will stop soon and everything will have changed yet again. Right now I dont want to go to sleep, because I dont know if I want to see.

It was beautiful last night, the sky was a mixture of dark and light clouds, and the colours were hard to describe, almost like the bluey black of a bruise, mingled with different shades of grey, but it wasn't the ominous sky of rain, it was more gentle than that, serene even despite the colour, and they shaped patterns across the horizon and all across the sky to here where I watched them, almost like they were putting on a display for me.

I did try last night to blog about it and to answer comments, but Blog didnt want to play, so I left it and went and did something else instead.

Perhaps it too is trying to tell me something?

Ever had one of those days when you know you really should have stayed in bed? When nothing you do seems to want to go right, even though it ends up right, and you feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall!!

Ever had the feeling that people just do not listen? Even though what you are saying and trying to do is for their benefit! Ever get the feeling that you are the only one who knows how to do the job, when you are constantly interrupted by people asking you what they should do about this client or that client?

And then you get Directors who have never done the job saying I want you to do this or that? Dont they know there are set ways to do things when dealing with Banks? Makes me wonder how they got to be Directors, oh yeah, they are mates of the MD! Who by the way made a point of saying Good Morning to me this morning from right across the yard? Pretty good to say that I have been there 14 months and it is the first time he has gone out of his way to speak to me. I guess I should be honoured, actually he is a pretty cool guy, and he does work, unlike a lot of MD's that spend their days on Golf courses. I have to say that I quite admire him, he knows what he wants to do and he isn't frightened to do a hard days graft.

So all in all it has been a normal Monday then

Hope yours was better

I had a pretty rough day yesterday, it may have been this cold thingy peaking, but I thought I was coming down with a serious migraine. It could also be the consequence of too much TV, something I am not used to, mixed in with the study.

I have actually managed to catch a couple of hours sleep and have woken this morning with just a few twinges remaining, though it wasn't helped by my jumping out of bed because it was light outside thinking I had slept in and the alarm hadn't gone off. I picked it up and it was 4-57, the Alarm goes off at five.

So the sunrise beat me this morning, never mind, tomorrow is another day. I am showered and though I can't say I am raring to go at least I feel a bit more refreshed.

Life is strange dont you think? There you are trundling along, doing your own thing and all the time there is your mind going off and doing its own thing, and then at some point something comes along and makes the two meld together, and suddenly you are not trundling along you are looking around and trying to find what it is you really want to do. From that time on you are restless and striving for that one or two things.

I meet people sometimes and I think he/she would be perfect at this or that, and the job they actually do is totally different, and you wonder why they went into what they did, course me being me, I have to ask, why do you do that? The problem is when you start asking people why they do a certain thing you make them start thinking about it, if they are secure in what they do it isn't a problem, if they are not, then oh boy, thats a nice can of worms you have opened!

I am good at opening meataphorical cans, or gates or whatever you want to call them, just a question placed in the right way at the right time, and if that person was secure then the gate/can/door would be firmly locked, and my question would be met with a categorical answer. Maybe I should stop asking questions?

Well thats enough philosophising for this morning, better go get dressed and ready for work.

Have a great day, even though it is Monday

Sundays are for resting and relaxing, so they tell me. So here I am at just after seven in the morning, taken the dog out, and gone and read loads of blogs. Not really commented, just read, there are so many

Isn't that what it means then, thats resting, at least I havent gone and cleaned everything again

Yesterday, I did my early morning clean up, blogged, studied, and then decided to watch the second series of Hex, which my daughter has kindly lent me.

For those who have never seen this programme (Which I hadn't untill my daughter lent me the first series) I can only say, it is fascinating, the first series centres around the fallen Angel Azazial, he and 199 of his cohorts were thrown out of heaven for falling in love with Humans. Not to Earth but to some pit of Darkness, the prophecy states that when Azazial has a son by a Human woman he will be able to release the rest of them. It is set in and around a private school and is a blast, that Azazial is some eye candy

I turned it off reluctantly and went in to town with the sons girlfriend, she took the wedding dress in to be altered, we went and did some shopping and then I watched the most boring cup final ever and to be honest I dont think either side deserved to win! The toll of European football and other cup ties showed in both teams, and it was sheer luck that Chelsea managed to find a way through and score. At least it didnt go to penalties.

On todays agenda is more Hex, more study, and a bit of relaxing.

Catch you all later.

There is something sadly wrong with having done all the housework and taken the dog out by half six in the morning on a Saturday!

The rain still holds sway here, though the sky is a little brighter right now.

I was thinking last night of when I first decided to go down the route of becoming what I am trying to achieve. The problem being I was a single parent and there wasn't the facilities then as there is now. The children took up most of my time, what time they didnt have was spent cleaning, cooking, working.

My son said to me a while back that I could have done it, but as I pointed out to him, apart from the fact that there is no way we could have got a computer, how did he envisage where I would have got the time from? And as they grew I went out to full time work, 12 and 14 hour shift doesn't leave much time for anything else, though at that time I was doing my NVQ in nursing care.

I have always said that things happen as they are meant to, just because they are not in the time we would have liked and often not in the way we would have liked, doesn't mean tha