Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

I have been morose, depressed, fed up, feeling sorry for myself, and a hundred other things over the past few weeks, nay months.

The depression I have been fighting for over a year, I thought I had it licked, not so I discovered, however, it seems I may be closer to doing so than I think. A few personal knocks seemed to spiral me back down into it, a further deflation of my sense of self worth as well as the feeling of being taken advantage of has served to keep it hanging around like a black cloud hanging over my head.

You see I forgot.

The one thing that has always kept me going.

But I have just been reminded of it by reading a story someone else wrote.

My mainstay in life has been the ability to see beauty where others could only see ugliness (not in me I hasten to add, in the surrounding environment) to see light where others see darkness, to see rainbows where others see only clouds, to know that sunshine follows every rain and to be aware of life and that the best of it is free and right there in front of you, above you and around you.

For a while I lost that ability, forgot that I had it, but I now have it back and I am smiling as I sit here, knowing that I am back to normal, I am just back, as me again

I haven't got much to say today really, cept it is the last day of the writing competition so if you are wanting to enter you need to hurry.

To enter go here http://writingforfun.blog.co.uk

Other than that have a great Monday and catch you later

Tuesday, the week is into it's second phase, or is that day? I guess that depends on which religion you are in or which calendar you follow, Sunday is actually the first day of the week and Saturday the last, though Friday is traditionally the end of the working week, so if we go by that Tuesday is actually the third day of the week and not the second day of the week, however it is viewed, it is half way through my working week as I have friday and saturday off so only two more days to go after today.

Are you confused yet?

Never mind soon be the weekend

Right off to get ready for the day, one must do ones best whether one likes it or not, have a great day and I want to hear all about it when I get back

Monday morning and back to work, here is how things have been since Friday.

Friday was planned to perfection, I started work an hour early so I could finish an hour early, son would take wife to restaurant I would babysit and watch film I had just acquired, lunch time the plans remained the same. I arrived home expecting everyone to be ready to be greeted with, we have changed our minds?

This is typical of my Son (I dont know where he gets it from! ) Instead they or rather he, made a meal for the family instead. I have to say that I have a budding chef on my hands, he made Salmon in lemon butter (which he also made himself)served with New potatoes Asparagus and green beans, followed by gataue and cream. The Salmon was perfect, and I am very fussy about salmon, we had champagne, and coffee, lovely

Saturday started quite badly when I discovered that my last bit of money had been taken by BT, who were not supposed to take it unitl the first of the month, August that is, added to the fact that we had just been through yet another cock up of theirs, they sent my bill to the old address then cut me off for not paying it, just the latest in a long line of cock-ups since April!

The rest of the day wasn't too bad, did some wow'ing and some studying.

Sunday was mostly WOW'ing on Saturday I had boosted someone through a dungeon and on Sunday my son and his wife took it in turns to play booster to our lower characters through some other dungeons, so quite a lot of WOW'ing and some studying and I was cook for the day so inbetween I made tea etc.

So that was it, my weekend, boring wasn't it?

How was your weekend?

I went ot work in a positive mood, determined not to let the hierarchy bother me, as I signed in I got a full apology for the attitude of yesterday, I was stressed she said, yes I know.

Anyway we worked it out between us and I have got a long weekend booked and then a week at work and then a week off

Happy birthday to my lovely friend six

To say Happy Birthday to Six go here http://sixpence.blog.co.uk

Hope everyone has a good day

Monday mornings dont feel so bad when I am on this shift, I don't start until 11 so I have until half ten to 'do my own thing' and I finish at 7 so it is still early enough to do some more of my own thing, though i am often too tired for that.

Anyway, tis the start of yet another week and we are now halfway through another month, where does it go? On friday my son will have been married a year, it really doesn't seem that long since we were all away in Great Yarmouth! A whole year, my goodness, still there will be no holiday celebrations for the anniversary, we cannot afford it, though he is taking the lovely wife out for a meal, which right at this moment is a secret *SShhhhhhh*

good job she doesn't read this isn't it

Right am going to go have a bath whle they are all out taking the brat to school, catch you later have a great day

Wel here I am sat on the sofa, with my coffee at the side of me, bloggin, on my brand new laptop, now it is not a mac or anything super mega like that, but it is centrino dual core etc, I had finally paid off the desk top and decided it was time I entered the 20th century along with all you other modern cats

Not too bad a day at work and though the sun wasn't exactly cracking the flags at least it didn't rain.

And how has your day been?

I find it confusing when people ask me questions, that the reactions given are quite often shocked and sometimes hostile, gasps of astonishment and "I never thought that of you!" It is simple enough, if you dont want honest answers to personal questions then dont bloomin ask them!

One of the resons that the Angel portrayed on my profile has black wings is because I am no goody goody, yes I love helping others and yes my heart may be in the right place, but I am far from earning my white wings and halo, I am human like everyone else.

So ask me anything you like, but if my answers shock or embarrass you have the decency and respect that I would have for you and remember that everyone is different and unique

And now on to the other stuff, it is Saturday and I am working in just over half an hour so just going to wish everyone a great weekend and dont do anything I wouldn't, enjoy whatever you do decide to do and I will catch you later

Friday dawns again, is it me or is this year passing by a tad too fast? In the seventh month already The first person that mentions that happening that happens on the 25th December gets cursed, or slapped bums wrists

I am working this weekend so today isn't that good

I do have Sunday off though and am on lates next week, I like lates as I have so much more time, or so it seems, I dont start til 11 and I finish at 7, still loads of time to do stuff if I want to, and studying in a morning is so much better than trying to do it after a full day at work listening to people whining and whinging all day (and thats just the staff! )

Right have to go and finish getting ready, mornings are not so rushed on this shift as they used to be as I now refuse to go in early.

Have a great day

Seems my weekend has spilled over into my week

Never mind day off tomorrow, and I may even get time to blog

Nicked from the Lovely Landers who nicked it from someone else and so on

Use seven words to describe your weekend:

Absolute

Complete

Rubbish

Actually

Glad

Its

Monday

In five words or less, describe how does this differ from any other weekend?

It didn't really, (except I wasn't working)

I have ideas, most of us do from time to time, but mine are continual, course most of them are not brilliant ideas, or even very good or even logical (and I like logic)

They start from a single 'What if' usually, then they just seem to start taking on a life of their own, they mull around for a while in the 'what if' stage and then they advance to the 'maybe' stage and then the 'hmmm wonder if'

Luckily I have this very logical streak that runs through me, and it counters the ideas with the practicalities, such as time, opportunity, money (thats a big one that is, money) and of course how my ideas will effect other people. Mostly the logical side wins, but sometimes, just sometimes the impulse side wins and I end up in situations that I find it difficult to extract myself from.

Next time I get an idea someone needs to tell me to go chill and eat chocolate, or something, because honestly, nothing seems to work out as it should and I should really leave them alone

Though I wonder if................