Just Me!! The Butterfly effect

4.24 on a Sunday morning and I am sat playing on my laptop.

It would be nice to think that I was doing this from the coziness of my quilt, propped up against my pillows, nice and warm and wide awake.

But no, I am in the living room with fire on and the rain is lashing the windows driven by the howling wind that is trying to open the front door and blow the house down, it thinks it is the big bad wolf I am sure.

Of course my body thhinks it is five and not four, and is therefore refusing to believe it can have that extra hour in bed and my mind that never wants to stop anyway is on full throttle and now I will be totally knackered tired out by the time it gets to nine tonight, and far from enjoying the thrilling and oh so entertaining crap delights that the TV has to offer, I will be wanting to go to my bed and the peacefulness of attempting to sleep, albeit in vain.

I shall now go and prepare my son some sandwiches, which he never eats on a sunday due to the lavishing of attention on him from the little gophers that all outside of the studio broadcasts (and inside ones I daresay) have to keep the stars and guests fully supplied with coffee/tea and anything else that takes their fancy (like the dripping with proper butter croissants that they get delivered from miles away because Colin Jackson likes them )

Sundays he is the security at the outside broadcast studio for one of the BBC tv sunday programmes, he has to be there by six to make sure that everyone is signed in, stars and guests alike, and of course that includes all the staff including producers and camera men and gophers.

It is going to be cold and wet out there for him today, hope they keep him supplied with plenty of warm drinks.

Away to do my chores and whatever else takes my fancy after that, probably some wow

Catch you later

Someone asked me today, "are you happy?" define happy, says I, everyone has their own idea of what it means.
"you know, Happy!"

Well lets see

I smile a lot in fact today I have smiled more because of the sunshine and blue sky and despite the wind trying to blow me away.

I am in fairish health, having just mastered a kidney infection.

I have little to complain about (Good job we are not talking about work here!)

Lets put it this way, I have a home that may not be mine but is warm and I have my own space when I want and need it, and company when I need it, though I dont have my lovly little dog anymore, she is happy and content, and the cat here has adopted me. I have a warm comfy bed, and my things around me.

When I say I am broke, I mean I am waiting for payday and probably have about 49p in the bank, I have food and I have warmth and the other things that are needed for comfort.

I could be really broke and not know where the next penny is coming from let alone the next meal, I could be begging people for floors to rest on so I dont have to sleep rough, I could be alone in the cold with no music and no people to speak to.

I am not, I am content, things are not too bad and they are getting steadily better each month.

Am I happy, well if this defines happiness for me right now, then yes I am happy.

Things could be better I know, but they could also be a hell of a lot worse.

For now, it will do

Questions, I like questions, it is a way of finding things out, expanding ones knowledge.

But I also like answers, even when they are not always the ones you expect or want, in fact I would say that the more unexpected the answer, the better I like it. After all predictibility brings complacency.

I ask myself questions as well as others, and the strange things is I still manage to get unexpected answers

Asking yourself questions makes you think, it makes you look at things that you may have been hiding at the back of the shelf in the alcoves of your mind, makes yo bring out the dusty volumes and blow them off and brush them down. Course sometimes all you will find is spiders and more dust

But sometimes you find little treasures, things you had more or less forgotten about while you have gone on with your life, some call them memories, others call them 'Golden moments' others the 'good times' whatever you want to call them they are unique to you.

I find that often I can hear a piece of music, or a phrase or a child humming and the memories ome all on their own, unbidden they arrive, music I must admit is the best memory jogger there is.

Have you noticed that there is always a tune to fit every occasion in your life? Always a tune that was always on the radio or always playing in a particular pub or club as you went from childhood to adulthood, a tune connected with each child, with each romance whether it lasted or not?

I have to admit I love music, I would have it playing all day if I were in my own home, musi to me is the thing that calms me, makes me happy,sad, thoughtful, dreamy. I can drift away on the wings of a song to wherever I wish, wherever the mood takes me.

And if I am really lucky when I have done all this, I may even find an answer to the original question

Another day off work, that I cannot afford, I have just returned from the 'Doctor man' who, after a full exam, and a few 'did that hurt's after scraping me off the ceiling, has decided that I have a kidney infection A course of Anti-bi's has been prescribed.

I do however intend to go back tomorrow despite the Doctor man's recomendations.

So is everyone else fine and dandy? Are we having a good week?

I am going to spend some time browsing and blog hopping.

Have a good day.

I have spent a lot of time on blog these past few days, reading and catching up with friends blogs, I have commented on a few, but mainly I have just been skipping from one to the other, it is all part of a type of survey that I am conducting in to staying or going.

I have been here a long time now and I have watched people come and go and come back and go again, I have many lovely people on my friends list, though some of them have not blogged in a long time. The reason they are still there is purely because I know that some of them at least will come back.

I have had good times and bad times, and read many blogs and chatted to many people, but I feel that I have grown stale and boring, my stats bear out the difference between these last months and the past two years. Though this is not the reason that I am contemplating a break, stats never have meant anything much to most of us. I think the reason that I have grown stale is that I have stopped writing for me and started writing for others, and that is not good.

So I believe a break from blogging is called for, I think, though to be honest I still cannot make up my mind.

See this is what happens when you dont sleep for a week

I enjoy reading, whether that be books or blogs, I like to unravel things, stories, blog authors, mysteries. I guess I just like a challenge, my brain likes to be constantly active, on the go. One of the reasons that I dont sleep I guess, my brain doesn't want to so I remain awake and looking for something else to feed it with, which is why it is so nice to have blog.

Though there may not be so many people about, there are always plenty of blogs to read, it is a good time to catch up with the blogs of my friends and to read new blogs. It is one of the things I enjoy about blog, the hopping from one to the other, discovering new blogs through the blogs of others.

You always feel like you have company, even in the early hours when all is quiet everywhere else. Someone to make you think, someone to make you laugh, even someone to make you cry (though I rarely do that, some make me feel sad though) From all walks of life with all kinds of different views, the versatility of blog is amazing, which is why I like it so much.

Have a great day all