They say we should only make major decisions when we have a clear head and have taken all the consultation that we can.

There is no such thing as a clear head for me at the moment, in fact I am lucky if I know what month/day/time it is at any given moment! Things have been/are quite tough, and with no sign of things easing some major decisions had to be made.

I consulted the Oracles, have done for several weeks and they have asked me the same question each time "What is it that you really want?" That got me thinking, after all I had consulted them expecting to get an answer not a question. So I began to consider what it was that I really wanted, and well to put it bluntly there is/was no practical way that what I really want was going to happen as I was just concentrating on living from day to day/week to week/month to month.

So lets break it down says I to me, a new job is one of the things to consider, yes I could stay where I am amongst promises of pay rises if not in June then six months later, hmmmm, well have we not been here before, for the past two years in fact? Is it because after two years it has become a safety zone?

The next one was the financial situation, even with a new job it would be many months before I even felt the benefits, and the way things are could I live those months as I am now?

The third consideration, my Son and his family, I have watched this man over the past months become stooped of shoulder and weary, I have watched his lovely young wife be bowed beneath the pressure of trying to manage from week to week. I have seen his face when the little one has needed something new and he has had to give up something else to get him it, the car needs fixing and his life has become one of hand to mouth. He smiles and he laughs and he jokes with me, they both do, and they insist that I go for meals, and they insist on helping me when they are finding it hard to help themselves.

The solution when it came was not an easy decision, not for me anyway as I have to make the biggest sacrifice of all, Molly. Actually it was a sacrifice I was already on the verge of making, Molly needs more than I can give her right now, as much as I love her, because I love her, she needs to be with someone that can give her the attention she needs and the exercise, I cant do that at the moment, for a few reasons.

Anyway, I made the decision, I consulted the oracle, it gave me the answer of this, the past was the question it had already asked me, the present, was start thinking about yourself and what you want instead of always sacrificing for others, the future, was go for it.

And so I am, I am giving up the house I am in and moving in with my son, not short term for a few months, but for long term, or at least until things are a lot better for the both of us. And I dont see it as sacrificing for others, because I am going to benefit from this in a big way, I can finally go for those driving lessons I have to keep putting off, I will finally be able to go to blog meets and mini meets and meet all those lovely people that keep inviting me to go visit. I will be able to afford to buy new clothes and relax.

And you know something, when I put the idea to my son and his wife, and explained it in my terms, what it would give them and what it would give me, I watched my boy visibly relax, I watched his shoulders rise and I watched the life come back into both their faces, they would no longer have to scrape from one week to the next, they would get through with ease, and this is all they thought about, no we can afford this or that, but that they would be able to go shopping properly and yestrday I spent most of the day with them and they were so happy!

That alone made my decision easier, but there was one more good thing, (at least I think it is) I had the day before applied for several jobs, one of which I was really taken with, bearing in mind I have been doing this for weeks and have had no replies, well I got a reply, from the one I was really interested in, the closing date should have been yesterday but they have extended it and sent me an application pack, they took the time to email me and let me know. It is four grand a year more than I am on now, so fingers crossed folks, maybe this is the start of something good