Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

Good morning blogland, tis friday, lalalalala, the weekend beckons, two whole days of freedom.

I had the strangest dream in the few hours I slept

Got to go, am chasing white rabbits, cant get that dream out of my head

Catch you all leter

The sunrise hid behind a mass of grey clouds and a gradual lighting of the sky was all that could be seen, acroos the sky the moon rode high still and lit up that side of the heavens.

It is almost the weekend, hurraaahh, after today I am going to need a rest, I am apparently in charge of the call centre for the morning

And the white rabbits have taken charge thats all I need

Right, here I go, have a great day.

It has been a strange day, starting work late, having lunch at three, finishing late. When I first got home I was still in full on work mode, now I am shattered and my bed is calling me.

I hope everyone had a good day, and a nice evening, see you tomorrow

Night, sweet dreams

Itrange getting up later than normal, admittedly only an hour later. I am not used to being able to be sat here at this time still in my nightclothes knowing I have another three and a half hours before I have to be at work. Reminds me of when I worked shifts.

Last night I sat here, studying and stuff and the moon was shing through my window, the light was so bright I almost didnt need my light on, she was beautiful soaring high above the clouds and lighting up the whole sky, she even dimmed the stars in her glory.

This morning I have had two little birds sat on my window sill having a marital, boy did she give him what for

Right I can get in some studying before work so have a great day and catch you later

I could not see the sun this morning, the sky is masked in grey, but I could see the beautiful pink shades she lent to brighten the dull grey clouds, streaking the sky and bringing a touch of colour to the drabness of the morning.

Back to work and thanfully it is only a short week, I really dont feel like going but, needs must.

Just a quck one this morning as I am dripping everywhere and really need to get dried and dressed.

Have a really good day, whatever you are doing, catch you later

Up and raring to go this morning, had all my washing done and drying by half eight

This is when I miss having a garden, it is a beautiful day and I love the smell of clothes dried outside. I have to dry everything in the dryer as I have nowhere to hang anything.

But,my landlord has promised me a house with a garden soon if the house with my son doesn't emerge, so hopefully soon Miss Molly and I will have a garden to sit in

And meanwhile I have a mass of study to do, so will catch you all later on a break, have a great bank holiday whatever you are doing

I decided I needed a bit of a change of image, so tonight I dyed my hair, black, its very, um, black, my natural colour is a chestnut brown, near to auburn, and even through the black you can still see some of that chestnutty red in certain lights.

I am not sure about it, but its too late to change my mind now

Maybe it will bring me some good luck who knows, at least it hasn't gone pink

Right off to take miss molly for a late night amble, enjoy your night

I could have gone out last night, I turned it down because I had promised to babysit for my son and his wife as he had an all nighter on at the club and she was helping out. I waited, they normally bring him about half eight as my son normally starts about nine. I waited thinking maybe they were starting later because of it being an all nighter, I fell asleep waiting, no message to say that she was not going, they had all day to let me know, it is so darn annoying! But then I am just Mother and I dont have a life!

I dont like sleeping on the sofa it makes me have weird dreams

Anyway it is a beautiful day and I am going to go and have a wander, catch you all later, have a great day

Its strange what you can recall when you think you have forgotten so much, blocked it out really not forgotten it. Some of it came back while on Holiday, feeling the sand between my toes and the sea round my legs, though the sand I remember was softer, finer, more golden, the sea was warmer and somehow gentler. Wonder if thats the real difference between the sea and the ocean?

I know exactly when things changed, though I couln't tell you the date, I was after all only nearly five, I know it was summer, the weather was hot, and we were moving in to the dark and forbidding mid terrace where I would spend the next thirteen years of misery and pain.

The shock moving from Singapors to Blackpool had been one thing, the shock of moving to a mill town in the north had been quite another. I had left the only friend I had ever known, in Blackpool we lived in a boarding house, we were only there for six months, and I never had the chance to make friends again with anyone my own age. Not proper friends like sleeping at each others houses and doing everything together.

I survived, and I learnt a lot, mainly from the adult friends that I made along the way.

Life is not and never has been a bowl of cherries or a barrel of roses, but it has been interesting, entertaining, sometimes mysterious and mystical, I have bad times, rock bottom times, but I have had good times too.

And those are the times I like to remember.

I am looking out of my study window at the fields and trees, it makes where I live sound lovely, but they are in the distance over the tops of the houses.

Though it is a lovely sight, trees with houses nestled at the bottom and fields, all so green apart from one long field, and that field is the most beautiful purple, it is covered in heather in full bloom. It is so beautiful sat in amongst all that green.

Today has been up and down, the bank once again has excessively charged me, but they have reimbursed it right away so they have done ok this time. Having trouble with another company that is supposed to be secure and trustworthy but are turning out not to be, we will see how that turns out in the next few days, though having talked to the 'people in power' that is the financial ombudsman they will be finding themselves in hot water pretty soon.

But it is a lovely day, well it was it is getting a bit cloudy now, but I have already been in town and done my bits, so I am ok for the rest of the day, I think?

And I have three whole days off, whooo hooo, heaven.

hope everyone has a good day

The dawn cret in on golden slippers with pink ribbond in her hair, she set the horizon on fire with her beauty and made the clouds blush with her kiss. The birds hushed their song as she made her entrance enthralled with the special effects singing through the sky.

Memories are powerful things, they take you over when you least expect, a song playing, a scent that suddenly takes you back years. And they sweep you away and fill your mind.

And they appear to have let the white rabbits in, so am off to work, have a great day, will finish this later

The weather has been absolutely gorgeous today, went to work with no coat on

Since getting home I have received another bill my email is down, actually all my emails are down, so it could be a net problem, but am I bovvered

The sun is shining and the sky is blue and that is just in my head Outside is pretty much the same though

Right I think my body may need nourishment, all I have to do is sweep the cobwebs out of the cupboard and see if there is actually any food in there, catch you all later.

Nightime has its own special sounds just as morning has its sounds, last night as I walked there were two little girls giggling, laughing as they were playing, they should have been asleep, wonder how many times mam had been up to them?

In another house a man was coughing, another the TV was on, another they were chatting and laughing,lights behind curtains warm and welcoming, night time revellers making their way home, a dog barking somewhere.

Later and the little girls have finally settled down, the friends that were laughing and joking have gone home and there is quiet from that house now, the man is still coughing, the dog is still barking.

Morning has the birds singing and announcing the coming of the dawn and the fact that they have survived the night, a man coughing in a bedroom, a dog barking somewhere, perhaps a car door every now and then if someone is going to work early, mostly peace and quiet.

Later and there are people going to work, cars and buses and you know that the world is awake, and another day has begun.

It is thursday, not long to the weekend now,there has been a lot of thinking and stuff going on in this head these past weeks and I think we have reached a position where we are finally working together, though I would not guarantee that

Have a great day whatever you are doing

Ribbons of flame danced across the horizon, dark and light grey clouds that could easily have been smoke from the flames but were just clouds retreated to let the dawn burn its way through.

I love mornings, that fresh crisp air, that peace before the sun peeps over the horizon, that special hush just before the main event where everything seems poised waiting for the special effects to begin.

Its the time when the mind is freshest, though not always at its best, guess that depends on what is going through it.

One more month of tightening the belt and resisting temptation and things should be a bit smoother. I could do with losing a few pounds anyway

Half way through the week, what delights await me today I wonder, hope everyone has a good day, whatever they are doing

I wrote a post last night, all about my discontent at work and so on and so forth, I was writing the last bit of that post and hit a key and was suddenly on someone elses blog, no post, all gone

I gave it up as a bad job in the end and went and studied

Something didnt want me to do that one, or, I am so clumsy just lately alway hitting the wrong keys and making a mess of stuff, or, I was quite angry last night and I dont normally do anger, to me it is a waste of energy as it doesnt actually get you anywhere.

I fluctuated between being angry and despondant, fed up of being ripped off, messed about and let down, but I am calm this morning, there again I have yet to go to work.

Even the sunrise had a touch of anger about her this morning, feiry red setting the sky on fire, burning away the grey clouds that lay within her reach, chasing them from the horizon with her touch. She too has calmed turning to pink as she cast her cloak over the sky, brightening the dull grey that has marked the days of the past few weeks.

I looked for things to amuse and make me laugh, and I found them in among the things that made me sad. I am pretty positive this morning, though nothing has changed I have at least started to make things happen by doing my CV and trying to get it out there. Who knows what will come along.

Its Tuesday, and hopefully the week will continue on a posititve note, have a great day, whatever you are doing.

The sun is trying to struggle through the clouds so it may just fair up at some point today, right now it is cloudy and grey.

I am a hop in front of the white rabbit and if I dont get a move on he will be catching me.

Hope everyone has a great day, even if it is monday

This is the third time I have tried to write a blog since seven, maybe this time it will actually get there

Hitting wrong buttons and various other anomalies and poof the post is gone.

Anyway I am at my sons, babysitting, I could have said no since I had him overnight and they didnt pick him up untill this afternoon, but, they dont get many nights out as he works all the time and it benefits me, in some ways.

Right off to do some study. #have a good night and sweet dreams

I cant deny that I have been having a pretty rough time emotionally, the weather hasn't helped of course, the constant rain and greyness. There are many factors really, finances and personal stuff which I am not ready to go into in a public blog.

I can see the light, its somewhere over there >>>

I have had the odd 'why me' moment, actually I have had a few of them if I am to be honest, and that is what I endeavour to be, Then I get a message out of the blue, from a friend, it makes me laugh and I know that he means the words in the message, because thats how he sees me. And it doesnt really matter that the finances are going to take months to sort out after the fiasco of the long term illness, or that life is total crap, because you know it isnt not really. I know it isnt easy, but then where would be the fun and the challenges if it was?

While I have the friends that I have, that know just when to send a message, like yesterday and this morning, while I have their support, friendship and love, then I am the richest person in the world, because that cannot be measured in monetary terms, it is priceless.

I wanted my children with me tonight, I knew it wasn't possible and to be honest I would not be able to tell them why, they are all grown up and have their own lives to lead. Events of the past are lost to them and for that I am glad.

Anyway I have the little one instead, I said that I would mind him so Caz could work since Mike is short staffed, guess it is some kind of comfort.

Its been a long day, incessant rain has confined me indoors, if it hadn't been for this cold I would have gone out with Miss Molly, but no point in aggravating things.

Our lovely blog couple Sixpence and Fella have had a baby boy, which I know is old news now but just thought I would mention it and add my congrats though I did give them at stupid o clock this morning

And thats it I think I wasnt going to write a blog today after all who wants to read my drivel on a saturday?

Hope everyone had a good day

I caught up with the brain somewhere inbetween leaving work at finishing time and getting home. It was so tired after its adventures poor thing all it wanted to do was sleep. First it fell asleep in the bath and then on the sofa and eventually I managed to get it to bed where once again it slept. Apologies to anyone that tried to communicate with me during that time I was Incompus Mentus.

Today it feels like I have been on the happy juice all night which brings me nicely to my next piece.

Last night I should have attended the wedding reception of my recent manager, I had a really good reason for not doing so, this cold and sore throat does not make you feel like getting dressed up and boogying, we wouldn't want to give the new bride a sore throat and heavy cold when she is about to set off for two weeks in the tropics now would we?

I know though that had I not had this cold, this really good reason for not going that I would have found some other really good reason for not going. just as I have for every leaving do, the Christmas party, the end of summer party, the engagement parties and so on and so forth. The words 'Previous engagement' come in really handy.

Why do I do this? Its hard to say really, somthing about keeping my work life and my private life seperate, but thats not all of it, I have watched and listened as they have dissected the previous nights out, "Oooh did you see what she was wearing?" and so on, they were not talking about me, primarily because I wasn't there to be talked about, they tell me how great a night I missed and then sit there picking all the people that went to bits? What they wore, who they were dancing with, how much they drank. Human nature I guess as both male and female join in this game.

My self confidence is small, I act as though it is huge but it isn't it is tiny. When at work doing my job I am full of confidence, because I am good at my job and I know I can do whatever is put before me to do, I have respect for that, and in some ways I am liked for it. They dont see the other me and that is the way it remains still, that person is for those that will not belittle or demean.

It isn't that I am not sociable, I mean I actually made the Leeds blog meet, for the afternoon at least, and would have made the Birmingham one but for genuine circumstances. I go out with my friends, I just have this need to keep my social and private life seperate from my work life. Maybe I will make the end of summer party this year, but then again, maybe I will have a really good reason not to

No Blog today
The Brain has gone away
It doesnt want to play
Its gone on holiday

No Blog today
the Brain has gone away
It left a note to say
There'll be no blog today

White Rabbits are chasing me today, anyone got a gun?

So no time for rambles and trundles and musings and so on and so forth.

Hope you all have a great day

Catch you later

If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?

Kindly post the answer as a comment on my blog and the question in yours and see what my response would be

(This is all Paddys fault)

I opened my mailbox this morning and I had forty emails, I thought my goodness who is a popular person suddenly

Out of the forty mails in my inbox from blog.co thirty nine were spam, and since then I have recieved another eight, all the same.

I dont want to have to make my comments monitored, that defeats the object of the blog, spammers are a pain and I really cant be bothered to follow his little trail and delete them all, so when you get to this one do me a favour and sod off and take your spam somewhere else!!

Right now on with the days doings, or sommat, it is pouring here, and I am back at work, so much for keeping dry!

Ah well hope everyone has a good day, will probably catch you later

I went to see the doctor man, the main reason I went to see him was the pain that I have been having all weekend, if any of you have ever had a cracked rib you will know the kind of pain I am talking about. Each movement is painful and even the shallowest of breaths causes stabbing pains and you really think your lung is going to drop out

I decided that as I knew I hadn't done anything to crack a rib and was pretty sure it wasn't that ( I have had a few of those courtesy of exes and the male parent) but I needed to know for sure.

The conversation went something like this

Doc: Good morning L, goodness you look awful!
Me: Good Morning Doc, thank you
Doc: You sound awful too
Me: I have a cold (nothing like stating the obvious is there?)
Doc: Hmmm, you are having problems, in pain? (As he prods where it hurts)
Me: (after scraping myself off the ceiling) Only *cough* when *cough* I breeaath *cough*

After much attempting to breath in to tubes and practically having my rib cage pulled out (like it didnt hurt enough already )it has been verified that I have pulled a muscle with coughing I have also scraped my throat as the cough has been dry and harsh. So Antiinflamotories to keep the swelling down and paracetomol to keep the tempreture down.

Back to work tomorrow amidst orders to keep dry and warm, did he forget we live in yorkshie?

The hand that held mine was strong and firm, yet soft and gentle as we walked down a street in the warm sunshine. I felt that I had been here before yet, knew that I had not. There was a familiarity about the street yet I did not know it.

There were street vendors along both sides and they called to us as we went past, laughing and joking with us, one of them threw me an apple and I bantered back with him, in Italian, I knew that I wasn’t in Italy, the ambience was wrong, the architecture was wrong.

The banter was easy and friendly, as though they knew me well, as though I went there often. We stopped in front of a double fronted shop with tables and chairs outside, the freshly washed windows sparkled in the morning sunlight, the door opened and the couple came out who owned the café, they greeted me in English with a heavy accent, chiding me for being away so long and bantering as the others did, I went to introduce the person I was with and as I turned to him, I woke up coughing!

Isn’t that always the way?

I dont even know who it was, what he loked like or anything

Blog.co was having a hissy fit this morning and wouldnt let me sign in, but as I have to go and be checked over at the docs I figured you could just have the morning post late

Right better go dry this hair before I turn this cold into Pneumonia

It is dull and overcast here, it rained a little this morning, just before I went out for my walk with Molly. She has been such a loving pain these past few days, trying to cuddle me and keep me warm. I know that she is only trying to love me the best she can, but I cant breath as it is!

It is just a heavy cold, but as is the way with colds it is making me feel crappy, especially as my throat is really sore and my voice is practically non existant and has been for four days now. It hurts to talk and so I have been trying not to. I shall work it out by cleaning the house from top to bottom. mind you a good curry or chilli would sort it for me

Trying to stay positive when your head is banging your eyes ache and you are coughing and sneezing is taking some effort but, it could be worse.

As I have been writing this the heavens have opened and it is absolutely pouring down, that means I am confined to the house today

Still that gives me chance to do the clening and some studying,

I shall get round to answering comments and visiting blogs just as soon as I can stand to be in front of the computer for more than five minutes at a time, it has taken me about two hours to write this much *sigh*

Hope you all have a great Sunday, whatever you are doing xx

Nothing to say this morning

Have a great friday

Right now I am sat at my sons using his comp, which means no chatting as he doesn't have chat engines and wont allow them to be downloaded, something to do with a certain 'new' wife not getting any work done

So how about this

Awesome isnt it? Thats where I walked at night and early morning

And this

Thats the way I took to get there, this was the beach by the caravan site. I loved it.

OK got to put the boys to bed, back soon

The dawn came in a blaze, her coming heralded by the birds that set up their chourus before her blaze of colours could be seen. The horizon turned a deep rose and the clouds ran before the feiry entrance. She didnt tinge the clouds as the fled but kissed them and made them blush rose pink. She claimed the horizon and painted the sky for as far as the eye could see. And as the pink began to fade into a softer hue, the gold of her gown swept the sky. It was an awesome sunrise and I cannot do it justice with mere words.

Tis thursday which means the weekend is almost here, I am sooo looking forward to it, dont you just detest office politics?

It looks like it is going to be a lovely day today, and even better because my voice has gone and there is no way I can do all the answering of the phones today

That should make for some fun in the office this morning, sometimes things do work out fine

I hope that you all have a great day, whatever you are doing xx

The weather is beautiful, the sun is shining and it is warm, so we will not talk about work!

A friend of mine is lucky enough to live by the beach, and he has been going for walks there, am I jealous? You bet I am! Right now I would love to be able to take my books and go sit on the beach and study. Just like when I was on holiday

Ah well guess I will just have to make do with the view from my window.

Hope you all had a good day

Got to go eat back soon.

For two days now mistress moon has stayed to greet the dawn, in fact yesterday she was smiling on me as I walked to work, though faintly.

I have been a bit neglectful lately of friends, and answering comments and visiting blogs, I have been wrapped up in my own head and my own stuff, and for that I apologise. Though I know that I dont have to its more to let you know that I haven't forgotten about you all, just had a lot going on and I have an assignment I am trying to get my head round.

I will be around more once I have this assignment worked out.

Right better be away before the white rabbits turn up, have a good day

I watched the dawn paint the sky with a myriad of colours from the deepest rose to the palest pinks and purples. She layered the sky and pushed the dark grey clouds before her, layering thier drabness with soft pastel colours and changing the grey that she touched into a soft purple. And behind it all along the bottom of the horizon the soft gold that heralds the arrival of the sun.

And it was warm, walking outside this morning, just the gentle dawn breeze, miss Molly likes the early morning when there is no one about, she plays tag with the birds, well actually they tease her but she doesn't seem to mind.

I love the peace of early morning, when the world is still asleep, well my bit of it anyway, no cars, no people apart from the occasional cough or baby crying as we pass the houses. Just walking and thinking, this was also the time I loved while away the morning walk on the beach, just me the sand and sea and of course the seagulls.

Right got to go and get ready for work, they might object if I turn up in a nightie

Apparently over the past two weeks the 'team' I am now in have not only caught up with but actually surpassed the work that was backlogged, I have been back at work for two weeks. Coincidence?

I was told today by my um, boss, that I had to stop being so efficient because we had now caught up and cleared not only the back log but the incoming work was being dealt with immediately. Again coincidence?

Wonder if now is the right time to ask for that raise?

It has been a lovely day, though the wind that has blown has prevented it from feeling hot, it has just been a nice workable warm in and out of the office. The sky right now is a lovely shade of blue and the clouds are fluffy and white and few. Carries on like this I might actually start missing the rain

Hope everyone else had a good monday

Sometimes we do something that turns out to be rather silly, then we try to correct it and instead of it becoming better it just becomes worse, like a snowball that gathers as it rolls down the hill. But snowballs can be stopped, even though it means splattering them

And the day has started calmly, the sunrise masked by the grey clouds but it is warm already, there is a song called friday on my mind and the first line is 'Monday morning is so bad, everybody seems to nag me' actually Mrs F would like that one with its line about wednesday *Chuckles* (Sorry L, couldn't resist)

I am hoping it isn't like that at work today, because I really dont feel like being nagged

Lets hope that they are all in a good mood with the good weather.

Have a great day all

Have you seen them bags of cotton wool you can buy where it is just one huge piece that is all layered? The sky looks like that right now, and the layers are pinks and reds and light greys and dark greys and a beautiful bluey grey, awesome.

And still so warm, though there is a breeze now that seems to be blowing very gently the pretty clouds, yet still they are layered like cotton wool.

And has everyone had a good day?

There I was all nice and relaxed propped up on cushions on the sofa, reading about children and mathmatics and the next thing I know I am in a weird and very strange dream, full of water and sea and stuff, but not peaceful and serene as my dreams of sea and beaches normally are, though not nasty, just weird, it was the landlord and the phone ringing, that is the phone was ringing because my landlord was calling me, that eventually brought me out of it, and I can remember it as clear as if it had happened

I dont like dozing off like that, apart from the fact that I always have weird dreams, I also always wake up with something aching, back, leg, because I am not settled for sleep am settled for study or watching tv, so now I think I need a shower as well, too warm for sleeping on the sofa

OK off again, I will be back. Minus the ousi of course

I have always loved laying and watching the clouds and naming the shapes that they make, I have seen Dragons and Dogs and Wolves and people, faces of all kinds, creatures of all kinds, birds, warriors, in fact there is very little you cannot see in a cloud shape.

On those rare occasions when I was able to escape the house without the younf ones and actually be on my own, the fields and the woods were where I headed, I even had a hidey hole in the woods where I could go and write or just sit and think and no one could see me, I could see them, but I was hidden by a bank of ferns and lofty trees. My own little den that no one knew about, where just for a little while I could be the person I was and not the person they said I was or wanted me to be.

Of course getting out without the young ones was no easy task, since it had been decided that this was my job, looking after them, amongst the other multitude of chores I had to do, cinderella had nothing on me I can tell you Cept she did get the prince, some girls just know how to work it

Right back to study.

Someone nicked my sun

Oh wait there it is hiding behind the grey clouds

As you may have gathered it has clouded over here, so much for planning an afternoon out, never mind, it may stay fine we will see.

I have decided to go down to the river, it is not quite the same as the sea but it is water, and I have that yearning that I have had since we got back. That bar is looking more and more inviting, as much of a gamble as it is. The thought of being able to walk along the beach in the early morning, with Miss Molly, who would love it. *Sigh* tis nice to dream.

Ah well back to the books, I can hear them calling me.

As I sit here typing I keep looking out of the window to my right, the sun is shining and the tops of the trees and the fields look so fresh and green. The view is wonderful even with the roofs of the houses cutting it off at the bottom.

It reminds me that I am not enclosed and that there is space out there, all I need to do is take a walk.

When I was younger it was the view and the woods being so close that helped me to keep going, in a house where there wasn't even elbow room most times it was heaven to walk through the fields and the woods.

Sometimes even now I feel hemmed in, I am not claustrophobic, but I need space, one of the reasons I dont like clutter I guess.

My ideal room would consist of a suite a cabinet with the tv/dvd/video etc on and thats it, maybe one little side table, to rest the coffee cups on.

Right better go tidy the tinu room I live in, catch you all later have a great day.

Its that time again, when I have to decide whether I go to bed and read and hope I sleep, or if I study or watch a film or sumfink.

If I am in bed at least I am resting if not sleeping, decisions, decisions

That haunting music I was listening to this afternoon by that band is running through my head, I would have got one of the CD's they had been selling if'n I had any money.

Right bed it is then, so night and sweet dreams.

I went for a wander in to town, had to get some foodies since I had none, not that I could afford it but the body needs fuel.

In the town in front of the large covered market we have like a square wher people can sit and natter or eat the food that they bought at Greggs on the corner.

In this square today there was a tribal Indian band, full authentic dress complaete with cheiften head dresses and everything, and the music, awesome. They were playing an instrument similar to a flute, one of them had the new style saxes, Absolutely fascinating, their name was Tatanta.

I whiled away a little time there and then came back to try to find more to do to while away some more. I am soooooooooo restless

You must answer every question TRUTHFULLY!!

[01] Do you still think about your ex?
Yes

[02] Have you ever been heartbroken?
Yes

03] What Movie reminds you of your current boyfriend, girlfriend or ex?

Hmmm, None really its music that does that not movies

[04] How many times have you honestly thought you loved someone?
Once

[05] Do you believe that everyone has a soul mate?
Yes

[06] What is your current relationship problem?
None. I don’t have a relationship to have a problem with

[07] Have you ever loved 2 people at the same time?
I love loads of people at the same time, as friends. But not as in love with, no

[08] Your thoughts of your best friend and your ex?
My bestest friend is a wonderful guy, I don’t swear so cant say thoughts on my ex

[09] Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend?
Yes.

[10] Do you believe in second chances?
Yes

[11] Have u ever been kissed underneath the fire works?
Yes

[12] What is your favourite colour(s)?
Blue

[14] Do you believe you only love once?
No, but I do think the way that you love is different

[15]Could u marry someone right now?
No!!

[16] At what age did you start noticing the opposite sex?
That’s a question I cannot answer, for personal reasons

[17] What song reminds you of your ex or current boyfriend/girlfriend.
True Blue by Madonna, when we were first sort of getting together it was on Music Box all the time.
[18] Do you know someone who likes you?
Yes.

[19] Do you like anyone?
Yes.

[20] Do you care about someone who is not with you or know about your feelings?
Yes

The air was fresh and sweet this morning, the sky above was a deep rose amongst the grey clouds, with nothing stirring apart from the birds ( and Molly and I), there was a hush over everything it was so peaceful.

Last night I turned off the computer and retired to my bed with a book, I knew that if I left it on I would be here all night, and that wouldn't do me any good considering I had got no sleep the night before. Trouble was I just was not tired, not sleepy at all, my body was tired, it had that achey feeling you get when you know it wants to lay down and rest, except the mind didnt want to. I spent a pleasent hour chatting with friends who made me laugh and kept me royally entertained, thank you Mwah xx

The storm never broke and the air has been heavy all night, a fresh breeze got up just before the sun rose to cool things down a little.

I resisted the pull of the computer, though I kept thinking of all the things that I could be doing instead of laying and reading the book., even though it is a good one.

I have spent many nights like this, there was a time I never even bothered going to bed, it was a waste of time and with the children in bed there was so much I could get done. At that time there was music on TV all night, without sky. I used to get all the cleaning done, and the washing ready for hanging out in the morning, do all those little things that you cant do when the children are up and about.

I must have read hundreds of books when the children were small, I would read anything I could get hold off, fact, fiction even trashy romance novels. I was like that when I was young, I taught myself through reading and watching and listening, considering how things were and my schooling at times was non existant.

And now I am going to go and do some of that stuff called cleaning, and then studying and then......hmmm well I will have to think about that one.

Sometimes I wish that I didnt have this alcohol intolerance, cos sometimes I just feel like getting really really drunk one small glass of vodka ice is my limit. But it isn't worth it as I would just spend the next three days in bed ill.

We have a storm brewing, and as usual when there is a storm coming I am restless like a caged animal, I should live out in the wild methinks, more room to pace

I have tried reading text books, I have tried reading Stephen King, watching the television, a DVD, but all my mind seems to want to do is play, with daft ideas like going for a walk in the early hours down to the river and um, other things. And of course it wants to write.

Ah well, maybe it will want to sleep, eventually

Well physically anyway, as I just said to a friend, think I left my head somewhere else.

Somebody did not read the rule book, fridays are not allowed to be hectic, thats mondays job!!

Still praise indeed for the team, we have cleared the back log *cough* and I have only been back two weeks

So what shall I do tonight, guess I ought to get some study done, since I skimped a bit on it last night.

How was your friday?

Morning already?

Having watched the sun go down and come up I am feeling a little disorientated, have I actually been to bed?

This is a strange time, nothing is actually any better than it was, in fact in some ways it is worse, but I am feeling sunnily optimistic, with absolutely no reason to, except maybe I feel that someone is smiling on me, at least a little.

Just a short one this morning, am feeling a little jaded with having no sleep and the brain doesn't want to work, I am sure that I will make up for it tonight

I should right now be tucked up in bed, if not sleeping at least reading or somefink, but my loverly neighbour has decided that tonight is the night to make up for the past two weeks that he has spared me from his music

Not a bit of use banging on the wall or knocking on the door as he thinks the whole street wants to hear, and he absolutely must be deaf poor thing.

Ah well, looks like its going to be a long night, and my partner in insanity has skipped off out for the night. He just better be enjoying himself thats all I can say

The sky is overcast which I expected, so is my head which I didnt. Ho Hum.

My Mother used to call it the doldrums, it is just this kind of melancholy feeling that overtakes you, but then she was a lancastrian and full of strange ways.

so someone had a bad night last night, dont know which of my friends had it, but they did. I kept hearing the phone go, but when I looked it hadn't,your long night was also mine, why are you afraid to call or text? I did sleep though, a couple of hours, so I hope that you did too.

Time is a strange thing, when you want it to go slow it rushes past, when you want it to go fast it crawls like a snail. When we are young we want to be older, when we are older we want to be younger, Humans, what strange creatures we are.

Talking of creatures Molly has bruised her leg right at the top near the chest part, silly dog went and jumped on a pile of stone on tuesday night, it doesn't seem to be bothering her much though she is favouring that leg. So annoyed with the guy that has a dirty great skip parked on the pavement and then has piled loads of stone between it and the wall of the little piece that she goes on. Its also bad for people as it is the pavement and they have to walk all the way round.

Did I tell you folks that I am having an extract from my blog published in an educational book? I have just given permission for it to be used, and thanks to Grit Meyer one of the gentlemen in charge of Blog who contacted me after these people had contacted him and took the trouble to send me the letter so I could sign it, all the way from Berlin. I have emailed with the author and am now quite happy to let them go ahead.

I am sat here with a head full of words and no idea how they are going to come out or if they are going to come out, just swimming around untill they meet and create a shoal of thoughts that string themselves together and while I was thinking of one thing suddenly I am thinking of another, playing leapfrog, dont know which one belongs to which.

And if I dont get moving and start to get ready for work there will be White Rabbits among them, cept I keep thinking of aomething else, ah well at least trying to work will be fun.

Have a good day whatever you are doing.

The night has a thousand eyes, no wonder I always feel like I am being watched

Today has been sort of hectic, well not sort of, darn hectic, so we wont go there.

Its a nice evening, before the rain that is forecast for tomorrow, so that was summer, blink and you missed it

So I have nothing productive or enlightened to say right now, my brain do be addled more than it normally is.

So coffee and um, a book methinks

The dawn arrived softly tiptoeing in on golden slippers with ribbons of soft pink and orange, brushing the clouds and spreading softly across the horizon. But the softness seemed to make her arrival all the more glorious, even the birds sang in subdued tones hushed by the beauty of the wakening day.

There was a time that I felt something like the birds feel, dawn meant the survival of another night. But it also meant the beginning of another long day and the donning of the mask that showed the world that all was fine, when it really was far from it. I was very good at presenting a different picture to the world than the one that was real. Many years of practice enabled me to be the sunny person that they came to with their problems and their grievances, I didnt have any, or so they they thought.

Yet I have always loved the sunrise, no matter how often I see it I never tire of it's beauty. The day I do is the day that I give up, and as a friend of mine so recently said, I aint no quitter

It appears to be a lovely day today, well it isn't raining and that has to be a plus.

Off to get ready for the days chores, have a great day, whatever you are doing.