It actually stopped raining here for an hour, it is making up for it now by raining even harder.

Sometimes I feel like I am on a different plain, an ethreal one, where I can see all that goes on but cant be part of it. It is a strange feeling, like watching the world through a window, but with no sound. And then the world comes back and I am part of it once more, but nothing seems to have changed, I have always said if it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have any, but thats not entirely true.

It is true that I never win prizes or anything, but I have luck of a different kind I guess, though it may not pay the bills or help out when things are tough, it always gives me that guiding voice that sees me through. So it isn't so bad, really.

And there is always a rainbow even when we cannot see it, and tomorrow is always another day, so there is always hope.

It's Gala day here in my little town, the crowning of the new queen followed by a procession which normally ends up at the fair ground, only this year there is no fair as they cant get here because of the weather. They are normally here from Thursday to Monday.

This lovely young lady

has had to hand over her crown to the new queen in the pouring rain.

I dont attend anymore but I do like to watch the procession, though that too has been delayed due to the rain and still hasn't set off

I managed a little trip into town on my own, but I had forgotten it was Gala day, so it was a very brief one

And how has your day been so far?

It is the last day of June, the year is half way through, is it me or is time flying past?

We have once again a wet morning, no change there then, still I guess the sunshine will come when it is ready, good things come to those who wait, I seem to have been waiting a heck of a long time

Anyway my outfit is all ready for the big day, only eighteen days now to the wedding, I dont know if I am looking forward to it or not. Money is very tight, and the next month is going to be a struggle especially with a holiday in the middle of it. Still I will muddle through, I normally do

I think I shall pamper myself today, might as well make the most of this time that I have as it will be another week before I am allowed back to work, I will be back three days and then I am on holiday for a week

I am so boring this morning my mind doesn't want to play, cant think of a single thing worth saying, so I will catch you all later.

I have had both a good and a bad day, but mostly good. A shaky start to the morning, but i did as I was told and just took things slow.

At lunchtime my daughter came as she does every day through the week, we work for the same firm, and with her she brought flowers and chocolates and a get well card from the members of my team at work. Each member of the team had signed the card, it was a lovely gesture and quite cheered me up.

I then went into town and discovered that they had brought the 'Shoes' that I have been wanting down in price and my daughter owed me some money so I was finally able to get them

And now I am going to go and make something to eat.

Hope you all had good day

I love mornings, they are without doubt my favourite time of the day. So peaceful and fresh,watching the cotton wool clouds on the horizon turn from fluffy white tinged with pink in to grey. And though that meant more rain, it was so fresh and sweet smelling that it didnt really matter. After all whats a little rain?

When I was younger I used to sit on the windowsill in the bedroom, quiet as a mouse so as not to wake the others, wrapped up in my big brothers coat, and watch the sun come up. If I could manage to escape I would sneak outside and sit on the wall in the front garden.

There is nothing like a beautiful sunrise to give you fresh hope. To make you feel that somehow things will turn out ok. And to give your day a good start, because no matter what it holds the sun will still rise tomorrow.

Isnt't it the most beautiful morning? A beautiful blue sky with only a few fluffy white clouds sailing slowly across it.

I went for a nice long walk this morning, it was so fresh and warm, it was nice taking it slow and steady and just enjoying the morning.

When my children were young we used to walk for miles, every sunday my sister would come down with her daughter and we would set off,we just walked, when we got to the bottom of the street we would say to the little ones whch way left or right and that would determine which way we went at the start of the walk. Even in the winter we walked, through rain or shine, though rainy days the walk was shorter.

Sometimes we would pack a picnic and go to the big park, though it was a good three miles from where we lived the walk there and back was fun, and the children always slept well after a walk and then a bath when they got home.

My childrens children moan if they have to walk into town, let alone to the park, how things change.

Anyway thats it for now, am going to get a caffienne boost, Have a wonderful day, whatever you are doing.

These are the best two I can find at the moment and they dont really show the beauty of the colours on the wings, but you can see them a little

Do you remember when you were little all the things that you imagined you might be when you were all growed up?

I have heard friends talking about the things they used to dream of, ebing actresses and singers and famous this or that. Some didnt go for the fame trail, they wanted to be the boss of one thing or another.

Childhood dreams, to me they are fascinating, one of my most vivid ones was the man that would come and rescue me, my 'Real Dad' course he didn't exist, the Male Parent was unforunately the 'real' one, despite the fact that my hair and eye colour was so different to the others. My childhood dreams dissipated, there were no princess dreams, no big white wedings, I was useless, so I was told, more times than I could ever recount. all my childhood and teens. So mostly my dreams were about actually being good at something. It didn't really matter what, I loved writing poetry, but he burned it all and told me it was rubbish, I started writing stories, they too went the same way.

I married I had children, I was'nt even good at that, but somehow along the way I made a discovery, it dawned on me one day when the neighbour had 'popped' in for a coffee, suddenly she was telling me all about her life, everything, and slowly I realised, this happened a lot, even with people I had only just met. For some reason they would talk to me like they had known me for years, and within a short time I knew all there was to know.

Here was something I was good at without even trying, a gift perhaps that maybe I could actually use to help people with. Well maybe I can, in another year I will know, meanwhile I will just be me, and listen when needed.

Another overcast morning, it is dropping wet stuff from the sky, only very fine wet stuff, but it is there, again.

I watched the Magpies playing and hunting this morning, I love Magpies, they fascinate me. When I had my garden, many moons ago, I had a family of Magpies lived in the trees I had in there, watching their antics on a daily basis and then searching for information about them (as you do) I soon built up quite a bit of knowledge about them.

My mailbox wont let me in this morning, some gliche as per normal, though I dont have that many problems with Virgin this one is getting to be a pain, what is the point of a mail box that wont let you sign in, tells you that your box is 75% full when you only have a few messages in it, takes hours to deliver messages, on a regular basis? After watching my son and his problems with Sky and hearing the problems other people are having I have to say that I am seriously considering going back to AOL, I rarely had trouble with them, the main problem I had with them was they wouldn't allow mail from certain places?

Anyway it may be fixed by the time I get back, who knows?

I shall be back, later to see what you are all up to. Have fun be good

I dont know how many of you follow WWE, but the news has been released that one of its stars Chris Benouit has been found dead at his home with the bodies of his wife and son.

It appears that benoit strangled his wife Nancy and then later smothered his son, waiting another day before hanging himself in the weight room at his home.

Police were alerted after WWE officials asked them to check on Benoit after he failed to turn up at two events that weekend and friends had alerted them to some very strange and disturbing texts they had recieved friom him over the weekend.

More reports will be available later today after official investigators recieve further forensic reports.

This is a sad day for World wrestling, it is believed that Benoit may have been on steroids when the incident occured, but that will be confirmed later today.

Well it seems my enforced stay at home has been extended, having just been placed on the sick for two whole weeks! Two says I wont one be enough?

Apparently one cannot rush these things and they have to be given time, I have after all the fuss and hooha, an inner ear viral infection. All the other tests were fine and I am healthy as a horse, admittedly a horse that keeps falling over, but hey we cannot have everything.

Two weeks what the hell am I going to do for two whole weeks? I shall go mad, well madder than I am now at any rate.

Any suggestions that do not include knitting, sewing, crocheting, finger painting, cross stitch? painting by numbers,glueing, poster painting. You get the picture?

Today I can actually see blue sky outside my window, and for now no rain.

I was a bit moany yesterday, so frustrated at beng sent home, I can understand where they are coming from, but it doesn't stop me from feeling bad at not being able to do my job. I will be honest and say that I am worried about the people that are not getting seen to while I am not there, those that are on the critical illness list,and I know that I shouldn't be, but we are short staffed and that is the division put to one side when these things happen if I am not there. I have texted my boss and asked her to follow up on one of them for me, it is important to this man and his family to have some form of contact and to have things sorted out. They guy is dying for goodness sake they dont have the time to be put to one side!

Anyway today I will be good and try to put it out of my head while I concentrate on other things, I will find some honest

The sun has come through the clouds, and though the forecast says showers at the moment it looks lovely. I was still up at the normal time this morning and out with Miss Molly, though the sunrise was masked I could see the pink tinging of the clouds along the horizon and could imagine to some degree the beautiful colours that would be behind them just waiting for them to part.

Right off for a shower, prepare myself for the day ahead, have a good one

How can a day be so long? And visitors that I didnt need, and TV so boring I know why retirees end up with dementia!

By next week I will be an Automaton, I swear. And my phone went off,not able to send or recieve texts or make phone calls,though it seems to be workig now, annndddd the roof in the attic is leaking, again, we just had it done a few months ago. Thank goodness I moved the computer desk to a different place when I took it back in to the study and that I got a sudden urge to clear my books away off the study desk the other day as that is what it has leaked on to.

Mayb I should have followed my instincts this morning and pulled the covers over my head and stayed there

But, on the bright side it has stopped raining

My working day lasted less than an hour, dont you love it when people tell you how bad you look? Anyway, the main reason I had tests last week is because I am having a problem with dizziness, you know the head rush you get when you stand up too fast? I have it permenently at the moment, so work have decided that I am a risk and at risk if I remain in the working environment.

Fair do's to my manager her main concern was the danger to me should I pass out on the way to and from work or while going up and down stairs, the director panicked and saw writs before her eyes I swear, lol, anyway the gist of it is, sent home and not allowed to go back until the results of the test come through and I have recieved treatment for whatever is wrong.

Back to the doctors tomorrow to obtain a certificate for a week, what makes me laugh is you try and go to work and they wont let you, and yet there are people out there that dont even want to try.

So prepare to be bombarded with long rambly posts about nothing, I will be bored out of my mind ( Well I would if I had one!)

The sunrise was hidden by the dark grey clouds and the rain, the morning walk was short, Molly doesn't like rain and was back at the door before I had got half way up the street. I guess the plus was that she actually went out in it.

Flood warnings are in place again after another night of rain and wind, the British summer dont you just love it? People keep telling me that it was like this last year, but according to the weather reports from last year up untill the 25th and 26th all we had experienced were some light showers, the rest of the time it was sunny and the tempretures were hitting 23 degrees.

Never mind hopefully it will blow itself out soon, and we get some of that sunshine we should be having. Though according to the forecast it isn't going to change much over the next ten days, though the rain will become lighter.

Right thats enough of the weather forecast for today.

Back to work today, the first day back is always the hardest, though I know that it shouldn't be, I am getting to the stage where I really dont want to be there, its not the work, I love the work, its the impossibility of doing a good job when you dont have enough staff and people expect you to do the work of three in the time of one. And of course it is Monday, well Mondays are always the worst day, as everyone wants their problems seen to first. One day I will no longer be a slave to someone elses whims to earn a wage.

And now I have to go and get ready to do my bit for the slavemasters

Have a great day

The rain didnt stop, but it was not cold and it was not heavy and it was very refreshing, went to sons for a meal, least said soonest mended. And now it is pouring down, never mind I am back in my cosy little house now so it doesn't matter.

Isn't it funny how sometimes memories just pop into your head, I was sat gazing out at the tops of the woods, the woods that I grew up with, my sanctuary, and gazing out over the feilds and hills and remembered how I used to sit on the windowsill in the bedroom at home and slip away into my own little world where I didnt quake at the thought of the weekend coming, where summer holidays were a time of fun not fear.

I love my weekends, have done since the children were little, its hard to imagine now that time when I prayed for mondays to come and fridays to never come. A friend left me some words about blaming parents, I dont blame my parents, after all if I hadn't srived so hard to not be like them I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have achieved half of what I have, admittedly I also wouldn't be the black sheep, but hey, its good to be different

I did for a long time blame the Male Parent, my inability to trust, my inability to love, that was down to him, initially. But it was me that kept it going, and because of it I end up with the wrong guy which ends in disaster and it is a vicious circle, or it was. I no longer look, and I no longer wonder, because if it is meant it will come, and if not, well I have some wonderful friends that keep me laughing and keep me going, that I trust implicitly.

Sheesh seems I do nothing but ramble nowadays must have been the pork we had for tea

Have a good evening

There I was all set to go into town, under instructions to be careful I texted the sons girlfriend to ask if she was going with me, she says give me time to get ready, and what happens, it is pouring it down!!

Perhaps it will ease before we go?

I am so lazy lately here we are after eleven again before the morning post!

At six this morning when I took the Molly out it was raining, not heavy, just light refreshing rain, then the sun struggled through, and now it is darkening again so looks like more rain. And I was going to have a wander into town as well, never mind.

I have decided to pamper myself today, so am going to have a facial and do my hair and nails and sit and relax with some smooth sounds and a good book.

Coming from a family of eight in a house where space and privacy were non-existant I love the space and privacy that I have now, the pleasing myself what to do and when to do it, no schedules apart from work. Weekends are mine to do as I please, though I try to keep to a schedule for the studying, it is one of my making and not one forced on me by others.

I brought my children up to schedules, not very strict ones, but they knew when teatime was and bedtime and so on, but weekends were another matter, I believe that children should have playtime, and most weekends were just that, if it was too wet and cold for outdoor games we played indoor games, we had family nights that consisted of treats and movieseach one having a choice. They were good fun and things that they talk about even now.

My son has told me how his friends wanted to live with us because their mams didnt play ball out in the street with them, or play board games and the tV was for adults to choose what was watched. I never was a big tV fan, so the kids got to have it untill bedtime, they were the soap addicts, the ones who insisted watching Home and Away and Neighbours, now they dont recognise the characters from either of them

I think we all do things differently, I placed my children above all other things, I wanted to give them the childhood I didnt have, I believe that childhood is important, that that is the only time in their lives they are going to be free of worries and cares and be able to be happy and relaxed. With Adulthood comes all the worries of work and family so that time before it is special and should be as pleasent as possible.

Course we cannot keep from them all the bad, and we shouldn't try, they have to learn that the world is not made up of icecream and fun fairs, they would sit with me at night and watch the news and ask questions, which I would answer as truthfully as I was able. Inquisitive minds, and a passion for learning, well two of them anyway.

Maybe I did give them something worth having, who knows, all I know is you can only do your best, the rest is up to them.

I have been laid listening to some of the most beautiful music, played on Pan Pipes, I shall not inflict them on you tonight, but only because I haven't managed yet to dowmload the song that is currently my favourite.

I love the sound of Pan Pipes, the melancholy yet sweet tones that seem to find their way through every fibre of your being,along with the soft sax I find nothing more relaxing.

And now tis off to bed while the warm relaxed feeling is still there, you never know, it may just be what the doctor ordered

Night and sweet dreams to you all.

Just loook at the time, what sort of time do you call this to do your first blog of the day?

I have been busy, taking stock, as Mama and Paddy have said this is the time to start thinking about what is going on in my life and putting me first, not always easy when you have kids but they are all grown now and able (or should be) to fend for themselves, not that I wont be there if needed.

Anyway, they do it so now it is my turn. I gave up a lot along the way of raising my children, I dont regret one minute of it, they are the future or their children, and I hope that I have instilled enough in them to make them and their children into the type of people that others respect, I know that my son is well liked and respected, though the eldest girl doesn't seem to know what the word means, and the middle girl, well she is lost in her own world. Still one out of three aint bad.

I never considered any of what I did then making sacrifices, I still dont, I chose to have my children and it was down to me to raise them the best way that I could with the choices available to me, we make mistakes, we do and say things we maybe shouldn't, sometimes we choose the wrong paths and have to walk a long way back or find a different path that may or may not lead us back to the right one. But these are things you can only know once they are done, and nothing can change them, so no point in fretting about stuff you cant change.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but it doesn't alter anything, it can make you wary of making the same mistakes, but it never changes what is gone.

OK enough of all that, lets have some tunes

Well I managed the needles without passing out, just, why the heck did they need five vials even Dracula wouldn't have taken that much!

Anyway, very shaky and whoozy, missy here had decided it was a good idea to walk there and back Still coming back was not too bad as a certain someone kept me entertained while waiting for someone to arrive and unlock the door he had forgotten the keys for Thank you sweetie, I was back in town before I knew it, though the funny looks I got when I burst out laughing at some of those texts, I swear they were thinking I should be commited

I have to wait now for results and stuff, next thursday they should be back, thats the bit I dont like the waiting.

And apart from that I have had a houseful of visitors, all coming to see how I feel, well I would be better if you all sodded off, but I didnt say it. A telling off from the son for walking to the doctors, sometimes I wonder who the parent is!!

And what with Simon singing to me as I work, the day hasn't turned out too bad, so far.

I have been catching up on friends posts this morning, I have been a bit preoccupied of late what with one thing and another. I have managed to read some but only a few. So this morning I took a little whiz round, and when I come back from having my tests this morning I shall hopefully be able to catch up with some more of you.

It is a wet morning, very cloudy and grey, but it is not going to dampen my spirits ( though the needles might ) after yesterdays good news, well most of it was anyway.

It seems that everyone else had more faith than I did, though that is a good thing, it keeps me going, and it has bolstered my determination to pass this next one with a higher mark. Last years was hapered by things like moving, babysitting and the breaking of arms, and though I did two together and managed to pass one of them straight away, now I have passed the other I finally feel like I am seeing that light at the end of the tunnel

Right I have to go get ready for my early morning session with the needles, if I am in a fit condition when I get back I shall hopefully find something better to say. Nervous me ? Bloomin shaking I detest needles

Isn it funny how sometimes in reading the work of others we can often find a little piece of ourselves hidden in there? Words that resonate within us, for whatever reason.

Perhaps this is why I sat with the unopened letter in my hand and thought about what it contained and what the consequences would be once I had finally got up the nerve to open it. Exam results, I bet I beat all those school leavers waiting for theirs in August, with the sweaty palms and the dry mouth, this unopened letter weighed an awful lot yet it contained only one single sheet of paper.

On the one hand it could mean I continued the road I embarked on three years ago, on the other, it could mean that maybe this road like many others was not the one I was meant to travel.

While sitting there I tavelled down that much used road of why, why did I start it, why did I continue, where would it lead and so on and so on. Always coming back to the same answers I got last time I travelled this road.

Its much the same as when I go down the road of why do I blog? I blog because I like it, because the people on here, those that matter anyway, do not judge, they do not turn their backs on you if you fail to comment for a while, they are always ready with a kind word if you are down, a happy thought to cheer you up, and sometimes a swift kick to bring you back down to earth, but in the nicest possible way

For people like me, and there are quite a few of us, this medium is ideal, because the conversations that we couldnt hope to carry off with any aplomb out there, can be carried off and then some. We can write and allow that writing to flow, because it doesnt matter if people like it or not, we are not out to please the masses, originally we set out to write what we wanted, how we wanted.

And on the way to doing this I found some remarkable people, the reason I keep blogging is because I want to.

And back to the unopened letter, which of course I eventually opened, as I said sometimes when you read the works of others you wonder how they find the words that they do, the ones that just seem to be so right for the occasion, maybe if I had that talent I too would be on the best sellers list.

Oh and I passed

I sit here on this beautiful morning with the screen in front of me and a totally blank mind. I could talk about the beautiful sunrise, that coloured the sky with ribbons of pink and orange and tinged the clouds in myriad shades.

The fact that it is already warm, or is that just me?

The fact is that my mind will not stick on one thing long enough for it to make any sense, actually thats what my posts are normally like

I thought I might be able to use this enforced time to do some extra study, but the words just dont want to stick, and I find it too hard to sit in front of the computer for too long so blogging for any length of time is out as well.

Ah well, guess I can find something to do

Have a good day

It is an absolutely beautiful morning, that storm seems to have taken the clouds with it when it blew itself out in the early hours of this morning.

The sun woke up and set the sky on fire, the few clouds that were along the horizon were bathed in a myriad shades of pink and seemed to disspate along with the fading comlour as the sun rose higher.

As I have an enforced day off, I shall be able to get around to reading some blogs and commenting, I dont want you all thinking I have forgotten about you

Have a good day whatever you are doing.

The storm that was promised last night is here tonight, with a vengence, its breathtaking.

Cant stay on to read or comment as lights keep flickering.

So I will wish you a good night and Catch you tomorrow.

What has my day been like, well it has been kind of strange. I got up to a beautiful day, true I had not got much sleep, but thats not unusual for me.

I felt a little sick, nothing to worry about, just a bit queasy, got ready for work, sorted Molly out, and set off as normal.

My day took a bizarre turn whne I got to the shop, everything started to go dark, I thought them clouds have come over quick? It was only when the shopkeeper was making me sit down that I realised it wasn't clouds and I had almost passed out

I have spent the rest of the day resting on the sofa, after calling in to work, thats when I managed to get home that is.

Guess this family stuff has taken more out of me than I thought