Every time I visit my Mother I tell myself that I wont come away feeling guilty and like a bad daughter, and every time I fail in doing that.
Today was no exception, in fact if anything I feel even worse than I normally do. Mother is no longer 'all there' she isn't bad, yet, but she definately wanders, mind wise, one minute you are having a conversation and she suddenly goes off on some completely unrelated subject then a few minutes later back to the conversation at exactly the place she left off 
She can no longer get around very well and has to use a stick, she doesn't like using the stick so she wont go out, she tells me all these things as though it is my fault! I tell her I will come and take her in town but it has to be weekend because I work, no she doesn't want to go to town on a weekend,she will 'manage' in that tone of voice with that sigh that makes you feel you are letting her down for daring to be independant and work!
You would be better off on the dole she tells me, what! well they will pay your rent, and stuff. She doesn't get it
She is finally moving in with my sister, and the news gave me such a feeling of huge relief, knowing that I dont have to feel guilty for not being able to visit enough, for not being the Daughter she thinks I should be, for not being beautiful or clever or having a husband that will make it possible for me to do the running round after her that she wants.
And of course that now makes me feel guilty and ashamed of being glad and relieved 
