Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

It actually stopped raining here for an hour, it is making up for it now by raining even harder.

Sometimes I feel like I am on a different plain, an ethreal one, where I can see all that goes on but cant be part of it. It is a strange feeling, like watching the world through a window, but with no sound. And then the world comes back and I am part of it once more, but nothing seems to have changed, I have always said if it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have any, but thats not entirely true.

It is true that I never win prizes or anything, but I have luck of a different kind I guess, though it may not pay the bills or help out when things are tough, it always gives me that guiding voice that sees me through. So it isn't so bad, really.

And there is always a rainbow even when we cannot see it, and tomorrow is always another day, so there is always hope.

It's Gala day here in my little town, the crowning of the new queen followed by a procession which normally ends up at the fair ground, only this year there is no fair as they cant get here because of the weather. They are normally here from Thursday to Monday.

This lovely young lady

has had to hand over her crown to the new queen in the pouring rain.

I dont attend anymore but I do like to watch the procession, though that too has been delayed due to the rain and still hasn't set off

I managed a little trip into town on my own, but I had forgotten it was Gala day, so it was a very brief one

And how has your day been so far?

It is the last day of June, the year is half way through, is it me or is time flying past?

We have once again a wet morning, no change there then, still I guess the sunshine will come when it is ready, good things come to those who wait, I seem to have been waiting a heck of a long time

Anyway my outfit is all ready for the big day, only eighteen days now to the wedding, I dont know if I am looking forward to it or not. Money is very tight, and the next month is going to be a struggle especially with a holiday in the middle of it. Still I will muddle through, I normally do

I think I shall pamper myself today, might as well make the most of this time that I have as it will be another week before I am allowed back to work, I will be back three days and then I am on holiday for a week

I am so boring this morning my mind doesn't want to play, cant think of a single thing worth saying, so I will catch you all later.

I have had both a good and a bad day, but mostly good. A shaky start to the morning, but i did as I was told and just took things slow.

At lunchtime my daughter came as she does every day through the week, we work for the same firm, and with her she brought flowers and chocolates and a get well card from the members of my team at work. Each member of the team had signed the card, it was a lovely gesture and quite cheered me up.

I then went into town and discovered that they had brought the 'Shoes' that I have been wanting down in price and my daughter owed me some money so I was finally able to get them

And now I am going to go and make something to eat.

Hope you all had good day

I love mornings, they are without doubt my favourite time of the day. So peaceful and fresh,watching the cotton wool clouds on the horizon turn from fluffy white tinged with pink in to grey. And though that meant more rain, it was so fresh and sweet smelling that it didnt really matter. After all whats a little rain?

When I was younger I used to sit on the windowsill in the bedroom, quiet as a mouse so as not to wake the others, wrapped up in my big brothers coat, and watch the sun come up. If I could manage to escape I would sneak outside and sit on the wall in the front garden.

There is nothing like a beautiful sunrise to give you fresh hope. To make you feel that somehow things will turn out ok. And to give your day a good start, because no matter what it holds the sun will still rise tomorrow.

Isnt't it the most beautiful morning? A beautiful blue sky with only a few fluffy white clouds sailing slowly across it.

I went for a nice long walk this morning, it was so fresh and warm, it was nice taking it slow and steady and just enjoying the morning.

When my children were young we used to walk for miles, every sunday my sister would come down with her daughter and we would set off,we just walked, when we got to the bottom of the street we would say to the little ones whch way left or right and that would determine which way we went at the start of the walk. Even in the winter we walked, through rain or shine, though rainy days the walk was shorter.

Sometimes we would pack a picnic and go to the big park, though it was a good three miles from where we lived the walk there and back was fun, and the children always slept well after a walk and then a bath when they got home.

My childrens children moan if they have to walk into town, let alone to the park, how things change.

Anyway thats it for now, am going to get a caffienne boost, Have a wonderful day, whatever you are doing.

These are the best two I can find at the moment and they dont really show the beauty of the colours on the wings, but you can see them a little

Do you remember when you were little all the things that you imagined you might be when you were all growed up?

I have heard friends talking about the things they used to dream of, ebing actresses and singers and famous this or that. Some didnt go for the fame trail, they wanted to be the boss of one thing or another.

Childhood dreams, to me they are fascinating, one of my most vivid ones was the man that would come and rescue me, my 'Real Dad' course he didn't exist, the Male Parent was unforunately the 'real' one, despite the fact that my hair and eye colour was so different to the others. My childhood dreams dissipated, there were no princess dreams, no big white wedings, I was useless, so I was told, more times than I could ever recount. all my childhood and teens. So mostly my dreams were about actually being good at something. It didn't really matter what, I loved writing poetry, but he burned it all and told me it was rubbish, I started writing stories, they too went the same way.

I married I had children, I was'nt even good at that, but somehow along the way I made a discovery, it dawned on me one day when the neighbour had 'popped' in for a coffee, suddenly she was telling me all about her life, everything, and slowly I realised, this happened a lot, even with people I had only just met. For some reason they would talk to me like they had known me for years, and within a short time I knew all there was to know.

Here was something I was good at without even trying, a gift perhaps that maybe I could actually use to help people with. Well maybe I can, in another year I will know, meanwhile I will just be me, and listen when needed.

Another overcast morning, it is dropping wet stuff from the sky, only very fine wet stuff, but it is there, again.

I watched the Magpies playing and hunting this morning, I love Magpies, they fascinate me. When I had my garden, many moons ago, I had a family of Magpies lived in the trees I had in there, watching their antics on a daily basis and then searching for information about them (as you do) I soon built up quite a bit of knowledge about them.

My mailbox wont let me in this morning, some gliche as per normal, though I dont have that many problems with Virgin this one is getting to be a pain, what is the point of a mail box that wont let you sign in, tells you that your box is 75% full when you only have a few messages in it, takes hours to deliver messages, on a regular basis? After watching my son and his problems with Sky and hearing the problems other people are having I have to say that I am seriously considering going back to AOL, I rarely had trouble with them, the main problem I had with them was they wouldn't allow mail from certain places?

Anyway it may be fixed by the time I get back, who knows?

I shall be back, later to see what you are all up to. Have fun be good

I dont know how many of you follow WWE, but the news has been released that one of its stars Chris Benouit has been found dead at his home with the bodies of his wife and son.

It appears that benoit strangled his wife Nancy and then later smothered his son, waiting another day before hanging himself in the weight room at his home.

Police were alerted after WWE officials asked them to check on Benoit after he failed to turn up at two events that weekend and friends had alerted them to some very strange and disturbing texts they had recieved friom him over the weekend.

More reports will be available later today after official investigators recieve further forensic reports.

This is a sad day for World wrestling, it is believed that Benoit may have been on steroids when the incident occured, but that will be confirmed later today.

Well it seems my enforced stay at home has been extended, having just been placed on the sick for two whole weeks! Two says I wont one be enough?

Apparently one cannot rush these things and they have to be given time, I have after all the fuss and hooha, an inner ear viral infection. All the other tests were fine and I am healthy as a horse, admittedly a horse that keeps falling over, but hey we cannot have everything.

Two weeks what the hell am I going to do for two whole weeks? I shall go mad, well madder than I am now at any rate.

Any suggestions that do not include knitting, sewing, crocheting, finger painting, cross stitch? painting by numbers,glueing, poster painting. You get the picture?

Today I can actually see blue sky outside my window, and for now no rain.

I was a bit moany yesterday, so frustrated at beng sent home, I can understand where they are coming from, but it doesn't stop me from feeling bad at not being able to do my job. I will be honest and say that I am worried about the people that are not getting seen to while I am not there, those that are on the critical illness list,and I know that I shouldn't be, but we are short staffed and that is the division put to one side when these things happen if I am not there. I have texted my boss and asked her to follow up on one of them for me, it is important to this man and his family to have some form of contact and to have things sorted out. They guy is dying for goodness sake they dont have the time to be put to one side!

Anyway today I will be good and try to put it out of my head while I concentrate on other things, I will find some honest

The sun has come through the clouds, and though the forecast says showers at the moment it looks lovely. I was still up at the normal time this morning and out with Miss Molly, though the sunrise was masked I could see the pink tinging of the clouds along the horizon and could imagine to some degree the beautiful colours that would be behind them just waiting for them to part.

Right off for a shower, prepare myself for the day ahead, have a good one

How can a day be so long? And visitors that I didnt need, and TV so boring I know why retirees end up with dementia!

By next week I will be an Automaton, I swear. And my phone went off,not able to send or recieve texts or make phone calls,though it seems to be workig now, annndddd the roof in the attic is leaking, again, we just had it done a few months ago. Thank goodness I moved the computer desk to a different place when I took it back in to the study and that I got a sudden urge to clear my books away off the study desk the other day as that is what it has leaked on to.

Mayb I should have followed my instincts this morning and pulled the covers over my head and stayed there

But, on the bright side it has stopped raining

My working day lasted less than an hour, dont you love it when people tell you how bad you look? Anyway, the main reason I had tests last week is because I am having a problem with dizziness, you know the head rush you get when you stand up too fast? I have it permenently at the moment, so work have decided that I am a risk and at risk if I remain in the working environment.

Fair do's to my manager her main concern was the danger to me should I pass out on the way to and from work or while going up and down stairs, the director panicked and saw writs before her eyes I swear, lol, anyway the gist of it is, sent home and not allowed to go back until the results of the test come through and I have recieved treatment for whatever is wrong.

Back to the doctors tomorrow to obtain a certificate for a week, what makes me laugh is you try and go to work and they wont let you, and yet there are people out there that dont even want to try.

So prepare to be bombarded with long rambly posts about nothing, I will be bored out of my mind ( Well I would if I had one!)

The sunrise was hidden by the dark grey clouds and the rain, the morning walk was short, Molly doesn't like rain and was back at the door before I had got half way up the street. I guess the plus was that she actually went out in it.

Flood warnings are in place again after another night of rain and wind, the British summer dont you just love it? People keep telling me that it was like this last year, but according to the weather reports from last year up untill the 25th and 26th all we had experienced were some light showers, the rest of the time it was sunny and the tempretures were hitting 23 degrees.

Never mind hopefully it will blow itself out soon, and we get some of that sunshine we should be having. Though according to the forecast it isn't going to change much over the next ten days, though the rain will become lighter.

Right thats enough of the weather forecast for today.

Back to work today, the first day back is always the hardest, though I know that it shouldn't be, I am getting to the stage where I really dont want to be there, its not the work, I love the work, its the impossibility of doing a good job when you dont have enough staff and people expect you to do the work of three in the time of one. And of course it is Monday, well Mondays are always the worst day, as everyone wants their problems seen to first. One day I will no longer be a slave to someone elses whims to earn a wage.

And now I have to go and get ready to do my bit for the slavemasters

Have a great day

The rain didnt stop, but it was not cold and it was not heavy and it was very refreshing, went to sons for a meal, least said soonest mended. And now it is pouring down, never mind I am back in my cosy little house now so it doesn't matter.

Isn't it funny how sometimes memories just pop into your head, I was sat gazing out at the tops of the woods, the woods that I grew up with, my sanctuary, and gazing out over the feilds and hills and remembered how I used to sit on the windowsill in the bedroom at home and slip away into my own little world where I didnt quake at the thought of the weekend coming, where summer holidays were a time of fun not fear.

I love my weekends, have done since the children were little, its hard to imagine now that time when I prayed for mondays to come and fridays to never come. A friend left me some words about blaming parents, I dont blame my parents, after all if I hadn't srived so hard to not be like them I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have achieved half of what I have, admittedly I also wouldn't be the black sheep, but hey, its good to be different

I did for a long time blame the Male Parent, my inability to trust, my inability to love, that was down to him, initially. But it was me that kept it going, and because of it I end up with the wrong guy which ends in disaster and it is a vicious circle, or it was. I no longer look, and I no longer wonder, because if it is meant it will come, and if not, well I have some wonderful friends that keep me laughing and keep me going, that I trust implicitly.

Sheesh seems I do nothing but ramble nowadays must have been the pork we had for tea

Have a good evening

There I was all set to go into town, under instructions to be careful I texted the sons girlfriend to ask if she was going with me, she says give me time to get ready, and what happens, it is pouring it down!!

Perhaps it will ease before we go?

I am so lazy lately here we are after eleven again before the morning post!

At six this morning when I took the Molly out it was raining, not heavy, just light refreshing rain, then the sun struggled through, and now it is darkening again so looks like more rain. And I was going to have a wander into town as well, never mind.

I have decided to pamper myself today, so am going to have a facial and do my hair and nails and sit and relax with some smooth sounds and a good book.

Coming from a family of eight in a house where space and privacy were non-existant I love the space and privacy that I have now, the pleasing myself what to do and when to do it, no schedules apart from work. Weekends are mine to do as I please, though I try to keep to a schedule for the studying, it is one of my making and not one forced on me by others.

I brought my children up to schedules, not very strict ones, but they knew when teatime was and bedtime and so on, but weekends were another matter, I believe that children should have playtime, and most weekends were just that, if it was too wet and cold for outdoor games we played indoor games, we had family nights that consisted of treats and movieseach one having a choice. They were good fun and things that they talk about even now.

My son has told me how his friends wanted to live with us because their mams didnt play ball out in the street with them, or play board games and the tV was for adults to choose what was watched. I never was a big tV fan, so the kids got to have it untill bedtime, they were the soap addicts, the ones who insisted watching Home and Away and Neighbours, now they dont recognise the characters from either of them

I think we all do things differently, I placed my children above all other things, I wanted to give them the childhood I didnt have, I believe that childhood is important, that that is the only time in their lives they are going to be free of worries and cares and be able to be happy and relaxed. With Adulthood comes all the worries of work and family so that time before it is special and should be as pleasent as possible.

Course we cannot keep from them all the bad, and we shouldn't try, they have to learn that the world is not made up of icecream and fun fairs, they would sit with me at night and watch the news and ask questions, which I would answer as truthfully as I was able. Inquisitive minds, and a passion for learning, well two of them anyway.

Maybe I did give them something worth having, who knows, all I know is you can only do your best, the rest is up to them.

I have been laid listening to some of the most beautiful music, played on Pan Pipes, I shall not inflict them on you tonight, but only because I haven't managed yet to dowmload the song that is currently my favourite.

I love the sound of Pan Pipes, the melancholy yet sweet tones that seem to find their way through every fibre of your being,along with the soft sax I find nothing more relaxing.

And now tis off to bed while the warm relaxed feeling is still there, you never know, it may just be what the doctor ordered

Night and sweet dreams to you all.

Just loook at the time, what sort of time do you call this to do your first blog of the day?

I have been busy, taking stock, as Mama and Paddy have said this is the time to start thinking about what is going on in my life and putting me first, not always easy when you have kids but they are all grown now and able (or should be) to fend for themselves, not that I wont be there if needed.

Anyway, they do it so now it is my turn. I gave up a lot along the way of raising my children, I dont regret one minute of it, they are the future or their children, and I hope that I have instilled enough in them to make them and their children into the type of people that others respect, I know that my son is well liked and respected, though the eldest girl doesn't seem to know what the word means, and the middle girl, well she is lost in her own world. Still one out of three aint bad.

I never considered any of what I did then making sacrifices, I still dont, I chose to have my children and it was down to me to raise them the best way that I could with the choices available to me, we make mistakes, we do and say things we maybe shouldn't, sometimes we choose the wrong paths and have to walk a long way back or find a different path that may or may not lead us back to the right one. But these are things you can only know once they are done, and nothing can change them, so no point in fretting about stuff you cant change.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but it doesn't alter anything, it can make you wary of making the same mistakes, but it never changes what is gone.

OK enough of all that, lets have some tunes

Well I managed the needles without passing out, just, why the heck did they need five vials even Dracula wouldn't have taken that much!

Anyway, very shaky and whoozy, missy here had decided it was a good idea to walk there and back Still coming back was not too bad as a certain someone kept me entertained while waiting for someone to arrive and unlock the door he had forgotten the keys for Thank you sweetie, I was back in town before I knew it, though the funny looks I got when I burst out laughing at some of those texts, I swear they were thinking I should be commited

I have to wait now for results and stuff, next thursday they should be back, thats the bit I dont like the waiting.

And apart from that I have had a houseful of visitors, all coming to see how I feel, well I would be better if you all sodded off, but I didnt say it. A telling off from the son for walking to the doctors, sometimes I wonder who the parent is!!

And what with Simon singing to me as I work, the day hasn't turned out too bad, so far.

I have been catching up on friends posts this morning, I have been a bit preoccupied of late what with one thing and another. I have managed to read some but only a few. So this morning I took a little whiz round, and when I come back from having my tests this morning I shall hopefully be able to catch up with some more of you.

It is a wet morning, very cloudy and grey, but it is not going to dampen my spirits ( though the needles might ) after yesterdays good news, well most of it was anyway.

It seems that everyone else had more faith than I did, though that is a good thing, it keeps me going, and it has bolstered my determination to pass this next one with a higher mark. Last years was hapered by things like moving, babysitting and the breaking of arms, and though I did two together and managed to pass one of them straight away, now I have passed the other I finally feel like I am seeing that light at the end of the tunnel

Right I have to go get ready for my early morning session with the needles, if I am in a fit condition when I get back I shall hopefully find something better to say. Nervous me ? Bloomin shaking I detest needles

Isn it funny how sometimes in reading the work of others we can often find a little piece of ourselves hidden in there? Words that resonate within us, for whatever reason.

Perhaps this is why I sat with the unopened letter in my hand and thought about what it contained and what the consequences would be once I had finally got up the nerve to open it. Exam results, I bet I beat all those school leavers waiting for theirs in August, with the sweaty palms and the dry mouth, this unopened letter weighed an awful lot yet it contained only one single sheet of paper.

On the one hand it could mean I continued the road I embarked on three years ago, on the other, it could mean that maybe this road like many others was not the one I was meant to travel.

While sitting there I tavelled down that much used road of why, why did I start it, why did I continue, where would it lead and so on and so on. Always coming back to the same answers I got last time I travelled this road.

Its much the same as when I go down the road of why do I blog? I blog because I like it, because the people on here, those that matter anyway, do not judge, they do not turn their backs on you if you fail to comment for a while, they are always ready with a kind word if you are down, a happy thought to cheer you up, and sometimes a swift kick to bring you back down to earth, but in the nicest possible way

For people like me, and there are quite a few of us, this medium is ideal, because the conversations that we couldnt hope to carry off with any aplomb out there, can be carried off and then some. We can write and allow that writing to flow, because it doesnt matter if people like it or not, we are not out to please the masses, originally we set out to write what we wanted, how we wanted.

And on the way to doing this I found some remarkable people, the reason I keep blogging is because I want to.

And back to the unopened letter, which of course I eventually opened, as I said sometimes when you read the works of others you wonder how they find the words that they do, the ones that just seem to be so right for the occasion, maybe if I had that talent I too would be on the best sellers list.

Oh and I passed

I sit here on this beautiful morning with the screen in front of me and a totally blank mind. I could talk about the beautiful sunrise, that coloured the sky with ribbons of pink and orange and tinged the clouds in myriad shades.

The fact that it is already warm, or is that just me?

The fact is that my mind will not stick on one thing long enough for it to make any sense, actually thats what my posts are normally like

I thought I might be able to use this enforced time to do some extra study, but the words just dont want to stick, and I find it too hard to sit in front of the computer for too long so blogging for any length of time is out as well.

Ah well, guess I can find something to do

Have a good day

It is an absolutely beautiful morning, that storm seems to have taken the clouds with it when it blew itself out in the early hours of this morning.

The sun woke up and set the sky on fire, the few clouds that were along the horizon were bathed in a myriad shades of pink and seemed to disspate along with the fading comlour as the sun rose higher.

As I have an enforced day off, I shall be able to get around to reading some blogs and commenting, I dont want you all thinking I have forgotten about you

Have a good day whatever you are doing.

The storm that was promised last night is here tonight, with a vengence, its breathtaking.

Cant stay on to read or comment as lights keep flickering.

So I will wish you a good night and Catch you tomorrow.

What has my day been like, well it has been kind of strange. I got up to a beautiful day, true I had not got much sleep, but thats not unusual for me.

I felt a little sick, nothing to worry about, just a bit queasy, got ready for work, sorted Molly out, and set off as normal.

My day took a bizarre turn whne I got to the shop, everything started to go dark, I thought them clouds have come over quick? It was only when the shopkeeper was making me sit down that I realised it wasn't clouds and I had almost passed out

I have spent the rest of the day resting on the sofa, after calling in to work, thats when I managed to get home that is.

Guess this family stuff has taken more out of me than I thought

It is a beautiful morning, the first realy beautiful one in a couple of weeks. Grey clouds tinged with pink and orange, blues sky. And the clouds are a light grey not the heavy dark of the past few days.

The ground and the rooftops are still wet from the rain that has fallen most of the night. Though the storm proved to be a wash out, lol, one rumble of thunder and no lightning, all that build up and then it fizzled out, reminds me of my ex

It will probably rain again but for now the sun is shining and it is warm and calm.

I will answer all my comments tonight, sorry I haven't been ignoring you just a lot of family stuff going on right now.

Hope everyone has a great day.

Looks like we are in for a lovely storm, the sky has darkened and it has gone really still and muggy. And of course I always get restless when a storm is brewing like a caged Wolf, but not as much hair

I hope it is one worth watching I love watching storms, and the rain has started now.

Guess thats my evening, watching the lightning.

Well here I am only 11 hours late with my first post of the day!

I was so far behind this morning even the white rabbits had white rabbits Which of course set the pace for the day, never mind, tomorrow is another day, and at least it hasn't rained

Mondays always have that whooosh feeling to them, like there isn't enough time to get everything done, which is precisely what it was like today, even the set routine goes out the window when you have everyone wanting you to do everything

Well at least it made me forget the family problems for a while, and now time to relax with a good book, well a text book anyway

Hope you all had a good one.

I have had a few hours out with my other bestest friend, as it is a bit far for Paddy to travel

A totally relaxing few hours I might add, helped by the exchange between my other bestest friend, thats the Pads, which helped me to make some decisions.

I have come home forty pounds richer and feeling a whole lot better.

So hows your day been?

It has been a long night and so far a pretty long morning. I have however managed to do the washing, and it is now drying away, I usually wish I had a garden to hang it out in, but as its raining ( surprise, surprise) it isn't an issue this morning.

I apologise for the self pitying post from last night, guess things got to me a little. It will be removed once I have answered the lovely comments I got.

I may have to have a little break while I sort things out in my head, from writing not reading. Though I dont know if I definately will, as writing sort of helps. I dont know what I think at the moment so bear with me while my posts get even more confusing and ramblicious.

And the sun just came out, shining through my wondow, see there is always something good happening somewhere.

Have a great day.

Dreams that confuse and phone calls that make you feel useless and a failure, sure has been a strange day.

I guess the more you try not to become like someone else the more you seem to become them, I so never want to be like my mother, and yet, I seem to be heading the same way. She was never there for us, when my baby died on Christmas day I waited until boxing day to let her know, I was 19, I needed support, The Male Parent gave her the money to come to me, to get a taxi and told her to be there as long as was needed.

She never came, she went to the Bingo instead, in fact she never came near, I buried my Baby with none of my family there, it was weeks before I saw her and the only thing she could say was 'I am glad I never saw her'? She was four months old and only two of my family of seven siblings had ever taken the time to come see her. And one of those visits had been because they wanted something.

I swore that I would always be there for mine, it is hard when the eldest is so selfish and really only comes near when she needs/wants something, hard to be there for her when I am blocked out of her life, but I still try to keep an eye on her, make sure she is ok. But, seems I have let her down, I never know what to do, do I offer my help to have it thrown at me, or wait til she needs me and then it be too late?

There is no handbook when you have kids, all you can do is stumble along and hope that you make the right choices, sometimes you get it wrong, hopefully mostly you get it right. And you never stop worrying about them, no matter how old they are.

I think maybe an early night may be in order, hopefully a dreamless one.

I had thought that I was near to the end of my journey of self discovery, having gone through many periods of self doubt, depression, and various other scenarios that make you sit up and evaluate yourself and your life, I thought I was through the other side so to speak.

It seems I have a way to go yet, or at least according to the dreams I have been having when I manage to sleep. They are not nightmares, just filled with much confusion and wandering, I awake and shake them off, get up and have a drink, only for them to start again when my eyes close, not the same dream, but the same theme.

I allowed myself to get cosy on the sofa, the fire was on because it is fairly cold here, I was reading and then away I went back to the land of confusion. I dont like dreaming that way, because the dreams are always fractured, and you cant quite grasp their meaning, flitting from one to the other, because you are not fully asleep, you can still hear sounds from outside and you can still hear the soft music playing in the background. Sometimes you struggle to wake, like coming up from beneath the water, only to find that the scenario playing, is only you dreaming you are awake? Freaky

And now it is time for some food or something

I have been blog hopping and web surfing, thats a bit like wind surfing but without the wind and the board and beach and the sea, actually its nothing like wind surfing?

Anyways it really is beside the point and irrelevant to the issue, though I haven't yet got to the issue, and thats because I cant remember what it was

I have the Ark all built and ready to go, except I cant seem to find some of the creatures I am supposed to put in there? And I appear to have lost the list, anyone care to help me discover who/what I am supposed to take?

Apart from the obvious of course like the stores of food, and mustn't forget the bottles for Captain Nick, the Music and games for first mate AJ and the shining galley for the Shipscook

suggestions will be welcome, providing of course they are printable

I am totally bemused by the PM I have just received, think they must be looking for my daughter not me. Do I send her one back and say sorry dear just because some of my friends are gay dont mean that I am? I shall enlighten you, here is the PM

My name is miss dorimab,i saw your profile today and became intrested in you,i will
also like to know you the more,and i want you to send a mail to my email address so
i can give you my picture for you to know whom l am.Here is my email
address(dorimab4u@yahoo.com) believe we can move from here.I am waiting for your
mail to my email address above.miss dorimab.(Remeber the distance or colour does not
matter but love matters alot in life)

OK Honey, distance, not a problem, colour, not a problem. You are MISS Dorimab? Biiiiiig problem

Anyway, idiots aside, it has been an interesting week, what with rain and more rain and wait for it, even more rain. Leeds Railway station flooded yesterday morning which apparently caused loads of fun for loads of people, it being the hub of train travel that it is. Nobody was going nowhere, and of course because Leeds was going nowhere, all the little stations that feed it such as Shipley, Frizinghall, saltaire were also not going anywhere. Shipley was apparently fun, mainly due to having a mess of trains all waiting to go somewhere that involved going to Leeds, and people waiting for trains all coming through or from Leeds.

The consequence was a lot of taxi's on the road, people going back home and collecting the car they normally dont take, so heavy traffic jams everywhere. There would have been a lot of very grouchy people at work yesterday, if they got to work that is? And the torrentil rain just kept right on falling, oblivious of the havoc it was creating. Still the Arc is ready and waiting, as it seems we are to continue with this beautiful weather until Tuesday.

Right morning coffee awaits me, again, back in a little while for more weather reports

Wet again this morning, the weather that is, grey and overcast and seemingly hasn't been told that it is almost the middle of June and it is supposed to be sunny and warm!

What delights do we have in store today madam, well, to be honest, I aint got a clue? I walk in to a madhouse each morning at the moment, there I again I walk out of one to walk in to one

Wouldn't it be nice to go back to a time when life was uncomplicated, when you knew exactly what the day was going to bring, erm, wait a minute, I never had times like that, ah well at least its never dull

Right a little idea, given to me by a young gentleman.

If you were not you who would you most like to be? We know you are happy being you, but no cheating and saying that, you have to choose someone even if it is the Woman/Man down the road

If I wasn't me I would like to be.......

This was a really hard one because I couldn't think of anyone I admire that hasn't had either a short life or a rough one

Many of the women that I admire lived in a time of repression, yet fought against it, women like Jane Addams a leading activist against child labour, dangerous workplaces and belonged to the movement investigating Child Mortality.

But I dont know if I would liked to have lived in that time. I guess if I was someone else it would have to be someone like Jane Austen, as I have always wanted to write.

Cleopatra who was beautiful and a strong leader, Marilyn Monroe, but she was too tragic.

I think Jane Austen will do for now

So who would you be if you were not you? You can place it on your blog along with the reason. If you have one

And apart from that, hope you have a good day.

It's been a strange day, but then work is normally But it wasn't work that made it strangly interesting, it was a proposition I have had made to me, an interesting one, but one that is going to mean moving (again) and several other sacrifices, and one that is going to take some working out and thinking about.

Apart from that, it has rained all day again, still pouring down even now. Work has been, well work, still there are only two days left now til the weekend.

Hope everyone else had a good one.

Bloomin Technology!!!

I have spent over an hour trying to uninstall and reinstall my modem, yet again, someone is going to get a very terse phonecall tonight when I get home, Virgin on the ridiculous this is

Anyways that has made White Rabbits appear suddenly and if this is the way the day is going to go, then I quit!

Apart from that it is warm outside despite the overcast sky, not much sleep to be had, but I expected that, and it is wednesday, half way through the week, thank goodness.

When I was little I used to wish to be big, grown up, isn't it funny how we always have this impression that when we are grown up we can conquor the world, that everything will be suddenly and miraclously changed? It never works that way of course, good job we dont know that then. For some dreaming of being grown up is one of the few things that keeps them sane and alive in a hostile world.

Right got to go, White rabbits are chasing me

It is raining this morning, hasn't cooled down though, still warm. But I dont mind a bit of rain we need it to make the earth smell good.

I belong to a website where I am sure only children play I cannot believe that adults can act in a manner more befitting of a school playground than an internet message board. At first it was amusing, but when you consider the age of these people it soon becomes wearing, I dont join in, I stopped playing he said she said when I left school, not that I played it then. It is sad to watch grown people trying to bully each other on a virtual playground, wouldn't be so bad if they were gifted with words and didn't resort to name calling instead of debating the issue

Mind you saying that we have had a few on here of the same ilk, but they dont win because others on here dont respond in the same way, they respond with reason, not insults, with well thought out arguments not hysterical name calling. What a shame that even on the internet we have the same type of people that used to want to be King/Queen of the playground?

Right am back to work today so have to go and get ready, hope you all have a good day.

Well it seems my computer must have felt overworked because the internet has been down most the afternoon here. Which means that the report aint going to get finished today. Ah well, always tomorrow.

Do you find that sometimes no matter how hard you try nothing ever works the way it was meant to? Seems to be the stoy of my life right now, but it is just minor setbacks, and all will be resolved, eventually.

Just had a bath, which was a total waste of time as I am now just as wet with perspiration as I was before it!!

Right off to do some more, of something or other

You know when you really, really have to concentrate on something? When you have to apply yourself to analysing and evaluating and then writing a 2000 word report on what you have done etc?

And you have everything there, but, the sun is shining through the window, and you can see the hills and the fields and the top of the woods, you can feel them calling to you, hear them whispering what fun you could have if you put down that book and turned off the report you have to listen to, watch, and read.

Get thee behind me Satan It really is a glorious day, and tomorrow I will be stuck in work all day.

I know, I know, there are things we have to sacrifice to get what we desire *sigh* I'll get back to work

Hope your day is going well.

The Wind beneath my wings

I have always believed that things happen for a reason, be they good or bad there is always a reason. Sometimes that reason is hard to see, maybe you never will, but rest assured there is one.

I feel the same about people, they too come into your lives for a reason, whether it is friends, work colleagues, passing acquaintances, children. Each and evry one of them has a purpose in your life, they touch it for a reason.

Sometimes it is a short but powerful stay, sometimes a long and shallow one, or a long and very meaningful one. Each one of them, no matter how long or short the stay, touches you in a way that no one else could have done, that is why they come to you. To give you something you otherwise would never have had, to show you something that you otherwise never would have seen, to teach you something you otherwise would never have learned.

And when they leave they take a piece of you with them, because you have touched their lives too, sometimes it is the tiniest piece, and you may not even notice, sometimes it is a great piece, sometimes there is no pain, sometimes the pain is greater than you believe you can bear.

Pain is a healer, without the ability to feel pain, we do not have the ability to feel, without the ability to feel, we do not have the ability to love, without the ability to love even just in friendship, we lose the ability to live and continue merely to exist.

To all those that have touched my life I thank you, to those that are gone, I miss you, I would not be me without, all of you.

It has been a strange day, what with one thing and another. Went to town with sons girl friend, seems my little town has decided that openeing the whole town on a Sunday is now a good idea? So of course that is going to make Sunday shopping no different to Friday or Saturday shopping.

On the way back, as I stopped at their house and then came home, something happened that made me stop and think. An Asian, what is the word I use to describe him, see physically, he was a man, mentally he was so obviously a child. He came out of his garden, his gait was uneven, due to his disability no doubt. He asked me how I was doing today, so I said I am doing fine how are you? He pushed his hand out at me, as you see this is how all Asian men greet by handshake, and I took his hand and shook it.

What else would I do? Knock it away, ignore it and walk on? The total shock on his face said it all, he was struck dumb and just kept looking at his hand, I said have a lovely day and carried on, when I looked back on reaching the top of the street I go down, he was still stood there, looking at his hand, then watching me. His face now had a big grin on it and he was nodding his head. I felt both pleased and sad at the same time.

Pleased that I had so obviously made his day ( there goes that ego again) by simply treating him with courtesy. And sad that such a simple gesture was met with such shock and then wonder and joy. He faces a double dose of prejudice, on the one hand he is coloured and on the other he is mentally disabled, but in saying that he also has what many white disabled children/people dont, the full support of his family and community.

I was being watched as I shook his hand, the young men over the road had moved forward as I took his hand, I only saw them out of the corner of my eye, they didnt bother me, just watched, protecting him. There was no malice in those soft brown eyes, and also no expectancy. I wonder how many times he has been brushed aside?

I knew I was getting a visit, from the family, so they arrive, they sit outside in the car, and then they leave?

I get a text, are you coming shopping, erm, I am not walking up there to walk back down into town you can come here first, and then we will walk down, grrrr.

Anyway looks like another trip into town Never mind, good job I am not sleeping least I can get some work done then

Sometimes we make much of the things we dont have, and not enough of the things that we do have. No matter what we dont have what we do have is life, we can see/look, touch/feel,hear/listen at the world around us.

Many forget what beauty surrounds them, the sounds and sights that are there for free right outside your back door/front door, through your window.

If we take note of the way that an animal revels in the delight of playing on grass, of chasing just for fun, running and playing and just being.

We have something that no other creature appears to have, we have the gift of imagination, we can escape to whereever we want whenever we want just by thinking about it.

Golden beaches with a turquoise sea, palm trees swayed by a gentle sea breeze, sweet smell of spices on the air.

A gentle rolling meadow with a sea of green grass and buttercups reaching off into the distance, great oaks and beech trees dotted here and there for shade.

A garden full of roses with pathways that wend and wind beneath arches of sweet scented flowers, benches to relax on, long lawns rolling away to streams of silvery blue, singing as they gently continue their journey to the river.

Hills and mountains to climb, cars to race, horses to ride, wolves to run with. Whatever we want, whenever we want it, without having to move, without having to spend a penny. And sometimes while we bemoan it is not as good as 'the real thing' it can at least give you peace until you can manage the real thing. Sometimes it can help you to relax enough to get on with the daily grind, enough to get you smiling again.

Too many people set off for work and have no time to look up, they look down or straight ahead, too intent on what everyone else is doing, too full of what lays ahead. Yet if they looked up, just for a minute, they would see that even in the busiest city, the birds sing, the trees are green and life is sweet.

I was going to write this long rambling post, but then went and watched and listened to AJ's video and now it has gone out of my head.

Still it was only a ramble so cant have been that important, not that much I ramble about is, well not to other people anyway, it is important to me obviously as I wrote it, or write it, or something.

Must be time for laying in the bed and pretending to do what normal folksis do, instead I most likely will be reading again until dawn peeps its little rays through the curtains.

Have a good night and sweet dreams

It is such a beautiful day, so tell me why I am sat looking at it through the window? Well apart from the fact that my hair is dripping wet cos I just decided to take a shower, oooohh how decadent a shower in the middle of the day!!

Anyway, I have the music on, the cold drink to hand, the windows wide open, isnt it a nice relaxed way to spend the day, I am of course studying. And this is break time

Hope you are all having a good one.

Isn't it strange how some days you wake up full of inspiration and good intentions, all your plans go out the window but you say never mind there is always tomorrow, then when tomorrow comes (which it never does, but lets pretend) you are no longer full of inspiration, in fact you feel like you want to go back to yesterday to find those feelings again.

It doesnt help that the sun is shining and the morning is already glorious, I can see the tops of the trees glinting in the sunshine and the mist rising off the river. It makes me want to go, nowhere specifically, just go.

I have always had this restlesness, a wanderlust, I must have been born with it, there again I am supposedly related to gypsy's way back in the history of my Mother so that could be it, probably why I have moved so many times, cant seem to settle in one place. And when the sun shines off the top of the trees and the mist from the river beckons it is so hard to not give in and go and play.

Never mind maybe later when I have finished this chapter

Tomorrow I am not making any plans, well I aint telling them if I do, not one thing today has gone according to plan. Never mind, maybe I can catch up tomorrow?

I bathed the Molly tonight, bathing Molly is a game of coaxing and cuddling and giving of treats, once in she is fine, sits there glowering at me, but she loves it when she is done and her coat is soft and shiny. Even if she does soak the whole household when trying to dry her

Well not many about so i will say night night and sweet dreams.

A quick trip into town she says, just got to pay a couple of things she says, would someone like to tell her four hours is not a quick trip into town?

But it was a lovely day, and I have to admit that the change did me good, and I have found the most perfect top for my holidays, and I went to gaze at the shoes I am most definately buying come pay day

And now I may just get some studying done

Catch you all later. I will be back

First spoiler of plan, apparently I am going into town Why do they always make you feel selfish if you say no?

Rest assured I will be back when is the question

I will get round to answering comments at some point today, I haven't forgotten and I am not ignoring, just trying to catch up

OOOOhhh lookie me, after seven and I haven't done a post No I wasn't in bed having a much deserved and most welcome lie in. Though I did get up slightly later than normal, tsk such slovenness

I have been browsing blogs, or as I like to call it, bloghopping, I have tended to not be able to visit as many as I like to due to having such a full diary ( I should be so lucky?) well work anyway, so have taken a little while out this morning to read what everyone is up to. I have only managed a few just yet, and not commented on them all, trouble with being last is others have already said everything, but then thats the story of my life

I put all of this down to the fact that last night I managed to find that elusive thing called sleep, and even had a visit from the sandman, things is I think he got my sand mixed up with about a dozen other peoples, cos I really did not know those folks in that dream, and weird, just was not the word for it There were a few people of the friends variety but the rest, well, though saying that there are a couple I wouldn't mind meeting

Isn't it strange how doing such a simple thing, as I did yesterday, could make you feel so good and so relaxed? Like you had done something to be really proud of, something that may not change the world, but most certainly has had an effect on the people you did it for and yourself.

And today, well the plan is that today being my first day I shall do some study, play on the computer, clean in a slow relaxed manner, go for a walk, more study, and generally just have a relaxed, wind down day.

Course you know what they say about plans! Have a good day.

Another long day, but far from feeling drained and all that stuff, I am feeling quite good, and it has less to do with my four days off than with doing something that made others feel good so in return made me feel good.

And all because I asked a simple question that caused waves up to director level, but got results.

And now I am looking forward to four days of leaisurly studying, and peace, maybe I should turn all the phones off?

Hope you all had a good day

I have been looking forward to today, when I can actually say this is my last day for four whole days, though I didnt think it would come and I didnt think I would actually get them, all is well in the world.

Well it isn't really, as most of my staff have decided they are all looking for new jobs, it seems the manager is coming across a tad OTT right now, expecting too much and giving little in return.

But we dont want to hear about that! It is a little overcast this morning, though the Dawn was glorious, the gradual tinting of the sky with rose coloured paintbrushes, turning to the palest of pinks as she peeped over the horizon to see who was awake, and to waken those still slumbering. The few clouds that were around became streaked with pink and orange, untill gradually it all faded and the grey took over. But the grey cannot take away the picture of the sun as she rose serenly from her bed, painting the sky as she came.

Not a lot of time this morning, so much to do, so all have a lovely day.

Im bone achingly tired, so am off to have a bath, hope you all had a good day xx

It is a beautiful morning, it didnt so much break as tiptoed in on Golden slippers spreading ribbons in many shades of pink across the blue and the grey, brightening the sky and tickling the clouds. The greyness disappeared and the clouds are now white and fluffy, over the horizon there is still grey, but the day is young and the sun is warm.

It is Wednesday, and means that I have only today and tomorrow (Fingers crossed) and then four whole days of, erm, studying, one of the reasons for taking this time is so I can get this assignment in early and start on the next one. I have already recieved the paperwork for choosing next years course, my last one, and then I have to do my last one for the Criminology.

And I will have done it within the time given, in fact a year early, but the Criminology will take me into that final year. I finally feel like I am getting somewhere.

Sometimes we meet people that we become friends with, and we have been friends with for years, yet we still dont tell them everything, always there is that something you keep inside, and then someone comes along and you just gel, like you have known each other through eternity, like they have always been there in one form or another through all your lives. It is a relationship that doesn't need words all the time, as you just know, it is purely friendship, but it is the best kind there is. I am lucky enough to have met that person, and he makes the Sunshine even on a rainy day.

I am doubly lucky, because I have 'met' others that there appears to be a special quality about, a likening of spirits if you will.

We are all special in our own way, and that is what you have to remember when things get you down, when things are not as you wish them to be, we are all worthy and we are all special.

And now I have to go

Happy Bithday Terry (Normal guy) hope you have a good day.

To wish Terry a Happy Birthday go here
http://forwhatitsworth.blog.co.uk

It goes like this, every day you turn in to work an hour early, this gives you the chance to get an edge on the day, finish off any little niggles from the night before, do emails and check post left over from yesterday, scanned on late or whatever. But, the powers that be are not authorising overtime, despite the fact that if you didnt do those extra hours the department would grind to a halt beneath the mountain of work there is to do.

Thats ok, you work it out with your manager and you gain extra days off, paid, because they owe you them in hours worked. This is just between you and your department head, you dont know how she explains it away, and quite frankly you dont care, after all this is her idea. All runs nice and smoothly, every so often you get an extra day or two off and everyone is happy, and then you have been given a long long weekend, you have friday and monday off, but, your boss falls ill. Lets just hope she is better by Thursday shall we Else they is going to have one very not happy bunny in that office!

And yes it was another long day, but the sun is shining and the sky is blue, so all is still well with the world

Very grey and overcast here again today, seems June is going to start wet and warm, as it was warm last night or was that just me? The Sun is peeping, I saw her when the clouds broke a while ago, but now she is hiding again. And over to the left of the valley there is blue sky, so maybe we will see some of it before the day is out?

Fatals been telling jokes and now I cant think of what I was going to write, well they were funny!

I was thinking last night about how courage is a strange thing that comes in many guises, and often is not recognised by most, and that is because most dont realise that the person being couragous is being so, for instance when I finally stood up to the Male Parent, this was not noticed as a supreme act of courage by anyone but me, because noone else saw it, and if they had they would not have understood what it had taken to do it. Or what it cost me, and it did dearly, but the courage didnt disappear it grew and gave me the strength to finally get out, though it was out of the frying pan into the fire so to speak.

For a while after I entered the fire I was again the meek and obediant one, people that know me now would never believe that I had ever been that way, but it was like a resignation that I could never escape this world that I had been thrown into, first one and then the other, untill he raised his hand to my daughter, from then on things changed, I had fought back and that wasn't done. There was a new fear in him, I was not such a pushover anymore.

It took time, and yet I was finally emerging as a person in my own right and not just a chattel that belonged to someone else that they could use and abuse as they desired. I went from strength to strength and began to see a time when all would be well.

It is amazing how the Human spirit can survive so much and still come out singing, even if sometimes it is a sad song, I have watched women emerge from the worst of times and bloom, much like a rose in a patch of brambles, I have watched men that had been written off as nobodies and worth nothing, rise and become somebody that people admire and envy. I have watched people abandoned in the gutter of life (so to speak) shake themselves off and soar higher than anyone could ever have imagined. Their own strength and courage did this, a courage that most dont see or acknowledge.

Courage isn't always about fighting large beasts or going to war, it isn't always about tackling the bad guys, like cops and robbers. Often it is about simply walking through the door and facing the day and the world outside. It is about being able to walk away from a life that may kill you in the end, it is about simply being it is unrecognised by many, because they dont see what is within you, or what goes on behind closed doors.

And now it is time for me to swap my mantel of Philosophy for one of counsellor and whatever else I am required to be today, another long working day ahead, but only two more to go after today

Have a great day, catch you all later

A very long very manic day, had to wind down before coming and saying hope you all had a good one.

Am taking me an early night, sweet dreams catch you all in the morning

A misty monday morning and as you can see I am a tad late with the morning post, I cannot see it affecting anyones lives in a detrimental way unlike if the paper boy was late or the actual snalmail post man/woman/person? Or even the milkman (for those who still have such a thing) cos if he was late you wouldn't be able to have your brekkie, unless you had toast of course then it would be ok,ish, but you might still want it in your tea/coffee, milk that is not the toast?

Anyhoo,all that apart, the day has started misty and grey, knowing my luck that will turn to rain, but I am going to be optimistic and say that the sun will come out and burn the mist away and it will be glorious It is after all June and this time last year the weather was like the middle of August, they do say that because of the yucky May we have had that we are going to have slightly higher temperatures, once the sun gets to playing that is, which at the moment seems she is sulking, maybe she cant find her bat and ball?

Work of course beckons, mainly because I didnt win the lottery so cant stick my nose up at it like I was planning to do, my consolation is that no one else won it either, well not the main prize anyway, which isnt really much of a consolation but there you go, thats life

Hmmmm, I seem to be drifting off the subject, not that I can remember what the subject was, and I dont have time to go look for it now as I have to go to work, well I should really get dressed first, dont think my dressing gown is quite office wear.

Have a great day whatever you are doing, normal service will be resumed, at least thats the theory, not proven yet, thats because it is only a theory.

Catch you all later

The storm that has been threatening all afternoon looks set to break, the rain has started and the clouds have darkened the sky, over the housetops at the other end of the valley the sun is still shining.

The sky has the bruised look that storm clouds bestow on it,and it shouldn't be long before the rumbling of thunder and the flashes of lightning *she states hopefully* we need something to get rid of this mugginess.

I watched a family of Magpies playing tag on the roof across the street earlier, six of them, I love Magpies such beautiful birds.

Back to the books, or maybe I should eat?

Just after three and am grabbing a quick break before I have to go out, which I was hoping not to have to do, but there are things that need to be done, apparently.

I decided to have a peek at what everyone was on about with BB and have to go with Paddy's interpretations of the Housemates, sorry just what exactly are Channel 4 playing at this year? Come on guys, you know that Leslie and Carole do not stand a chance against the other younger girls they are simply cannon fodder, do we take bets on just how long they manage to stay in?

Right moving on, as we do, and Dallas, Swellen has finally been booked into the rehab clinic after Jar was told off by Daddy for her falling down the stairs and shaming the family, the poison Dwarfs (Lucy) rendition of being drug crazed always made me laugh as she just looked demented not drugged? And that thing by her lip, dont you just want to scream at her to do something about it? I had forgotten just how bad the acting was in this programme, but must admit I am having lots of laughs reliving the magic moments

I have been studying, honest a 'girl' has to have breaks ya know

Anyway thats enough of that am off to da shops, well shop actually, seem to have run out of milk, which is strange as I dont take it in my drinks anymore Must have milk drinking faeiries in my house

It is the most beautiful morning, I watched the swallows swoop and dive in their morning dance and listened to them singing while they did it. I breathed deeply of the fresh morning air, and could smell the grass and the trees. I love early morning when the fumes from cars and trucks have not yet filled the air and everything is fresh and sweet.

I have recieved my marks for my last assignment, which though not as high as I would have liked are not too bad, this tutor is a hard nut to crack and a 73% for one assignment is good as I only need a 40% to pass, the one thing she does do is provide good feed back, and very elequently too. I have to admit I like her, she doesn't mince her words but instead of saying there were other things you could have said, she shows me what I could have included, very instructive.

So not too bad a start to the day, more study is on the agenda but I finally feel that I may be getting somewhere. Only one more year and the biggest one is yet to come, next year will be the toughest as it is my final year but I think I am ready for it Or I will be when I have finished this one

I hope everyone has a good day, the sun is shining and the birds are singing, and I know most of you are abed right now, but Happy Sunday to you when you arise.

Sometimes I think that people dont see me at all, they see Mam or friend or worker, but they dont actually see me perhaps it is my fault, maybe I hide the real me away too well. It would be nice though to be thought of as someone that has feelings and things to do and maybe a little bit of a life beyond what they percieve.

It was my grandaughters Birthday last week, on bank holiday monday, I not only didnt get to give her a card but didnt get to see her, because her mother has some imagined beef with me, until she wants something that is, then it will be different. She is my only Granddaughter all the rest are boys, yet she is as distant as if she didnt exist, and no doubt her mam will have made sure that I am the ogre in all of this. Somehow, I managed to screw this relationship up, the one with my daughter, despite trying I never seem to get it right. And there are only so many times you can tke the blame, only so many times you can go out of your way to try to make things right when you are the innocent one.

And even my son, as lovely as he can be at times, seems to forget that I too have a life, that doesn't include running round after him when he is capable of coming to me instead. As yet again today I was expected to, I get two days a week to do my own thing, yet everyone else seems to want me doing theirs, maybe this week has just taken more out of me than I thought and I am just tired.

Yeah maybe thats it, blowing things out of proportion. Bath time I think.

The sun has burned away the grey mist and it is beautiful out there, and of course that makes me restless, and studying hard, ho hum.

Still it's all for the best isn't it, all the sacrifices I make now will be worth it in the end, right?

Listening to sixties music and foottapping tunes

It has been a strange start to the morning, I awoke from a dream that I cannot remember but can still feel and it is not the best feeling in the world. It is grey and shroudy, a bit like the day outside has started, but, they grey will lift and there will be sunshine, so too the feelings of the dream and the echo it has left will dissipate.

I have planned a weekend of intense study, with breaks of course, so expect to see postings of a silly nature at intervals throughout the day. It stops me dwelling on where I should be this weekend, and keeps me firmly where I am.

After my intense day at work yesterday, where I didnt feel as though I had got anything done even though I did loads, I felt totally drained last night, thank goodness it was my last day and not my first! Though saying that I have the same thing again on Monday, but I only have a four day week next week as I have been granted a long, long weekend with friday and the following Monday off, due to hours owed. All I need now is to win the lottery and I can spend it laying on a beach somewhere

And now to duties neglected through the week and then on to the books, have a great day.

There should be a law passed about working over on a friday, it just should not be allowed, its inhuman, not right. I shall start a petition

It has been an absolutely manic day, and that is all that I am going to say about work apart from, I really enjoyed the five minutes I managed to grab out in the sun this afternoon

The wedding dress has arrived at my house and is now sat awaiting the time to be packed back up and taken to Great Yarmouth for the big day, it is at my house so no little pandies can get hold of it and do any damage.

The shoes are bought and packed and all that remains to be done is for me to decide what I am wearing and packing and so on and so forth, I know what I am wearing for th wdding day, though the shoes will change if I can get the others next month

Its the rest of the eek thats a problem, never mind, it is only a week, if I keep saying that I will convince myself all will be fine.

Download time now, a bit of R&R, and forget everything for two days, well it works in theory

Another Birthday Boy Happy Birthday Adamantixx

Heres your cake

Go here to wish him the best.

http://adamantixx.blog.co.uk

Friday morning, the weekend beckons, and today is going to be manic. One member of staff down already, today there are another two off, which leaves two to cope with the three divisions and one to cope with the other. Well actually it leaves me to sort out all four and the other two to do what they can.

One of the members of staff asked me to have a talk with them yesterday about handling calls from terminally ill clients, apparently she found it hard because she didnt know what to say, it upset her, not because she didnt want to talk to him, but because she felt sad at his situation and worse that she didnt know how to react to the way he talked. So I had to spend half an hour in a room with her going through the basics. She is only young, and I gave her points for wanting to be able to do it, most people just shunt those calls straight to me.

Her words, the way she asked me about it, made me think how many young people are sheltered from the realities of life, she said to me she had never known anyone with a terminal illness, never had to cope with death, other than her pets. She had never heard anyone talk about dying, and she just wanted to cry when he said he was waiting for the nurse to come, and he was tired that day. Bless her she really tried to help him, she went up quite a few notches in my estimation yesterday and our already good working relationship took another turn for the better.

Perhaps we are too soft with the young, wanting to hide away the nasty things in life until we think they are ready to face it. Perhaps the more we go through the more we want to protect our young ones from the same hurts, trials and tribulations. After all that is what we as parents strive for to bring up our children and to try to make sure they have as good a start in life as possible. After all why should they suffer what we have?

It is only when they grow and begin their own Adult life you realise that you cannot protect them from everything, there are many things they have to go through on their own, just as you did, and the only thing you can do is be there to pick up the pieces, as you would have liked there to have been someone there for you.

Lordy what a boring post, time to go shower and dress, have a good day, whatever you are doing.

I hope you have a great day, and recieve everything you wish for and more MWAHxxxxx

To wish our lovely Paddy a Happy birthday go here
http://gaybutnotwelsh.blog.co.uk