Dont you just love that feeling of being right, of being proved right beyond the shadow of a doubt

Oh I know that I shouldn't gloat, but I am only Human and even I have a wicked bit, what am I saying I have a wicked lot Tis why the wings are black

It seems that the extra people doing my job, well, they aren't, and things are so far behind that there is to be a meeting of top brass, and the person put in charge of 'my job' is to be moved, the person they placed to do the critical illness cant cope and has rung in sick today.

And apparently I work too fast, having completed al the work and gone back for more twice, I was informed this.

And the mysterious things keep happening, seems someone is smiling on me

I appear to be chasing white rabbits this morning, isn'y it funny how when you plan to have evrything done and then you are going to do a multitude of things that nothing seems to want to go how it should, and then the white rabbits appear.

So the long boring post that I was going to write has to wait because I am not yet dressed and fit for the world and that darn white rabbit has run off with my hairbrush!

Have a great day whatever you are doing

Something strange gooing on at the moment, but I am not going to say anything in case everything all dissapears and I am back to the start.

Anyway, it hasn't taken long for work to go back to normal, desopite the fact that I am not supposed to be doing my old job, I am back to answering all the calls and having them all fielded to me when I dont answer them, and doing the sending out of cheques. So monday was as hectic as it used to be, but at least it passed fast.

And how was your day?

What a beautiful start to the day, the sun announced her arrival with ribbons of pink, orange and Gold, winging out across the horizon and filling the sky as far as one could see, no creeping today, the birds heralded her appearence with a chorus and an aerial display fit for the queen of the day. The few clouds that were around blushed at the morning kiss and retreated before the golden glory of the breaking dawn.

And I had mails from friends, a nice way to start the day, talking to friends, in a manner of speaking.

For a long time much of my childhood has been a dark place, blanked out and stored away. Since writing things down, it has started to come back to me, so far much of the good has come, the things that had an impact on me, things that kept me going and helped me to survive through all the reasons that it became blanked.

Unfortunately, the bad comes with it,there was a lot more of that than good so it is inevitable that it would but, I seem to be coping with it a lot better than was thought I would.

A friend said I seemed to be doing a lot of musing, thinking, etc, though it is something that I do, it seemed there was more of it. I think being by the sea for that week has opened up a whole new line of thought for me. And my son feels the same, it isn't that being on holiday has left us with the blues, we want to be by the sea, he feels it and so do I. We have both been restless since we got back and we talked about it yesterday, actually discussed the merits of opening a bar there like he is in charge of here. I have to finish my studies first, but, that too will open up a whole new world for me.

Anyway, back to the here and now and off to get ready for the days drudgery.

I hope that you have a good day, whatever you are doing.

Take care catch you later.

Didnt he do ace? Paddy completed his blogathon and did it in true Paddy style, something for everyone. I of course loved the one that he did for me, nobody else could have chosen the music he did, methinks he knows me a tad too well

http://bloggingforamy.blog.co.uk

And of course we must not forget the person that started this whole ball rolling amd who risked life amd limb diving from a plane in order to help to raise money. Our one and only Journalist friend Mr Juzzzy. http://juzzzy.blog.co.uk

Edit: And lets not forget the behind scenes techy Mr AJ Spencer http://sportsfan.blog.co.uk who has been a star in helping out with techy stuff and graphics, and also Mr Paul Boyd http://www.pbmusicals.com for his wonderful generous contribution of his songs that you can buy on CD, see blogging for amy above.

The people that did the jump with Juzzzy and all the other people that are at this time selflessly giving their time in aid of this wonderful cause.

Of course this is not the end of it all by any means, donations are still needed, money still has to be raised.I have a couple of ideas simmering that is going to include bloggers so watch this space

Right thats it for now.

Have a good night, sweet dreams.

When I was a little sprog, my brothers and I used to go scrumpying, that is raiding the orchard for apples for those that dont know the term.

The orchard was a big white house stood in its own grounds at the edge of the woods. We had two ways we could approach it from where we lived, as we lived just below the woods and about five minutes from the house, we could either go along the bottom of the woods or along the road.

The house was set back off the road and up a drive that climber, so when you viewed it from the road the house was invisible, there was a huge wall and on the top of that a fence showed the bottom of the garden and orchard, the grounds actually sat above the road level.

Because you couldn't be seen from the road by the house, it also meant you couldn't see them, so if we went that way someone had to sneak up the drive to make sure the coast was clear. Being the smallest, the only girl and the fastest this became my job, I really had little choice in the matter.

I didnt go for the apples, they were bitter and I didnt like the taste of them at all. I never climbed the trees, always picking the windfalls from around the base. This was how I persuaded myself that I wasn't really stealing, that those apples would just have been wasted and gone rotten. The reason that I went, apart from my brothers and their mates being bigger than me that is, was the house.

When I said the house was white I meant that is what colour it was painted, the windows and doors were green, there was a quietness about it that appealed to a little girl that lived in a small house with a big family and could never find peace and quiet. But there was something more, something I couldn't define at that age. A homeliness, as though the house itself was welcoming me when I walked (sneaked) up the drive. The kitchen looked out on to the woods, well the back yard and the wall and then the woods, which is why we went the road way more often than not. There were french windows leading out onto a beautiful lawn which the orchard surrounded.

I loved to stand and just look at the house imagining what it was like inside. I was very good at my little job, always vigilant and making sure the coast was clear, or that they were in the kitchen and couldn't see us, we had to be extra quiet and careful if they were in, though we normally waited til they were out.

One day I was not feeling too good and didn't really want to go with them, but again I had no choice, nowadays it would be classed as bullying and abuse, but then it was the way it was, the twisting of the arm, literally, pulling of the hair, nipping. It was all part of being a girl in amongst boys. My vigilance slipped somewhat that day, or the lady of the house was upstairs and I didn't see, the car wasn't there so we assumed they had both gone out.

She caught us, and marched us into the kitchen. I was so mesmerised by actually being in the house I forgot to be scared about being caught. She told us to sit at the table, the boys had gone very pale they knew what to expect from the parents when they were called, and of course there was the possibility of her calling the police, I was just looking at the huuuggge kitchen, with the table and matching chairs, a beautiful old welsh dresser, though it gleamed with polish.

Next thing there is a steaming dish with apple pie and custard placed in front of each of us. She told us if we didint eat it she would be offended and then she would have to report what we had been doing. She told us that she didnt mind us having the apples, as long as we took the windfalls off the floor. We were damaging the trees with jumping about on the branches. She wanted the boys to gather apples for her, but using the right equipment, ladders and stuff,she also wanted them to tidy the lawn and the yard and keep them tidy. She wanted us to knock on the door when we arrived to let her know we were there. If we agreed to the terms she would agree to make two pies a week for the family and to supply lemonade and milk while we were doing chores for her. Of course we agreed.

There began a lovely two year relationship, I got to be in the house and explore while the boys did their outside stuff, I got to do outside stuff too, but being in that house was the best thing.

I couldn't believe that you could have so much furniture in a room and still be able to walk around it and between it without hitting walls or other people. And the books, so many books, in shelves along a wall in the library. She was an artist, and she illustrated books as a job and painted sketched,drew, anything she felt like at other times. Her husband was some kind of financial whiz, and he adored the air that she breathed. They didnt have children, she couldn't have any, I didnt understand that but I was barely eight and though I had a mature mind way above my age, there were things I knew nothing about.

I was devastated the day that they told me they were selling the house. I didnt have friends as such, not being alloowed to visit people and they not being invited to mine meant relationships with other children besides my siblings were few.

It turned out she was very ill, and though I had noticed the dark circles appear under the eyes and the weight loss, it had never occured to me that she was ill, I knew nothing about the big C then. They were going to live by the seaside, they had been told this was better for her. She was sad to go, she had goten to care about me a great deal, she said, and I had grown close to her too. She was the only person that ever listened to the things I had to say, really listen. She encouraged my love of books and my writing. And I would be lost without this haven to run to.

It only took a couple of months to sell the house to one of the mill owners in the town. Anf then they were off.

I never saw her again and after a few letters never heard from them either. It would never have occured to her husband to let me know when she passed away, after all I was only an eight year old and with the way that he felt about her, he would have had no thoughts for anything else but his own grief. I understand that, even then I understood it.

But my dealings with the white house were not over, and though it would be a few years I would once again spend much time there. But that is another story.

Still going strong, so here is where you should be

http://bloggingforamy.blog.co.uk

This is the blog you need to be reading today, go visit and show your support.

http://bloggingforamy.blog.co.uk

I apologise for not answering any comments yet, I am having trouble with my email and apprently haven't recieved any comments since yesterday morning? I also cannot send any mails though I have tried several times. I have contacted the email supplier and they are looking into it. So I am not ignoring anyone nor have I fallen out with anyone, it just wont let me play!!

Anyone that wants to mail me will have to use my second email which is the same addy as my aim which is on my profile, sorry guys it just seems to be one of those weeks

It has certainly been a week to remember, finding out that my firm doesn't pay sick pay so my wage consists of Standard sick pay only, then the bank decided to charge me three times in one week for being overdrawn. Seems I am going to be having an argument with them today.

Doesn't look like it is going to be a good month

Still we have a nice park down the road, I am sure Molly and I will be very happy there, well I know Molly will

And it is still raining.

But things could be worse, and I will think of a way that they could br worse during the course of the day and get back to you

Anyway it is friday so the weekend beckons, thats got to be a good thing for those of us who dont work it.

Have a great day all of you whatever you are doing.

Sat in the dark with a cup of hot chocolate and the music playing softly in the background, peaceful and relaxing. not made me feel sleepy though.

Did you know that if you stare at something black it eventually fills your whole vision even your peripheral vision, then you blink and your peripheral vision clears, but the longer you look at it the harder it is to clear?

I think it is time for bed.

Have a good night and sweet dreams.

Its friday tomorrow, the end of my first week back. I am really not sure I want to be there anymore, and it isn't just the holiday, it is the changes they have made. And it isn't even that I am against change, change is good, stops you getting stale, but when it also stops me using my talents to their full capacity and leaves me feeling bored and frustrated then it isn't good.

I shall give it a while longer before I make a decision, maybe it will get better but it really isn't looking that way.

Ah well the only way is up, so we will have to see what happens.

Hope everyone had a good day.

The birds this morning are making up for being quiet yesterday morning. There is one sat on the roof across the road and it is singing loud enough for a dozen birds. That one is sure happy to be alive this morning.

Of course the rain had stopped for a little while, though it has started again now and the little bird has headed for cover, wise bird.

It has been a strange night, possibly because it was a strange day yesterday, Not that anything happened, I think thats the point, nothing happened.

It is not just raining it is pouring, looks like I am getting wet again this morning, good job I like rain But even I can get fed up of it.

Sat here last night listening to the rain and thinking of nothing, funny how all kinds of things pop into your head when you are actually thinking of nothing much. Watching my son and his wife last night, getting married seems to have eased their relationship into a new dimension, they are so relaxed and easy with each other, their banter is lighter, they are so obviously happy and content. Thats what a mother likes to see, her children happy.

Right am off to brave the weather and hope that I dont need a boat to get to work.

Have a great day whatever you are doing.

Isn't it strange the things that your mind conjures up in that place called sleep, its not enough that I get very little time in the land of nod, I have to spend it chasing round trying to save the world!! well my part of it anyway.

I wouldn't mind if I had been reading/watchig anything to set it off, but no it came unbidden, as it always does.

The happy couple are still ecstatic, in fact they are happier now than they were before they got married, it is so nice to watch them, I went up after work, invited for coffee and a packet of crisps.

Anyhoo, it has been a funny old day, so am going to go and get something, dont know what just something.

Strange that opening your emails and not seeing one can make you feel a bit um, well just um.

Catch you all later

Half way through the week and the rain is falling again after such a lovely day yesterday. There was no sunrise to talk about just a gradual lightening of the grey. Even the birds didnt want to make a noise this morning.

The thing that I loved the most when I was away, the early morning walks on the beach, no one else around, just me and the beach and the sea. I guess my love of the sea comes from being born in a place overlooking the docks and then spending the first four years of my life as a beach child.

It is one of the places that I go to when I need to relax and clear my head. Like my Garden it is as I want it to be, golden beaches sunshine and peace.

Right now though it is time to don the waterproofs and go to work.

Catch you all later.

The pen is mightier than the sword so they tell me, but I wouldn't want to face a hungry lion with a biro!

Words can hurt, but they cant kill you, unless of course the words said are " Is that mr Smith? I want to take out a contract on ??????"

When I first started writing I wondered how I would create the lines that would fall together to make the stories, but essentially they do it themselves. Sometimes it is as if I dont control the characters they control me, they decide where they are going and what they are doing and saying. Sometimes they get a little wayward and sometimes they take a break, as they have now. There is no point in forcing them to work, they just get stubborn and refuse to do what I want and then the storyline stutters and falters. They will be back when they are ready and not before.

The funny thing is that my words do not flow when I speak half as well as they do when I write, they just dont seem to follow the brain, they just tumble out all higgledy piggledy and upside down and back to front, and though the words are usually the right ones they dont even sound like English

OK thats it for this morning, I am off to create mayhem at the office, have a good day and behave til I get back

Right I know you are all dying to know how my first day back after nearly five weeks went. Well, where do I start?

You remember I told you thay had brought in two full time temps to do my job? Well they did better than that, they took the three divisions that I ran and split them into one division of one and one division of two, they have two full time people running the big one and one full time running the small one, thats three full timers doing what I did

And then came the surprise, the lady that has taken over the running of the full department that includes the divisions that I ran is a lady I worked with when I first joined the company last year. We get on really well, always have done, in fact it was a case I did for her that started the critical illness division. We have worked together on and off for the past year. And we always find time to at least say hello and have a little chat.

She has a unique position in the company, she goes around different departments and pulls them up by the boot straps and breathes new life into them. She streamlines things and gets them working efficently. She had a meeting with me today, she informs me that over the past months she has been watching our department, and that she has decided I am no longer doing the three divisions that I did, because apparently she has seen how I do all my own work and everyone elses, she has seen how all calls are shunted over to me, purely because the others cannot be bothered. She has watched me juggle and try to contend with a work load that it is now taking three people to do and she has decided enough is enough.

She has moved me on to complaints because she knows I can talk to people, she knows that I have a way with people that she says is unique. My work load will be lighter, at any time I can say dont pass me any more I have enough to do. She has me sat with her because she knows she can ask me a question about any division within the department and I can answer it, she knows she can ask me about any creditor and I will know, she knows that she can ask my opinion and get an honest answer.

And besides that we can have a laugh together

These first two days back are to ease me into it gradual, and to be honest I was bored today, am not used to such a light workload, course that wont last

So there you have it. Not very exciting is it?

My post this morning seems to have got people thinking? But that can only be a good thinkg, right?

The things that I said were not aimed at any specific person, they were just thoughts, I am not going to apologise for writing them, as then there would have been no point in it.

I think a great many of the people on blogland are themselves, see they dont need to be anything/one else do they? And I have met some of them, and I can quite honestly say that I would have known who each and every one of them was without having to be introduced simply by reading their blogs and chatting in comments.

As some of you so rightly pointed out, we all have personas we wear for different things, the difference between those and the disguises I refer to are essentially you are still you and I am still me even while wearing them. Look at it in this way, at work you wear the work persona, it is still you but the way in which you act is different because it is work, you dont tell your work mates all about your life, no more than they do.

I have been called the Ice Queen, a cold hearted Bitch, more times than I can remember, yet when I once stated that to my friends they were astonished that anyone would think that of me. And yet I can be, and thats because I hide that part of me from strangers, yet at work it often comes out. I am essentially a warm person, but that often gives people the wrong impression and makes them think that I am a push over. I am very far from a pushover, I was once, but too many people pushed and too many people took advantage.

And if you understood one word of all this, you are a brainiac

And if you actually read this far, well done that makes you as nuts as me

I am not a wise person, such as a Shayman or a philosopher of repute, I am just a person that has seen much, heard more and thinks far too much and too often for their own good.

When I give 'advice' it is based on my own experiences and what I know of people. I know a lot about people, I have studied them for a long time, there are good and bad and then there are those that people think are good and though they are not really bad they have a very selfish agenda. They go around making people think they are good and it is because they want people to notice them, they want to be liked, and they dont realise that just being themselves would get them that, so they wear a persona and no one gets to know the real person underneath. The person they are afraid to show. It's a shame really because the person inside is usually a really nice person.

I used to think that I had to be this other person for people to notice me, then I realised it didnt matter whether they noticed me or not, I was me, despite other people, or maybe because of, who knows? Being me is a lot more fun than being who others want me to be, it means I can honestly say things and know that it is my words and my thoughts and not an echo of someone else. I live in noones shadow, not any more.

I have this habit of believeing that things will come right, in the end, and often get myself into all sorts of bother before they do, thats me, stumble from one mess to another, but it comes good in the end, sometimes.

It is back to work today, that is going to be fun, probably take me all morning just to read my emails

Have a good day whatever you are doing

Catch you later

What is it about family get togethers that seem to bring out the worst in people? It seems you can go to any party of any type and if there is family there it is always griping and moaning and arguing.

The worst types of do for fall outs are weddings and christenings and yet Funerals everyone gets along? Its a bit sad when you have to die to get the family to behave!

Anyways, Happy Birthday to Subs, sorry I haven't wished you it earlier Hun, I feel like I am on a merry go round am so busy.

What a gloriously rainy morning, I had almost forgotten what it was like to see the rain every day.

Anyway where was I, oh yes, Sunday our second full day. I had not slept all night on saturday, with the foot, did far too much trying to walk on it. I had also been up through the night with Kian, the youngest, screaming in his sleep, no one else moved at all. At half five I decided I had had enough of laying there not wanting to disturb anyone and got up and dressed.

I figured the best way to stop being restless was to go for a walk, everyone else was asleep, so I went off down to the beach. The beach was only a few minutes away, to get to it I had to walk along the sea front, awesome, the sea did mexican waves along the wall.

The sun was shining and it was already warm, the beach was deserted, it was so peaceful just sat watching the waves lap on the shore.

I had begun to have major doubts about the holiday on the trip there, with the other Mother, it started when we had made the two stops, but I thought it may improve. Two things happened to make me think it would be ok, we drove under a sign that had a Magpie on it, you all know how I feel about Magpies, and just a little further on there was an Arch above a set of double gates set back off the road with a Unicorn embedded in it. Then of course I did the foot, which was not a good thing, but, it turned out to be not that bad a thing either.

When I got back to the Caravan the Other Mother was up and so were the two little ones,she didnt seem best pleased that she had the task of getting their breakfast, it was becoming apparent that, having been told I was always up early I was expected to see to them first thing in a morning.

What was also becoming apparent was that I was expected to babysit the other Mother too, the kids, that is Mike Caz and Amanda had arranged for us to go to the bingo on Sunday night, when they told me I was not best pleased, as i pointed out I had not travelled all that way to go to bingo, had I wanted to spend my holiday doing that I would have stayed at home!!

I scotched their plans the day after on the Monday, the foot was aching and still very swollen, to get in to the shoes for the wedding it had to go down a lot, and I didnt think my dress would look right with trainers So I told them I was not going into Yarmouth with them, I was staying where I was. I had a lovely day relaxing and resting the foot.

Tuesday I gave in and went into Yarmouth, to do some gift shopping, tuesday night a friend visited and we went off out for a drink, I swear he saved my sanity and thank you for the pressies

Wednesday was the wedding, they got married at Half two, things went ok, it wasn't a big do, but there was a bit of an atmosphere, Caz's father had been invited, with his new partner, for four days all her mother had done was slag them off and gone on about if they say this and if they say that. On Tuesday I had let her know in no uncertain terms that if anyone spoilt their wedding I would throw them out, no matter who they were. He was a perfect gentleman, didnt say one thing wrong was nice and polite, even his partner tried to get on with her. She couldn't do anything but be polite back, until we arrived back at the clubhouse and then she decided she had a migraine, and took herself off in a huff.

Eventually I took the two little ones and told Mike and Caz to go off and have a good time for the rest of the evening. I took them home fed them and put them to bed. I didnt mind this was Mike and Caz's day and they should be allowed to enjoy it.

I would have mine the following day.

On Friday it was Lucas's Birthday, that is Mikes son, but we would be travelling all day so they had decided to take the two boys toi a theme park on the Thursday, I had decided at the beginning of the week that they should be allowed to go off on their own and do this, as a family unit. But that wasn't to be, the others were going too, they wanted to shop in Yarmouth after the Theme park. I swear if I had to spend another day in the comapny of that woman I would have been doing time. I declined to go, my son started with the buts, so I just politely pointed out that he had said this was my holiday too and I could do what I wanted not have to follow them all the time.

I spent the day lazing on the beach, playing in the sea, getting sunburned. It was a lovely peaceful relaxing day.

And thats it, edited of course because if I told you it all it would be six blogs long

Right I have a Christening today, wonder if I can get them shoes on??

This time yesterday I was getting ready to come home, and not a minute too soon. Dont get me wrong, I enjoyed my week, I loved watching my son get married, he was so nervous, poor lad, at one point as I was helping him get his cufflinks on he said "What am I doing Mam?" But his face when he saw her in her dress when we arrived in Great Yarmouth for the wedding said it all.

We stayed on a caravan site in a little village near Lowestoft, we were ten minutes from Great Yarmouth, but I have to be honest with beach access less than two minutes away and a club on site there wasn't much need to go into Yarmouth, though of course we did, several times.

As I said last night I hurt my foot on the friday night, on the Saturday we were spending the day in Great Yarmouth, not wanting to spoil it for anyone else and having already found out what I was up against with the in laws, or should I say the in-law, namely my lovely daughter in laws mother.

I foolishley kept my mouth shut and went along, I couldn't get any shoes on, not even my sandals that I had taken for the trips to Yarmouth, so I wore a pair of scholl like things with just the strap across. Of course they offered no support at all and trying to walk in them was not fun. I did ok, all along the beach front, amusement arcades, then they wanted to go down to the sea, not good

They were down at the sea edge and paddling before I got half way down, but I did it, and paddled, which to be honest was a good thing, the sea was freezing, but it numbed my foot enough for me to hobble back up the beach

After the arcades son decided it was time to go, we stopped at a supermarket to stock up on food and I went and bought some trainers, the foot needed support so I could at least walk, my son was the only one who had noticed how much trouble I was having and when we got back to the caravan stated catagorically that I was not doing the cooking or anything else I had to rest the foot.

We went down to the site club later that night, it wasn't too bad, took it nice and steady, won thirty pounds on one of the machine the night before when we went, which made things a bit better

Thats it for now, though it may seem that things were not that good, I had enjoyed the day out, despite the foot, and the kids had loved it.

More later, got to go do some stuff, have a good day.

And things that can go wrong part two.

Well I am back, in one piece well almost.

Did Ya miss me???

Anyway, I am not going to tell all right now am a bit tired, was a long journey home.

Things that can go wrong part two, on the day we arrived my son his girlfriend and I escaped for ten minute to go look at the sea, only then she decided she wanted to go down on the beach, in the pitch black, on terrain we dont know! Follow me she says so I did, straight off the edge of the path. I fely my foot wrench, but carried on anyway by morning I could hardly walk on it, but, not wanting to spoil things for the others I went into town with them, and walked, or rather hobbled round all day. By evening it was so swollen we had to go buy me some trainers as I couldn't get any shoes on.

Luckily it was just twisted and bruised and by resting it more on Sunday and all day monday I managed to get the swelling down enough to wear *the shoes on wed*

The rest of the tale you will have to wait until tomorrow for, sorry, but in case you didnt see it on Paddys blog here are the bride and groom

My son Mike and his lovely wife Caz

Its good to be back

Part one
How about going to sleep when you should be on your way to getting your son up?

Please no friday the 13th foretells, it was my own fault for going to sleep after not sleeping for two nights. My fault for putting my head down when I should have been sorting things out. And typical of the things that I do.

I got here on time, and son is on his way to pick the car up, the two little ones are all excited and running around like headless chickens all hyped up and full of it.

So people, this may well be my last blog for a week, unless I can find an internet cafe somewhere *chuckles*(LokimoteTM) finding it wont be top of my list though.<