Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

I appear to be chasing white rabbits this morning, isn'y it funny how when you plan to have evrything done and then you are going to do a multitude of things that nothing seems to want to go how it should, and then the white rabbits appear.

So the long boring post that I was going to write has to wait because I am not yet dressed and fit for the world and that darn white rabbit has run off with my hairbrush!

Have a great day whatever you are doing

Something strange gooing on at the moment, but I am not going to say anything in case everything all dissapears and I am back to the start.

Anyway, it hasn't taken long for work to go back to normal, desopite the fact that I am not supposed to be doing my old job, I am back to answering all the calls and having them all fielded to me when I dont answer them, and doing the sending out of cheques. So monday was as hectic as it used to be, but at least it passed fast.

And how was your day?

What a beautiful start to the day, the sun announced her arrival with ribbons of pink, orange and Gold, winging out across the horizon and filling the sky as far as one could see, no creeping today, the birds heralded her appearence with a chorus and an aerial display fit for the queen of the day. The few clouds that were around blushed at the morning kiss and retreated before the golden glory of the breaking dawn.

And I had mails from friends, a nice way to start the day, talking to friends, in a manner of speaking.

For a long time much of my childhood has been a dark place, blanked out and stored away. Since writing things down, it has started to come back to me, so far much of the good has come, the things that had an impact on me, things that kept me going and helped me to survive through all the reasons that it became blanked.

Unfortunately, the bad comes with it,there was a lot more of that than good so it is inevitable that it would but, I seem to be coping with it a lot better than was thought I would.

A friend said I seemed to be doing a lot of musing, thinking, etc, though it is something that I do, it seemed there was more of it. I think being by the sea for that week has opened up a whole new line of thought for me. And my son feels the same, it isn't that being on holiday has left us with the blues, we want to be by the sea, he feels it and so do I. We have both been restless since we got back and we talked about it yesterday, actually discussed the merits of opening a bar there like he is in charge of here. I have to finish my studies first, but, that too will open up a whole new world for me.

Anyway, back to the here and now and off to get ready for the days drudgery.

I hope that you have a good day, whatever you are doing.

Take care catch you later.

Didnt he do ace? Paddy completed his blogathon and did it in true Paddy style, something for everyone. I of course loved the one that he did for me, nobody else could have chosen the music he did, methinks he knows me a tad too well

http://bloggingforamy.blog.co.uk

And of course we must not forget the person that started this whole ball rolling amd who risked life amd limb diving from a plane in order to help to raise money. Our one and only Journalist friend Mr Juzzzy. http://juzzzy.blog.co.uk

Edit: And lets not forget the behind scenes techy Mr AJ Spencer http://sportsfan.blog.co.uk who has been a star in helping out with techy stuff and graphics, and also Mr Paul Boyd http://www.pbmusicals.com for his wonderful generous contribution of his songs that you can buy on CD, see blogging for amy above.

The people that did the jump with Juzzzy and all the other people that are at this time selflessly giving their time in aid of this wonderful cause.

Of course this is not the end of it all by any means, donations are still needed, money still has to be raised.I have a couple of ideas simmering that is going to include bloggers so watch this space

Right thats it for now.

Have a good night, sweet dreams.

When I was a little sprog, my brothers and I used to go scrumpying, that is raiding the orchard for apples for those that dont know the term.

The orchard was a big white house stood in its own grounds at the edge of the woods. We had two ways we could approach it from where we lived, as we lived just below the woods and about five minutes from the house, we could either go along the bottom of the woods or along the road.

The house was set back off the road and up a drive that climber, so when you viewed it from the road the house was invisible, there was a huge wall and on the top of that a fence showed the bottom of the garden and orchard, the grounds actually sat above the road level.

Because you couldn't be seen from the road by the house, it also meant you couldn't see them, so if we went that way someone had to sneak up the drive to make sure the coast was clear. Being the smallest, the only girl and the fastest this became my job, I really had little choice in the matter.

I didnt go for the apples, they were bitter and I didnt like the taste of them at all. I never climbed the trees, always picking the windfalls from around the base. This was how I persuaded myself that I wasn't really stealing, that those apples would just have been wasted and gone rotten. The reason that I went, apart from my brothers and their mates being bigger than me that is, was the house.

When I said the house was white I meant that is what colour it was painted, the windows and doors were green, there was a quietness about it that appealed to a little girl that lived in a small house with a big family and could never find peace and quiet. But there was something more, something I couldn't define at that age. A homeliness, as though the house itself was welcoming me when I walked (sneaked) up the drive. The kitchen looked out on to the woods, well the back yard and the wall and then the woods, which is why we went the road way more often than not. There were french windows leading out onto a beautiful lawn which the orchard surrounded.

I loved to stand and just look at the house imagining what it was like inside. I was very good at my little job, always vigilant and making sure the coast was clear, or that they were in the kitchen and couldn't see us, we had to be extra quiet and careful if they were in, though we normally waited til they were out.

One day I was not feeling too good and didn't really want to go with them, but again I had no choice, nowadays it would be classed as bullying and abuse, but then it was the way it was, the twisting of the arm, literally, pulling of the hair, nipping. It was all part of being a girl in amongst boys. My vigilance slipped somewhat that day, or the lady of the house was upstairs and I didn't see, the car wasn't there so we assumed they had both gone out.

She caught us, and marched us into the kitchen. I was so mesmerised by actually being in the house I forgot to be scared about being caught. She told us to sit at the table, the boys had gone very pale they knew what to expect from the parents when they were called, and of course there was the possibility of her calling the police, I was just looking at the huuuggge kitchen, with the table and matching chairs, a beautiful old welsh dresser, though it gleamed with polish.

Next thing there is a steaming dish with apple pie and custard placed in front of each of us. She told us if we didint eat it she would be offended and then she would have to report what we had been doing. She told us that she didnt mind us having the apples, as long as we took the windfalls off the floor. We were damaging the trees with jumping about on the branches. She wanted the boys to gather apples for her, but using the right equipment, ladders and stuff,she also wanted them to tidy the lawn and the yard and keep them tidy. She wanted us to knock on the door when we arrived to let her know we were there. If we agreed to the terms she would agree to make two pies a week for the family and to supply lemonade and milk while we were doing chores for her. Of course we agreed.

There began a lovely two year relationship, I got to be in the house and explore while the boys did their outside stuff, I got to do outside stuff too, but being in that house was the best thing.

I couldn't believe that you could have so much furniture in a room and still be able to walk around it and between it without hitting walls or other people. And the books, so many books, in shelves along a wall in the library. She was an artist, and she illustrated books as a job and painted sketched,drew, anything she felt like at other times. Her husband was some kind of financial whiz, and he adored the air that she breathed. They didnt have children, she couldn't have any, I didnt understand that but I was barely eight and though I had a mature mind way above my age, there were things I knew nothing about.

I was devastated the day that they told me they were selling the house. I didnt have friends as such, not being alloowed to visit people and they not being invited to mine meant relationships with other children besides my siblings were few.

It turned out she was very ill, and though I had noticed the dark circles appear under the eyes and the weight loss, it had never occured to me that she was ill, I knew nothing about the big C then. They were going to live by the seaside, they had been told this was better for her. She was sad to go, she had goten to care about me a great deal, she said, and I had grown close to her too. She was the only person that ever listened to the things I had to say, really listen. She encouraged my love of books and my writing. And I would be lost without this haven to run to.

It only took a couple of months to sell the house to one of the mill owners in the town. Anf then they were off.

I never saw her again and after a few letters never heard from them either. It would never have occured to her husband to let me know when she passed away, after all I was only an eight year old and with the way that he felt about her, he would have had no thoughts for anything else but his own grief. I understand that, even then I understood it.

But my dealings with the white house were not over, and though it would be a few years I would once again spend much time there. But that is another story.

Still going strong, so here is where you should be

http://bloggingforamy.blog.co.uk

This is the blog you need to be reading today, go visit and show your support.

http://bloggingforamy.blog.co.uk

I apologise for not answering any comments yet, I am having trouble with my email and apprently haven't recieved any comments since yesterday morning? I also cannot send any mails though I have tried several times. I have contacted the email supplier and they are looking into it. So I am not ignoring anyone nor have I fallen out with anyone, it just wont let me play!!

Anyone that wants to mail me will have to use my second email which is the same addy as my aim which is on my profile, sorry guys it just seems to be one of those weeks

It has certainly been a week to remember, finding out that my firm doesn't pay sick pay so my wage consists of Standard sick pay only, then the bank decided to charge me three times in one week for being overdrawn. Seems I am going to be having an argument with them today.

Doesn't look like it is going to be a good month

Still we have a nice park down the road, I am sure Molly and I will be very happy there, well I know Molly will

And it is still raining.

But things could be worse, and I will think of a way that they could br worse during the course of the day and get back to you

Anyway it is friday so the weekend beckons, thats got to be a good thing for those of us who dont work it.

Have a great day all of you whatever you are doing.

Sat in the dark with a cup of hot chocolate and the music playing softly in the background, peaceful and relaxing. not made me feel sleepy though.

Did you know that if you stare at something black it eventually fills your whole vision even your peripheral vision, then you blink and your peripheral vision clears, but the longer you look at it the harder it is to clear?

I think it is time for bed.

Have a good night and sweet dreams.

Its friday tomorrow, the end of my first week back. I am really not sure I want to be there anymore, and it isn't just the holiday, it is the changes they have made. And it isn't even that I am against change, change is good, stops you getting stale, but when it also stops me using my talents to their full capacity and leaves me feeling bored and frustrated then it isn't good.

I shall give it a while longer before I make a decision, maybe it will get better but it really isn't looking that way.

Ah well the only way is up, so we will have to see what happens.

Hope everyone had a good day.

The birds this morning are making up for being quiet yesterday morning. There is one sat on the roof across the road and it is singing loud enough for a dozen birds. That one is sure happy to be alive this morning.

Of course the rain had stopped for a little while, though it has started again now and the little bird has headed for cover, wise bird.

It has been a strange night, possibly because it was a strange day yesterday, Not that anything happened, I think thats the point, nothing happened.

It is not just raining it is pouring, looks like I am getting wet again this morning, good job I like rain But even I can get fed up of it.

Sat here last night listening to the rain and thinking of nothing, funny how all kinds of things pop into your head when you are actually thinking of nothing much. Watching my son and his wife last night, getting married seems to have eased their relationship into a new dimension, they are so relaxed and easy with each other, their banter is lighter, they are so obviously happy and content. Thats what a mother likes to see, her children happy.

Right am off to brave the weather and hope that I dont need a boat to get to work.

Have a great day whatever you are doing.

Isn't it strange the things that your mind conjures up in that place called sleep, its not enough that I get very little time in the land of nod, I have to spend it chasing round trying to save the world!! well my part of it anyway.

I wouldn't mind if I had been reading/watchig anything to set it off, but no it came unbidden, as it always does.

The happy couple are still ecstatic, in fact they are happier now than they were before they got married, it is so nice to watch them, I went up after work, invited for coffee and a packet of crisps.

Anyhoo, it has been a funny old day, so am going to go and get something, dont know what just something.

Strange that opening your emails and not seeing one can make you feel a bit um, well just um.

Catch you all later

Half way through the week and the rain is falling again after such a lovely day yesterday. There was no sunrise to talk about just a gradual lightening of the grey. Even the birds didnt want to make a noise this morning.

The thing that I loved the most when I was away, the early morning walks on the beach, no one else around, just me and the beach and the sea. I guess my love of the sea comes from being born in a place overlooking the docks and then spending the first four years of my life as a beach child.

It is one of the places that I go to when I need to relax and clear my head. Like my Garden it is as I want it to be, golden beaches sunshine and peace.

Right now though it is time to don the waterproofs and go to work.

Catch you all later.

The pen is mightier than the sword so they tell me, but I wouldn't want to face a hungry lion with a biro!

Words can hurt, but they cant kill you, unless of course the words said are " Is that mr Smith? I want to take out a contract on ??????"

When I first started writing I wondered how I would create the lines that would fall together to make the stories, but essentially they do it themselves. Sometimes it is as if I dont control the characters they control me, they decide where they are going and what they are doing and saying. Sometimes they get a little wayward and sometimes they take a break, as they have now. There is no point in forcing them to work, they just get stubborn and refuse to do what I want and then the storyline stutters and falters. They will be back when they are ready and not before.

The funny thing is that my words do not flow when I speak half as well as they do when I write, they just dont seem to follow the brain, they just tumble out all higgledy piggledy and upside down and back to front, and though the words are usually the right ones they dont even sound like English

OK thats it for this morning, I am off to create mayhem at the office, have a good day and behave til I get back

Right I know you are all dying to know how my first day back after nearly five weeks went. Well, where do I start?

You remember I told you thay had brought in two full time temps to do my job? Well they did better than that, they took the three divisions that I ran and split them into one division of one and one division of two, they have two full time people running the big one and one full time running the small one, thats three full timers doing what I did

And then came the surprise, the lady that has taken over the running of the full department that includes the divisions that I ran is a lady I worked with when I first joined the company last year. We get on really well, always have done, in fact it was a case I did for her that started the critical illness division. We have worked together on and off for the past year. And we always find time to at least say hello and have a little chat.

She has a unique position in the company, she goes around different departments and pulls them up by the boot straps and breathes new life into them. She streamlines things and gets them working efficently. She had a meeting with me today, she informs me that over the past months she has been watching our department, and that she has decided I am no longer doing the three divisions that I did, because apparently she has seen how I do all my own work and everyone elses, she has seen how all calls are shunted over to me, purely because the others cannot be bothered. She has watched me juggle and try to contend with a work load that it is now taking three people to do and she has decided enough is enough.

She has moved me on to complaints because she knows I can talk to people, she knows that I have a way with people that she says is unique. My work load will be lighter, at any time I can say dont pass me any more I have enough to do. She has me sat with her because she knows she can ask me a question about any division within the department and I can answer it, she knows she can ask me about any creditor and I will know, she knows that she can ask my opinion and get an honest answer.

And besides that we can have a laugh together

These first two days back are to ease me into it gradual, and to be honest I was bored today, am not used to such a light workload, course that wont last

So there you have it. Not very exciting is it?

My post this morning seems to have got people thinking? But that can only be a good thinkg, right?

The things that I said were not aimed at any specific person, they were just thoughts, I am not going to apologise for writing them, as then there would have been no point in it.

I think a great many of the people on blogland are themselves, see they dont need to be anything/one else do they? And I have met some of them, and I can quite honestly say that I would have known who each and every one of them was without having to be introduced simply by reading their blogs and chatting in comments.

As some of you so rightly pointed out, we all have personas we wear for different things, the difference between those and the disguises I refer to are essentially you are still you and I am still me even while wearing them. Look at it in this way, at work you wear the work persona, it is still you but the way in which you act is different because it is work, you dont tell your work mates all about your life, no more than they do.

I have been called the Ice Queen, a cold hearted Bitch, more times than I can remember, yet when I once stated that to my friends they were astonished that anyone would think that of me. And yet I can be, and thats because I hide that part of me from strangers, yet at work it often comes out. I am essentially a warm person, but that often gives people the wrong impression and makes them think that I am a push over. I am very far from a pushover, I was once, but too many people pushed and too many people took advantage.

And if you understood one word of all this, you are a brainiac

And if you actually read this far, well done that makes you as nuts as me

I am not a wise person, such as a Shayman or a philosopher of repute, I am just a person that has seen much, heard more and thinks far too much and too often for their own good.

When I give 'advice' it is based on my own experiences and what I know of people. I know a lot about people, I have studied them for a long time, there are good and bad and then there are those that people think are good and though they are not really bad they have a very selfish agenda. They go around making people think they are good and it is because they want people to notice them, they want to be liked, and they dont realise that just being themselves would get them that, so they wear a persona and no one gets to know the real person underneath. The person they are afraid to show. It's a shame really because the person inside is usually a really nice person.

I used to think that I had to be this other person for people to notice me, then I realised it didnt matter whether they noticed me or not, I was me, despite other people, or maybe because of, who knows? Being me is a lot more fun than being who others want me to be, it means I can honestly say things and know that it is my words and my thoughts and not an echo of someone else. I live in noones shadow, not any more.

I have this habit of believeing that things will come right, in the end, and often get myself into all sorts of bother before they do, thats me, stumble from one mess to another, but it comes good in the end, sometimes.

It is back to work today, that is going to be fun, probably take me all morning just to read my emails

Have a good day whatever you are doing

Catch you later

What is it about family get togethers that seem to bring out the worst in people? It seems you can go to any party of any type and if there is family there it is always griping and moaning and arguing.

The worst types of do for fall outs are weddings and christenings and yet Funerals everyone gets along? Its a bit sad when you have to die to get the family to behave!

Anyways, Happy Birthday to Subs, sorry I haven't wished you it earlier Hun, I feel like I am on a merry go round am so busy.

What a gloriously rainy morning, I had almost forgotten what it was like to see the rain every day.

Anyway where was I, oh yes, Sunday our second full day. I had not slept all night on saturday, with the foot, did far too much trying to walk on it. I had also been up through the night with Kian, the youngest, screaming in his sleep, no one else moved at all. At half five I decided I had had enough of laying there not wanting to disturb anyone and got up and dressed.

I figured the best way to stop being restless was to go for a walk, everyone else was asleep, so I went off down to the beach. The beach was only a few minutes away, to get to it I had to walk along the sea front, awesome, the sea did mexican waves along the wall.

The sun was shining and it was already warm, the beach was deserted, it was so peaceful just sat watching the waves lap on the shore.

I had begun to have major doubts about the holiday on the trip there, with the other Mother, it started when we had made the two stops, but I thought it may improve. Two things happened to make me think it would be ok, we drove under a sign that had a Magpie on it, you all know how I feel about Magpies, and just a little further on there was an Arch above a set of double gates set back off the road with a Unicorn embedded in it. Then of course I did the foot, which was not a good thing, but, it turned out to be not that bad a thing either.

When I got back to the Caravan the Other Mother was up and so were the two little ones,she didnt seem best pleased that she had the task of getting their breakfast, it was becoming apparent that, having been told I was always up early I was expected to see to them first thing in a morning.

What was also becoming apparent was that I was expected to babysit the other Mother too, the kids, that is Mike Caz and Amanda had arranged for us to go to the bingo on Sunday night, when they told me I was not best pleased, as i pointed out I had not travelled all that way to go to bingo, had I wanted to spend my holiday doing that I would have stayed at home!!

I scotched their plans the day after on the Monday, the foot was aching and still very swollen, to get in to the shoes for the wedding it had to go down a lot, and I didnt think my dress would look right with trainers So I told them I was not going into Yarmouth with them, I was staying where I was. I had a lovely day relaxing and resting the foot.

Tuesday I gave in and went into Yarmouth, to do some gift shopping, tuesday night a friend visited and we went off out for a drink, I swear he saved my sanity and thank you for the pressies

Wednesday was the wedding, they got married at Half two, things went ok, it wasn't a big do, but there was a bit of an atmosphere, Caz's father had been invited, with his new partner, for four days all her mother had done was slag them off and gone on about if they say this and if they say that. On Tuesday I had let her know in no uncertain terms that if anyone spoilt their wedding I would throw them out, no matter who they were. He was a perfect gentleman, didnt say one thing wrong was nice and polite, even his partner tried to get on with her. She couldn't do anything but be polite back, until we arrived back at the clubhouse and then she decided she had a migraine, and took herself off in a huff.

Eventually I took the two little ones and told Mike and Caz to go off and have a good time for the rest of the evening. I took them home fed them and put them to bed. I didnt mind this was Mike and Caz's day and they should be allowed to enjoy it.

I would have mine the following day.

On Friday it was Lucas's Birthday, that is Mikes son, but we would be travelling all day so they had decided to take the two boys toi a theme park on the Thursday, I had decided at the beginning of the week that they should be allowed to go off on their own and do this, as a family unit. But that wasn't to be, the others were going too, they wanted to shop in Yarmouth after the Theme park. I swear if I had to spend another day in the comapny of that woman I would have been doing time. I declined to go, my son started with the buts, so I just politely pointed out that he had said this was my holiday too and I could do what I wanted not have to follow them all the time.

I spent the day lazing on the beach, playing in the sea, getting sunburned. It was a lovely peaceful relaxing day.

And thats it, edited of course because if I told you it all it would be six blogs long

Right I have a Christening today, wonder if I can get them shoes on??

This time yesterday I was getting ready to come home, and not a minute too soon. Dont get me wrong, I enjoyed my week, I loved watching my son get married, he was so nervous, poor lad, at one point as I was helping him get his cufflinks on he said "What am I doing Mam?" But his face when he saw her in her dress when we arrived in Great Yarmouth for the wedding said it all.

We stayed on a caravan site in a little village near Lowestoft, we were ten minutes from Great Yarmouth, but I have to be honest with beach access less than two minutes away and a club on site there wasn't much need to go into Yarmouth, though of course we did, several times.

As I said last night I hurt my foot on the friday night, on the Saturday we were spending the day in Great Yarmouth, not wanting to spoil it for anyone else and having already found out what I was up against with the in laws, or should I say the in-law, namely my lovely daughter in laws mother.

I foolishley kept my mouth shut and went along, I couldn't get any shoes on, not even my sandals that I had taken for the trips to Yarmouth, so I wore a pair of scholl like things with just the strap across. Of course they offered no support at all and trying to walk in them was not fun. I did ok, all along the beach front, amusement arcades, then they wanted to go down to the sea, not good

They were down at the sea edge and paddling before I got half way down, but I did it, and paddled, which to be honest was a good thing, the sea was freezing, but it numbed my foot enough for me to hobble back up the beach

After the arcades son decided it was time to go, we stopped at a supermarket to stock up on food and I went and bought some trainers, the foot needed support so I could at least walk, my son was the only one who had noticed how much trouble I was having and when we got back to the caravan stated catagorically that I was not doing the cooking or anything else I had to rest the foot.

We went down to the site club later that night, it wasn't too bad, took it nice and steady, won thirty pounds on one of the machine the night before when we went, which made things a bit better

Thats it for now, though it may seem that things were not that good, I had enjoyed the day out, despite the foot, and the kids had loved it.

More later, got to go do some stuff, have a good day.

And things that can go wrong part two.

Well I am back, in one piece well almost.

Did Ya miss me???

Anyway, I am not going to tell all right now am a bit tired, was a long journey home.

Things that can go wrong part two, on the day we arrived my son his girlfriend and I escaped for ten minute to go look at the sea, only then she decided she wanted to go down on the beach, in the pitch black, on terrain we dont know! Follow me she says so I did, straight off the edge of the path. I fely my foot wrench, but carried on anyway by morning I could hardly walk on it, but, not wanting to spoil things for the others I went into town with them, and walked, or rather hobbled round all day. By evening it was so swollen we had to go buy me some trainers as I couldn't get any shoes on.

Luckily it was just twisted and bruised and by resting it more on Sunday and all day monday I managed to get the swelling down enough to wear *the shoes on wed*

The rest of the tale you will have to wait until tomorrow for, sorry, but in case you didnt see it on Paddys blog here are the bride and groom

My son Mike and his lovely wife Caz

Its good to be back

Part one
How about going to sleep when you should be on your way to getting your son up?

Please no friday the 13th foretells, it was my own fault for going to sleep after not sleeping for two nights. My fault for putting my head down when I should have been sorting things out. And typical of the things that I do.

I got here on time, and son is on his way to pick the car up, the two little ones are all excited and running around like headless chickens all hyped up and full of it.

So people, this may well be my last blog for a week, unless I can find an internet cafe somewhere *chuckles*(LokimoteTM) finding it wont be top of my list though.

I cannot describe the sunrise as I was so busy running around doing the last things for everyone and then dozing off, but as it is raining it would have been hidden anyway.

Have a great weekend and dont do anything I wouldn't, and I will be back, without the ousi though

Have you ever wondered where the creatures go when programs get finished, you know like the Fraggles ?

Maybe they have a special retirement village where they all laze about on sunloungers and argue about whose show was the most popular?

Isn't it amazing the things that pop into your head?

Sat here earlier, taking a break from the re-packing, dont ask! And everything else that I had been doing. The window that runs the length of the wall is to my left and the other window is to my front right. The sky was that beautiful summer blue that you only see at this time of the year, the clouds what few there were, white and fluffy.

I had the window on the left open, a soft breeze sighing through it and gently playing with my hair, I could hear the children outside laughing as they played, with the occasional tears thrown in. So peaceful, beautiful scenery, even the storm clouds bruising the horizon couldn't spoil the mood.

It is going to be a very long night, I know I wont sleep, I am nowhere near tired and I have to be up at five, same as normal really.

Dont you just love it when right at the last minute ( well almost, as good as the last anyway) someone throws a spanner in the works and everyone starts to panic.

Our spanner came in the shape of transport, without wich we are of course going nowhere, its heck of a walk *chuckles* sorry that was the vision of us all trotting down the motorway with our bags

Anyway, to resume, My son being the organised little soul he is, had booked a 7 seater with lots of baggage room, there being seven of us going, well if you include the Tornado and the Destructor, and as he refuses to strap them to the roof I guess we have to

At lunchtime the guy from the rental place rings him in a panic, they guy who had the 7 seater who was supposed to bring it back today has decided to keep it for three more days. They dont have another, he has been to all the shops he has rung round, he offers us a 7 seater with no baggage room, erm, ok, so what exactly do we do with those then?

Not being the panicky type I calmly asked my son how he was going to achieve the unachievable? Well you could take less shoes he says*Gasp* thats like saying go around naked!!

Then we discussed wearing the whole weeks clothes so we wouldn't need cases, he just looked at me like I had gone crazy when I burst out laughing, not just an oh right yeah laugh, a real burst out laughing, he says "it wasn't that funny mam"
"No" says I "But imagining you driving down the M1 in her wedding dress was" That then sat the girlfriend off and then him, lordy, a good laugh always makes things seem better.

We worked out how we could manage it all, and then just after four the guy rings and tells him he has him a bigger one, car that is, sheesh you lot!!!

So all is calm again, well my household is

And your day was?

I know I know I am late, but only with the morning post!!

Music is going, cleaning is started, am taking a break. I swear I am still going to be doing all this at midnight

Am listening to a song that contains words that I love 'If it's wrong to tell the truth, what am I supposed to do,if all I want to do is speak my mind' Sometimes I feel like that, I speak my mind and fall out with people, is it right to not speak just to keep the peace? I wont lie, so it would mean not saying anything, not always easy.

It is raining here again, there is a mist hanging over the valley and everything is grey. Most appropriate for the song that is on now 'I cant stop the river from running, I cant stop the rain from falling down on me' Seems it is going to be a music day today.

Right back to it, catch you later, have a good day.

I cant sleep, no surprise there then!

Shall I have a hot chocolate or just find a book to read? Or both?

Thats what I shall do, a nice hot chocolate, a good book and some soothing Sax.

Of course going to bed might help

OK, I have finally packed the case with more than just shoes and lingerie. Just towels to go in now and am done. Phew!!

Just some last touches now to the house, and then I think I am done, but not tonight, am too kn...tired

So I will wish you all a good night and sweet dreams xx

You know how you have it all planned? finish the ironing, finish the packing, sort things out that have to be sorted. My Daughter, the dykey one, is having Molly, she is staying here for the week. Meet me at lunch, she says so I can buy toiletries, I have a whole shelf full, and more, but no she has to have her own.

And then it starts, the son, mam the Sat Nav isn't working will you take it back?
Mam the shirt I just bought needs cufflinks will you get me some?
Mam the kids need, mam I need, mam,.

I am changing my name!!

Four hours in town to do everything they needed, and I still haven't finished all mine

Ah well I have all night and all day tomorrow, well not all day, as I have to go back in town

Right how has your day been?

In 48 hours I will be on my way to Great Yarmouth, am I packed
Have I done everything that I need to do

I can see that I am going to be very busy

And on the weather front today people we have, grey skies outside, warm and sunny inside

I missed the sunrise on account of doing that thing that I rarely do called sleep, that is I went to sleep about half three and got up at seven

But I am remarkably refreshed and full of it today so watch out.

Hope you all have a good day, mine is going to be fun

To believe that you are a loser and a failure is to make yourself one, I know we all say it at times, a crisis of self beleif. Some of us are lucky enough to have friends to support us when we go through these. You are only a failure if you dont even try.

I may not have the mental ability of Einstein, the artistic prowess of Michael Angelo, the mastery of music of Mozart. I may not be able to write edge of the seat gripping story lines such as Stephen King or Dean Koontz, make you weep like Dave Peltzer. What I can do is weave a web of magic and take you to places where you can dream or laugh or cry, or be at peace.

I can lead you by the hand on a path through the forest to the side of the river, there before you is a waterfall, the water is not cold, it is warm the sun is shining. Keep hold of my hand as we take the path up over the bank and the rocks that lead behind the waterfall. There behind the curtain of water you can watch the birds swoop and dive as they try to catch the fish rippling the surface of the river. Flowers float towards us languid, turning slowly as they come.

Out from under the waterfall, down the other side, to the tiny beach in this hidden lagoon of peace, where we can sit and talk about this and that, or just relax and watch the water and listen to its soothing murmour.

This is one of my many special places where I escape to when life becomes a pain, too fast, when I need peace, I often take a friend there, maybe you could too.

We all need a haven, they are easy to find, just relax and take the journey, once you have found it, you can make it your own, add your own scenery, people, wildlife, or just be alone in your own special little oasis.

Hope you all had a good day.

Each morning through the week, even while I have been off work, I walk to my sons and wake them up. I do this when I am working, go there wake them up and then go to work. There have only been a couple of days since I have been of unsound stability that I have missed doing this.

Last night I said to her, do you want me to waken you up in the morning, yes she said, it is only four days at school but he is going. So off I toddles this morning, all the way to the house and lo and behold, they left the bloomin key in the door and I cant get in!!!

No point in knocking, the dead would waken first

So a wasted journey, now I am off to sort out my blogs, get rid of some and maybe just maybe come up with something new

The Dawn crept in on Golden slippers with ribbons of pink, she chased the clouds and kissed them making them blush. The swallows danced and the starlings sang, the finches twittered and the Magpies chattered. A fresh breeze stirred the leaves in the trees and the dew fell from the grass in tiny little droplets. The smell was of earth and flowers and freshness.

A beautiful start to the day, there is nothing nicer than a beautiful sunrise to prepare you for the day ahead.

I shall toddle off now and do something or other to keep the brain active and alive.

Hope you all have a good day.

I went to the doctors today to be signed off the sick, he signed me off, on the 23rd July !!!!

I thought this month was a tough one, next month is going to be even worse, four weeks of standard sick pay, not good, not good at all

But I have been in worse situations and survived, I will survive this one.

Apart from that it has been a beautiful day, a wander in to town to get some last bits for the children for the holiday, Daughter in law to be came to the docs with me too. Somehow dont think they trust me to do things alone.

Hope everyone had a good day

Sometimes when I look out of my window and watch the birds sailing high above the trees I wish that was me, free and able to go where I choose. But even birds are not that free, they live by their instincts and they have their own codes of conduct.

I am back at work tomorrow, I hope, then after three days am off on my holidays. It has come around so quick!

Not got a lot to say this morning, my brain doesn't want to play.

Have a good day everyone, whatever you are doing.

Sometimes I feel that I am sat pn the edge, on the brink of discovering something, I dont know what it is, as I haven't yet discovered it. It's a bit like when you have that dream, you know the one you are really enjoying and just as the really good bit comes you wake up and no matter how you try you cannot go back to that place that you were.

Somewhere, on another plain, I have already discovered it, somewhere on yet another plain I died in 1983, and then on another one I am doing something different again. all the lives being lived simultaenously, yet all different.

If the past shapes us to who we are in the present, it often makes me wonder why we become what we are and not what others are, how many women could have become like Eileen Wourmous for instance, yet they didn't they went on to live full lives and have happy and secure children. It is something that is built in each of us, a safety vealve if you like that prevents us from becoming vengence machines. course if we all became serial killers there wouldn't be many people left in the world would there?

I read a very powerful book about a young man that grew up in a well off household and then went on at fifteen to kill his classmates that had upset him in some way. Though the book was fictional, it carried a powerful message about how easy it is for this to happen. As we have witnessed too many times. The first time that it hit home was Coloumbine and the killing there of schoolchildren by schoolchildren, and we ask how did this happen, what made it happen. And so many times since, it goes on, children hurting other children, as though we have suddenly become savages again fighting over a piece of land.

Who teaches our children that it is alright to hurt others, that the way to solve our problems is to remove them, in any way we can? Is it the parents or society itself that is at fault?

We live in a strange world, and yet one with so many more opportunities than there were years ago, especially for women, there is so much out there to see, to find, and I shall be off looking for it, when him up there finally smiles on me

Right off to do some more of that study thing.

The sun is shining and the sky is blue, and has been for most of the day. Though there have been grey clouds they have not actually sent any rain.

Maybe this is a good sign for next week?

Dont get carried away though this could be it for the summer

Sat here looking out at the fields and the trees, I am so going to miss them when I move, though there will be a garden and there is a park across the road, it isn't going to be the same as being able to see all that when I look out of my window. Still there will be compensations I am sure.

Right back to studying, and food might be a good idea

The dawn crept in behind the grey clouds, her coming heralded by the birds announcing her entrance and the gradual lightening of the sky. But Sshhhh, she is shining through a gap in the grey and the sky around her is blue.

This time next week I will be at the seaside, the thing I am looking forward to most is seeing the sea. I love the sea, perhaps because I was born in a hospital overlooking the docks and then spent nearly four years almost living on a beach. The smell of the ocean was everywhere and it lulled you to sleep at night.

Though I remember little of my childhood, I remember the smells and sometimes walking through town when the oriental shop is open I get a whiff of spices and it conjures up visions of streets long forgotten, a beach and a forest.

And of course there is the wedding though I dont know if I am looking forward to that after yesterdays fiasco. I am just about to go and pack my case, make sure everything is done, I dont like leaving things until the last minute, and you can guarantee that I will forget something, in which case I have a week to remember it

Have a lovely saturday, I will be back later, when I can think of something scintillating to say

There is nothing more demoralising than buying a new dress and then finding that A) It doesn't fit properly and It looks goddamn awful on

The first one was sorted, my lovely soon to be daughter in law insisted I try on the new Jeans to prove that I hadn't put weight on and that it was the style of the dress, seems I am a little bigger on the top than I thought

The second one, well luckily I was told it didnt go with the shoes, you remember the shoes? And even more luckily I have a dress I bought ages ago before Christmas, one that just jumped out and said buy me, and that looks great with the shoes, and I have never worn it so thats sorted then.

So crisis averted, for now

And I have had a couple of friends keeping me laughing today, so thanks, you know who you are

Right teatime, though I better be careful dont want to not be able to get into anything else

It is as usual raining this morning, but despite the fact that I couldn't see the beautiful sunrise, not even pink tinges on clouds this morning, I knew it was there, somewhere behind the black clouds waiting to be discovered.

I stayed up late last night or should I say this morning, finally settling down for a couple of hours at five this morning, hence the late morning post I didnt get up until half seven.

Anyway a day of cleaning and studying is planned, not that my plans ever go as they should.

I will be back in a short while to dazzle you with my elequence

Have you seen the time? I should be in bed right now, sleeping, well ok, just in bed, reading or sommat, like normal.

Instead here I am sat at the computer, why, well seems a friend of mine is hurting and in bother again, but they are simply too stubborn to mail me and talk about it, again, and no they haven't told me that they are feeling that way, I just know as I always do when they are down.

Do you know what its like when you have so much stuff going on in your head that trying to keep up with it all is driving you nuts. I dont mean day to day living stuff, I mean these plots and outlines for stories, books if they ever get that far.

They haunt me, and here I have two stories on the go already and cannot get to them because this other thing has taken over, it just writes itself, just pours out of me, and then it isnt right so I have to delete and start again. But it is looking fairly good, I wonder where it will go this one? I never know you see, how they will turn out, it is as much a journey of discovery for me as for those that read them. Only no one has read this one, well only one person, who I trust implicitly.

Right now what else can I do while I am waiting?

I went for a wnder in the town, and guess what? Yup it was raining, still is, never mind I needed the fresh air.

We went to buy the suits for the boys for the wedding, they are four and six and they are going to look absolutely gorgeous in a dark three peice suit, I cant wait to see them in them

So the only one left to outfit is the groom, which is soddin typical of my son

Right time for tea hope you all had a good day

It has been an ok day so far, I think I may have got the man above to finally notice me Well just a little glance, but it helps

Anyway the sky has clouded over as it normally does at this time, but I can still see the blue on the fringes, somewhere the sun is shining,and thats good enough for me right now

In other news there has been another child gone missing abroad, though not sure as to the specifics of the case as of yet.

Right off to do some more

Life has a strange way of waking you up when you begin to doze off, that is the term I use for when you start to get in a rut, just going from day to day not making much effort, just being there and doing what you do each and every day. Then it sends something along and says whoa come on, get on with it, stop dilly dallying, thare are things to be done! It makes you get out of the rut and live, at least for a little while.

Anyway, the day is beautiful, the sun is shining, the sky is blue and the clouds are white and fluffy, the fields that I see from my window, going up and over the hill are many different shades of green, shining in the sunlight. As I look out at the woods I see birds sailing slowly in circles above them, though the distance is too great for me to see what they are I suspect they are swallows doing their morning dance.

My assignment question is about the argument that the environment is responsible for early language development in Children, we have a lot of parents out there, what do you think?

Also as a point of interest, it would be helpful for my study to know when your child/ren started to speak and what their first words were.

It was a friend of mine on this very blog site that said why dont you ask people about their own experiences with children? And he was of course right where better?

For those that dont have children I have a very interesting question for you, I want you to think back when you were younger and your first experience with things that float, corks or duckies in the bath. Why did you think things floated? And what were your first experiences of this, did you do experiments at school?

Of course this could just be too boring for you all, and thats fine too, its just an idea of mine

OK, time to get down to some work, catch you all later have a great and sunshiny day, whatever you are doing MWAH XXXXXXXXX

On one side through one set of windows the sun is shining and the sky is blue, on the other side through the other window the sky is black and grey and ominous. A bit like my life at the moment, one part is sunny and bright, but on the fringes hovering are the dark clouds and the blackness.

At times like this I look for the good things, and they are there, all around, turn my face towards the sun and turn my back on the black clouds. Not always easy, I mess up, I mess up a lot, sometimes too much. I get myself into situations and have to fight then to get out of them. I dont blame others it is my own fault, part of who I am, just sometimes I tend to rely on luck I dont have, that I never seem to have, well apart from bad. Thats life I guess, and we have to take the good with the bad.

And now the sun is shining on both sides, that has to be an omen dont you think?

Have a good evening my friends.

Happy Fourth of July to all our American friends out there. It is still grey here but that is only outside, inside the sun is shining.

There are very few people that see the real me, I can count on one hand the people that I am aware of that can see what I am about and who I am. That does not mean that I value the others any less, I dont, I value all my friends, each one has their own unique place in the world and in my life, each one gives to me something I could not find from another. A thousand tiny pieces in a jigsaw and they help to place them.

Each and every one of us is unique,we are all different yet we can embrace the difference of others and help them on their way to completing their own little jigsaw.

What was that speech in Independance Day? Ah yes "We will not go quietly into the night" thats my favourite bit of that film,though my voice may not be heard above the voices of others, I will be the one that has helped them to say what they have to say. Much like writing that speech, only it will be in giving them the courage and the ability to speak it.

Grand dreams and schemes are these not what keeps us going? What makes us reach for that next step?

We fight for what we believe in, people are what I believe in,sometimes people lose their way, I have lost mine often enough. And I will hopefully be the one that will help them to find it again. God willing, and hard work of course.

Right off to do whatever I cn find to do, have a great Independance day my American friends, and have a great day to all my other friends.

Of late my posts have had a somewhat down air about them, I have been battling with inner demons, and though the fight is not yet won, I think I may be getting there. I am not going to go into what or why.

Anyhoo, I am feeling better than I have in weeks, the dizziness has abated somewhat, though I find long stretches in front of the computer dont help so have been keeping it short and hopefully from now on sweet. Mostly it is when I get up from a chair or the bed, but I am learning to take things slower, and its killing me

It has been another grey day here, though not without its finer moments, right now the rain has stopped and from my window up here in my lofty perch I can see blue sky in amongst the clouds.

I have learnt to kill two birds with one stone and while I am waiting for things to download I am studying from the books, it also means I am not looking at the screen all the time and that I can adopt a more comfortable position. Behave Nick!!

And now is time for tea, or something

The sun struggled through the grey clouds and turned them pink while doing so, the tops of the roofs are glistening as she valiently try's to shine and cheer everyone up. The sky is a strange mixture of greys and white and blue all layered like a mess of cotton wool.

Do you remember when you made clouds from cotton wool? Sticking them to paper, I used to get in trouble because I would layer my clouds, the others made fluffy little clouds dotted here and there and I would layer mine above the hills and out thinning as they went to show blue sky. I got in to trouble because when asked why I had done it I had said that is what clouds are really like, not fluffy little balls! Some people just dont like originality

I think that was one of the problems with my work, it was too deep and dark for the people that read it, which is probably why they said it was rubbish, not because it was but because they didn't get it, they didnt see what was held in the words. Besides I was a female fit only for cleaning cooking and obeying men, soon put them right on that score

I wasn't a rebel, not by a long way, not when I was at home, and not for quite a while after. When you are faced with your own mortality twice in twelve months it makes you stop and think about what you really want out of life, what you want in your life and what you dont. Within the next eighteen months I was divorced and building a new life for the only ones I cared enough about to put what I wanted on hold for a while.

I still want those things, and I will get them one day, this is what I am working towards, this is what matters now to me. Though the children still take priority when it is needed.

And now the sun is out despite the rain that is falling and I am going for a wander.

Catch you later, have a good day.

I have had a lazy day, blogging and then lunch in town with the soon to be daughter in law, who has just tickled me because she actually told my son where to go when he started telling her he wanted this and that doing You have to know that this is the first time, and hopefully not the last, rebellion in the ranks M'lud

Then we came home and watched a movie, you know one of those tear jerker trpes that are on in the afternoon, I found it boring, but she is a softie and lapped it up. I am feeling stuffed still from lunch and quite relaxed, and boy does that sofa look inviting, hmmm, catch you later guys

What sort of fictional character would you like to play in a film?
Tell us, give an example and explain why and tag five other bloggers to do the same.

Hmmmm, thats a hard one, I used to want to be the one that got the rich guy at the end, but now I think I would like to be the one that catches the bad guy. Through my fantastic deductive skills, and the help of my trusty comrades, yep, a female Cracker but not quite as big So watch out Nick!!

I tag um,

Pads, Henriettahenpot, Magical, Menomama, Abilene

Would you believe me if I said it was raining? Well it is, what a surprise

Eleven days to go until my holiday, I have told the sun that she has to get her hat on for that week.

As you can see I am feeling much better, apart from when I stand up once I have the getting up sorted I will be fine, holding on helps, as Nick knows, and taking a little more time than normal. Behave Nick!!

Right off to do something or other
Catch yous later.

The grey sky masked the sunrise to a great extent, but the sun doesn't like being outdone and so it painted the edges of the clouds in several shades of pink, just so we would know that she is still queen of the sky.

I love my study on days like this, with a window the length of the wall and a long window on another wall it gives so much light that no matter how grey the sky, the room is light and bright.

The new house wont have that, but, it has a garden, and that will make up for what I lose here.Especially as we are supposed to be moving in in the next six weeks or so, that is if the papers get signed. Everything our side is in place, it is just the other side thats holding things up.

I know that things are going to be tough for a while, as we all adjust to the new arrangements, but, I think that it is going to be the right thing to do, it is going to help me do some things that I otherwise couldn't do.

When we are young we imagine we will set the world on fire when we grow older, though we dont imagine the time scale, I chose to do other things before having my turn at setting the world on fire, I dont regret them. I think it gives me more appreciation of what I will eventually achieve and of the battle it took to get there. Too many people achieve it and then lose it because they dont appreciate what they have.

When I look out my window I often look past the rolling hills and fields to a place far away, that one day I will visit, and maybe stay awhile. Who knows what the future will bring, all I know is that it will be bright despite the grey skies

Well I watched a little bit of the concert in memory of Princess Diana. I loved watching the Old Nick lookky likey/wannabe

Th rain stopped for a while and the sun came out, it shone through the study window and lit the whole room up. And despite the incessant rain it has been very warm. The rain is back again now, I am so glad I live on a hill, watching those people that live in the bottom of valleys and on flatland and the way that they have been flooded out.

And now it is time to take the Molly for her evening walk, if I can get her out of the door that is

Have a good evening whats left of it, and sweet dreams for later

The sky is bruised and dark, for three hours the storm has been rumbling round, thats the problem with living in a valley it rolls and rolls untill it blows itself out.

The rain comes down in sheets and torrents then eases to fine light stuff untill the storm wends its way back. Yet, just for a little while as I gazed out of the window the cloud broke and there was blue sky, just a little bit, but it seemed as though it came in answer to a question that I had just asked.

Not that asking makes any difference it seems, as right now if it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have any. Still things can only get better, isnt that what they say.

Right lightning started again so have to shut down for a while.

Catch you later and hope you have had a good day.

The morning is still damp, though the actual rain has stopped for now, isn't it boring, writing about the incessant rain all the time, still if it was sunny we would be writing about the incessant sunshine, and probably moaning that it is too hot!

I dont know about setting the world on fire this morning the most I could manage is a fizzle I went to bed with a crashing headache and have got up with it, thats what I get for eating chocolates, so two pills and on with the house work. I have a lot of sorting to do if we are going to do this move. So much to sort out and a lot to think about.

Seems all I ever do is move around, maybe when I finally find the right place I will be able to finally settle

Right on with the day, hope you all have a good one