Sometimes I feel that I am sat pn the edge, on the brink of discovering something, I dont know what it is, as I haven't yet discovered it. It's a bit like when you have that dream, you know the one you are really enjoying and just as the really good bit comes you wake up and no matter how you try you cannot go back to that place that you were.
Somewhere, on another plain, I have already discovered it, somewhere on yet another plain I died in 1983, and then on another one I am doing something different again. all the lives being lived simultaenously, yet all different.
If the past shapes us to who we are in the present, it often makes me wonder why we become what we are and not what others are, how many women could have become like Eileen Wourmous for instance, yet they didn't they went on to live full lives and have happy and secure children. It is something that is built in each of us, a safety vealve if you like that prevents us from becoming vengence machines. course if we all became serial killers there wouldn't be many people left in the world would there?
I read a very powerful book about a young man that grew up in a well off household and then went on at fifteen to kill his classmates that had upset him in some way. Though the book was fictional, it carried a powerful message about how easy it is for this to happen. As we have witnessed too many times. The first time that it hit home was Coloumbine and the killing there of schoolchildren by schoolchildren, and we ask how did this happen, what made it happen. And so many times since, it goes on, children hurting other children, as though we have suddenly become savages again fighting over a piece of land.
Who teaches our children that it is alright to hurt others, that the way to solve our problems is to remove them, in any way we can? Is it the parents or society itself that is at fault?
We live in a strange world, and yet one with so many more opportunities than there were years ago, especially for women, there is so much out there to see, to find, and I shall be off looking for it, when him up there finally smiles on me 
Right off to do some more of that study thing.
