Well I have finally done my bloscars form, it was so hard this year, specially with having time out and stuff

Anyway tis done.

I have to get wrapped up now, coat, scarf, gloves, got to take The Molly out, thats supposing I can get her through the door, the wind is gusting at around fifty miles an hour and I am hoping that I can manage to keep my feet out there. Still I could always wave to you all as I pass by, just look up

See ya soon

There has been little bloggity goodness from these fingers, or bloggity anything much, while I have been gathering the threads of myself and attempting to weave them back together. And while that job is nowhere near completed I cannot ignore the many comments/mails and messages that have stated how much they miss the morning post.

Perhaps thought I, reinstating the morning post is actually going to be good for me, after all it is an enjoyable activity and knowing that people read it even if they dont comment is a good enough incentive to once again impart my nonsensical ramblings to the wonderful bloggers of .co.uk.

So you asked for it, and you shall have it, just dont blame me if it makes no sense whatsoever

While I have been having a weeks sabbatical from work and attempting to gather those threads previously mentioned, I have still been going and getting the son and his wife out of bed, every morning apart from one I have trailed down and then trailed back. This morning it is blowing a gale, hailing, thundering and of course raining, I arrive at sons dripping and wondering if I am totally nuts? This is my holiday and I should be able to stay in if the weather is bad should I so desire, still, I know they appreciate it even if they dont actually say so!

Molly point blank refused to go through the door, she took one look at the weather and ran back in the living room and esconced herself firmly upon the settee and is still there shivering each time the wind blows the rain against the windows and giving me that look as if I am solely responsible for her discomfort

I have an essay that has to be in by 13th February and so far I have managed to read one page of my text book, so I intend to spend the last three days of my holiday studying and preparing, which I am looking forward to

Right thats it for mow, boring isn't it?

Catch you all later and have a great day

I have just had one of the best days that I have had in months. From first thing this morning when I was greeted with blue sky, though cloudy, and a balmy spring like feeling in the air, I even stood and listened to a cuckoo calling. To tonight taking Molly out and it not being rainy and freezing.

I have'nt done much, went down to my sons and spent most of the day there with him and Caz and when he went to work I stayed and kept her company until he came back, we played on WOW together and had fun,laughed and joked and made coffees, and relaxed.

I came home a short while ago and took Miss Molly out and she was a little doll, good as gold,for which she has been duly rewarded.

I know I am not 'better' I know that there is no quick-fix or miracle cure, but I believe that I am on the road at last, on the first or maybe even second rung of the ladder. I know that there will be more down than up days over the next few months, but I also know that I will get through them and come out of the other side as I always have.

I appear to have not been on blog this weekend, but I have been, I have not posted and I have rarely commentd, but I have been reading, loads and loads, another reason that I know I am going to get through this is because I still believe that there are many more out there worse off than I am with a lot more to complain about and a lot more weighing them down.

I read the blogs of my friends and I know that no matter what else, there are people here that I can always go and have a moan/chat/cry-on-the-shoulders to. That is worth it's weight in gold even if I never do it, just knowing I can and that they will listen is a life saver right now.

Hope you all had a good day too

The House is long spread over three storeys, to accomadate the people that come to enjoy the peacefullness of it's surroundings. A Verandah built in the style of the American Colonial South, with rocking chairs for those long summer evenings sat listening to the guitar pickers and the chat while drinking and eating.

The lawns run forever it seems dotted with trees and rose arbours and farther down they slope gently to a stream wich tinkles merrily to the piece of water which is too large to be a pond yet too small to be a lake.

People stroll, sit, lounge, in groups or couples and even singly, for here there is no such thing as being alone even when you are, a feeling of complete peace and calm surrounds everything.

This is the place that I escape to, it may exist somewhere in the world, as of yet it exists only in my head, but it is peaceful and relaxing, it is calm and soothing, and my friends are often there, waving as they stroll past where I sit beneath the Willow, watching, writing, reading, but most of all, healing.

I thought I had lost this place, but it was there waiting for me to find the road that took me back there.

Maybe I will see you there, after all it is big enough for us all.

I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Well for nine days anyway

Wednesday night, it is raining, it did stop for almost a full day

This week so far, Torrential rain causes floods, a young bright star winks and goes out, and a father kills one child nearly kills another and is found not guilty.The deaths of seven young people in wales, all suicides have been linked to what police fear is an Internet suicide site, their ages range from 17 to 27, is it me, or has the world just got a little crazier?

On another totally unrelated note, I am writing again, is that a good or a bad sign? I am also wet cos I just been out in the pouring rain, Miss Molly is also wet and totally unamused.And I only have two more days and I have a whole nine days off! Yaayyyy

Now I shall go and watch the Negotiator, love that film, have a good night, whats left of it

Invisible is a wonderful song I especially like the Alison Moyet version, it is sometimes how I feel and sometimes how I wished I felt, which is very contradictory I know but thats what we Humans are like, when we have sun we long for rain and when we have rain we long for the sun.

Right now, noone at work, barring one person, knows what ails me, after all that is my business and I like to keep my business to myself, so each day when I have the 'five minutes' with the one that knows, and every week when I have the early finish on a wednesday, I get the 'are you ok' questions and those looks when I say "yes fine, indestructable me"

The people that I work with are not that bad, but they are, the people I work with, and out of them all there is only one that has shown any real effort to try to lift my spirits and she is only 21!

Its not that I am not touched by their concern, it is just that I have heard them talk about others and to be honest whats my business is not for airing in public less I do it myself, does that make me cold, stand offish, awkward? Perhaps it does, do I care? Not a jot.

I guess we all get tired of being the class clown, the one that keeps them all laughing, though even now I find it hard to remove myself from that role, at the same time as being confidante and marriage guidance counsellor, it can sometimes get a bit wearing.

Anyhow I am just ruminating and rambling as usual so ignore me

Well it seems that the plans for the Ark will be going ahead as the flooding in my region worsens by the hour, Skipton which is the next town to us is cut off with no trains or buses running from here to there or vice versa, Leeds is also under water and they are closing some of the lines there too, quite a few of the little villages between here and Skipton and here and Bradford are under several feet of water. This comes of having both a canal and a major River within a couple of miles of each other, some planning huh?

This is a picture of Silsden which is five minutes away by car.

There are times when I am tired on the way home from work or shopping that I curse the hill I live on, right now I am glad I live on it as the floods hitting these places threaten to cut us off and make us a little island all of our own.

Oh what joy, we were down to half the workforce today with more being unable to get here tomorrow as the rains continue to fall. And the even better news is that the tempretures are set to plummet as snow sweeps its way towards us from Scotland.

Ah well, only four days of doing six peoples jobs, course if the rains dont stop the place wont open as all the keyholders get stuck behind the floods.

Right food time, catch you all later.

Thats two lunch time quickie I should be so lucky blogposts in a week! My own laziness this morning that prevented me from posting, I am not sleeping and really did not want to get up this morning. As a result of which the White Rabbits almost caught me

Tis Monday, tis pouring and has been all night, and I had just got my coat dry from last week!! Never mind only four more days and I have a whole nine days off!! And I can not wait

Have a great day wherever you are whatever you are doing.

And Nick, no more lunchtime Guiness

We are a strange lot us Humans, no matter what happens we always seem to muddle through, I am told this is something to do with a thing we have called the Human Spirit. Apparently it is what makes people continue to fight against oppresion, it is what makes them believe that one day they will be free and all will be well with the world. It kept many alive during two world wars when otherwise they may just have given up. And it keeps the more boring of us around, mainly cos we just dont know how to give in and stop it telling us what to do!

We all believe in something (other than fairies and Dragons etc) and I believe that the Human Spirit is stronger than the survival instinct which is in all animals, perhaps it is just an extension of the survival instinct, who knows?

Perhaps it would be easier to just lay down and give up, perhaps, but of course we Humans dont do that, well most dont, and so it is that we find ways of trying to solve the problems that beset us and attempt to oppress us. Of course trying to free a country from oppression takes just a tad longer than trying to free your mind, but it is basically the same thing, you take a stand and face the opposer, whatever/whoever it may be.

It all sounds so simple but of course as with everything else that is Human it isn't, it takes time, the age of miracles is past and so you have to work with what you have, which isn't always a lot.

At the end I am sure of one thing.

When I come back I am going to be a Cat!!

A quick hello at lunchtime before I go back to work as I had no time for anything this morning

As far as work goes the only highlight so far this week has been the creditor that called yesterday afternoon to advise that they are writing off over £23,000.00 in debts for a critically ill client of mine, now that brought a smile to my face, lets hope that his other creditors follow suit

On the home front (Sounds like a world war two ad!) Molly is still fussing but has calmed down a little, my house looks like a bomb has hit it! (Thats is actually a stupid saying and when I have more time I will discuss the reasons why!) as I am in the cant be bothered mode, but hey who sees it but me?

I will get it done at some point, honest!

Right um, short but sweet and I will catch you all later after work, hope you are all having a good day

Perhaps it is true that the more you try the easier it becomes, then again maybe not. I went into work with a forced smile on my face, and before the day was out I had the young girl sat next to me in tears with laughter, once again the class clown, or summat. A defense against the black cloud that has threatened to engulf me, begone foul creature!!

I managed to stay the whole day, despite almost walking out in the first ten minutes, and that was due to a person not the way I am, though it is probably tied together.

Apparently the people in HR have never had to deal with 'my problem' ? Hmmm, I wonder how and where they gained their qualifications? They are at a loss as to what they do next or how to treat me, so they avoid me, they are apparently considering the options, what they think I am going to do I have no idea, but tis funny watching the lengths they go to just to avoid having to talk to me

It proves the point that I made a while back about the neccesity of having a whole HR team, if they cannot handle what they are supposed to handle, why are they there? So far all I have ever seen them do is handle the disciplinery issues, now I had always believed that the idea of HR was to be there if anyone had any problems, but they dont seem to handle problems very well, they prefer to sweep them under the carpet or get rid of the person, thereby getting rid of the problem. They haven't approached that with me yet, mainly because they know that I know a little too much about law and what they can and cannot do, maybe I should be on their team, wouldn't that be fun!

Anyway enough of that!

My walk with Miss Molly this morning was for once dry(ish) it had stopped raining and though the ground (and therefore the grass) was wet it wasn't actually raining, the wind had dropped and the air didnt feel as cold. The birds were even singing and the sun had not yet started to rise, even they felt the slight rise in the temperature. It was nice and refreshing and Miss Molly was well behaved, something she hasn't been for a few days, though that could be down to the way I have been more than her. She has been a little doll at home, but sometimes the fussing gets too much, and I know she just does it because she can feel how I am.

Right it is that time, and I have to wend my way forward and off down the road to the place of employment.

Have a great day, whatever you are doing, wherever you are

Monday morning and work looms like a spectre over my shoulder, as you may have guessed I am not ready to go back, but back I will go, apart from anything else I cannot afford time off that isn't paid.

Ah well in to the lions pit and smile ready to be plastered on, hope everyone have a great day, whatever they are doing

Not blogged since when? Well I have spent the weekend making or attempting to make a huge decision, I know that this is probably the wrong time to make decisions, especially major ones, but unfortunately I have a time limit on this one.

It has been easier to make for two reasons, one something very weird that happened which I am still mulling over, and two a wonderfully lovely letter/card I received yesterday ( Which has been replied to hunxx) which seemed to make it easier to reach the decision that I have.

Deep breath, I have just added another year to my studies, but, as I had been doing it faster than the given time it is not a problem, I needed something fresh to get the old grey cells ticking over properly again and so I have decided to place the Psychology on hold until next year and do the criminology this year.

The reason is that I am getting stale, and jaded and that is effecting my concentration, so a new challenge, the Criminology was placed on hold for two years and now it is time to swap them round. Purely because rules and regulations concerning the exam resit dont allow me to do both courses together.

Only time will tell if that is the right or wrong decision all i can say is that when I received the books on Friday and had my first look at them I felt something I havent felt for quite a long while, excitement, a sense of looking forward, and I cannot wait to get down to the challenge.

Apart from that it has been a restful few days how has yours beem?

Oh my word I just got up!

Of course I didnt close my eyes until after four or something, do you know how bad the TV is at that time in the morning. it is enough to make any insomniac sleep

What do you lovely people do when you cannot sleep? How do you pass the time, or do you have some magical way of willing sleep to come?

I will probably spend the time from now studying as my books have just arrived, otherwise I read, surf the net, try a little TV, watch a DVD and of course write, though that has been lacking of late, I have stories to finish, do you know how many half done stories I have got? They are not that good anyway.

Right off to find something else to do, or look at the books and see what is in store for the next nine months, have a great day, whatever you are doing

I was not very happy when they appointed a new zone leader to our team, mainly because she didn't have a clue as to the work we did, bit like putting me in charge of the country there again I could probably do a better job which of course would be silly

The woman herself is likeable, and it wasn't actually her that I had a problem with. She proved to me yesterday just how likeable she is, having taken the afternoon off (well three hours) to go see the doctor man she came to me yesterday morning and said could we have a little talk, here we go thinks I, all rady to tell them where to place the job should she be placing me on a warning or having a go or anything like that (Yes thats just how I am feeling right now)

We go into the private room (Dont ask!) and she said she was worried about me as I was not my 'usual' self and then the visit to the Doctor and was everything ok and did I need any help and was there anything she could do, and that was my undoing, here she was, a woman I had made no special effort to like, in fact no effort at all really, holding out a hand to a drowning woman. So I told her, exactly what was wrong, and how I am finding it really hard not to tell the irate client to **** off and get a life and pay his bills like everyone else, and the creditor that he is a prat for frightening a seventy year old woman half to death.

We had quite a chat really, I learned a lot more about her in that fifteen minutes in that room, and I have ended up with two days holiday so I can get my breath back, thats how she put it, she knows that two days wont cure anything (she has been there) but it will help me to take a deep breath, and gather myself back together after letting it all out to the Doc man. The two days and then the weekend gives me four days of not having to do anything. She made it holiday so I dont lose any money and have added problems.

Perhaps if I hadn't been spiralling I might have seen more to this woman than I did, rest assured I have now and she has made a friend that will be there for her too.

Am running late this morning, darn White Rabbits, have a song

Whats this rain? How surprising! What happened to the weekend of white stuff I was promised? Actually the rain is somewhat better but it would have been nice to at least have seen some proper snow, all we got was a couple of quick blizzardy type falls on friday and then, rain

Miss Molly is full of cold, and anyone who has or has had a dog knows what it is like to have one that is snuffling sneezing and coughing, yes she has a cough as well, poor little thing is feeling mighty sorry for herself which makes the trips out in the rain even worse than normal

I have just had an almost completely isolated weekend, apart from the shopkeeper I have seen no one, I have talked to my son on line and a friend by text and that has been my sole communication with the world, it has been really relaxed and peaceful. I have needed the time to take stock, sort of look around and decide what I am going to do and how I am going to do it. Not that I have reached any major conclusions yet, what I have done is book a week off at the end of the month to give myself a breathing space from work and everything associated with it, at that time any jobs that are going to come should be showing themselves as all the temp jobs will have finished recruiting. Funny how things always seem better in theory?

Right must get on with the ablutions etc, as it is Monday even if I keep trying to pretend it isn't and we have new staff starting today, oh what joy, trying to catch up on work cos we are short staffed and training the staff we already have and now I have to train totally new staff, that is completely new to the business and to phones etc etc, looks like it is going to be a fun day!

Have a great one whatever you are doing

A whole weekend of no bloggin, ok, I didnt quite make it

I was supposed to go out last night with some of the members of the team I work with, I say some because there were those that did not want to go and one or two that were not invited? One of the ladies had decided to have a team bonding evening at her house and she was making food and we had to bring whatever we wanted to drink.

How do I say what I want to say without sounding arrogant and condescending? Its not that I think that I am better than they are by any means, but, I have no desire to socialise with these people, I work with them every day, all day, and if there were any that I could honestly build a social relationship with out of work I would not hesitate. But we are as different as chalk and cheese, they all have partners, even the 21 year old, I dont and I really do not want to spend all night listening to the foibles of their repective mates I get it all day at work!!

Their topics of conversation range from their partners to the gig (The 2 21 year olds) they are next seeing/have just seen,to the best way to cook Thai Green curry, to the recipe for the Chocolate cake (Yes I got that one) to their repective partners. Hmmm, lets see, so far I have not been included in the conversation once!

I really do not want to spend an evening with a fixed smile trying my hardest to bite my tongue and for the most part being ignored. So I made some feeble excuse about something coming up and I couldn't make it. I would so love to say all that to them, but unfortunately I have to work with them for the time being so I will be good

I think one of my problems is that I am a bit of a wild card, no one knows what to expect, and I am not at all domesticated, I would much rather discuss the latest happenings in the news than the recipe for Thai green Curry! I am far too independant for these domesticated people

Ah well, least I know what the topic of conversation will be on Monday

Now shall I be good and turn the computer off? Hmmmmm, decisions, decisions

Isn't it amazing the things that make you smile? It is snowing here in freezing Yorkshire, I walked outside with Miss Molly this morning to be greeted with fluffy little white flakes falling from the sky, she looked at it as if to say 'whats this stuff then?'

What made me smile was the gentleman and his dog that we met on our way to the feild who called to me (the man not the dog) and said "look, its snowing" with such wonder in his voice that I had to smile despite the fact that if I was out in it I knew it was snowing and therefore didnt need telling I replied yes isn't it lovely?

I do and dont like snow.

I love to watch it fall, that pure white that covers the land and makes it look so clean and fresh, I used to love being out with the children in it and watching their faces light up with wonder at it.

I dislike the coldness it brings, that sharp biting cold, I dislike it being trudged into the house and making the house cold (Have you noticed how it does that?) I dislike when it goes all grey and slushy when the cars drive through it and where people have walked constantly. And especially when we only get a thin coating and then it freezes making it impossible to walk on.

Still right now it is snowing, and it looks pretty, and it is a long time since we saw it, and I can for a few minutes forget that I have to go to work in it

And it probably wont snow for long, unless this is the weather front they have been having in America, in which case, we had better break out the shovels

Off to get ready for the day, have a good one, whatever you are doing

The second day of 2008, now normally when the New Year looms we start thinking about the last year and what the New one might bring, what we want, or hope for, what we would like to achieve.

I didn't do that this year, the only looking back on the past year I did was for the year in Review in the Juzzmeisters blog, and most of that was condensed, after all, you have already read some of it, and what I didnt write about is obviously not for public viewing either then or now.

What I did think about was what I have wanted from being young, and how much closer am I to that now than I was then, I could say a lot closer as I have just done four years study, but when i sat and thought about it properly, is this what I really want? Not the helping people thing, I have always wanted to do that in a professional way, but is this the way? Am I doing this because it is what I want or because it is the only way to get my feet on that road, but surely there is another way? Well if there is I have been unable to find it and so I will continue to study until I get there where I want to be. And if that didnt confuse you then you are crazier than even I thought!

We are strange we Humans, we constantly cast back to find the future, they say we learn by our past mistakes, well obviously we dont or that word would not be plural, but what do we learn? Not to do it again, and yet we do, constantly, do it again! Some things of course we dont, I mean you would'nt place your hand on a boiling kettle more than once would you, well ok some of you might but I am not yet that crazy

Do any of us actually remember lessons learnt until the next time we are about to step off the precipice? We remember pain, and we remember that someone/thing caused it, but do we remember how it got started, where the drop was? Because it moves you know that drop, it is a feisty little thing and sneaks up unexpected.

I often look at families outside, laughing and joking and I pick up on the little things that tell you that things are not always what they seem, how there is no hand holding and how the children are kept in between them, how they lean away from each other instead of towards. And I wonder how long they will go through the motions before admitting that they dont want to be with each other. Because some do it forever and never admit it, and they stay becasue it is the right thing to do, or because it is comfortable, like an old woollen cardi that you have had for years. And if that works for them and they have that peace and that comfort, then let them be I say.

And just totally ignore everything that I have written as I am rambling deep in the nethers in the caverns of the mind, so dont mind me, I do this as it is the only way to make sense of the chaos.

Good Morning, though that is in itself not quite true as it is pouring it down and very cold and I have to go back to work, so there is little that is actually 'good' about it

Anyhoo's it is morning and all you nice folks that have a job will be getting ready to go to it, and those that dont well, swap

Just jessin' folks, ok, tis the middle of the week monday, though tis actually wednesday, and it will soon be friday and now I am getting confused so I will go and finish doing the getting ready to go part and catch you all later.

Have a great day

Several people didnt get a post written about them because a few people didn't follow Secret Santa through, and one just hasn't had the time what with family and New babies etc But we love him all the same.

Anyway, so as to not disapoint anyone I myself am going to do a Secret Santa on these people, as the judging has laready been done and the winner announced it isn't going to make any difference to the outcome.

So here we go

One of the things I love about Secret Santa is the getting to read new blogs and meet new people.

One such blog was this one http://berlin2007.blog.co.uk
Now why it should have taken til now to come across this blog lord only knows, I am sure that most of you already know Rampage, of the blog.co team, I however didnt. I know more about him now however as I have been reading his blog.

I found humour, in fact not just any old humour but my kind of humour, I love a person that can laugh at themselves while laughing with others, he has had his down parts so there were some Awwwww moments too. On the whole a blog well worth reading and unfortunately for him one I am going to continue to visit For those that haven't already done so, go take a look!

The second blog I hadn't read before Secret Santa was that of our erstwhile winner Mr Kevin Wilson, he is here http://eagle-eye.blog.co.uk

I loved this blog, the wit, the sharpness, the constantly flowing repartee, there is a human being underneath all that, though he hides behind his clown mask. The blog is entertaining, and fast flowing, he has a wicked way with words and I loved every minute I spent on there, and yes I have been back several times and read his writings. Go visit I promise you will not be dissapointed

Number 3
A dash of Humour, a splash of life lots of homecooking and a sminchin of story telling and you have the recipe for a great blog written by a lovely lady, course I have a soft spot for my friend Avrilo, she is a lovely gently lady who I sadly missed by a hairs whisker at the Leeds blog meet!
Find her here and get a taste of life in the country http://thesingingmidwife.blog.co.uk

And 4

This guy was here before, and he is a lovely guy, his last year was beset with problems of several varieties but he has come through them all laughing and joking and emerged at this end of the year happier and shall we say whole with a Mrs Flimfan and a brighter looking future, you wont find al this on his blog however as the original blog went west when he did! Happily he decided to join us again and to give us his point of view on his favourite subject, films, I swear he has seen more films than anyone I know! Check it out he is a great guy. http://TheFlimFlamFilmFan.blog.co.uk

And 5

Well this guy actually needs little introduction from me and if you haven't read him before now, where have you been!!!
He introduced the now famous Bloscars in to our community and is running it once again this year.

Yes I am prejudiced as I love this guy to bits, he is my best friend and a wonderful person, not just to me, but to anyone who needs support.

Go see for yourself here http://landersuk.blog.co.uk

Right, um, sorry they were so short guys, next year I will change the rules a little so no one gets left out

Here is to a bright new year and hopefully a much better one than the one that has just gone.

I spent it quietly at home, I gave up trying to text people as it was just crazy, so for those that did not receive a text, sorry, but my phone or my network or whatever just would not send them!

I was still receiving texts sent at midnight at four this morning, how crazy is that?

I hope that everyone had a goof night and will have a lovely day today.

And one more message,there are four birthdays today

http://sunday.blog.co.uk not been on over Christmas but do pop on and say Happy Birthday

http://discobod.blog.co.uk Not only can you say Happy Birthday but you can congratulate him on the news that he is to be a Father as well! Well done Discobod

http://screen.blog.co.uk Pop along and say Hi and Happy Birthday.

And pop along and say a very BIG hi to this lovely lady who is 40 today.

http://messyjessy.blog.co.uk
Jessy was my first ever blog friend, and she is a lovley lady with an adorable family. A very Happy Birthday Jessica!